Real title is "Trench Coats, Cowboy Boots, Grey Eyes, And … A Feeling" Unfortunately, it doesn't fit.

Disclaimer: All things Supernatural, sadly, do not belong to me. It belongs to those geniuses who invented it and continue to amaze me with their prowess of creativity, and very good choice in attractive actors.. Castiel doesn't belong to me either. Heartbreakingly. Oh how I wish I could just hide him away and keep him with me always… Aunnah is all my idea. Yes, taken slightly from Anna, but honestly? She's way better than idiotic Anna.

Rating: T
-Mild Violence
-Cussing
-Slight Suggestive Themes

Summary: Alright! So, this Fan-Fict takes place after the Apocalypse. Of course Sam and Dean and Castiel stopped the world from exploding! It's a few years after, and all is well again; people living normal lives, people dying normal deaths, etc etc. How did this all happen you ask? Well, now that isn't important here! They just did. End of story. Did you really expect anything less?
Sam is going back to school and trying to find love again; hell, he even has his Soul back!
Dean is settling down with his fiancé and child. Finally.
And Castiel…. Well, Castiel… Here, why don't you just read…

He sat at the bar counter with Sam and Dean. They were having a get together. One of their sporadic, 'let's-get-the-team-back-together-for-a-party' ideas. It was all fine and well.

For Sam and Dean. They like bars. They like loud places. They like bar nuts.

I don't. I like quiet. I like reflection. It is really a wonderful thing to see the boys again. After everything we have been through.

Yet…..

The two of them have been able to move on. And I haven't.

Why?

Well, I wish I knew. I ask myself that every moment.

I have no Father anymore. My brothers and sisters are split once again. I have no purpose. I am alone, confused within this vessel.

This vessel….

Poor Jimmy…. He had to watch. He was there, speaking with me, when we came to his house to visit. I wanted him to see his family, safe and sound.

What we found was…. Horror. A woman in the kitchen, throat slit.

Jimmy's wife.

A young girl, bruises around her neck in her bed.

Jimmy's daughter.

The stench of sulfur was all around the house.

Jimmy saw this as I did. And Jimmy told me then, right then that he couldn't take it anymore. That he wouldn't ask politely any longer; he was commanding me to leave his body, let him be.

I was prepared to leave him, let him grieve in his own body. That I would find a temporary Vessel, come back to help him when he was ready. He had done so much for me in the years we had been together. He deserved what little I could offer him. But the moment I loosed control, I blacked out.

A re-awoke. Alone. Completely, and utterly alone. Jimmy had left me. His Soul had gone to Heaven.

It made me sad that Jimmy had left, and on such horrific terms. But now he was with his family, once and for all.

And I didn't need to share a body with anyone.

It was all mine.

A disconcerting thought at first. Awkward. But I got used to it over time.

That was eight years ago, during the Apocalypse. But now that's over.

I'm useless. I have nothing I need to do, and nothing I can do. I fit no where in this world of Humans. Yes, I am still an Angel. But an Angel with their own body.

I know not what to do with myself.

Sam has gone back to school, wanting to be a lawyer. Dean has gone to live with Lisa, his girlfriend – excuse me, now fiancé - and his son, Ben.

Dean. A father. I couldn't believe it. But I am proud of him.

As for me…. The past four years I have done… Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I wander. I've been everywhere in the world now. Seen everything.

I have made no new friends. I don't drink, except when I'm with Sam and Dean. I've never indulged in drugs or women.

Women….

This body has urges, thoughts that are not my own. I think one thing, it says another. It's very uncomfortable, and bewildering. I have asked Dean what it all means several times. He has explained, and told me I need to "Loose that shiny 'V' card."

"'V' Card"? I do not understand. I have no such card in my wallet. I have looked, several times. And I have never been given one. Should I find a 'V' Card? Purchase it? And why would I want to loose it once I had it? I asked Sam if he could find one for me, and he just laughed.

I do believe I have been hoodwinked by Dean yet again.

But this matter is not a laughing one! I am so baffled, and uncomfortable.

What am I to do?

"Cas? Cas man, wake up. Snap out of your internal conversation with yourself. It's kinda creepy, seeing you staring, and looking into the distance."

I 'snapped' out of my reverie. Looking at Dean levelly I said, "Yes Dean? Can I help you with something?"

Dean looked around, and laughed once. "No Cas, but you were creepin' me out with that whole, 'Distant Angel' look. Somethin' wrong? I mean, usually you're quiet, but not this quiet. And you've got the whole, 'I-hate-my-life-but-I-won't-say-anything-face' on. What's up man?"

Sam sighed, and turned towards me. "What Dean means is, are you alright Cas? Ever since the end of the Apocalypse, you've been really… Introvert. More than usual. Distracted, and unhappy. What's wrong?"

I sighed, and looked unseeingly into the case of alcohol above the bar.

"Nothing."

Sam and Dean looked towards one another, and shook their heads at the same time. In unison, they said, "Women."

The boys got off their stools and stood, each on one side of me.

"So what is it Cas? You finally take that leap? It was a hooker, wasn't it? Now you feel guilty? Awww Cas, don't feel guilty! It's a job for those women! You were just being a good Samaritan and providing a lady of the night with some – "

"No Dean, I did not, 'Take that leap', as you say. I don't want to. And even if I did, I wouldn't know how. Or even what I'm doing. How to start, what to say, who to – "

I stopped, ground my jaw, and downed a shot of whisky.

What is that, thirty tonight? No matter. I still have the metabolism of an Angel. Hasn't affected me in the slightest. Unfortunately.

The brothers passed a knowing look over Castiel's shoulders.

Sam leaned over the counter, talking to him. "Look Cas, I know you used to be an full Angel and all, but, well, you're a guy, sorta now. Guys need to – do certain things."

"Like women." Dean added, grinning at Castiel.

I looked blankly at him till Dean's grin slid off his face. "Geez, tryin' to help a guy and you get the 'Blank-Angel-Death-Glare'…" He muttered, looking away.

Sam rolled his eyes and said gently, "What Dean means, in a more tactful way, is that you are pretty much human now Cas. And human guys need – certain – things. You've been in this body, what? Eight years now? That's a long time for a guy not to – well, you know."

I looked at Sam, blankness across my face, then back over the bar.

I sighed. Both brothers automatically leaned in, ready to hear what I was going to say.

I cleared my throat, and looked away, feeling warmth in my cheeks. Such an odd reaction human bodies have. I stared straight ahead, wanting to get this off my chest. I needed help. I wasn't really human, I never had been. Everything about these bodies confused me. And I no longer had Jimmy to direct me, tell me what to do.

"I – I want….. Something. I want – What you have." I swiveled in my stool to face Dean. "I want what you have." I repeated, my face stoic.

Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Me? What I ha- Cas. I have to get up at six in the morning. Six, Cas. I have to go to a real job, work hours for a little money, then go to a house that sucks it up like a spongee. I have a woman who has been berating me to tie the knot. I'm getting married, Cas. Do you understand how scary that word is to most men?" Dean was looking at me seriously, worry in his eyes, his mouth set in a grim line. "Cas, I love that woman. Oh Hell do I love her. Good thing too, only thing that's keeping tethered, making me become all, 'Nine-To-Fiver-Stick-Up-His-Protective-Ass' guy. I have to drive a kid to school, all his practices. I have to explain stuff to him. Teenage stuff." Dean turned away, despair written on his face, hands in his hair. "Cas. I don't do teen stuff. All that angst and pimples and hormones." He shuddered. "I can't take it. Not again. And my 'beloved', oh, now she's getting' all goo-goo eyed, talkin' about more kids, more money, a bigger house, a better car! Cas! It's impossible for a man to keep up with this!" He pointed a finger at me. "You stay outa this kinda thing before it swallows you up. Because you know what the worst part is?" He glanced around, then dropped his voice low. "I. Like. It. If someone told me I could be free, and drift around again, I'd tell them to move along, 'cuz I got what I need right at home. Hell Cas, I'm so far in it, I'd like to think I could – "

I cleared my throat, looking away, brow furrowing. "Dean. As lovely as that story is, it's not helping me right now."

Sam looked at Dean accusingly, and Dean sat, stunned for a moment. His eyes widened, and he realized what he had done.

"Oh. Shit Cas, sorry man. When I start talkin' 'bout them…" He gave a little chuckle. "Can't help it, man."

I sighed heavily, rolling the empty glass betwixt my fingers.

"I want that Dean. More than you can imagine. But no woman would want me that way… And I don't even know how to meet a woman, how to tell if she's 'the one', how to do – anything around them." I sighed heavier, twirling the glass faster and faster. "I get so nervous, and don't know what to say. I – 'freeze up' – as you would say. And never have I looked into the eyes of a woman, and felt that – that, belonging – all you humans talk about. How can I find her? Even just to know someone is there for me… Just to talk to her… I could figure out the rest later." I looked betwixt the boys. "What is this, this intense need and longing in me? I can't… Understand…" I looked down at my hands, practically human hands, and sighed once again.

Sam smiled and said softly, "Love, Cas. You want love."

Dean looked from me, to Sam, and back again, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Seriously Cas? You want to be with a girl?"

I scowled at him. "Dean. I am not looking just for carnal pleasures. I am looking for someone to give me a purpose, someone to look at me and say I am their world… I don't understand why. But it is something I want dearly."

Dean rolled his eyes and said, "Oh alright. Let me just put up a picture of you on . You should get tons of hits Cas!" He chuckled at himself, and Sam sighed.

I gave him a brief glare, then went back to staring blankly.

Sam shifted a bit, and said carefully, "If you really want this Cas, we'll help you. In all honesty. We'll travel for a while with you, looking for the right one." He gave me a clap on the back. "It'll be just like old times! The three of us, in the Impala, searching for something, everything. It'll be great." He laughed aloud, then spread his hands in the air, making an imaginary canvas in front of us. "Picture this: We drive. We have a familiar mission in mind; hunt something. What, we don't know. We just know we gotta find it, and fast. Going all over the country, hunting down a chic for an Angel; what could be more fun?" He beamed at me.

Dean abruptly stopped laughing, and looked betwixt the two of us. "Oh Sam you aren't serious are you?"

I looked away, feeling hallow in my stomach.

Of course Dean wouldn't want to go… And where would I even start?

Sam glared at Dean, and said slowly, as if speaking to a child, "Dean, Castiel gave up everything for us. The least we can do is help him when he needs us most. So shut up, get home, explain, and pack. We are leaving tomorrow morning."

Dean looked back at us, dumbstruck. "Sam!" He exclaimed. "I have a job now! A fiancé! A kid! I can't just up and leave for weeks on end on last minute notice! I gotta leave notes, tell my boss, warn the kid, stock up on-"

He stopped, horror drawing on his face. "Shit. I've turned into an old man!" He turned quickly to Sam and I. "Oh I'm comin' now. No way am I growing old before my time. I gotta get home and let the gal down easily." He grimaced briefly. "This should be fun…" He muttered. He pulled out his mobile phone, and glanced at us. "Be ready first thing tomorrow. I'm driving. We'll discuss tactics in the car." He gave a little wave, putting the small device to his ear, walking out of the bar.

I turned to Sam, worry on my face. "Sam. You don't need to do this. I'm sure I can-"

He cut me off, impatiently waving a hand. "No Cas, I insist. We are gonna do this for you. You need us for once." He grinned, and started walking out of the bar. "First thing tomorrow Cas! Don't forget! And there's no backing out of this one! Just like old times!" he called out, and left the establishment.

I sighed, looking back down on the bar counter.

Why am I doing this?

I awoke, gasping for breath. I sat up, rubbing the last bits of sleep and dream that clung to my lids.

That same dream. I had it again.

The woman hidden in darkness. I couldn't see her face. I could not tell if I recognized her.

But I felt it.

That feeling Sam spoke of.

Love. An overwhelming amount of Love.

Love for this shadowed woman. I heard her laugh, felt her smile. She wrapped me in her elegant limbs, holding me close to her shocking warmth.

My heart nearly burst from the amount of emotion I felt for this creature.

Then I felt her face coming closer to mine. She smiled gently; I could feel it. I could feel her blush, her quickening breath. She leaned closer still. My heart stopped. And…

And I woke. Gasping for her scent, searching the cold sheets unknowingly for her.

Finding nothing, no trace of the dream, the hollowness returned, along with the longing and yearning.

Dreams. What a bittersweet thing I have discovered. Electrifying, emotion-filled, heart-warming; when they were playing out. After they passed? Emptiness, loneliness, hopelessness; wanting nothing more than to live within my fantasies, but knowing it will never happen. I groaned frustrated, running my hands through my bed-hair. I needed to find this woman. I haven't even met her outside of my mind, and I was going insane after her.

How do I even have these dreams you may ask? Am I not an Angel, you ask, who needs only survive on Faith? Well, I used to be. Now I'm…. I don't know what. I do need to sleep. Consume food and liquid too. All that is necessary for human, I must do also. Yet, not at the extent humans must. I sleep but a couple hours every day, and am rested. I drink but a glass of water, consume one meal, and I am filled.

I can still perform most of my "Angel Tricks" as Dean puts it.

Just one "trick" I cannot perform.

I cannot go to Heaven.

I know not what I am. A strange combination of both obviously. But how? It has never happened before. No stories have ever described this. Who am I to follow now? How long will I live? Can I-

My wonderings are cut short by the buzzing beside me.

I look around, puzzled by the noise. My bleary eyes focus, searching my room for the source. Seeing my bed side table, I recognize the source of buzzing.

It is my cellular device.

I squint at the tiny screen, and read Sam's name upon it. Sighing, I bring it to my face.

"How do you answer it again?" I mumble. "This but – No no, this one?"

*Click*

"Sam?"

"Castiel! You sound awake! Great! Alright, come on over to our motel – you know the one – and meet us at the Impala. ASAP Cas! Oh, and bring some changes of clothes, will ya? Can't have you wearing that same thing all the time!"

I listened to Sam's voice coming from the device. It was so muffle and garbled, I squinted to hear past the excess noises. Hearing his last comment, I looked towards my rumpled clothes on the floor. Tan trench coat, white button up, black slacks, black dress shoes, and a navy blue wrinkled tie. What I've always worn, every day since inhabiting Jimmy for my Vessel.

I frowned. Why would I need different clothes?

"Sam. I have no other – "

"O.k. Cas, see you soon!"

The line went 'dead'. I stared at the device in my hand, a frown still upon my face.

" – Clothes." I finished, sighing and rolling out of my bed.

I looked around, and saw what I had seen for the past four years. A modest, four room apartment. The old couple who owned the complex took me in years ago, after finding me sleeping on a park bench. They offered it to me, telling me to take my time in finding my own place.

I still have yet to find one. I actually rather like this place. A small kitchenette, just enough for my few needs. A toilet, shower, and sink with a cabinet above it in the tin bathroom; not enough room to stretch my legs within it. One twin bed, white sheets and blankets in the miniscule bedroom. A bedside table with a lamp and two drawers. In the 'living area' is a straight back chair next to the window overlooking the bustling street. A small stack of books. A dried out spider plant.

Spartan. Everything is white, pristine, in its place.

I like it because it matches my hallow, empty moods.

I shook my head. Such self pity! It would do me well to be with the boys and their never-ending energy again.

I went to the shower and bathed. Tried to comb down my unruly hair. Glanced at myself in the mirror.

Hooded, empty ice blue eyes. A slack, emotionless, mouth. A shadow of stubble over my jaw. Hair falling all over my face. I sighed; not a very – attractive, was the word? – image.

I shuffled back to my bedroom. Pulled on my slacks. Buttoned up my shirt. Laced my shoes on. And shrugged on my coat.

Same thing. Every day.

Feeling adventurous, I pulled on my tie, and made it tight, clean. Not the usual rumpled, loose mess.

I sighed again – I do that quite a bit these days – glancing once more around my apartment.

With the sound of flapping – silken wings, I was gone.

The boys looked startled when I landed in their room.

"Even after all these years…" I said, shaking my head.

Sam laughed shakily, and Dean muttered "Would it kill ya to use a frikin' door? Every frikin' time, every single frikin' time I jump…"

I stood, unsure what to do.

Sam looked down to the watch at his wrist.

"Hmmm… Yeah, we should probably get going. We wanna start this as soon as possible!" He beamed at me, and looked toward me expectantly.

I shifted, uncomfortable with his look; what did he want of me?

Dean sighed heavily, and heaved himself out of his chair.

"Alright Cas, where to?"

I stared blankly at the brothers, mouth opening slightly, brow furrowing.

Yes, where to? What a wondrous question. One I wish I knew the answer to.

"I – I don't know. Where does one look for 'The One'?"

The boys looked at each other, uncertainty on their faces. Sam turned to me and said, "Well, Cas, we thought you'd have – I don't know – a feeling?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, Angle Tuition. Ya know, a tingly feeling here, a 'zzz' there. Anything? A state? Country? Planet? Vague direction?"

I continued to stare at them . I slowly shook my head, and said carefully, "I've never had a 'tingly' feeling or a 'zzz'. I just – don't know."

I sighed, feeling utterly useless yet again.

Sam looked unsure, surely wary of the daunting task in front of him, then cheered.

"It's alright Cas! We'll just drive and see if that jogs something in you!"

I nodded once. Perhaps it moving would help.

Dean scowled at me. "And while I'm driving, we are going to teach you how to act and speak in front of a woman. Jesus, you act like talking will kill you!"

Sam beamed, nodding enthusiastically. "Yeah Cas! It's gonna be fun!"

I gulped. Lessons? From Sam? And… Dean? On women?

Oh. Dear.

Author's Note: Well? Whadya think? It's my first FanFic, so I'm still workin' with the site, and writing in a pre-determined character's view. So much fun! Just hope I'm doing this right!
Review if you like. It would make me un-believably happy if ya'll left me a 'lil something; constructive criticism, thanks, pictures, recs, whatever you like! Heck, even write a flamer! [In later chapters I can almost guarantee a lot of Supernatural fans will not like my sense of humor and irony.] I actually find them rather amusing, and love to hear people so passionate about things.

Well, I wonder what's going to happen next? Who will Castiel meet? Who is the lady haunting his sub-conscious? How have the boys changed over all these years? And when will the Emo-Castiel personality leave him to reveal the true Castiel we all know and love?

Recommendations: Every chapter I'm going to give ya'll a song, a book, and a film Rec straight from my heart for all of your enjoyment.
Song - 'Sway', by Michael Buble
Book - 'The Forbidden Game', by L. J. Smith
Film- 'Phantom of the Opera' 2004 Version

Enjoy!