Insufferable Canoodling and Other Tales

Chapter 1:

Pendles/Alani

Kleese was complaining.

Again.

This time it was because he caught Pendles and Alani "canoodling" in a corridor.

Ghalt felt a headache coming on.

Blame it on the proximity or the fact that there was the constant threat of universal extinction looming over their heads. Whatever the reason, the Battleborn members decided that if they were going to die, they were going to die happy—or if not happy, then at least they'd die while getting laid. Ghalt didn't mind if people hooked up particularly as it didn't affect their duties. Hell, he and Reyna were dating now. It was a good thing for most people.

Not Kleese though.

Old bastard was always complaining about the hormones and debauchery happening on his precious ship. Ghalt figured he was just jealous.

"I'll talk to them." Ghalt sighed, cutting Kleese off mid-tirade. "Just let me handle it."

"See that you do." Kleese said. His nostrils flared. "It's bad enough we all might be dead soon—ˮ

Some of us sooner than others, Ghalt thought with a smirk.

"But to have to deal with this constant…onslaught of PDA just makes it worse!"

"Worse than the Varelsi destroying Solus and leaving us all to die in the dark?"

"Just about!"

Ghalt closed his eyes and mentally counted to ten. "I will talk to them," He said. He had no plans to do anything of the sort especially since he knew that Kleese was prone to exaggeration. Knowing Alani, the "pawing and canoodling" that Kleese was bitching about was most likely just her giving Pendles a peck on the lips. It was the promise of action that was enough to get the old codger out of his hair.

Pendles' back lay against the cool glass of Alani's tank. The gentle rocking of the water and the pleasantness of his most recent water treatment was lulling the Roan to sleep.

"Hey!"

His remaining eye shot open, and he blinked sleepily at the sight of a pouting Alani. "What's that, love?" he yawned. Alani splashed him in the face.

"You weren't even listening!"

"I was!"

"Really?" she scoffed. "So, what was I talking about?"

"Ambra and Galilea." That was always a safe bet. Alani was always either complaining about Ambra or fawning over anything Galilea. If Pendles was insecure, he'd be worried.

Alani studied him for a moment before sighing. "It's just she's so, ugh, her! What does Galilea even see in her? She's awful."

Crisis averted. Pendles settled back. He rubbed small circles on Alani's back with his robotic arm, trying to be as gentle as possible. She shivered at the touch of the cool metal. "You hungry?" It was a deliberate attempt to change the conversation.

Alani sighed. "Yeah. I could eat."

They climbed from the tank, taking a moment to dry off before getting dressed.

Pendles eyed Alani as she slipped on her top. "Remember when I told you pants go on your arms? Still, tickles me to this—oi!" the Roan ducked as a shoe came flying at his face. "Now that wasn't very nice!"

"Neither is a citation for indecent exposure!" Alani shot back. "I could have been arrested, Pendakka!"

Pendles winced at the use of his formal name. "Aw don't be that way. The second they realized you were from Akopos they would have let you off."

"Ugh, Pendles that's not the point. Give me back my shoe."

"Nuh-uh. Nothin' doin'." Pendles held it out of her reach. "You threw it. You come and get it." And of course, he tackled the second she got close. How could he not?

They rolled on the ground until Alani managed to wrestle her shoe from him. "You are such a dork," She muttered.
Pendles grinned. "True but I'm your dork. All seriousness, though, we should probably get to Mess before Shayne and Aurox get there." Who knew that a teenage girl and the omnidimensional horror tethered to her could pack away so much food?

They walked side by side, their arms around each other's waists like they were holding their best mates up after a bender. That sort of thing used to annoy Pendles, but now that he was a participant, he could see the appeal. His tentacle arm wrapped around Alani's waist, he sauntered down the hall. Kleese was coming in their direction, looking down at something on his datapad and muttering to himself. He glanced up when he heard Pendles laughing at something Alani said. His lip curled into a sneer. "Ugh. More canoodling." He muttered. "You two should be careful." Kleese summoned his holo-kitty and stroked its back. "You don't want to be doing that where people could see." He smirked. "A little birdie told me that someone's made a complaint to Ghalt about your excessive—ugh—PDA."

Pendles frowned. "Who the what now?"

"What?" Alani's jaw dropped. "Someone's been complaining about us?"

Kleese looked especially smug. "Oh yes. So, if I were you I'd keep that—ˮ he waved a hand at them. "To a minimum."

Alani started working herself into a tizzy. "This is unbelievable!" she said. "We weren't doing anything wrong! You know who this has to be? Ambra!"

"Ambra?" Pendles repeated.

"Uh, Ambra?" Kleese parroted, nervously.

Alani threw her arms up. "Of course! This is so her!" The healer pulled away from Pendles and started pacing. She was getting angrier by the second. "She can't stand the sight of other people being happy! That's what happens when your heart is nothing but a black icicle of…of ice!"

Pendles studied Kleese who was starting to get twitchy as Alani's ranting continued. "Why would Ambra even care about PDA?" The Rogue mused aloud. Kleese winced. "I mean; it's not like we were leaving stains or something."

Kleese opened his mouth to answer, but Alani cut him off. "Duh!" she said. "What part of black icicle heart don't you understand! Aaargh! I'm going to give that sun-worshiping witch a piece of my mind!"

"Er, I could have sworn I saw Ambra in the mess hall." Kleese tried to sound nonchalant. He failed due to the beads of sweat on his brow, but he tried. "Better hurry or you'll miss her."

"Thanks, Kleese." Alani growled and stormed off.

Pendles moved to follow her, keeping his eye trained on the LLC scientist. The old man gave a half-hearted wave before floating off in his chair, muttering something about chemicals and Bunsen burners being left on. Pendles let him slink off. He knew where to find him.

Pendles caught up to Alani just in time to hear her shout, "What is your deal?" at Ambra who had her back toward her.

The Silent Sister whirled around. "My deal," she bellowed. "Is that that yappy fleabag had the audacity to chew on my scepter and no one around here wants to deal with it!"

Both Alani and Pendles were confused by that until Pendles noticed Montana standing in front of Ambra a ball of fluffy black fur cradled in the crook of his massive arm.

Constable Cuddles had been brought onto the ship after Rendain's ass-kicking and subsequent banishment into Varelsi space. The tiny lapdog didn't belong to anyone per se, the crew just made sure he was fed and the minion robots made sure to clean up any presents he left behind, but other than that Constable Cuddles—like Oscar Mike's cats—was free to roam.

Montana held up a hand in a placating motion. "Ambra, he wasn't chewing on anything." The giant said. "He was just sort of sniffing at it."

"That's even worse!" Ambra argued. "Intent to chew!" she narrowed her eyes. "Why was that little mongrel even allowed on the ship?"

"Stop trying to change the subject!" Alani said. "I know it was you who's been complaining about us to Ghalt about our quote excessive PDA end quote."

The Jennerit priestess snorted. "Why would I care about your hand-holding, Child?"

Alani bristled and took a step forward. "Don't call me a child!"

"Whatever," Ambra replied. "Your boring little hand-holding and pecks on the cheek hold no interest to me or anyone else. Begone with you, I have more pressing matters."

"Don't you turn your back on me!" Alani grabbed Ambra's arm.

The Silent Sister slapped the healer's hand away, eyes blazing. "Keep your filthy hands off of me!" Ambra seethed.

"Oh, I'm about to put more than a hand on you!" Alani screamed.

Pendles searched the room wildly. He looked over at Rath who was watching the exchange with growing concern. "Galilea," Pendles mouthed. The swordsman nodded and quickly went to retrieve her. If anyone could defuse this situation, it was Galilea. "Ladies, please." Pendles knew he had to stall. "Can't we be civilized about this?"

"I'm the epitome of civility," Ambra said haughtily. "If you want to worry about someone worry about your little blue friend."

"Guys, Constable Cuddles isn't enjoying all this yelling and hostility." Montana tried to interject.

"Well, why don't I just jettison that mongrel into space?" Ambra snarled. She reached for the dog. "I'm sure the cold, vast unending void would do wonders for the little beast!" Montana took a step backward.

"Don't you dare touch Constable Cuddles!" Alani moved to block Ambra's path. "He hasn't done anything to you!"

"He exists, and that's bad enough!"

"You're a bully! You've always been a bully! I can't believe—ˮ

"I will not stand here in be berated by a child who—ˮ

"—You haven't changed! Still think you're above everything—ˮ

"—I was a beacon of order and power before you were a twinkle in your father's eye!"

"Enough!" Pendles yelled. "Alani, calm down. Ambra's right."

Alani took a step backward. She looked like the air had been knocked out of her.

Ambra placed a hand on her hip and looked triumphant. "Well said, Assassin." The Silent Sister smirked.

"Yeah," Pendles continued. "I mean Constable Cuddles is a bit of a nuisance. Always barking—ˮ

"Incessantly so!" Ambra growled.

"Drooling—ˮ

"Like a running faucet!"

"It's like Rendain didn't even bother to train him, yeah?" Pendles sighed. "I mean he fancied himself the leader of the Jennerit Empire but look at the way he handled his pet. No wonder everything just went down the gutter."

"A sad state of affairs," Ambra agreed with a shake of her head.

"And that's why I think it's noble that Ambra is so willing to admit that she's not up to the challenge."

Ambra's mouth hung open in a most inelegant fashion. Behind her, Alani's wounded and betrayed expression morphed into dawning realization. She started to grin but quickly morphed it into something more neutral.

"Challenge?" Ambra sputtered. "I beg your pardon?"

Pendles nodded. He took a seat and started fiddling with his kamas. "Yeah. I mean, I thought that with all your talk about order and discipline you'd rise to the occasion of training little Constable Cuddles there, but I guess you figured that since Rendain, the leader of the Jennerit Empire—ˮ

"He usurped the throne!" Ambra screeched. "Betrayed Empress Lenore! He's not fit to lead anything!"

"I totally agree." Pendles nodded. "I mean just look at poor Constable Cuddles. Don't they always say that pets are like children? Children need a regimen. They need discipline. Pets aren't that different, yeah? I bet that you could do it. I bet you could train Constable Cuddles 'til he's not only the perfect little gentleman but truly worthy of that constable title. Prove to everyone that Rendain was as big a loser as we always thought."

Ambra pondered this in silence. Alani gave Pendles two thumbs up and a bright smile. Ambra turned and stalked toward Montana who was still on guard. She took Constable Cuddles from his arm and studied him for a moment. She eyed his folded ears, his large dark brown eyes, and his puffy, fluffy fur.

Galilea came crashing into the mess hall. The Wraith of Bliss had come directly from her quarters. She wore a pair of dark green UPR-issued sweats and beige tank top and no shoes. "Ambra what—ˮ she began.

The Silent Sister floated past her, Constable Cuddles held in her arms. "Galilea, come! We've adopted!" was all she said before she swept out of the room.

The Wraith of Bliss looked stupefied. She looked over at Pendles and Alani who both offered her shrugs and "what can you do" expressions. Deciding that some questions were best left unanswered, Galilea left the mess hall.

Alani whooped and threw her arms around Pendles' neck. "That was amazing!" she grinned. Alani leaned in to whisper. "I feel like someone deserves something special. We should get our meals to go."

Pendles liked the sound of that. "Oi, Foxtrot!" he waved his arm and ran over to the kitchen. "Mind wrapping up something for Alani and me?"

"Sure thing," the clone said. "Least I can do since you stopped those two from dukin' it out."

"Pshaw," Pendles said dismissively. "They weren't—"

"Oh yeah, they were. Alani totally looked like she was seconds from throwing a punch, dude." Whiskey Foxtrot assembled two to-go plates. "Probably would have ended in bloodshed and Ghalt throwing them both into the brig. Worst of all, they probably would have broken some shit in here. I mean, we just got everything replaced after El Dragón and ISIC's wrestling match. So yeah," Whiskey Foxtrot slid him the containers. "Thanks for handling that."

Pendles and Alani made their way back to Alani's room. Technically, Pendles had a room, but it was smaller due to him mainly living at the Rogues' base. Reyna refused to share a ship with Ghalt even though the Rogues had started spending more time with the other factions both for socializing and mission briefs. Reyna compromised by letting her ship drift close to NOVA.

Pendles scrolled through the encrypted messages on his datapad while Alani figured out which holodrama she wanted to watch. Pendles preferred the horror ones filled with gore (on the threat of death, he'd admit that he also liked musicals) while Alani liked anything that bright and had a happy ending. She also liked the wrestling, but few people knew that.

"Have we watched all of Starmite the Haresburra?" Alani asked from over by her shelf.

Pendles kept scrolling. "We're on Season 2. Um, Episode 3 I think. Starmite and Jim-Jam had been captured by Nasty Gnarls." Starmite the Haresburra was a popular cartoon series featuring a happy-go-lucky haresburra and his plucky gang of friends having adventures that always concluded safely at the end of thirty minutes. Alani loved it and would sing along with the opening. Pendles thought it was alright.

"Okay cool." Alani turned the holovid on before sliding into the pool next to Pendles. The jaunty tune filled the room and Alani started to bounce along with the beat. "Starmite! He's so fluffy! Starmite, he's so cuddly! Starmite is your friend! Watch him skip! Watch him jump! Watch him—Pendles, stop recording me."

"What?" The Roan grinned and continued holding the datapad up. "And deprive Solus of this? Never!"

Alani swiped at him. "Ass," she growled. "Knock it off."

Pendles chuckled but turned off the recorder. "Shame. You would have gotten a million views of the Holonet." He went back to work.

Alani turned over and placed her chin on his chest. "What are you working on?"

"I'm going back and forth with a potential client. Working out details and whatnot."

The water monk tensed. Pendles looked over his pad. This was an old argument. One he didn't feel like having again. "Alani…"

To his surprise, the Akopoan simply sighed and turned back over. "No, it's fine." She said. "I mean I'm not fine with it. Not really, but this is your job." Alani waved a hand. "I just get scared."

"Aw, love." Pendles set the pad down on the pool's edge. He nuzzled Alani's hair. "The day I can't handle a victim, is the day I hang up my kamas and retire."

Alani was not amused. "You're not invincible." she stared pointedly at his missing eye and remaining arm.

"I know that. I'm not that arrogant." Pendles snorted. "Leave that to Benedict." He hugged her. "Look, I'll check-in the second I arrive planetside, the second before I go hunting, and the second I cleave their head from their body—ˮ

"I don't think I want to know about that part," Alani shuddered."

"And" Pendles continued. "When I get back, how about we plan a trip to Galus-9?"

"Galus-9?" Alani squealed. She gave him a full grin, something she rarely did due to being self-conscious of her sharp teeth. "You'd take me there?"

"I most certainly would," Pendles said. "A little birdie told that there's going to be a Starmite-Con held there this year—ˮ

Alani gasped.

"With Q & A with the original cast—ˮ

"Oh my stars!" Alani's hands fluttered.

"And a free autograph and t-shirt to VIP ticket holders signed by no other than Starmite the Haresburra himself, Chax Marrenian."

Pendles was pretty sure the noise Alani made was on a frequency only dogs could hear. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she said between each peck.

"No worries, love," Pendles replied. "Now hush, we're missing the show."

"Mail call!" Benedict screeched. The Aviant was the first in line for the Holonet monitor. He scanned the lines of names for his own. Benedict cursed. "Whatever," he muttered under his breath. "Hey, Blue Girl looks someone sent you a message. Congratulations." The Aviant rolled his eyes.

"Me? But I never get anything." Alani moved to the screen, and sure enough, there was her name and an encryption code beside it. "Oh. Oh! Oh wow! What do I do?"

Benedict had taken a seat and was carving "Benedict is Awesome" into the table. "Well, you go somewhere private and use the encryption they gave you to read the message." Benedict looked up as doors opened. He got to his feet as Thorn walked in, eyes trained on her datapad. "Mornin', Thorn!" Benedict grinned.

The Aelfrin Ranger glanced up. "It is 3:00," She said. Thorn walked over to the monitor and searched for her name.

"Oh uh yeah." Benedict laughed. "It sure is. So, what are you reading?"

"Sociopolitical Discourse of the Aztanti."

"Fuuuuuck. I mean, that sounds…um…awesome? Is that for your book club?"

Thorn frowned. "I am reading this for fun. Montana picked another romance book for book club."

Alani watched Benedict curiously. She'd never seen him be nice to anyone who wasn't... well, she'd never seen him be nice. And yet here he was kinda sort of making conversation with Thorn and not insulting her.

Weird.

She had more important things to do, though. Alani ran to her quarters and typed the encryption code into the datapad that Pendles got her. The Roan looked up from his packing. "What's all the excitement about, Lani?"

"I got a letter!" Alani whispered gleefully. "A real letter!"

Pendles got up and made his way to her. He tried to read the message, but Alani moved out of the way. "Me first!" she protested. "I'll let you see it in a minute I swear. I just—it's just…" She floundered trying to explain.

Luckily, Pendles understood. "I get it," he said holding up his prosthetic hand in a placating manner. "I'll let you savor it. Just give me a yell when it's okay for me to peek."

Alani agreed quickly eager to discover the contents of her mysterious message. The young Akopoan water monk read the letter. Then she reread it. Then reread it again. "Ohhh! Pendles!"

The Roa came bounding over. "What? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong! Everything is amazing!" Alani grabbed him by the shoulders and started to shake him. "A survivor, Pendles! Another Akopos survivor made contact with me! He's reaching out to anyone who survived the Jennerit assault on Akopos! Look!"

Pendles took the datapad and read it.

Alani of the Emula,

You do not know me, and you have no reason to seek me out, but I wish to meet you. I am like you, a survivor of the Jennerit Imperium's destruction of Akopos. I am also a writer which is one of the reasons for my contacting you. I want to meet more survivors because I want to write them as a way memorialize those we have lost. It may be asking too much, but can we meet? As you are the last known survivor of your order, I would love to have your story. Here are the coordinates to my home. I look forward to hearing from you.

Daznian Rinn

Alani waited patiently for Pendles to finish reading. She grinned at him when he finally set the pad down. Her smile faltered because he wasn't reacting like she assumed he would. "What's wrong?" she asked. "I thought you'd be more psyched."

"I'm just processing it," Pendles told her. "It's just a little strange. I mean, who is this guy? How did he get off of Akopos? I never got a message from this 'Daznian Rinn' fellow."

"He was probably off-world like you," Alani pointed out. "And he probably doesn't know about you because there wasn't time to make a refugee manifest." The water monk's eyes darkened. "If you weren't already off the planet than you had no chance of survival."

Pendles slid the pad away and pulled her into a hug. She needed physical contact when she got like this. "Hey now, you survived," He reminded her.

"Because of dumb luck," Alani grumbled. She pressed closer to him. "I just had to see what was on that ship."

"If you hadn't been on the ship you would've died."

"Well, I was, and I didn't. I got to see everyone I ever called a friend get boiled alive, and now I work with one of the people responsible for that." Alani grimaced. "I'm so, so, so lucky."

Pendles couldn't say anything to that, so he said nothing. He just held her and they sat in silence. Survivor's guilt was terrible enough as it is, but Alani had it so much worse. Pendles knew she still had nightmares even if she refused to talk about them. The fact that Ambra was pardoned for any acts that she had committed under orders of Lothar Rendain when she joined the Battleborn was just another added blow.

"You know what?" Pendles said finally. "I think you should do it."

Alani tilted her face up. "Really?"

"Yeah. Give this guy your story."

She smiled. "I could tell him about you." Alani offered. "He should hear your story too."

"Ah well," Pendles coughed. He removed his tendril arm from around her waist and rubbed his neck. "I'll pass if it's all the same to you. Look, if this guy talks to me the only story he'll get is the one where I tell him how I was itching to get off Akopos. I never planned on going back save for me mum and dad's funerals. The people who perished don't deserve that." Pendles moved his arm back to embrace Alani. "Now, if he talks to you he'll get the real history. The best places to gaze into the Undersky. The history of our planet and its people as it was meant to be told. You'll do them justice, Alani. I wouldn't."

"Pendles," Alani sounded like she was holding back tears. "That's so sweet."

"Yeah, well good luck proving that." The Rogue grinned.

Alani sighed and nuzzled his neck. "You need to finish packing?" she mumbled against his skin.

"Nah. I'm almost done. Few more throwing stars and another couple of vials of venom and I'm set." Pendles smiled. "Wanna stay like this a little longer?" He felt Alani nod. "Take your time, love."

His mark was laughingly easy to dispatch. It was almost disappointing. Pendles dropped the proof of death to his employer, collected his money and left a business card, and returned to the Rogues base in the Detritus Ring. He was a little surprised to see NOVA so close to their zone, especially since anything Peacekeeper-affiliated tended to raise the hackles of the Ring's inhabitants.

Reyna was waiting for him when he walked through the door. "We need to talk." She said in place of a greeting. "Follow me."

Pendles sighed. "Whatever it is, I didn't do it. The fact that I just got back should be testament enough." He lowered himself into a seat.

Reyna didn't have an office per se. She had a room filled with seats and a desk scattered with gun parts, empty noodle containers, and half empty bottles of beer. "I have some bad news," Reyna told him. "I would usually ease into this, but I respect you too much to draw this out." She slid him a datapad. "You need to hear this."

Pendles slid the pad closer and pressed play on the audio message displayed on the screen.

The message was static-filled and cut off in some places, but it was without a doubt—

"Alani," Pendles whispered. "Why is she screaming? Why is—Is that why Ghalt and his people are here? Are we mounting a rescue?" he started to get up. "Let me just grab—ˮ

"Pendles!" Reyna cut him off. "We aren't doing anything right now. We need a moment to think and to plan." The Rogue commander sighed. "Look, I know you're freaking out but listen. This," she gestured at the datapad. "This has 'trap' written all over it."

"Alani needs us! She was screaming! Whoever has her is hurting her!" Pendles couldn't believe this. "It's because she's Eldrid isn't? Reyna, that is such shite and you know it."

Reyna got to her feet and leaned over her desk, eye flashing. "Okay first off, I'm going to need you to dial it down about five notches. Secondly, I never said we weren't going to go help her. Ghalt says—"

"So we're kowtowing to UPR now are we?" Pendles laughed bitterly. "Amazing! I could have sworn being a Rogue meant not doing that. His dick must be amazing if you're ready to throw everything you stand for—ˮ

Reyna had rounded her desk and delivered a right hook that knocked Pendles on his ass before he even finished the sentence. "You're upset," Reyna said with icy calmness. "I understand that. However, don't you ever take that tone with me or imply that who I am fucking has some sort of sway over my choices. We aren't going after Alani right now because that message we got? Yeah, it's a hacked together piece of shit which you would realize if you weren't so hyped up and close to the situation."

Pendles clenched his teeth but said nothing, so Reyna continued. "We need time to plan. We need more info. We aren't going somewhere blind. So, in short, you're going to your quarters, and you're going to cool the fuck down because if you do not, I will fire your ass out an airlock! Do I make myself clear?"

The Roan assassin stared sullenly at his commander. His jaw ached, and he was pretty sure that she'd loosened a tooth.

"Pendakka!"

"Yeah." He muttered. "I get it. I'll just be on my way then."

Well, Reyna's going to be pissed.

That's the conclusion that Pendles reached as he piloted the stolen UPR vessel to the coordinates that both the message from Daznian Rinn and Alani's message of distress shared.

Pendles' grip tightened on the steering controls. Daznian fucking Rinn. Pendles couldn't wait to give the tosser a taste of his venom. "I'm going to gut him. Yes, I am." The Roa sang to himself. "Going to gut him so good."

Pendles wasn't familiar with the swamp planet that Daznian was staying on, but it was too close to Jennerit territory for his comfort. Still, Pendles doubted that even those vampire cosplayers would dare to set foot here. They'd probably be too afraid of getting mud and swamp slime on their goth regalia not to mention the humidness made everything feel gross and suffocating. Mosquitoes didn't help either. Pendles was smart and parked his stolen UPR ship on the very outskirts of a landing pad set up to receive supplies. The skimmer sank into the soft mud, but it wasn't far down enough to be too concerning. Besides, beggars couldn't be choosy especially if they needed the element of surprise. The sensors picked up on an energy signature in what appeared to be an abandoned colony compound, behind a massive stone wall. Someone some time ago had tried to set up shop here, then figured it wasn't worth the trouble and fucked off. Now Daznian was squatting here. Not for much longer if Pendles had a say in the matter.

The swamp mud would be an issue. Nothing more suspicious than footprints appearing out of nowhere. Luckily, Pendles was able to make his way using the trees and various stones. It was a bit of a workout, and it took a little longer, but it got the job done.

Pendles was able to use a tree branch to land on the top of the wall. Carefully and quietly he scaled down the side of it until he was close enough to drop down on the ground. Mercenary thralls patrolled the area. Pendles could also see a Shaman and an Executioner. There were Thumpers positioned on the roofs of the buildings and a lone sentry standing guard at the largest building at the end of the compound. It seemed Daznian wasn't what he appeared to be.

Right then, Pendles gripped the handles of his kamas. Let's get this started shall we?

The Thralls were always the easiest to dispatch. The Shaman and Executioner were going to be a pain in the ass that he had no time for. Alani's screams were still fresh in his mind. Pendles didn't have time for this foolishness. He had to be in and out. That meant slipping past all of the lackeys and getting to the big boss himself.

His sneakers squeaked as he moved, but the Thralls ignored the sounds. Pendles had a feeling that this bunch was especially not bright since one of them actually ran into him, paused then just shrugged it off. Whatever. It made his job that much easier.

As Pendles was squeezing through the door's opening and past the sentry, a Thrall got a little too close for comfort. Unlike the others, this one seemed to be aware that something was off and started following Pendles. A ribbon of drool hung from the Thrall's lip as he sniffed his way toward Pendles. The Roa was starting to get worried. Deciding it was best to get rid of the nuisance before he attracted unnecessary attention, Pendles materialized. The Thrall snarled and barreled toward the assassin. "Oi! Fuck off!" Pendles stabbed the Thrall through the temple with the sharpened beak of Komiri skull then tentacle-slapped him in the face to add insult to injury. Once that was over Pendles planned to recloak and find Alani.

Except for one little hiccup.

I'm not cloaking. Which means…

Pendles turned and was greeted by a blow from something metallic, blunt, and heavy. Sloppy Pendles. Very sloppy, was the last thing he thought before slipping into unconsciousness.

The second Pendles opened his eye he was blinded. He blinked until the stars were out of his eye. The Roa took stock of his current situation.

Well, he was under a lamp with an annoyingly bright light for one. He was strapped to a cold metal table. On one side of him, he could see a table with various surgical instruments and on the other side, so close and yet so far away, were his kamas, smoke bombs, and his throwing stars.

On the plus side, he was alive.

"Ah, my guest is finally awake" a reedy voice commented. "How are you feeling?"

Pendles heard the gears of his table grind as it shifted to an upright position. Ah. He was in a lab. That boded well. His captor came into view. "Daznian Rinn, I presume?" Pendles said dryly.

His captor was a Jennerit. A whip-thin man, balding with a head that was easily 80% forehead; the Jennerit's lower half composed of six black and red metal legs and they clacked against the uneven stone floor. The Jennerit wore a lab coat that had seen better days. Finishing off his look, his captor wore a pair of round goggles that magnified his red eyes. Pendles got a buggy vibe from him and wondered why he'd the decided to go the whole spider route. Maybe he'd ask him—right before slit his fucking throat. The stranger chuckled. "Clever, yes?" he preened. He spread his arms in a grand sweeping gesture and proclaimed, "I am Dr. Cornelius Mazcavi." The doctor paused for effect.

Pendles stared at him. "And?" he said.

Dr. Mazcavi deflated. "Yes. Well." He coughed. "I don't know why I expected a creature as insignificant as you to know of my genius. No matter."

"Where's Alani?"

Mazcavi skittered forward. "Who?"

"Blue-green skin and hair? You got her here by pretending to be an Akopoan survivor?"

"Ah yes! Her." Dr. Mazcavi sneered displaying needle-thin teeth in black gums. "Awful girl. She pretended to have…female issues and when I unlatched her to have a Thrall escort her to the restroom she summoned a tidal wave! Do you have any idea how long it took me to get everything dry? Well, not me. The Thralls. That's beside the point though. A rude, awful girl! I'm not even sorry she escaped." He gave a little shrug.

Pendles grinned. Attagirl. She wasn't here.

Dread knotted his stomach.

Shit. She wasn't here.

"So that message?" Pendles said.

Mazcavi's face settled back into a mask of superiority. "Totally fake. Suffice it to say; when the little Akopoan left, I was understandably miffed. I manufactured the recording in the hopes of attracting someone foolish enough to come and rescue her." His eyes had a maniacal glimmer. "After all, I do need a specimen to study. And imagine my pleasure when one of my cameras spotted you exiting a UPR ship. Are they just giving those out to anyone nowadays?" Mazcavi threw back his head and laughed. "And how lucky am I that I got not just an Akopoan but also a Roa this time around? It's like Fate has smiled upon me."

"Listen, Mazcavi—ˮ

The Jennerit surged forward his footsteps a staccato against the stones. "Doctor!" he hissed. "I am Dr. Mazcavi. Not Mr. and certainly not simply Mazcavi." Dr. Mazcavi leaned in until he was nose with Pendles. His breath smelled of cheese, coffee, and—somehow—mold. "I worked for that title, and you will damn well use it."

Pendles was not impressed. "Your breath makes me wanna weep, mate," he told him.

"Oh just wait," Dr. Mazcavi snickered. "Once my study begins, then you'll know what true despair is!"

"If you say so."

"I do say so! You see my dear lad; it has been a while since I've had the pleasure of working on a living specimen." Mazcavi wiggled his long, thin fingers in excitement. "Nothing better than a good old fashion vivisection if you ask me and look at my luck! A Roa!" The doctor went over to the counter and lifted an IV bag of bright green fluid. He examined it for a moment before attaching it to its equipment. "Do you know that before I was stripped of my license and rank and forced into exile by those unimaginative, talentless hacks, I created this?" he nodded at the bag. Mazcavi's eyes glittered as he inserted the needle into Pendles' arm. "It's a special type of anesthesia. Well, perhaps anesthesia is the wrong word. Anesthesia is meant to put you under so you feel no pain. This, my pride and joy, not only keeps you awake but will also keep you aware." Mazcavi laughed at Pendles' look of horror. "You'll feel everything too. My serum simply keeps you from dying from the shock. Genius, no? I created this when I found out that I would be performing a heart modification on Razi Novarius, the inscrutable lout who was making moves on my fiancée." The Jennerit sneered. He started to undo Pendles' restraints. They were unneeded after all. His special serum was fast-acting and kept his victim—er, patient completely immobilized while it was in his system. "We didn't get married, of course. My sweet Lucia decided that we were too different. Fah! Regrettably, I took the rejection poorly and scarred her face while she slept. She had a hard time finding a new beau after that!" Mazcavi chuckled. He pulled his surgical implements closer. "At any rate, after working on that idiot Novarius I was hooked. Of course, when the others found out they were horrified." He started an incision under Pendles' throat. "They called me a monster. Called me crazy! They were just lacking vision!"

Pendles didn't know what was worse, the pain or Mazcavi's incessant need to monologue. Dr. Mazcavi paused to examine the Rogue's chest cavity. Pendles' blood was leaking onto the floor, and the Roan was almost dizzy. And dear lord the man's breath! As if being carved open wasn't bad enough Pendles had to deal with that. The man's breath could peel the paint off a fleet of ships!

And does he have to hum like that? Pendles thought.

"Must you twitch like that?" Mazcavi complained. "It's very distracting."

"Firstly, fuck you. Secondly, I ain't twitchin' so much as I am breathin'." Pendles hissed. "And I ain't stoppin' anytime soon." The good doctor sighed in response but offer no other response.

After a minute of blissful silence, Dr. Mazcavi paused in his ministrations to look over what he'd done so far. "What do you think?"

Pendles glared at the doctor with as much hatred as he could express in a single eye. "I wanna fuckin' murder you." He snarled.

"Yes, yes," Mazcavi waved a bloody hand in dismissal. "I meant about what I told you. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Nah, mate. I don't think you're crazy." Mazcavi actually seemed to brighten at that. Pendles continued, "See calling you crazy is a disservice to people with mental illness." Pendles bared his teeth in a parody of a grin. "You're not mentally ill. You're a self-obsessed jackass with a god complex who can't stand being told no. You're so convinced that you're such a genius that you completely oblivious to what a shite person you are, and that's coming from a guy that kills people for a livin'."

Dr. Mazcavi's nostrils flared in silent rage. He took a few steadying breaths before lifting his scalpel. "Well, I'm going to have fun finding out which of your organs are vital," he seethed. "How about start with this one, hmm?" he hovered over what was clearly Pendles' lung.

The Roa tensed. "What happened to keeping me alive?" he asked.

Mazcavi's eyes glittered behind his goggles. "That was before you pissed me off." He growled.

There was an explosion from outside that rocked the building. Mazcavi stepped backward. "Blasted Thralls," he cursed. "I swear; they are not worth the credits I paid for them." His eight legs clicked against metal floor as he scuttled toward the door. "You lot better not have broken anything expensive or I'll—ˮ

The door came flying off and Mazcavi skittered backward to avoid being struck by it. He blinked in confusion as took in the scene before him.

His fortress was in chaos. Mercenary thralls were being pummeled left and right by what appeared to be an adorable penguin in a mech suit. The Thrall Shaman was assaulted by grenades thrown by a blue-skinned clone soldier wearing half a helmet. A vanimorph was attempting to chew the face off of the Thrall Executioner. Mazcavi scowled. "Blazing hells," he muttered. "Insolent fools!" he moved to the side of Pendles' operating slab. Quickly sliding open a panel located near the assassin's head, he typed in a code. The operating slab began to hover, and Mazcavi towed it as he tried to make his escape. "I'm not losing another specimen."

"Stay right where you are, pal." Pendles almost wept at the sound of hearing Reyna's voice. The Valkyrie had her gun trained on Mazcavi's back. Shayne and Aurox were pushing their way inside followed by—

"Pendles?"

Alani…

"Pendles!" The water monk's eyes immediately landed on Pendles. "Monster!" she screamed at Mazcavi.

Alani—

Dear sweet Alani.

Alani who was sunshine and rainbows, who believed that stories should be happy and inspirational and was slow to anger—

Launched herself at the Jennerit doctor, climbed him like a tree, and sank her teeth into his neck. The Eldrid water monk tore out a sizeable chunk from Mazcavi's, blood spraying onto her face and down her front.

Maybe it was the blood loss, but Pendles thought that was the hottest thing he'd ever seen.

Reyna lowered her gun, mouth agape. "Did she just?"

"Yeah, she did!" Shayne grinned. "Alani, that was amazing!"

"Dibs on his liver!" Aurox said.

Mazcavi toppled over, the life slowly seeping out his eyes. Alani spat out the chunk of flesh in her mouth and ran over to Pendles. "Pendles! Oh gods, Pendles! Look at what he did to you."

Pendles just stared up at her. She's so beautiful. Look at her, dripping blood down her chin. I love her. I wanna father her children.

Alani jerked backward.

Uh…

Pendles glanced at Reyna and Shayne who were both looking at him with almost identical looks of amusement.

Oh, gods. Had he said all of that out loud?

Well, shit.

"Um, I love you too?" Alani said. Her cheeks darkened as she leaned over to access the extent of his damage.

Goddammit fuck shit!

"I've lost a lot of blood," Pendles blurted as both an excuse and explanation for what he said.

"I know, and we're going to get you out of here. Promise." Alani's voice was so soothing.

"We need to unhook him," Reyna said. She holstered her gun. "It'll make it easier to get him on the ship."

"Are you sure that doing that won't kill him?" Whiskey Foxtrot asked appearing in the doorway. "We cleared out the rest of the mercenary Thralls, by the way. Woah," the clone's eyes widened at the sight of Mazcavi's corpse and the pool of blood. "What happened to that guy?"

"Alani happened." Shayne grinned.

"It was glorious," Aurox told him.

Alani ignored them. "I think that I can get this IV out and use my Wellspring to keep you stable but to be honest I don't want to do a total heal." She worried her bottom lip with her teeth. "Not with that giant chest injury." Her eyes met Pendles'. "I want someone else to look over you and sew up your umm," she gestured at him.

"Entire fucking chest," Whiskey supplied helpfully.

Alani nodded. "So here goes." In one fluid movement, the monk unhooked the IV and covered Pendles in an orb of water.

"Just keep me away from Orendi," Pendles muttered. He closed his eye, telling himself that he would only rest for a second, but it had been such a trying day, and the water felt so good…

Pendles awoke to bright light blinding him again. He could hear the beeping of a heart monitor and Alani's quiet snores from the chair beside his bed. "Lani?"

The water monk roused from her nap and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "You're awake!" she yawned. "I'm so glad!" Alani leaned over kissed him on the forehead.

Then she punched him in the side.

"Oi!"

"Don't 'oi' me!" Alani snapped. "What were you thinking?"

Pendles tried to glare at her. "I was thinking that I was coming to rescue you!"

"We told you it was a trap." Reyna appeared at his bedside. She'd been leaning against the wall on his blindside waiting for him to awaken so she could give Pendles a proper chewing out. "If your silly ass had just waited for five minutes then you wouldn't have missed Alani stopping by to ask for you." Reyna frowned. "Some assholes at the docking station gave her some shit for being Eldrid, but I took care of them for you."

Pendles tried to sit up. "Who was giving her shit?" he demanded.

"The Elroy Boys."

"Those inbred fucks? Where do they get off—ˮ

"Stop trying to change the subject, Pendles." Alani cut in. She folded her arms over chest and glared at him. "You always think you know best and look what happened. You think I want to see my boyfriend with his chest open and his guts exposed? You think I wanted to see you in pain like that?" Her voice started to crack, and she had to look away. Alani wiped at the treasonous tears that rolled down her cheeks.

Pendles looked uncomfortable at the sight of Alani crying while Reyna just looked angrier. "Your half-ass attempt at a rescue almost got you killed." The Rogue commander stated. "So let's chat, Pendles. I told you not to do something, and you did it anyway. I told you that it was a trap and you ignored me." Reyna started to pace around the room. "That right there pissed me off. Then I get a call from Ghalt about you stealing a UPR skimmer." The corners of her mouth twitched. "Gotta admit, that made me proud."

"She was smiling for hours," Alani confirmed.

"Ghalt wanted to have a piece of you when we got here, but he saw the state of you and figured you'd been through enough." Reyna frowned. "You're lucky that Beatrix was able to sew you up—"

"Beatrix?!" Pendles bolted up. His eye darted around the room. "You let bloody Beatrix near me?" he started pawing at his chest and abdomen as if he could feel anything missing. "What the fuck?"

"Pendles, calm down."

"Beatrix! Fucking Beatrix!"

"It's not like we had much of a choice. I couldn't heal you in that condition!" Alani tried to coax him back to the bed. "And it's not as if we left you alone with her." She added in a whisper.

Pendles looked at her. "You didn't?"

Alani shook her head. "Miko was here providing her with assistance, and I was here."

That…actually sounded okay. Pendles allowed himself to relax and he settled back into bed. "She didn't take anything from me?" he asked. "You watched her the entire time?"

Alani placed a hand over her heart. "I was here the whole time, and she was completely professional."

Pendles nodded. "Well, that's okay then. Thank you." He looked at Reyna. "And thank you, Commander. You didn't have to come to save me—ˮ

"Bullshit." Reyna scowled. "You think I'm going to leave one of my people to be some Jennerit asshat's toy? Hell no! You're a Rogue, Pendles. We may be a bunch of lawless, ruthless, violence-prone assholes but we protect our own. Now get some rest." Reyna turned to leave but stopped. She pointed at Alani. "You may not care what I have to say, but at least listen to her if you really love her that much." And with that Reyna left the room.

Pendles sighed and moved over as much as the bed would allow. Alani climbed beside him and molded herself against his side. Pendles put his arm around her. "You scared me." She mumbled.

"I know," Pendles sighed. "And I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not."

"Pendakka!"

"You want me to say I wish I hadn't done it, but I can't because I don't! I would rather be sliced open a thousand more times than having it happen to you!" Pendles tightened his hold on her. "Look I don't have a lot of good things going for me, and I don't expect them. You're the exception. You are literally the best thing to ever happen to me, and sometimes I really question whether or not I deserve you." The Roa sighed again. "I didn't think. I wish I could say I had some sort of plan for your rescue and that I was going to sweep in like some gallant knight, but truthfully I all I thought was 'Alani in danger' and everything else just sort of fell into place. It was dumb, and yes, now that I think about it, it was an obvious trap, but I didn't want to risk it. I didn't want to risk you."

Alani was silent while he spoke, but when he finished, she pinched his side. "You were reckless," Alani said. "I appreciate the gesture, but you need to admit that if you had just listened to what Reyna had said there would have been no issue. Instead, you stole a ship, flew into danger, and were almost killed. And why? Because you thought I was in danger and needed to be saved. That is so unnecessary. I'm as much as a warrior as you."

"Not by choice," Pendles pointed out. "Out of necessity."

"But I still can fight." Alani sighed. "Like I said it was unnecessary, but still infuriatingly sweet."

"I'd do it again."

"Please don't."

They lay there for a moment listening to the monitor beep. "Where's my hoodie?" Pendles asked, breaking the silence.

"It was soaked in blood. Where do you think it is?" Alani told him. She ran her finger over his chest along the place where Dr. Mazcavi had carved into him. "Beatrix does good work." She commented. "When she and Miko finished there was barely anything for me to heal. Look, not even a scar."

"Pity that," Pendles said sadly. "Do you have any idea how I could have used that to benefit EE? The stories I could have come up with!"

"Why am I attracted to you?" Alani groaned. "You are just the worst."

Pendles grinned. "You don't mean that." He poked at her face with his tentacle arm.

Alani playfully snapped her teeth at the offending appendage. "So," she said.

"So?" Pendles repeated.

"Are we going to talk about what you said?"

"I say a lot of things, Alani."

"You told me you wanted to father my children."

Pendles grimaced. "Oh. Ah," he said. "Hey, does this bed move? I wanna sit up."

Alani frowned. She pressed a button under on her side of the bed and the top half rose into an upright position. "Don't try to change the subject."

"Lani," Pendles laughed sheepishly. "I was honestly hoping you'd forgotten."

She grinned. "Well, I didn't. Really, Pendles? Really? Children?" she chuckled.

"I was delirious!" But even Pendles had to laugh. "What?" he teased. "Don't you want to have kids with me?"

Alani snorted. "Pendles, even if that were possible our children would be abominations."

"What?" The Roa pretended to look offended. "How can you say that about our fake children? Why our children would be as unique and beautiful as us!"

"They'd have giant muppet heads!"

Pendles looked scandalized. "How dare you talk about our darling hypothetical muppet-headed children! Little Periwinkle and Hortense do not deserve that sort of abuse."

Alani almost fell out of the bed she was laughing so hard. "Our kids are going to be bobble-headed sins against nature, and you want to name them Periwinkle and Hortense?" she wiped away the tears of mirth. "It's like you want them to be bullied."

Pendles grinned. "It'll help them build character." He said. Pendles shifted against the mattress. "All joking aside, I would totally have children with you if it were possible and if they wouldn't look like hobbled together amalgamations."

"That's a big word."

Pendles preened. "I try."

Alani rolled her eyes. "You're a dork." She told him. Alani lay back down.

"Mm-hmm," Pendles agreed. "Your skin feels a bit dry. When was the last time you were in your tank?"

Alani went still. "I wanted to be here when you woke up." She admitted.

Pendles flicked her gently on the nose with his cybernetic fingers. "Well, when the mad doctor gives me the OK, how's about we go for a swim?" The assassin smiled. "Then I think we should start making plans for Starmite-con."

Alani lifted her head. "You still want to go?"

"I could use a distraction," Pendles said looking up at the ceiling. "And I did promise you."

Besides, a little R & R after this experience would be just what he needed. Solus wasn't going anywhere right now. Why not have some fun while they still could…