Leprechauns
And Other Irish Wonders
**********
"Buffy, no." I repeat into the
line. I don't think she's listening.
"Come on, Xan. I really need your
help here. This is right up your alley."
I frown into the phone. Since when were
escaped leprechauns and strange bags of poisoned gold foiled chocolate up my
alley? I really have been living here to long.
"Buffy, I have plans." I tell
her firmly.
"Like what?" She sounds incredulous.
I'm not sure whether I should be offended or not.
"Um just plans." I tell
her. What am I supposed to say? I don't really think telling her I'm supposed
to meet her ex-boyfriend for dinner will really help matters any.
"Xan, come on. What can be so important
you'll miss out on slaying?" She's bordering on whining now. "Besides,
with Willow gone, who else will help me?"
I want to tell her isn't that what Riley
is for, but bite my tongue before any such thing escapes my lips. I sigh instead.
"Okay, okay. I'll be there."
I hang up the phone and turn around and
look at my apartment. My jacket is slung over the kitchen table and my half-packed
suitcase is lying on the couch.
"So much for St. Patrick's Day dinner."
I mumble to the room at large. I shrug and turn back around to pick up the phone
again.
After several rings someone answers.
"Angel Investigations. We help the
hopeless." I smile as I hear my former girlfriend's cheery voice over the
line.
"Cordy? It's Xander. Is Angel around?"
"No. You just missed him. He went
with Gunn to check out some dead body thing."
"Sounds exciting." I shake
my head but then remember why I'm calling. "Can you leave him a message?"
"Sure. You're not backing out of dinner,
I hope."
I groan. "Actually, yeah I am."
I tell her. "Buffy's got some weird, leprechaun thing she needs help with."
"Can't she ask someone else?"
Cordelia asks and I can just tell that she wants to give me a few suggestions
about what to tell the Slayer.
"No. With Willow still up with you
guys, I'm pretty much it. Except for the G-man, and can you see him chasing
after a three-foot green guy?"
Cordelia snorts into the line. "Okay,
but he's not going to like it."
Like I do? I want to mention that this
isn't exactly my idea of fun but what would be the point. "I know, Cor.
Tell him I'll call him later."
After I hang up with her, I grab my jacket
and leave. Maybe if I can get this thing over with I can actually salvage this
evening. I doubt it, but it's worth a try.
****
"You have got to be kidding me?"
I ask turning to look at the slayer, who has a look of complete innocence on
her face. "You want me to what?"
"Bait. She wants you to be bait."
Riley offers up his wisdom. He says it as if I couldn't have figured that out.
I turn to look at him. "Why me?"
"You're you're you're
the Xand man. Who else?" Buffy says and I can tell by the tone of her voice
she's trying to humor me. I'm not feeling particularly funny right this moment.
"Let me get this straight." I
begin, facing Buffy and Riley. "You want me to go down into the sewer,
find this stinky, smelly troll lair, and lead him back out here, so you
can what? Steal all his gold find the end of his rainbow?" I snort,
despite the fact that I'm becoming highly irritated here. I was not needed for
this. Riley could have just as easily played bait for the little green guy.
"Xander." Giles speaks from somewhere
behind me. "Now is not the time for levity. This creature could be
highly dangerous."
"Could be. Key phrase here, G-man.
I had a thing I was supposed to do tonight. I cancelled my plans to chase a
leprechaun?" I know that I'm probably acting way more upset than I should
be but I *really* wanted to have that dinner.
Angel and I haven't really spent a whole
lot of time together since we decided that 'together' was actually an applicable
word to describe us. And I thought, St. Patrick's day dinner, with an actual
Irish person. How original. Well for me at least. But once again, being lackey
to a bonafide Slayer has shot that all to hell.
"What thing?" Riley's voice interrupts
my internal thoughts.
"Huh?" I ask, hoping that maybe
if I appear to be stupid they won't bother to press the issue.
"It doesn't matter." Buffy shakes
her head. "Will you do it or not?" She sounds irritated.
I want to say no, I won't, just on the
basis of her irritation, and the inconvenience, but sigh and nod my acquiescence
instead. Buffy seems pleased by this and she and Riley go into the training
room to gather some supplies. Giles comes up behind me and lays a hand on my
shoulder.
"I'm sorry about your plans."
He tells me.
I turn to look at him and shake my head.
"No sweat, G-man."
Whatever Giles was going to say in response
was drowned out by the sound of Buffy and Riley coming out loaded down with
weapons. I followed the two of them out and wonder just when it was I decided
that *this* was more important than time spent with Angel?
****
I sigh unnecessarily as I reread the note
printed in Cordelia's neat hand.
"Did he say why he wasn't coming?"
I ask her quietly, not really wanting to seem as disappointed as I am.
"Buffy." Cordelia answers as
she continues typing.
"Excuse me?" I ask, confused.
Cordelia waves her hand in the air as if
in explanation but her eyes are still riveted to the computer screen. I'm at
a loss to understand what exactly she's trying to say or even what Buffy has
to do with Xander canceling our plans.
Unless maybe she found out that Xander
was coming to see me. That wouldn't be good. I know that Xander isn't one to
back down from things. At least not the Xander I've gotten to know in the past
few months. So I don't think any opinion Buffy might have would really ruin
things between us, not in the long run.
But our relationship is still too new.
We're still on rocky ground and I really don't want to trust too many people
with whatever we're building here. It's not really something I'm willing to
share with just anybody. Cordelia and Gunn and Wes know, but I trust them with
my life, and keeping too many secrets from them doesn't usually work out too
well.
And I mentioned it to Faith on one of my
weekly visits. She seemed pleased by the news. But since then, she's seemed
more eager to talk about her recent visitor than my love life. Not that I can
blame her.
If I wasn't directly involved, I don't
think I'd want to discuss it either.
And as far as I know the only person Xander
has told is Willow. And she's still here in Los Angeles. She decided to stay
behind when Xander returned to Sunnydale last month. The poor girl had a really
rough time dealing with the break-up of her relationship with her girlfriend.
I offered her a place to stay if she needed
it. She took me up on it, and it's been good to have her here. As much as I
adore Cordelia, talking to another intellectual about certain things has been
a nice change. And it keeps me busy when I'm not thinking about Xander or sleeping,
or hunting down evil, or thinking about Xander, or researching, or thinking
about Xander.
"Huh?" Cordelia finally looks
up from the monitor. "Oh, he said that Buffy needed him for some slay thing.
Something about leprechauns and poisoned gold."
Okay, now I'm even more confused. I'm about
to ask for a little more clarification when I hear the sound of the front door
opening. I turn to see Willow step in from the outside.
"Hi!" She waves cheerily.
"Hi." I smile, though I'm still
confused.
She must sense this because she frowns
slightly. "What's wrong?"
"I told him about Xander." Cordelia
offers.
Willow nods slightly in understanding.
"I'm sure he really wants to be here." She tells me sincerely. "Maybe
if he gets done early, he can still come. Or call. I'm sure he'll call."
I blink. "You know what happened?"
I ask, turning to fully face the witch, realizing I have a better chance of
finding out *exactly* why Xander's not coming if I speak to her.
Willow nods again. "I was here when
he called. Didn't you get his message?" She frowns and looks over to the
desk where Cordelia is frantically searching for something.
"I did, but I think she left out some
details."
"Oh, well." Willow shrugs slightly
and sets her bag on the table standing between us. "Buffy has some sort
of bizarre leprechaun loose in Sunnydale. She wanted Xander to help her catch
him."
I stare blankly at the redhead. I want
to ask why it was Riley couldn't help with this task but that would be petty.
So instead I concentrate on the other words.
"Leprechauns and poisoned gold?"
I raise in eyebrow in slight amusement.
Willow shrugs. "It's the Hellmouth.
And Saint Patrick's Day."
Okay, Xander's cancellation makes a little
more sense now. Neither Willow nor Cordelia said so, but I'd be willing to bet
my next bag of blood that Xander was probably whined and wheedled into helping
them, and he's probably not any happier about it than I am.
But that doesn't mean I can't do anything
about it.
****
I'm walking through the sewers, at night,
alone, searching for some leprechaun, and all I can think is, 'I gave
up a dinner with Deadboy, for *this*?'
Did Buffy and Riley *really* need me to
lure the troll-like creature out of the sewers? I don't think so. They're probably
up there right now making out, while I beginning to reek of stale toilet water.
Yep, this is the life.
The sounds of some sort of shuffling up
ahead catch my attention. I squint in the darkness, trying to see. I have my
flashlight on, but it really only allows me to see about two feet ahead of me.
Considering that I'm in the dark, dank
sewers of Sunnydale, you'd think I'd be more worried. There's probably a reason
why I'm not, but tonight's not my night for introspection. I'll probably freak
out later when I'm at home. Which is probably better than doing it right here,
right now.
"Hello?" I call out but I'm not
really expecting an answer.
Strangely enough, I get one.
"You're not the Slayer." A voice
up ahead, past my field of vision speaks. And believe it or not, it does have
an Irish accent. How bizarre.
"No. No I'm not." I step forward
some more, hoping to get a glimpse. When I finally to, I nearly drop my flashlight.
There, standing not more than two feet
in front of me, is a real live, bonafide, leprechaun. Or at least he looks like
one. And I have to admit, I'm kind of surprised. Oh sure, the G-man said it
was a leprechaun, but I didn't really believe him. Who would?
But here he is, standing big, or little,
as the case may be, as life.
"Um you're a leprechaun."
I manage.
The guy nods enthusiastically. "I
am, lad. Would ye like to see me pot o' gold? It's chocolate." He offers.
And I can't help myself, but I laugh. He
seems so harmless. And then I remember the cases of poisoning that seemed to
coincide with our Irish friend. "Are they poisoned?" I ask.
The leprechaun seems to think about this
for a second than he answers. "Aye, but you're not supposed to eat it."
I frown at this. "You're not?"
The leprechaun stomps his foot at me. "Of
course not, silly. You're from the wrong dimension!"
I nod my head. Of course. What a simple
answer. Not. Why me?
"You didn't eat it, did you?"
He shakes his head at me as if realizing it's not important. "I came to
se the slayer. But you're not her."
"No, but I can take you to her."
I offer.
He seems to like this idea, which I'm grateful
for because the stench of the sewer is beginning to irritate me. I take him
back the way I came, and climb out onto the street level, the little green guy
only a few feet behind me.
Thankfully Buffy and Riley are surprised
enough to actually see a leprechaun to wait for an explanation before they do
their kill-kill thing. I don't think they were really expecting me to find anything.
I can't say as I blame them. I wasn't expecting to find anything either.
And the explanation? That's just as bizarre.
Turns out that this leprechaun is from another dimension. He came here, looking
for Buffy. To give her a gift of all things. A gift of thanks for all her hard
work.
I guess now she can't say she's underappreciated.
Not everybody gets little green men traveling across dimensions to give them
little plaques and pots of poisoned chocolate gold, which they can't eat.
Only on the Hellmouth.
*****
I barely have time to drive to Sunnydale
and prepare everything when I hear the scuffle of feet outside the apartment
door. And the stench which accompanies it. It's Xander and he smells like
the sewer. He also sounds tired. I light the last candle on the table and step
into the hall towards the bedroom.
I watch from my position as Xander enters
the apartment and throws his keys and jacket over the table by the door. He
starts stripping off his clothes before turning around and I have to fight the
urge to make my presence known. He's down to his boxers and is trying to take
off his shoes by the time he actually turns around and I could hear the small
gasp as he surveys the scene.
He finishes extricating his socks and shoes
from his body and walks across the room and comes to a stop in front of the
table, which I had decorated. There are a couple of candles placed around the
room as well as two on the table. I had set out a plate of the dinner I bought
on the way down.
It wasn't what I had originally planned,
but that couldn't be helped. He looks at the plate and smiles. He turns his
head towards where I am standing in the hall, almost as if he has always known
I was there.
"Sandwiches, Deadboy? Let me guess
corned beef and cabbage?" He asks me with a grin.
I shrug. "Well it is Saint Patrick's
Day. And being Irish how could I not?" I ask as I come out of the hall
towards him, trying not to notice his barely dressed state. "You smell."
I comment with a slight smile.
At this Xander groans. "Don't remind
me. Did you know there are actual leprechauns? Who like the sewers *way* too
much."
He launches into his story about the night's
events and although I find the tale amusing, I'm enjoying the company more than
the story. He doesn't seem at all surprised to find me here, which I find kind
of comforting.
When he's done eating his sandwich, he
notices the envelope sitting on the table, perhaps for the first time.
"What's this?" He asks me curiously.
"Open it." I move so that I'm
standing close to him, but to the side slightly so I can see his face.
"What? What is this?" He
turns his dark eyes to me and they seem to glow in the candlelight.
"I was hoping we could go away
together. But if you don't think you can get the time off"
"No, I think I've got vacation. Spring
Break is still several weeks away. I'm sure I have enough time to ask for it
off." He answers and I can see the grin just waiting to bust across his
face. "This is for Soda Springs. Isn't that in the desert? Like near Nevada?"
"Yeah, I have a place out there. I
go there sometimes to"
"Brood?" Xander interrupts with
a teasing grin. "'Cause we know you don't do any of that here."
He stands up and walks over to me as he's
speaking. "So, deadboy, you came all the way down here to tell me that
you want me to run off with you to Nevada. Is this a marriage proposal?"
His lips against mine stop me from actually
answering him and that's okay because it really was a silly question. Our tongues
play against each other in some sort of dance only they know the music to. My
arms go around his body and I'm keenly aware he isn't wearing a shirt. But soon
he needs to breathe and pulls away. His skin is flushed slightly and I really
like that look.
"I missed you." I tell him and
kiss him again so he knows those just aren't words.
I can feel him get hard against me through
his boxers and his nipples are just hard peaks that I can feel through my own
shirt. That excites me but then he's pulling away from me. He steps back and
I recognize the move for what it is and don't take any offense to it.
"Soda Springs, huh?" He asks
me. "You, me and the desert? Alone for what, eight days? Sounds dangerous.
You sure you're up for it, Deadboy?"
The words leave my mouth before I'm even
aware of it. "The question is, are you?"
He stops and for a moment I regret I've
said anything, then he grins at me. And it's a wicked grin.
"Yeah, Deadboy, I think I am."
Then he disappears down the hall and I'm
really glad I decided to make this little trip. It'll be nearly dawn before
I make it back to Los Angelus. But it'll be worth it.
****
The End
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