Author's notes: Well I was thinking of writing this as a Slice of Life type story. It's based off of my previous ficlet Jim's Debt. I'd love any suggestions or fees back. I hope you'll enjoy.
Jim woke up to Sebastian's urgent touches. He couldn't remember how he'd gotten naked but for some reason it didn't matter. Sebastian's hands were roaming his flesh in an almost reverent way. When their lips met his mind went blank and he could only feel. Strong hands caressing soft skin, pulling closer and closer until the just seemed to melt together. It felt amazing and his mind started racing the second Sebastian broke the kiss for air. Jim never thought he'd want sex, not after all he'd been through, but he wanted this. Sebastian's fingers trailed down his chest and into the deepest parts of him. His back arched, pressing him more against that warm, hard body.
For once he didn't feel dirty; this didn't feel wrong. He felt loved and that had him dragging Sebastian close for another kiss. He had to get this emotion across and words weren't enough. For a moment he found it odd that he wasn't in pain, not even from the battering he'd gotten the day before. No he felt warm, safe, and painfully aroused. Sebastian's free hand grazed over his length in feather light touches and he couldn't stop the embarrassing moan that came out of his mouth. No one ever touched him like this, like he was something precious. His pleasure didn't matter to his clients and somehow it made this even more important. It made him realize how much he wanted Sebastian and only Sebastian.
Despite his earlier comments about liking it rough, Sebastian took it slow. His lips roamed over Jim's body leaving a little trail from his throat to his pale stomach. Again there was that nagging feeling that something wasn't right, where were his bruises? He shoved it out of his mind because he felt right. Every touch was perfect and exactly what he needed. Just as he was getting used to Sebastian's fingers, the man moved. He positioned himself and asked Jim if he wanted this. The fact that he actually asked had Jim in tears as he nodded and nearly begging for it. He wanted to feel every inch of Sebastian. Again Sebastian moved slowly and gently against Jim. That little voice in his head came back with a vengeance. Why is he doing this? Sebastian's not gentle and he didn't want you. You're too small for him, too dirty. Jim shook his head and clung to Sebastian. He finally had what he wanted. He'd never let go of this warmth. Hadn't he been through enough? Couldn't he just be happy?
"I love you, Jim." That made him freeze. Just as the endearing words registered in his mind so did the one little flaw. Sebastian didn't know his name. It was all too perfect. He blinked and the dream shattered. The first thing he noticed was that he hurt. The bruises he'd forgotten in his dream seemed to be making up for lost time. Second and arguably more painful, Sebastian was not making love to him. Instead the drunkard was snoring loudly on his side of the bed. Jim couldn't stop the sobs that racked through his body as he realized it had all been a precious dream. He curled against Sebastian's back and tried to cry quietly. If he'd have known happiness could hurt this much he would have stayed out in the cold. At least he knew how to survive in the cold. How was he supposed to survive this heart wrenching pain? What he felt couldn't be love. Love wasn't supposed to hurt so badly that you were left gasping for air and clinging to a man who'd never love you back. No it was supposed to happen instantly, like in the book Sebastian bought him. No, this feeling couldn't be love.
Jim cried himself back to sleep and took a strange comfort in the nightmares. Those he could handle, he was used to him. Happiness was something he truly feared. Sebastian didn't bother to ask questions in the morning. He understood enough about the younger man's pride to ask about his red rimmed eyes. Though, the looks that Jim gave him that morning chilled him to his core. He'd never seen such a look of utter desperation in Jim's eyes. He had no idea what it would mean.