T for minor language and suggestions of sex.

Warning: Spoilers for COE, and probably a little bit for Season 5 of Doctor Who

A/N: Basically this is just post-COE. I'm disregarding Torchwood Miracle Day because I haven't seen it, nor do I really have access to it. Also, because I'm not a big Gwen fan, because she's selfish and took more from Rhys and her co-workers than she deserved. Hmph.

What Once Was Lost

Chapter

Ianto awoke with a jolt. The white wash walls were blinding, and the machinery connected to his body made him feel confined. The air smelled of cleaning products, the sterility of a hospital and something he couldn't quite put his finger on. What had happened to him? Why was he in a hospital? Last he could remember he was with Jack. Jack… The man he was falling for but wouldn't admit it. The two had a bond that he couldn't deny, but it wasn't like having a girlfriend. It was… weird. Ianto had tried to use other words to describe his relationship with Jack; new, innovative, beautiful. But the word that had come up lately was just…weird. He wasn't used to caring about men the way he cared about Jack.

Memories floated about Ianto's head in fragments, like a torn letter. The words that were legible were random, and unintelligible. He and Jack had been… they had been talking to… someone... something. It was very important… life or death important… he just couldn't remember what it was. There was pain. A lot of pain, and words exchanged with Jack. He could remember Jack's expression very clearly. It was a look he never wanted to see again. One of sheer, raw pain and loss. Then…then he was here, in this white washed, sterile, unfamiliar room.

Ianto broke from his thoughts as a slide in the wall before him slid open.

"Well well," a light American accent penetrated the door, "Our Welshman has finally awakened."

The slide shut, and a slab in the wall before him glided to the side. A middle aged woman in a uniform Ianto had never seen before entered with a cart of food.

"You must be hungry, love. You haven't eaten in years, after all."

"Where am I? What do you mean years? Where's Jack?" Ianto's voice came out raspy, like an old speaker that was more accustom to gathering dust, than playing actual music.

"Would you like apple sauce, dear?" She set a tray in front of him.

Ianto sat up in his cot. "Where am I?"

"My apple sauce is the best, home-made," She said, ladling some into a bowl she had placed in the tray.

"DAMN the bloody apple sauce!" He yelled, sending the tray flying with a swipe of his arm. The sound of plastic clattering to the floor rang through the small room, and apple sauce splattered the wall. He threw himself out of the cot, ripping the IV out of his arm. "If you won't tell me I'll find out for myself!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, sweetheart," The woman said, and Ianto ignored the threat, tearing from the room and down the white washed hallway.

The linoleum floor was cold on his bare feet, and his heart pounded hard in his chest, as he ran down the hallway. The sounds of feet against floor, and hospital gown against skin echoed through the emptiness. Everything looked the same; there were no signs to guide him, and no significant land marks. Everything was simply white washed. There was no way this was the hospital in Cardiff… He had been there several times, whether for personal injuries or a case that needed interviews. Even there was more colorful than here.

It seemed as though he was running nowhere, but rather trapped on a white wash tread mill. He was scared, his lungs were burning, and his throat was on fire. But mostly he missed Jack. Eventually he stopped, leaning over to breath, his side pressed into the cold wall. Fighting back tears, he slowly straightened up. He had only just calmed himself when he heard quick footsteps behind him.

"Shit," He mumbled, shoving through the closest door. This time the walls were not white, but an indescribable color. It was as though they were not one color, but any color, consistently shifting subtly from one to the next. The sight was vaguely unsettling. He rounded a corner, turning to see if he was being trailed when he crashed into something solid. A familiar sight and smell filled his senses, and his jaw hung open.

"Ianto?"

"J-Jack!"

~MMH~

Jack stood atop the hill, watching the lights of the city in the distance. It had been 6 months since Ianto had passed on, and even longer since Jack had lost Owen and Tosh. He should have been used to losing people. Everyone was dying around him, and he just carried on. He'd tried adjusting to Earth without them, traveling the entire planet, but everything reminded him of the companions he had lost. And it was his fault. Tosh and Owen had both died at the hand of Torchwood. And Ianto… Ianto had died in his arms, and it was his own fault. He could have prevented it… Ianto didn't need to come with him…

I love you.

Don't…

…

Ianto.. Ianto Stay with me… Stay with me Ianto… Please Stay with me.

Jack… It was good yea?

Yea.

You'll forget me..

Never.

He never did. The memory of the warm body in his hands growing still… The pain of waking up next to the same body moments after it had grown cold… they haunted him. Despite 6 grueling months of running, of trying to escape the memories, Earth had become too much. He had to get away.

But not before giving his last friends on Earth a proper good bye.

"Couldn't have just chosen a pub, could you?" whined a heavily pregnant Gwen, Rhys trailing close behind.

"It's bloody freezing.." He added.

"Oh, I miss that..The Welsh complaining," Heavy sarcasm manifested itself in Jack's voice.

Pleasantries were exchanged. A few comments on Gwen's looks. Every word brought back thoughts of Torchwood, all floating behind Jacks eyes, invisible to his companions. Jack knew they knew his incentive, and the conversation quickly turned to Jack's travels. He could leave… Any minute now and he would be gone. All he had to do was send the signal. The pain in her eyes burned him as she asked him to stay.

"I have left so many lives, it's time to find another one."

The signal was sent.

"I am sorry Jack, but you cannot run away…Don't run away…"

The signal was received.

"Oh yes I can… Just watch me…"

And he was gone.

1

A/N: I think Ianto may have been a little OOC for the way he reacted in the beginning, but I think that'll be explained later.

Hope you enjoyed, Reviews are welcome (: