Title: guilty pleasures

Author: Cath

Disclaimer: Characters really don't belong to me.

Summary: Meredith has a secret. MerDer.

Notes: I did some research for this fic. My doctor friends have told me some true but gross stories. Google told me even worse. They're hopefully not true. Seriously, don't try to even go as far as researching some of the things in this fic at home.

XxX

Everyone has a guilty pleasure. Most of us make it a point of never letting anyone know about this secret part of our lives; to never let anyone know that sometimes we like to read about the lives of celebrities, watch reality TV, eat frosting straight from the tub, or listen to ABBA.

As doctors, we like to think that surgery is enough; that we need nothing more in life than a good aneurysm or hepatocelluar carcinoma to work on to get us through the day. We like to think that we're better than the tabloids and mindless TV programs that other, more ordinary, people crave.

But the truth is this: sometimes we need more.

At med school, my roommate had a secret stash of Mills and Boon books. No one else knew about them and I only discovered them one night by accident. When I asked her about them, she mumbled something about needing to read something that wasn't a medical text book. Needless to say, I didn't tell her about my guilty pleasure.

And the fact is, no one knew about my guilty pleasure. That was, until today.

"John Green; 34 year old male admitted after having fallen on a soda bottle-"

"While naked," Mr. Green interjects.

"- the ER was unable to remove the foreign object from Mr. Green's colon and so surgical intervention is now required" is the way I start my morning.

XxX

"So, I had a crappy day yesterday and Derek got home early and found me watching something I really kinda wished he hadn't seen," I tell Cristina quietly as I sit down in the cafeteria later.

"Dude, Grey's got a thing for dirty movies," Alex smirks as he tells George, and well, pretty much everyone, as an aside. I give him a dirty look because, seriously? So not the truth.

"So, McDreamy knows you have a dirty side, so what?" Cristina replies.

I whisper back harshly, "I do not have a thing for dirty movies. I was watching… Well, I'm not gonna tell you what I was watching. But I was not watching anything dirty."

Cristina and Alex look at me incredulously, clearly not believing me. My pager beeps, interrupting the start of my witty and in depth – okay, long and rambling – speech about how wrong they both are.

"It's my patient who has a soda bottle up his ass," I tell them, grabbing my sandwich. "He fell on it while naked," I finish.

This triggers incredulous looks from Cristina, Alex and George. I shrug. "Okay, so he probably didn't actually fall on it, but I think that's maybe a better image than, y'know, other one," I say before I leave.

XxX

It doesn't take me long to figure out that Alex was unable to keep his mouth shut about the whole completely-untrue adult movie thing. Practically everyone looks at me or whispers as I walk past them in the hall on the way to the OR.

And then I see Derek. Really not the person I wanted to see at that moment in time. I smile briefly and keep on walking and enter the elevator.

"You're avoiding me," he says with an annoyingly wide grin as he sneaks into the elevator before I've had chance to close the doors.

"I'm not avoiding you. I've just… not been anywhere near you since last night because, well, I'm very busy and have patients who need me."

He looks at me again and this time laughs. "You're avoiding me!" he repeats.

I don't dignify this with a response.

He leans in close, although there's no one else in the elevator with us.

"Is this because of what I saw last night?" he asks.

I say nothing for a while, before I tell him "No." It's possible that I'm not very convincing.

"Because I'm not going to judge you. I'm a very accepting person. Really. You'd be surprised at how accepting I am."

I give him my best glare. It doesn't discourage him.

He leans in even closer and practically whispers: "I hear you have a thing for dirty movies."

"I do not have a thing for dirty movies!" I protest.

"I'm just saying, I wouldn't judge you if you did. I'd be very accepting."

"I do not have a thing for dirty movies," I repeat, louder this time.

He smirks. He knows the truth and yet tries to annoy me anyway. The elevator doors open and I walk away.

On my way to the OR I can see people at the desk whisper to each other as I walk by and I know they're talking about the rumor that Alex seems to be spreading. I roll my eyes: seriously, these people are doctors; don't they have better things to do?

The surgery on Mr. Green goes well, although the whole soda bottle up the ass thing is way too disturbing when I think about it. Which I really try not to.

When I've written up all my post-op notes, I head to the locker room to change ready to go home.

I'm almost there when the doctor from psych comes up to me, looking around nervously as though I'll do something to him. Or someone else will do something.

"Dr Grey," he starts.

I look at him questioningly.

"I hear you have a thing for… specialist movies. I was wondering: do you have 'Position: Impossible'?" he asks in a hushed tone.

"Okay, leave me, right now," I respond as I enter the locker room. Alex, Cristina, Izzie and a whole host of other people are gathered there. They stop talking as I open the door and finally I've had enough.

"Okay, Alex, seriously, I do not have a thing for dirty movies. Unlike you, I do not have in my DVD collection 'Inspect Her Gadget' or 'Saving Ryan's Privates' or whatever the hell it is you have."

Alex looks at Izzie for support. She shrugs. "It's true: you do have quite a few dirty movies."

"I'm not proud of it, but sometimes, when I've had a really crappy day, I like to go home and have a glass of wine and damnit, I like to watch a girly DVD. Yeah, that's right. Last night, I was watching 'Miss Congeniality'. Go spread that all around the hospital," I challenge him.

For a moment I can almost pretend that Alex looks slightly contrite. "Dude, Grey likes to watch girly movies," he tries, but really? No one cares.

XxX

I check in on Mr. Green on my way to meet Derek at the entrance. He wakes up as I enter the room.

"Hey," I say. "I just came by to say that everything went well with the surgery. You should be able to go home tomorrow."

"Thanks, Dr Grey," he replies tiredly.

For a moment, I hesitate about asking him why. But then, I think I already know.

XxX

Everyone has a guilty pleasure. Whether it's the occasional girly movie, or something that can be physically damaging, we just can't help ourselves. We enjoy it even as we know that we really shouldn't be doing it or that others will judge us if they find out.

"Hey," Derek says as he greets me at the entrance.

"Hey," I sigh.

"I've got something for you," he tells me, holding out a gift-wrapped package.

I look at it suspiciously. "If this has anything to do with people being naked and on-screen and-…"

He interrupts me, amused. "Just open it, will you."

I do as he says, cautiously undoing the wrapping. I look at him, amused as I see what it is. "Why, Dr Shepherd, I didn't know you were into this sort of thing. What would people think?" I tease.

"Unless you stop with that, I won't watch it with you this evening," he replies.

"You were going to watch this DVD with me? Seriously? You were going to watch 'The Jane Austen Book Club'. With me?!"

"Well, no," he tries to backtrack. "I mean, my sister said it was good and… I thought… You might enjoy it. And try and make me watch it."

"You secretly like chick flicks, don't you?" I grin.

He pauses for a second. "What's it worth?" he asks.

I give him a smile that tells him exactly what it's worth.

"Okay, so I might possibly enjoy the occasional girly movie," he gives in as we exit the hospital.

Of course, sometimes people don't judge you. And you find out that what you'd been keeping secret really didn't matter at all. And sometimes, even better, you find out that other people secretly share your guilty pleasure too.

XxX

End