Author Note: I usually never do one shots, unless it is unintentional and I gave up after one chapter. I don't know exactly what this is but I like to think of it as Scorpius introducing himself to someone and Rose interrupting. It switches so that every line is either Rose or Scorpius. I added their names into the script as much as possible to dial down the confusion.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I LOVE YOU J.K. ROWLING!

Songs:

Awolnation: Not Your Fault (and) Burn It Down

Mumford and Sons: Little Lion Man

Taylor Swift: Better Than Revenge

Phew, well that's a more than usual, and what's even more unusual is that they actually have something to do with what I wrote (shock).

Two Many Egos

My name is Scorpius Malfoy and me being who I am, you must have heard that name before. If you need a list though, it is because I am handsome, irresistible, hardworking, charming, and-

-excuse me, my name is Rose, Rose Weasley and I believe you forgot to mention that you are also egotistical, selfish, sexist, provincial, and need I go on?

No, no of course not the self proclaimed "all knowing" Rose Weasley. Shall I explain and disprove your childish theory by proving you are bitter because you are a prude-

-conscientious-

-desperately annoying-

-smart-

-Well thank you for continuing the list I started earlier, it's hard to stop describing me really.

Well then, you must have also been calling your self desperately annoying, I agree with that one.

Than that's not the only thing we disagree with Weasley.

No most certainly not, because if you're are hardworking than I'm a three legged house elf!

Well you are a three legged house elf, and goodness does three legged seem to have a double meaning if you catch my drift. Then again, I always thought that you had some sort of mannish quality to you…

Oh really, now this? Your maturity continues to astound me! And really how on earth are you- Mr. fed-by-a-silver-spoon- hardworking?

Right now I am working hard to not vomit at your horrible freckly completion.

You're disgusting. Who ever said that you got along with women obviously was effected by a bad cheering charm.

Well right now I'm not talking to a women… more of a three legged house elf.

I'd rather be a three legged house elf than you! What are you anyways? Definitely not a gentleman. Perhaps you're a baboon who never saw a day in the sun and sat in a tub of bleach?

Who's being classy now Weasley? Going after my skin which I can't help having… actually I have evidence in the form of Helena Troy's lace underwear that says my skin is quite delectable.

How on earth did you manage to get classy and panties in the same two sentences? And of course you're allowed to have a go at my freckles because I draw those on every morning, don't I?

I hope, then that would mean you have a lesser problem of having a horrible taste in make up over incurably defected skin.

I actually have evidence in the form of a date with Lorcan Scamander proving you wrong. He said he finds them unique and charming.

Ah, so the idiot finally managed to string two words together to ask someone out? Sadly his assessment of the situation is very off. Unique maybe, but "charming" with out the "C" for what it does to my eyesight whenever I am forced to look at you.

Isn't that a bit hypocritical of you to insult Lorcan on his intelligence just because he plays quidditch. You're just bitter because he beat you last week.

Well it's a common idea that one can't be good at everything, well except for me and he is certainly not me.

It's a good thing Lorcan isn't you. One Scorpius is enough for the world, an additional ego that size would send the world spiraling into the sun.

My Ego? Have you bothered looking into a mirror? Well scratch that, I would avoid mirrors if I were you too.

Well maybe I do have an ego, enough of an ego to know that I'm not as hideous as you say I am.

Having an ego doesn't mean the same thing as being delusional.

Oh stop it for once.

Stop what!?

Just for once can you stop having a go at my appearance?

Well it seems like you have finally cracked, please don't tell me you are going to cry or something? I'm sure Lorcan would love to help you wallow-

-why do you hate him? You don't even talk to him. He's done nothing to you.

I don't hate him, I just said he's stupid, which is he truth.

No he isn't and everyone knows it. He's third best in the year. And you brought him up for no reason. Just now you did.

Well, you'd probably like to think it's because I'm jealous?

I wouldn't like to think that but it's almost too obvious.

I'm sorry but you're going to have to elaborate. All that's obvious now is that when you said ego earlier, you actually did mean delusional.

Hm, you're avoiding the situation. It makes sense now, why do you bother to talk to me when you know I hate you?

I would like to point out that it was you who interrupted me with your presence just now.

But what about before. You surely don't have to talk to me all those times you insult me? If you actually hated me wouldn't it be easier to ignore me?

It's because, you are so annoyingly smug that you needed a superior being to shut you up.

Oh that's rich, I'm just so smug that you have to talk to me?

That's not what I said.

Is smugness a turn on for you Malfoy?

No, especially when attatched-

-aww, you're blushing!

I am simply overheated!

Oh, I'm making you hot and bothered too?

Merlin, I can't talk to a mad women anymore. And please for the love of humanity don't think that you have the power to make anyone hot and bothered.

Well bye then! See you in your dreams Malfoy!

And the world went crashing into the sun from the weight of their two bloated egos… they lived happily ever after as billions of tiny atoms scattered across the universe.

Author: Hey! Thanks for reading till the end and sorry that was so damn confusing. Well now that you're here… can you please comment/favorite/follow and all that business? No? well I tried.

PS: but really please?

PSS: Comments are the best presents ever.