THE P.O.T.I. SEMINAR
by ardavenport
I stared when I saw the Jedi standing there, waiting.
At once, all of Twana's snide remarks and cracks over second meal about how over-rated Jedi were came back to me. I looked at the afternoon program schedule again. The first item was:
PHENOMENON OF TECHNICAL INTEREST FORUM:
*** The Force and The Jedi: A Seminar - the Force; Abilities of the Jedi and their weaknesses.
*** Doctor Cym Ermest, Extraordinary Mental Abilities Studies Department, Paleoti Universities
The program had a note about a live demonstration, but I had not expected that to involve real Jedi. I looked suspiciously in the direction of my old school mate.
We had been so shocked to see each other again, after so many years, that we promptly abandoned the line we were in to go eat. Twana had graciously paid for the far better second meal than my lowly Holonet-Data-Nodes per diem would allow for. The stresses and thrills of our shared past bridged the wide chasm between Twana's self-made fortune and my modest working life since we had both left the university. But I've been a events-investigator long enough to not be awed by power and Twana was rich enough to not need to brag.
Most of our time was spent exchanging old memories of school and foolish youth along with the baked rolls and glazed roots. But Jedi worked their way into our talk like the sauces seeping into our entrees. Disdain and cynical snipes about hokum and political connections flavored Twana's comments. I politely took them at face value, though I really didn't care. How many Jedi would anyone meet in a whole lifetime? In a hundred lifetimes? There are only several thousand of them in the whole galaxy, generically existing as a distant and fantastically rare event orbiting bigger stars than mine.
Now one of those stars stood there on the speaker's stage, quietly waiting for the afternoon session to begin. Two of them. One tall and long-haired, the other shorter and unformed with youth, standing in the shadow of the bigger one.
I spotted Twana chatting with the sub-conference director and I wove as straight a path as I could through the knots of attendees gathering in the auditorium.
"Fair day to you Boridus," Director Beemku said by way of greeting. He was a friendly but somewhat soft and dim forth-tier functionary usually put in charge of meetings like this. I think I managed a minimal smile for him.
"Did you know that they would be here?" I demanded conspiratorially, pointing toward the persons waiting at the back of the stage.
"I didn't know that they would have actual Jedi for their demonstration," Twana said innocently. I really did not know if she was telling the truth. But I've been around long enough to know that truth telling really doesn't matter.
"Shall we take our seats?" Twana invited innocently. Really, I don't think Twana has been innocent since she was a youngling. Possibly not even then. She certainly wasn't back in University. But then, neither was I. Twana was just better dressed than I, probably had her own couture droid.
"You should set your holo-recorders off. This might be interesting," she advised, assuming command of my job like she had second meal.
A soft gong sounded. The delegates, grunting and muttering like sluggish herd animals, shuffled back to their seats. Beemku hustled with purpose toward his minimally useful task at the podium. I dug into my expansive pockets. ZM-44 and ZOM-41 lit up, now exposed to the light, their little round droid bodies warming my palm like living baby kizmays, eyes alight and active.
A moment later they bleeped 'ready' and zoomed upward to their tasks. I've done my own programming; they know when to zoom in for the right holo, circle back for wide angles, attacking the scene for that saleable shot.
Not that I expected anything much that would need a holo-closeup at the POTI Forum.
I had grumbled quite a bit to Twana about my editor assigning me to this. With the whole Intergalactic Technical Exchange conference going on around us, I get stuck with the odds and ends.
The gentle gong sounded again.
"Have a seat." Twana led the way to the front row.
"What do you have against Jedi?" I asked as we sat. Only three other people had taken seats near us. Most of the others collected in the middle and back of the hall. It was maybe half full. "Whoever sees one anyway?"
"We're seeing one now. Two. And they're all frauds. Bunch of ancient religious fanatics with a few tricks and old fashioned political pull."
"You said that over lunch. Why do you care so much?"
"Who says I do?"
"You. You're here. You're complaining," I snapped. There was only so much pretense of innocence that I would put up with. "I'm here because of a new editor who likes wacko human interest to liven up the real tech stories. You don't care about this any more than I do."
Director Beemku cleared his throat, the pretentious sound reverberating around the auditorium, over and through the heads of the attendees on the rising rows of seats, the stage down in the middle front, like a drain.
"If we might begin?" Beemku asked politely from the speaker's podium. Though nothing stopped him from beginning, he still waited for the imagined disturbance to subside before beginning.
"I'd like to begin our afternoon session of the Phenomena Of Technical Interest Forum - - -"
The dumping ground where all the bizarre, quasi-technical speculation gets slotted.
" - - - of the Intergalactic Technical Exchange Conference."
So the real work at the conference can proceed unimpeded. Elsewhere.
"Our morning sessions went especially well - - -"
The reports from people who hear voices from hyperspace had been laughable, almost entertaining, though most of the audience had taken them seriously. I suppressed my dread that my editor would take it seriously, too.
The investigation on correlations between the galactic star map and the weather on green aqueous planets was inconclusive.
And the discussion on droid sentience had generated some yelling and screeching, but no violence.
Twana hates this stuff. I hate this stuff. I was surprised when Twana said she was coming to this session. Twana made her fortune off of real technology, things that go whir and click and compute crisply and simply and reliably without hand or appendage-waving to make it work, or explain why it didn't. Again.
" - - - and now we are especially honored to have as our next speaker, Doctor Ermest, of the Paleoti Universities in the Extraordinary Mental Abilities Studies Department, who will be speaking about the powers of the Jedi, assisted by Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Lethargic applause followed. Twana leaned forward with the expression of a fan looking for a speeder bike crash. I had no idea what was coming.
Ermest took the podium and bowed (the Jedi did as well). She inhaled the attention from the after-meal crowd. She looked terribly pleased, her eyes bright, her robes pressed, her ears perky.
"Good afternoon, gentle beings. I am most glad to be here. My usual subject is telekinetic and telepathic abilities in non-telekinetic and non-telepathic species, which is, of course, related to today's topic, which I am happy to present to you today.
"The Jedi are, of course, well-known throughout the galaxy. They have been serving the greater good of all species and planets for thousands of years and in particular the Galactic Republic for the last millennium."
The audience was already slumping in their seats, but enthusiastic Ermest seemed unaware, buoyed by the suffocating cheerfulness of a being who really loved her work. I wished her ill immediately. But Twana certainly wasn't paying attention to the speech. She watched the Jedi.
Ermest rattled on.
"Nearly all Jedi abilities can be replicated by technology - - -"
A list appeared in the air next to the podium, each item punctuated by an explosive flash and wilted shower of sparks as it appeared.
Ermest had indulged in the popular lecture style of adding text and color to presentation. Most people believe that it made their talks more memorable. I just think it helps keep people awake.
*** STRENGTH
"All Jedi, no matter what species, can enhance their natural abilities, including - - - "
___Speed___
___Muscle Strength___
___Senses___
___Agility___
___Reflexes___
After each sparkling item, Ermest listed several documented cases. The Jedi remained expressionlessly quiet, standing at the rear of the stage.
* * * TELEKENISIS
"All Jedi can affect things at a distance, with no apparent technical support."
"Hah!" Twana scoffed. "I'll bet an anti-grav projector is standard issue under those ridiculous sleeves the Jedi wear. And they have to be using something besides those plasma sticks they wave around." I didn't answer; I was already tired of her Jedi grudge while we were still eating second meal.
"They can lift objects of any size with just this mysterious power they have, called the Force."
A small com on the podium suddenly flew up in the air and whisked back to the taller Jedi who caught it easily. I heard scattered laughter in the back of the room from the people who had caught the sudden activity, but Twana sneered.
Smiling, the tall bearded Jedi tossed the com back. It sailed in the air in the usual way, but slowed its descent and drifted downward. The Jedi held one hand up as if controlling it. Twana muttered, 'That's so obvious,' under her breath. Ermest timidly extended her hand to accept the small device.
"Thank-you, Master Qui-Gon, for that timely demonstration," Ermest said with a little quaver in her voice. The Jedi grinned, shrugged and stepped back to stand by his shorter companion. Ermest nervously skipped to her next topic.
*** MIND POWERS
___Telepathy___
___Empathy___
___Influencing___
"All of these are universally lumped together and referred to as 'Jedi Mind Tricks' by the general populace, though I am told that this is not the," Ermest glanced back at the two Jedi, "preferred term by the Jedi Order.
"Mind abilities are especially useful for resolving difficult situations without violence. Though, of course, Jedi, being sworn to peace and justice, always observe proper ethical standards."
Another scoff from Twana. That didn't surprise me, but the suspicious look that the younger Jedi gave his older companion did.
"Mind abilities are always difficult to quantify, even under controlled conditions, but there are numerous accounts of Jedi extracting information from the minds of adversaries, sensing their intentions, influencing them to do things they otherwise might not, convincing them to act favorably toward the Jedi. . . ."
Ermest whirled back toward the two Jedi lurking behind her.
"But we really won't need any demonstrations, please, Master Jedi," she hastily added.
Both of them managed innocent looks. These two obviously enjoyed their powers over others a great deal and I was beginning to feel a bit of sympathy toward Twana. But only a bit, since Twana herself had her own power and wealth to flaunt if she wanted to..
Ermest skipped again to her next topic.
"Of course, all of the powers I have mentioned can be performed just as well by specialized species or technology or both. But there is one power that Jedi have that cannot be reproduced by any means."
*** P R E - C O G N I T I O N ***
The topic word jiggled and flashed alternating green and purple.
"This," Ermest leaned forward with new intensity, "is the one ability that makes the Jedi unique, the one that cannot be replicated. It is not mere anticipation, but true pre-cognition of future events. The most obvious example is in defense and the ability to counter an attacker's moves before even the attacker knows them. Of course, this type of pre-cognition is very short-lived, a few seconds at most. But Jedi are known for longer range premonitions.
"Unfortunately, the Jedi Order is sadly somewhat vague about the nature and length of advance time for any other types of pre-cognition, so most of our relevant data and interviews are somewhat ancient, but there are - - -"
Whirling bright blue and green plasma beams appeared just before the ping-ping of blaster fire from three spindly sentry droids that had suddenly appeared from behind a screen at the back of the stage. Like most of the other idiots in the room I just sat there in my seat, not even lowering my head from the weapons fire or the conspicuous ricochets spit back by the Jedi lightsabers.
"Hey!"
I only thought of ducking when I saw one shot go wide, perilously close to ZM-44 zipping in for a good scan of the new action, which had certainly perked up both my droids, now zooming and diving in for the best shots. Smart little holo-recorder droids. And fearless, too.
"It's all right! It's all right!" Ermest had upped the volume on the vocal enhancer at the polium enough to overcome the shouts and outrage in the audience. "They are only low power bursts! Ha ha! As I might demonstrate - - " She held up a flat with a circular target lines on it. One of the droids shot it. Blue energy writhed over it, but nothing smoked or singed.
Honks and hoots and calls erupted from the room, so rudely shocked out of its late-seminar stupor by the unwelcome excitement. I was pretty surprised that a wimpy academic like her had even thought of pulling such a spectacular stunt, like seeing a matronly aunt jump on a table at a family wedding celebration, strip naked and dance.
"You Fakirs!" Twana shouted, standing and shaking a fist. "That was staged!"
I took out my droid controller, though I rarely need to override ZM-44 and ZOM-41; they're predator flyers when it comes to getting a good image. Ermest had at least given me some good visuals, so I was feeling a little more kindly toward the bouncy academic.
"Please! Please! Gentle beings!" Ermest waved her soft arms about for attention. The Jedi, their plasma swords now extinguished stood at casual attention before the three paused sentry droids. The noise from the irate audience, as annoyed at being woken up as it was about the shooting, lessened.
"I simply wanted to demonstrate - - memorably - - the significant and undeniable advantage of pre-cognition in self-defense. As you can see, not even one of the low power burst touched our guests. And that instinctive pre-cognition is essential in the use of their unique weapons, the lightsaber. Without it their lightsabers would be as much a hazard to the Jedi as they would be to any attacker.
"Now, if you will take your seats, we will have another demonstration." Ermest pointed expansively and eight more droids appeared, two at all the exits on the sides and at the back of the room, their eye sensors pointed toward the Jedi. ZOM-41 whizzed around the upper perimeter of the room while ZM-44 stayed with the stage, fluttering back and forth above it, ready to capture the action.
"Please, take your seats. This will be most illuminating and exiting." the professor promised. The room rumbled with the motion of bottoms returning to their seats and mutterings of discontent.
The droids advanced, their guns loosely aimed toward the Jedi who still held their deactivated sabers and looked alert but unworried.
"This should be interesting."
My attention snapped away from the planned surprise coming on stage to the real one in the chair on the other side of Twana from me.
A tall thin female had materialized there; pale, grayish skin stretched too tightly over the bones of a long thin face, shadowed under a brown hood. A skeletal hand rested under her chin. Calm pale green eyes looked toward Twana who had tensed.
"You can't be . . . . . you're DEAD!" Twana exclaimed, leaning back into me as if the newcomer were a contagion.
"People tell me that quite often," she said before casually taking her hand and looking at the back of it. "I don't know why," she commented, apparently not noticing the long skeletal fingers. She seemed to be some variety of Queradi or Quosimi species, but one that looked especially deathly to Humans. Too thin and not enough flesh on the bones.
ZOM-41 zipped down in time to see two of the sentry droids come to us from either side, their blasters aimed at Twana whose eyes darted from one machine to the other, and then back to the being beside her.
"You're dead," Twana hissed, an uncharacteristically useless statement for her. I suppose she ran out of things to say. "My privateers killed you when they picked up your escape pod."
"Well, of course they told you that," the other being said expansively, who I now realized wore an over-large brown robe very similar to what the Jedi on stage wore. Twana didn't tell me she knew any Jedi. That would answer for a lot about why Twana took hating Jedi so personally.
"After I captured their ship, I wasn't about to tell you that I was alive. And your 'privateers', as you call them - - I prefer 'pirates' myself - - did not give it up willingly. Some of them were seriously injured while I disarmed them." This thin deathly-looking Jedi glanced back toward the back of the room where more of the sentry droids had drawn their weapons and cornered a few other members of the audience. "However, they were most helpful, after I convinced them to tell me where you would be and when you would be meeting some of your fellow . . . . dealers? Suppliers? We haven't really tracked down all the illegal weapons and tech that you've been selling. We'll sort it all out with the proper authorities."
A blaster fired in the back of the room. People screamed and howled. The two Jedi on the stage leapt high. Landed well behind us, they reached the disturbance in three bounds. Green and blue lightsabers flashing and spinning, their robes fluttering spread out around them like wings; they were impressive. And best of all, ZM-44 got a great pan on the action. My new editor would be pleased and I would be spared putting together a segment about people hearing voices in hyperspace. The shooting in the back stopped, but the long thin Jedi next to us hardly glanced there.
I hope ZOM-41 got a good holo of Twana trying to draw a weapon on the Jedi. It must have been something small and concealed. All I saw was the bit of it that went flying and a bright blue-white beam of plasma that extended across Twana's seat to mine. I could smell the ionization in the air, but I don't remember feeling any heat. And it disappeared pretty quick.
"That was not wise," the Jedi stated the obvious, her face a bit less friendly. Twana clutched her hand to her chest.
I have to admit that I just stared at the Jedi. Which just drew her attention to me.
"We don't have any information on you," the Jedi addressed me with interest, obviously sizing me up for another capture. "But you are acquainted, I see, to the Chairman here. Might I inquire how?" she asked sweetly, her face a leering death-head. I saw a wisp of blonde hair under the hood.
I clicked my droid controller and ZM-44 zoomed down, coming to a fast stop behind my left shoulder, interview-ready.
"Tibi Boridus, Holonet-Data-Nodes," I whipped out my ident, my own small concealed weapon. "Do you have a statement for the public. . . . Jedi Knight . . . . ?"
Eyes gone huge, the Jedi straightened a full head higher than me, her neck going back as if I had become a contagion.
"Jedi Knight Yudi. And any statements will have to wait until all suspected criminals are taken into custody," she replied in the clipped tones of a typical government official not too interested in explaining what they were doing. I could hear moans and whimpers from the back of the room. ZOM-41 was getting it all. I turned back to Twana, ZM-44 automatically adjusting to where I was looking. Twana looked very unhappy with me. After all, she had paid for my lunch. And now I was taking a bite out of her - - that's how it works sometimes.
"Chairman Twana Orett, do you have a statement for the Holonet?"
*** END ***
This story first posted on tf.n: 21-Dec-2008
Disclaimer: All characters and situations belong to George and Lucasfilm; I'm just playing in their sandbox.