Felicity watched him with wary eyes. She was torn between her heart and her head; as she usually was where Oliver is concerned. Her heart was overjoyed that he had come back home to her but her head couldn't help thinking that it was too good to be true. It reminded her of the feeling she got when she returned to the bunker to find Laurel standing in Oliver's embrace. Her heart had also overpowered her mind then, but only for a moment.
It was almost a week ago that Oliver just walked back into the bunker as if he had simply been out on a mission and got a little banged up; in reality he had been abducted by a psychopath that wanted to destroy him and held hostage for six days.
She knew nothing of what Chase had done to him in those six days. She knew better than to ask, it would get her nowhere and if she's being honest she wasn't sure if she could handle it.
"How's the search coming?" John asked. She could tell by his tone that he was keyed up.
"Slow." Felicity replied with an exasperated breath.
She turned in her chair so that she was facing him, she wanted to see his face when she asked the question, "How is he?"
He sighed and ran his hand over his face, "I don't know, Felicity. He's strong but this prick is in his head. I don't know what to do at this point. I've said everything I can think to say. Have you tried?"
"No. I've been too afraid too. Adrian is insane and Oliver was trapped in a room with him for days. I'm not sure I can handle what he has to say." She admitted.
She turned back around to see that Oliver was no longer sitting on the couch. She felt panic begin to stir in her stomach.
"Where'd he go?" She asked the room. She didn't really care who told her where he was she just wanted answer, now.
"He went down the hall." Curtis replied, pointing down the hallway that lead to the showers.
"Go talk to him, Felicity. He needs you. You're strong. You've listened to more of Oliver's horror stories than anyone, I'd say."
"Okay." She sounded resolute, like she thought he was right. She wasn't. The only thing she was sure of was that she was afraid, not of Oliver but of feeling more guilt. She knew that she could get him to talk to her and she knew that he would. But she also knew that she was not in a place that she could give him what he needs and that knowledge adds another layer of guilt on to her ever-growing pile.
She eased the door open and her heart fell to her stomach. Oliver stood in front of the sink, staring down at the water that was pooling in his hands and overflowing as more poured in from the faucet.
She took a moment to take in his new wounds, as he was shirtless. She had seen his wounds when he first came back. She had been surprised that she couldn't make herself look away. But now that she is seeing him when his armor is down her heart is aching to reach out and hold him. She chides herself for thought before reminding herself that they don't have that kind of relationship anymore.
He would have a new arrow scar, he used to joke that he hoped the next big scar was an arrow and not a sword. The thought of Oliver feeling carefree enough to joke about his scars made her heart tighten in her chest. She would be lying if she said she didn't feel guilt for that too; for taking away his peace. She pushed the thoughts of their life together to the back of her mind. Revisiting those days is a luxury she couldn't afford. She set back to her task of assessing his wounds. His bratva tattoo was now hidden underneath burnt flesh; of all his wounds that was the one that sent surges of anger through her veins. That was her spot; it was the last thing she saw before falling asleep for many nights. Even after they broke up she would lay in bed and think of it before drifting off to sleep. Adrian Chase would burn for what he's done to him.
She wondered if she should walk over to him or speak to him. He looked so lost in his own mind that she was afraid she would startle him if she did either. She settled for knocking on the already open door. The sound didn't startle him nor did seeing her behind him in the mirror. Their eyes locked and they just stayed that way for a while, neither knowing how long and neither wanting to stop it.
Felicity didn't remember deciding to walk towards him but at some point, she had. She was right next to him when their eyes broke and she felt as though she reentered her body. She wasn't sure why of all the questions that were running through her mind a few moments ago, she had to ask, "What are you doing?" with a gesture to the water in his cupped hands. He must have been doing this for a while because his fingers had started to wrinkle.
"Just trying to understand how something you can't even grasp can be a weapon." He mumbled, as if he was talking to himself. At first Felicity thought he just didn't want to talk about it but when her eyes moved from his hands up to his face she saw that wasn't it at all, that was all he could muster.
She felt as though she was seeing him for the first time, seeing how tired he was. She wondered what else he had endured over the past few days that didn't leave a physical mark on him.
"Seems ridiculous, doesn't it." She replied.
He nodded before reaching to turn the water off. He moved so that the counter was supporting most of his weight. She had noticed that last year, when he was utterly exhausted he leaned on things for support.
"Oliver, I -" Felicity started doing her damnedest to mask everything she was feeling.
Just like that his armor was back up. Felicity would be lying if she said it didn't hurt that his armor was on when it was just the two of them. She used to be one of the only people he was never guarded with.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Curtis said from his place by the door.
"You're not. What is it?" Oliver stated coldly.
"I just thought Felicity would want to know her search is done." Curtis stated slowly, Oliver's wounds distracted him. She couldn't fault him for it she had done the same.
"Thanks, Curtis." Felicity answered after a moment of trying to pull herself together. She had thought that Oliver might shut her out but she didn't stop to think about how it would feel.