this just started out because i wanted to practice writing kisses.
it's just practice so i'm not really looking for criticism? i just wanted to do something.
Toris and Alfred had spent what felt like an eternity staring at each other. At first they had started off with fleeting glances and skirting around each other - Toris simply did his work and then went out or to his section of the house (which was a lot better than the living space he had been given at Ivan's house) and despite the fact Alfred had already offered Toris his bed. Slowly but surely he grew accustomed to having coffee with Alfred and even sitting across the table from him when he was doing paperwork and sometimes Toris did his own paperwork and maybe, maybe they did it to keep each other company, or maybe they did it so they could exchange those little glances that had now become a routine.
At first there was no talking. Toris just did what he had normally done for Ivan. The same amount of fear, and the same amount of hard work - until Alfred convinced him that he didn't really need any of those. He was there because Alfred didn't have time and Toris did. That was it. A big house and nobody to do anything for it. That was all. Just an empty house. No monsters lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce on an unsuspecting housekeeper - just an empty, rusty house. That was when the words first started to come out - hoarse, whispery, and uncertain, but they were there, and more often than not; Alfred heard them.
Soon he grew to trust the other completely.
They often sat on the same couch; Toris with his legs tucked under him and Alfred spread-eagled with his head in the other's lap- more than half asleep and mumbling dazed things. They often sat with each other when there was nothing to say, but maybe one of them was reading or writing and they were just amazing at keeping each other company. Toris often came home to the groceries thrown sloppily into cupboards and places in the fridge Alfred thought they belonged - and often times he wasn't far from correct.
Alfred could be mean when he wanted to, and he often was. But he had an underlying hero-complex that made him want to help people. He was always as nice as he could be with Toris and anyone else staying at his house. Even when he had a headache, as he often did now.
After the staring came the 'thank you's. Whether they were just for dinner or for answering the phone in the middle of the night when Alfred hadn't heard it - they had started out tiny; a soft clap on the back and grateful words. Then they escalated into soft hugs coupled with words Toris couldn't quite make out - but he reveled in the feeling of being gripped in a pair of arms and being pressed against a body that had no intent of hurting him. And then that had slowly escalated into Alfred bumping his forehead against Toris's.
That was how they stood now.
Toris had just put the last of the dishes away and he had turned around only to be confronted by a rather tall, somber looking blonde. He stood in front of him, unmoving as the other touched their foreheads and pursed his lips; looking worried. Toris chuckled a little, placing his hands onto the other's biceps to steady their swaying. It was late and Toris had planned on getting ready for bed - he had been wearing a heavy apron all day and he was ready to hang it up.
"Alfred?"
"Mn?"
"What are you doing?"
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry I'm just curi-"
Lips pressed fleetingly against Toris's, chapped and dry so they stuck as Alfred pulled away. But before he could get more than an inch apart, Toris's fingers had grabbed the fabric of the other's shirt and brought him back down. Toris kept his grip on the other as their lips met again, teeth meeting briefly before their mouths fell into place - Toris's bottom lip between Alfred's.
He could feel his ears getting red, and the initial sound of their lips coming together and pulling apart made his face grow hot. Toris's heart nearly shattered at the nervousness he felt when he found that this whole time he had been stepping backwards and the small of his back met with the counter. Nervousness from the old feeling of being trapped, and the uncertainty of where this was going. When they stopped moving, Alfred's nose bumped against the Toris's and he drew back and laughed a little. Alfred's blue eyes were half-lidded still and he bit at his lip.
"I'm not making you uncomfortable am I?"
"No. No, I'm just- I'm not used to- What I'm trying to say is that it's been a while since I've felt this way. You're fine. It's just different. Good different." his voice shook softly because Alfred was so close, still, his breath warm and comforting on his chin and neck. Alfred's hands were hovering over his hips, unsure if they should grab them or not; since Toris had long abandoned his grip on the other's shirt.
Toris grabbed Alfred's hands and pressed them to his hips, then he brought his arms up to wrap loosely around the other's neck. He almost had to stand on his tip-toes to be face-to-face. He was almost jealous of how steady Alfred's heartbeat was in comparison to his own. They kissed again; this time slow and open. Toris's tongue flicked against Alfred's teeth.
That was when Alfred's hands went around and down to pull the brunette's thighs up and around his own waist. He took another step forward and lifted Toris up onto the counter. Toris let out a suppressed whine when Alfred bit gently on his lower lip. Alfred continued to kiss him open-mouthed on the corner of his lips while rubbing a small circle just above his hip with the pad of his thumb. Toris arched his back and let out a few whimpers in response before he broke away, panting. He looked off to the side while Alfred followed his glance.
"I guess this is a little much for right now?"
"Just a little."
"Sorry."
"Thanks for being concerned, but you can stop apologizing. It's just late, and I'm tired. I'm sure you are, too." Toris admitted, holding the other in place as his arms were still secured around his neck. He smiled.
"Haha, yeah, you're actually right about that."
Another chaste kiss, and Alfred made to pull away again - but he was still drawn forward. So it turned into kiss after kiss after kiss. Each one was returned; soon it seemed like neither of them could get enough of the feel of the other's skin. Toris's shirt was hiked up in the back as the other's hands mapped out the expanse of his brutally scarred shoulder blades and the movements of the muscles as he shifted on the counter against the touches he felt. Alfred's fingers on his scars frightened him, but Alfred didn't say anything about them.
They weren't too talented at the whole 'we-should-stop-we-might-let-this-escalate-if we-don't' thing.
But it was simply too hard to stop when they were locked together like this - sharing warmth and life and breath. The rolling of muscles under skin and clothing as they tried to get closer but couldn't.
A small thing clicked inside Toris's head and he reeled back, his arms and legs disentangling themselves - he stared at Alfred as if he were an oncoming truck and Toris was the deer caught in the headlights. Alfred looked just as scared in that moment, and confused. His eyes asked a million rapid-fire questions, but Toris was at a loss of words.
"Oh... no, what are we doing? No. I have to..." Toris pressed his hands to his eyes and shook his head. He only had a few more months left at the house before he had to return to Ivan. This wouldn't go over well. There would be hurt feelings and sad goodbyes and Toris didn't want that.
"I thought that maybe..." Alfred trailed off as he stepped away and leaned against the opposite side of the counter, his eyes were downcast. Perhaps with shame, perhaps with disappointment. Toris couldn't tell.
Toris got down from the counter and shuffled out of the kitchen. He felt a wave of guilt wrack his body, and he had to hold himself together as he walked down the hallway. The back of his eyes burned, but the tears never came. Not when he undressed and showered, not when he changed, and not when he buried himself in the depths of his sheets and pillows.
Not even when his dreams were haunted by the man Alfred had offered protection from. The tears would just not come.