I am crazy and this fic is full of crack. Please enjoy. Btw. This is to bring no offense to any Russians, and I do not own the original song '12 Days of Christmas'.
On the first day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, a severed head in my drawer.
America had been getting ready for bed when he found the head in his drawer. He silently mourned the loss of his favorite pajamas.
On the second day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, two eyeballs.
He wasn't sure how Russia had managed to do it, but he did it. When America had gone to make his coffee, he found a pair of blue eyes staring up at him from his favorite mug.
On the third day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, three death threats.
"Seriously dude, we need to at least put in better locks. Somehow Russia keeps getting into my house. Yes, I'm sure. I just got a death note in my bathroom in the shower! Not to mention one over the phone and what looks like a voodoo doll of me nailed to my front door."
On the fourth day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, four red flags.
America muttered to himself as he tore down the Soviet flag hanging over his bed like a curtain, sighing as he found another one in his toothbrush holder.
On the fifth day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, FIVE ACTIVE NUKES~!
"..." He didn't want to know how it happened. He just didn't.
On the sixth day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, six missing hands.
The box had arrived in the mail, a little note attached to it as it waited for the intended receiver to open it. The little tag was written in red 'ink' and was signed with a heart. Dear Amerika, keep your people out of my land. -Russia 3
On the seventh day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, seven spies in orange jumpsuits.
This time it was America tying a bow around a large box, which contained Russia's latest attempts at learning his plans.
On the eighth day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, eight sunflowers.
After checking the flowers for bugs, America found that they were ordinary flowers. Until he found the card, "Really Russia?" He rolled his eyes and threw the flowers away, leaving the tag on the counter. Dear Pig, hope your death is sweet. - Russia 3
On the ninth day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, nine lovely tapes.
"Russia..."
"Oh Amerika! How odd to hear from you. How are you?"
"Where did this tapes come from you Commie Bastard?"
"What tapes do you refer to, Amerika?" America gritted his teeth, practically hearing the Russian's smirk over the phone. "The sex tapes, you sicko."
"Such crude words, Amerika. I did obtain then legally, if I remember correctly I asked if I could tape them and you agreed."
"I swear, if you show these to anyone..."
"I must go now, Amerika." The dial tone sounded and America swore that he was going to kill Russia more over the fact that the other had hung up on him.
On the tenth day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, ten fingernails.
He tapped his foot in impatience as the other took his sweet time answering his phone. "What the hell Russia!?"
"Something wrong Capitalist Pig?"
"Yea! Dude why the fuck did you send me some fingernails! Some of which still have skin hanging onto them!?"
"All is fair in love and war da? You once said that to me."
On the eleventh day of the Cold War, the Russian's sent to me, eleven bottle of vodka.
This was by the far the strangest thing he had yet to receive.
On the twelve day of the Cold War, the American's sent to me, 12 restraining orders.
Russia chuckled in amusement as he watched on a monitor as his cute little Amerikan talked things over with his boss. He didn't see why the other was trying to get a silly paper against him, did he actually believe that would stop him from breaking in? However, as he watched longer he frowned; Amerika was leading around three tigers towards his house. Getting in the next time might prove to be harder than he had thought.
I have no idea~ This is pure crack and really has nothing to do with the Cold War. Hope you all enjoyed~