Legend of Zelda: Link's Diary
Part 1
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Disclaimer: I don't own Legend of Zelda. I wish I did. But I don't.
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Day 1-
Dear Diary. I had that weird dream again…with the girl and the weird hat. But I mean, if I dream about girls, they better be good looking. Anyway, I was woken up by a freaking ball of blue light. And it talks. Like this. "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG LINK WAKE UP!" It's annoying. I wish it would go and swallow a knife. Freaking Navi (her name) said I got to go to the Deku Tree. Pfft. That thing is going to die any day now.
Well, I decided to go. I got to pay my dues to him. He's my old man, anyway. But when I got there, Mido was there, He said that I need a freakin' sword and a shield.
Also Saria said hi. Or something. She's so annoying. All I see is her mouth moving and hear "blah blah blah". But I nod and wait, 'cause I'm nice like that.
So, I was walking around, and all the freaks just gave me money. Idiots.
So then I went and
bought a shield, and on the way, all the girls were like OMG you have
a fairy and they wouldn't shut up. Its times like these I wish I
had a crossbow. Well, all I need is a sword. But I know that it's
somewhere in a maze.
After avoiding death like a bajillion times,
I got it. So then I went back to midget dude. I'm the tallest and
the hottest one here. Why must all the girls be so ugly though? It's
not fair. Anyway, Mido looked all shocked when I showed him the crap.
Then he got all mad. Ha. Jealous midget freak. Then he saw my fairy
and was all "wow"…then he got all mad about Saria again. I told
her that he can have her ugly butt. God. Ha, then he blushed and told
me to go through the passageway thing.
Okay, so my old man gave me a lecture, told me he was going to die any day now, that I wasn't a Kokori, and to get in his mouth. I figured it out myself, duh. He must've forgotten that I'm the hottest one around, so..like, I couldn't possibly be a Kokori. But, I'll let it slide. This time.
So I went in, and all I can say to him is BRUSH YOUR TEETH DUDE! There are cobwebs and stuff everywhere. And can you say breathmints? And there were…cavities. Scary ones. (Talking about the Skulltulas) I went through the dungeon really fast. But my favorite part was jumping off the top and falling through the cobwebs. I loved it. I just wish Navi had a video recorder. So I could watch it over and over and over again.
Well, I got to fight a monster thing. I won. Must be because of my hotness. Then this glowy blue thingy appeared. It said it had candy. So naturally, I went in. It was a bad idea. The freaking blue thing abducted me.
But it left me in front of the Deku Tree. He gave me this shiney thing and died.
Well, I got a shiny. Named it Jeffory.
So I decided to pawn Jeffory off at the black market. I was all packed, had Navi's mall leash..she gets excited at malls…(don't ask) and was on the bridge when what's her face….uh…….SARIA came and was all sobby. Here we go again. She was all OMG LINK I LOVE YO- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…
BUT she gave me a shiny. A shiny not like Jeffory. A musical shiny. And I named it Simon. But she used Simon before, so I had to boil it. Y'know, for safety. In case she has rabies. You can never be sure.
She also taught me a song. Called it Saria's song. Psh. More like The-Most-Annoying-Song-Ever-Song-Song.
So I left her on the bridge and went to Castle Town to pawn. But I had to get a license first at the castle. There was a weird girl with a chicken there. Or something. An egg. Yeah.
I decided to go see the princess. If I date her, and marry her, I'll be rich and be royalty…ha HA!
There was a maze. I beat it. Go me.
Yeah.
So I saw the princess.
And she's a nun.
Well not really.
But she really looks like it.
And I'm dead tired.
So, I'm going to bed.
More tomorrow.
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