A/N: So I'm in love with the new companion, Bill, and this is my total crackfic about how she and the Doctor ended up being chased by daleks. Enjoy!
Kill Bill: Regeneration One
"William!" the Doctor bellowed.
"How many times do I have to tell you, call me—" Fingers splayed and spine furled. 2017 blurred in and out of focus. William staggered and caught himself on a trash bin.
"We don't have all day!"
"A little busy here!" William snapped. He stared at the backs of his pasty hands and turned them over. Something moved under the skin reminding him of a shark skimming watter. Very not good.
"I am not afraid to leave without you!"
William looked up. The TARDIS was on the corner of the street, just one flat away. The Doctor was leaning out the door pointing an accusatory sonic at him. William pushed away from the trash bin and stumbled through the door.
The Doctor snapped his fingers. "How many times do I have to tell you to close the door?"
What he wanted to say was: You don't, I stopped listening years ago. What he actually said was: "Y-ugh."
"Make yourself useful and get the wibbly lever," the Doctor grumbled from the control panel.
"Not. A. Good. Time."
"We're in a time machine, every time's a good time. Except for the—"
"Shut. Up!"
The Doctor looked up with a raised attack eyebrow. "Oh, you're picking now to die?"
"Did you have a better suggestion?"
"Yes, not now! We're trying to disable a dalek saucer, you need to be more sensible about these things."
"Says the man in his second regeneration cycle!"
"Rude!"
The brakes wheezed. "Well hurry up then, we haven't got all day."
"Course we do," William spat. He collapsed. "We're in a time—" Golden energy surged from every cell in his body.
The Doctor tapped his foot, peered at the time, hummed the Jeopardy theme song.
The energy faded.
The Doctor neared William to inspect. Where a white teenage boy fell fifty-two seconds early there was now a black teenage girl. "Just like your mother," he muttered.
William blinked.
The Doctor grabbed William's hand without preamble. "The TARDIS locked onto the signal but she's bouncing off a force field so we'll have to disable it manually. We only have about five-and-a-half minutes, give or take a few seconds."
"Sorry, w-what?" William sputtered. "Where are we?"
"A dalek ship, we discussed this already."
"Uh, no offense, but who are you?"
The Doctor stopped mid-run, nearly tripping William in the process. "Oh. Oh, post-regenerative amnesia!" He could hear his wife's voice in his head: Just like your father. "I don't have time for this today!" The Doctor yanked William's arm. "Run!"
"Time for what?" William cried as they swung around a corner. "And why are we running? I mean, I like running—I think—but is this a race? A marathon? A double dog dare?"
"Don't tell me this incarnation is going to ask stupid questions all the time!"
"Asking why I'm running with a strange man in a futuristic corridor is a stupid question?"
"Yes!"
"Who are you?"
The Doctor couldn't tell if the question was serious or a petulant reiteration to annoy him. "Your father!"
"Oooh, 'Luke, I am your father!'" William smirked. "Real original."
"Your name is William Song and you are my s—d—what pronouns do you prefer?"
"Bill."
"Bill isn't a pronoun."
"No, Bill. Bill is my name."
The Doctor clenched his jaw. "You don't know that."
"Maybe I don't know anything else, but I know I'm definitely a Bill."
"Well of course that bleeds over."
"What's wrong with being a Bill?"
"I don't like 'Bill.' How do you even get 'Bill' from 'William'? It's rubbish."
"You're rubbish."
The Doctor careened around another corner and stopped short in front of a pack of daleks. He felt Bill collide with his back.
Bill's new eyes swelled. "What the h—"
The Doctor slapped his hand over Bill's mouth.
"EX-TERM-IN-ATE!"
The Doctor gripped Bill's hand and they were off again, racing back the way they'd come. Even with amnesia it seemed to come naturally for Bill. The Doctor suddenly found himself thinking of the first time River grabbed his hand in The Library and again at Christmas when she didn't recognize his face but their bodies fell into the same routine they always had. He stole a glance at Bill—all pounding feet and wicked grins—and couldn't help but think of Mels. Melody. River. Some ways back a dalek voice shouted and interrupted the Doctor's thoughts. He stopped, grabbed Bill's arm, and pushed them behind a wall. He peered out again.
"What's that thing?"
"A dalek."
"A what?"
"A dalek."
"What's a dalek?"
"Never mind…it's a dalek."
"Oh, that's not explaining! That's just…saying a word! What's a dalek?!"
The Doctor looked Bill up and down. This one was going to be hard work and he had to be a single parent this time. "It's an alien war machine; deadliest alien war machine ever devised."
"EX-TERM-IN-ATE!"
"Fat though."
"I'm…sorry?"
"Well it'll never get through that door, it's too wide!"
He felt the corner of his mouth stretch towards a laugh and quickly turned and spoke to stop himself. Giving the wrong impression on a vulnerable new incarnation was not ideal parenting. "It's a tank. A tank," he said, gesturing for emphasis. "Driven by a super evolved mutant programmed to wipe out all other lifeforms. So please! Keep your voice down!" The Doctor took in Bill's wide eyes. Good, hopefully he'd made an impression.
"It's got a sucker on it."
Apparently not. "It's also got a gun."
"It's got a gun and a sucker! I mean, why? They ran out of guns?"
Yes, fixate on the guns, you're your mother's child, the Doctor thought with a huff. Maybe if he caved and used the nickname. "Bill," he spoke so quickly it was nearly inaudible, "please!"
"Is there a dalek in the back with no gun and two suckers and it's really hacked off?" Bill snickered.
"I don't know. I've never asked, because I've always been too busy running away. Would you please, shhhh," the Doctor begged.
"One more question."
"Oh, you do surprise me."
"Why do they keep saying 'exterminate'?"
The Doctor pursed his lips. He wasn't entirely Bill wasn't just having him on at this point. "Because they want to kill us."
"Wouldn't it be quicker to just say 'kill'?"
"Do we really want them to save time?"
"Good point."
His alarm beeped. Time for Plan B. "We have to get back!"
"Back where?"
"To the future." The Doctor grabbed Bill's hand. "Twenty-seventeen needs us!"
Bill dodged the explosions and egg beater lasers.
"EX-TERM-IN-ATE! HUMAN-OID DE-TEC-TED!"
They turned and found a lone dalek on their heels.
The Doctor sidestepped, shielding Bill with his own body.
Bill hugged the Doctor's middle and pushed him aside. It wasn't like there was a plan in place and certainly it didn't coincide with whatever the Doctor was trying to do, but it felt right.
"William!" the Doctor seethed.
The dalek ray hit Bill in square in the chest. Dalek rays and boobs, not a pleasant combination. Fingers splayed and spine furled. The dalek ship blurred in and out of focus. Bill staggered and caught a wall. The Doctor's arms were suddenly on Bill's shoulders. "Female," Bill whispered.
"What?"
"Pronouns," Bill said. "I'm giving female pronouns a go this go 'round. Keeping Bill though."
The Doctor scoffed. "'Course you are!"
Bill grinned and took her father's hand. "Question."
The Doctor pointed. "That dalek's gun is nearly done recharging. Can it possibly wait?"
"Nope. Why did you throw yourself in front of me?"
"What kind of question is that?"
Bill crossed her arms. "One I'm waiting for an answer to."
"You're my daughter," the Doctor said stubbornly.
"Your daughter who is currently within the first fifteen hours of her regeneration cycle. Speaking of…" Bill pushed her father aside and her hand lit up like a firework. She pointed at the dalek as its gun turned green. "Oh, you went first last time. Let's be fair."
A roman candle of regeneration energy met the dalek's death ray, swallowed it, and continued through the air into the tip of the dalek's gun. The dalek casing turned a molten gold and detonated.
Bill shielded the Doctor from the spray of pepperpot debris. "Next time risk yourself when I'm not temporarily invincible. And FYI, when you're running around doing stupid things someone's got to ask the appropriate questions."