I know to be there
When and where, I'll be there
You know what's to be said
We said out loud, we never said
11/13
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
He just laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets like normal. That silly half grin on his face with those amused eyes. Sometimes it drove me insane. It was almost as if he just knew what to do. He didn't even need to say anything. Half the time, he didn't even need to make any expression. It was those eyes. Those amazing, wonderful, soulful eyes. They somehow always got a reaction out of me. Usually the one he was wanting. Ugh.
"H-hey! Don't laugh!" And of course, he just laughed more. As always. "Ren, it's not funny. Come on, we can't fall behind in school."
"I'm sure I'll just do fine with all the help you have given me."
God dammit. I couldn't stop the color flaring in my cheeks. It did nothing but get that grin bigger on his face. One of these days, I was going to punch that stupid smile off his face for making me feel as if I'm... No. I wouldn't do that. I liked how he made me feel. Not being so calm and in control was a breath of fresh air. He just did that to me. I let him. Maybe I just like being a little girl with a crush. Well, it was beyond a crush now, right? All I could do was give a smile, looking at my hands that were now sitting in my lap smoothing out my skirt.
"Well, since we're not studying now, would...would you like to do something else?"
"Let's go up to my room. Futaba can't spy on us that way."
There was quickly a ping from both of our phones to let us know said Futaba was listening in and giving some protest. I couldn't help but to laugh.
"Good night, Futaba-chan."
We gathered our school belongings, shoving them into our bags. Before I could grab mine, Ren did, slinging both over his should with ease. Mine was a bit heavier, but it wasn't like he couldn't handle it. We were Phantom Thieves, after all. With his other hand, he turned me around, practically pushing me up to his room. The color on my face just grew more red. Not because of the motion of what he just did. More like the meaning of the space had changed. It was no longer simply our hideout or Ren's bedroom. It was like our own little space to hide from the world, from everyone. There was no one but us. I think we both liked it that way.
He placed our bags on the table next to the stairs. I instinctively went to my spot on the couch. Morgana had left earlier. He always just knew to leave. For us to have our own privacy was extremely nice. It was even better that neither Morgana or Futaba told the others the nature of our relationship. Though, I would not be shocked if the later was gathering all the info she could to use it in some sort of blackmail later. That girl scared me more than most shadows.
My attention was grabbed the second he sat down next to me. His hands had slipped from his pockets. It didn't take too much longer for one of his to find one of mine. Our fingers just meshed together almost like ritual. My head leaned against his arm, a satisfied sigh slipping from me. There were no words. Just silence. And for some reason, the silence felt like all the words we ever needed to say.
I felt a deep breath from him before the distinct light press of lips against my forehead. A smile took hold of my lips. There was no color that flushed my face. I had gotten over that by now. Words were really where I got embarassed. Ren knew that. But then again, he was already pretty quiet. I found myself becoming that way when it was just the two of us in private. Did we really need to say anything?
I felt a shudder go through his body. My head turned, eyes looking up into his. There was a distant, almost sad look in his eyes. Ren might not know it, but those eyes constantly gave away his emotions even if he didn't mean to. It was hard to push anything past me. Though, I knew what it probably was about because I felt it, too. My hand closed around his tighter. Ren noticed, his eyes looking down at me. They softened as he smiled, the worry still there though. I didn't really notice what I was doing until I was in his lap, my arms tightly around him.
"I want you to be careful, okay?" I whispered against his neck. "I don't know what I would do if something were to go wrong."
"You don't need to worry about me. I've faced worse than this, Ma-"
"Promise me you'll come home. Promise me, okay?"
There was silence. His arms tightened around me. I knew he was just as afraid as I was. Though, it was childish for me to think my fear was anywhere near his. It wasn't the rest of us putting our lives on the line for this plan to work. It was Ren. It was always Ren. All we could do was have faith Sis would listen to his story and believe it.
"Ren?"
"I promise, Makoto. I promise."
11/20
Why couldn't I stop myself from being afraid? Why did I feel as if the whole world was crashing down on me? This was part of the plan. He was supposed to get caught. We needed to fool that monster. We had to do this. Then, why did my heart feel as if it was breaking?
"Ren..."
I held my breath as I listened. Though, my mind was far from where it should have been. I didn't care if I dropped everything around me. The only thing I could think of was that goofy smile. Those soulful eyes.
"It can't be..."
But it wasn't real. They were meeting up tomorrow. It couldn't have been real. I knew that if anyone could convince Sis that we weren't the real bad guys, it was Ren. Just one look into his eyes could show the truth in any of his words. Things just had to go okay, right? Right?
"Niijima-senpai? Is everything okay?" came a quiet voice behind me.
I turned to see a first year, his eyes big and bright. He looked worried, eyes moving from my belongings all over the ground to me. I probably looked rather disraveled from my normal appearance. Just another thing Ren did to me. If he were here, he'd probably give me that stupid grin. The only thing I could do was smile. I nodded to the younger student.
"Yes, thank you. Just had my mind on a few things. A text sort of scared me." I even gave a fake laugh to prove it more.
"Do you need any help?" he asked me, smiling.
"No, thank you. I'll sort it out on my own. Have a nice evening."
I watched him shuffle away. No one ever saw me like this. Well, I shouldn't say no one. My friends have. It's just that...they weren't here right now. I'm sure I would have gotten teased by Ryuji and Ann. Haru would have picked up everything by now. Yusuke would have his head in the clouds while Morgana looked on from Ren's bag.
"Ren..."
Why does thinking about him make my chest hurt?
"You better have succeeded."
11/21
Sitting around was nearly unnerving. It didn't help that everyone else was on edge as well. Morgana and Ryuji kept teasing each other with Ann interrupting them. As usual. That was frustrating enough while I sat there with my hands moving up and down against my legs in order to keep myself calm. I would catch a glance from Haru every now and then. I'm sure she knew along with Futaba and Morgana. She just stayed quiet. It was actually rather comforting to have friends respect your personal space. If Ryuji knew, things would be more complicating then they already were.
Then my sister's voice came from downstairs. I felt my heart rise from my stomach. If she was here, that meant he was alive. It had to be the case. There was no other reason Sis would be here. I waited as everyone walked down. Haru waved me in front of her. I've always wondered if there was a end to her bubbly kindness. I just gave her a smile, keeping my hands clenched in front of me to keep myself together.
Boss was gone. It was just us and Sis. I could hear her speaking. I tried to listen despite the pounding in my ears. Then, the door opened. My eyes saw him. He was bruised, obviously beaten. I saw the exaustion in his face, but the overwhelming relief in those eyes. It was as if the world stopped. Ann and Ryuji rushed forward. I expected nothing else. They were the first two outside of Morgana. I hung back. It was a safe distance away to keep myself in check as well as calm down. I really wish it would have been me beside him.
Of course, I would have to wait for my turn. Even explain things to Sis and Boss. Everything worked out like it was supposed to. Blah blah blah. At least it was a good distraction. I could take my mind off of Ren's close death and focus on explaining what we did. I won't lie when I say having Sis finally on my side felt amazing. I didn't have to focus my attention on Ren's wounds. Or hugging him. Or trying to make every hurt disappear. Or ease my own anxiety. Those stupid eyes of his looking at me with such admiration. It took a lot to even keep a straight face with his compliments. His stupid compliments.
His stupid, wonderful, amasing eyes.
Of course, I knew I made a slip up. The way he looked at me when I showed my worry that the plan could have failed. Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I... No. Maybe it was time to stop pretending that I'm always this strong girl. I let him the worry in my eyes and the fear in my heart.
'I was so afraid...'
'Me too."
'I don't know what I could have done if you...'
'I'd never leave you. Not like that.'
'Don't you ever allow me to put you up to something this stupid again.'
He gave me a small smile, pushing that unruly hair away from his eyes. I let out a little sigh, turning my attention fully to the topic at hand. We whould have plenty of time to speak after this was done. Well, that is if Sis let me stay a little longer. Hopefully Ren told her everything...