Disclaimer. Scully and Mulder belongs Chris Carter.

Authors notes: Since nobody has paid me money not to write, no money is being made on this story.

Hold On To Love

Standing in the customer line, she watched Mulder ordering a cup of coffee and a chocolate chip cookie, the last one. They were the only ones waiting in the queue. Respectfully, she kept her distance to Mulder; the cold air of hostile radiating from him was thick and touchable, and it was growing by the minute. He was literally cutting her away from his world, an ordeal sealed in his apartment with the words; he had a hard time knowing were he fitted in. She was well aware that it was her heavy pregnancy, he had a hard time processing, and so far he was refusing to find any answers to his questions.

Without a gaze in her direction, he left with his treat of goodies, exhaling disappointedly, she behaved sensible by ordering a cup of tea, fixing her remorse stare at the empty chocolate chip cookie plate, hoping beyond hope she could will a cookie to appear and settle her carving for chocolate chip cookies. It was no use, briefly, she wondered if Mulder had picked up her carving and deliberately chosen the cookie despite his knowledge. He acted like he wanted to punish her these days, and he was successful. Looking at her choices she picked a chocolate muffin, not because she liked chocolate muffins much but it was the best option on hand, now.

With her tray in hands, she viewed the cafeteria; it was a typical hospital cafeteria, simple and functional but without any comfort. It wasn't a place to offer anything but a poor serving of unhealthy food. Quickly, her eyes found her boss and partner sitting at a small table in the far corner, away from prying ears and eyes. It was good to know that the other three persons in the cafeteria wouldn't be able to pork their noses into things none their business. If she wasn't so tired, she would have found amusement in this bizarre situation. Skinner must have gotten infected with Mulder's paranoia.

Walking the short distance, she kept her eyes on the floor, she was too tired to put on a happy display for anyone at this moment and lacked the energy to gauge Mulder's mood anymore. Sliding down into the vacant chair she exhaled in relief, her back was sore this morning. She was facing Skinner at the opposite side of the table, he looked worriedly at her.

"I'm fine, Sir." She lied. Skinner narrowed his eyes in sceptic but said nothing.

Mulder, sitting at the head of the table, ignored their conversation.

Regretfully, she studied her cup of tea and the muffin she had no desire to taste any of it, longing for a cup of coffee and the damn cookie on Mulder's plate. Normally, she allowed herself her morning coffee, knowing one cup a day wouldn't hurt her baby, but standing next to Mulder and his loathing of her had made her want to punish herself. Something she regretted deeply now, and if she hadn't been so damn tired; she would've gotten up and change her tea to coffee.

The aroma from Mulder's coffee was driving her crazy, from the corner of her eyes she watched him take a small sip of his cup and a sweet little bite of his cookie.

"Did you sleep at all last night, agent Scully?" Skinner was still watching her; he had become very protective of her since he learned about her pregnancy and Mulder's disappearance.

"No, I didn't sleep much, unfortunately." She gave him a small smile. But her lips turned downright when she heard Mulder taking another bite of his delicious cookie.

That man had some nerve, she thought.

Keeping her eyes on her boss, she saw his disapproval; "did you eat breakfast this morning?" Skinner pursued.

"Yeah, a cracker." There was no reason to lie, he meant well. "There was no time if I wanted to be here on time. I stayed at my mother's last night, Sir."

"You've to take care of yourself, agent Scully. We will make this meeting short."

Returning her eyes to her cup and plate she frowned, but was pleasantly surprised when a steamy cup of coffee was pushed into her view.

"Give me your cup and plate, Scully. You can have mine. I know how you like chocolate cookies."

Looking up she met Mulder's eyes, he had noticed her new carving and remembered her forceful need for coffee in the mornings. His eyes bore a softer touch than she had seen in days.

Gladly, she made the exchange. "Thank you, Mulder." Her eyes quickly left his to focus on the cup she lifted to her lips, closing her eyes she held the hot liquid in her mouth for a few seconds before she swallowed. Unexpectedly, the taste was rich and full and nothing like the usually thin, cheap coffee they served in places like this. Setting the cup down again she broke a small piece of the cookie and brought it to her mouth, in her greediness she licked the small crumbs of her fingers. Looking up she found Mulder's eyes transfixed to her mouth, his face held an expression of agony and sorrow. Removing her fingers, she watched his eyes flying to hers, for the shortest moment they locked eyes and she saw the glimmer of hurt in his eyes, before he closed his emotions down and gave her a blank stare.

It was the first glint of Mulder, she had seen, since she left his apartment two days ago. He broke the contact and turned his attention to Skinner. "Why are we here, Sir?"

"We're here because, I need two agents to go undercover as a married couple expecting their first child, considering the fact that agent Scully already is pregnant and that you haven't returned to the X-Files yet, agent Mulder, it was obvious to give this assignment to you. An abnormal amount of still born babies are delivered by this hospital and the majority is delivered by Doctor Seller. I want you to look into this."

"Why didn't we just meet at your office, Sir?" Skinner had gotten Scully's full attention after his first sentence.

Looking slightly uncomfortable, Skinner looked from her to Mulder, "this assignment hasn't been approved by Kersh. He and agent Doggett have been told you're taking a few days off, agent Scully."

"Agent Doggett won't suspect something is wrong?" Mulder didn't try to hide his contempt for the agent he had only heard mentioned.

"Why would he, Mulder? I do take days off on a regular base, John urges me to slow down, he will only be happy to think I've listened to his advise."

"Oh, I'm sure he will, agent Scully." The hostile was back in Mulder's eyes.

"Agent Mulder, will you drive agent Scully and her car back to her apartment? I don't think she's in a condition to drive. The bureau will pay for a cap to your own apartment. If you'll excuse me I've another meeting. Brief me daily on this case, agents" Without waiting for an answer he left them, leaving a case file on the table.

Unpleased with the situation, Scully's eyes followed her boss, being alone with Mulder was like walking on broken glass, he was so angry with her for reasons she was unsure of. It was not at all how she had imagined his homecoming.

"Ready to go, Mulder?" He nodded his head in agreement, "I'll drive you home."

This time he disagreed, "Skinner is right, I'll take you home. You need to eat."

Exhausted, she handed him the keys. "You don't have to Skinner is just worried for no reason."

"Is that so, it's not what he told me. He said you've had a difficult pregnancy."

Lifting her eyebrow, she tried to gauge his concern; he gave nothing away but scanned the room instead of meeting her eyes. "Yeah, well, I've had help." She turned and directed her steps towards the entrance.

"Yeah, I bet you've." Mulder mumbled behind her.

Ignoring him she waddled away. Their eyes only met again when he held the car door for her and it was only for a fleeting moment. She was tired of guessing what was going on in that head of his, it was pretty obvious, he resented her and her unborn baby but the reasons behind his resentment were clouded to her.

As soon as they rolled out from the parking lot Mulder turned the radio on.

When you looked into my eyes
And you said goodbye could you see my tears
When I turned the other way
Did you hear me say
I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky
You promised me when you said goodbye
That you'd return when the storm was done
And now I'll wait for the light, I'll wait for the sun
Till I feel your

Rain

Mulder had turned the radio on to stop any conversation between them before it started and to help him keep his distance from her, it was a failing attempt. The song had the opposite effect; it was loaded with emotions and longings. Admitting his mistake, Mulder switched the radio off just when the chorus started. But the damaged had been done and the air was thick with unspoken questions.

"Mulder?!" Scully began, immediately Mulder interrupted her, "we've an appointment with Doctor Seller tomorrow morning, do you want to go over the case now or do you've better plans?"

"No, I don't have any plans. Why don't you come up with me and we can eat while we talk."

Driving the car into an empty parking lot he said "ok," without any hesitation.

Surprised Scully turned her head in his direction, it had mostly been out of politeness she had asked, sure he would turn her offer down. He acted like he didn't want to be near her these days, when all she wanted was to take him in her arms and never let him go again. It wasn't enough to be in the same room as Mulder, she needed him as close as possible. Only the most intimate closeness would be close enough. And that seemed to be out of the question.

It hurts. His coldness hurts. She needed to be sure he was real and that he was here to stay, afraid he was the fainted picture she saw in her motel room in Helena.

The virus had invaded him that night in Montana, forcing his body to close down and his spirit to seek the starlight, where the souls wandered. Mercifully, it hadn't been his time, yet. The starlight must have sent him back to her, she liked to think that.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she watched Mulder taking the key out of the ignition and getting out of the car. Following his example she tightened her coat around her, unconsciously, hoping to take his focus of her growing belly. She was proud of her pregnancy and happy beyond words, but Mulder's lack of interest in her baby, almost made her shameful of the visible signs of her pregnancy. She was fully aware that she wasn't very attractive in her trimester but Mulder could never turn unattractive to her, so how could she to him?

Handing her the keys Mulder began to walk slightly ahead of her but gentlemanly holding the building's front door for her. Licking her bottom lip, she crossed the doorstep and when he continued to stay slightly behind her an ache of loss engulfed her. She missed his hand on her lower back; Mulder hadn't touched her since he awoke in his hospital bed. To pour salt into the wound, he had avoided her touches like they burned his skin. No, it was not how she had imagined his homecoming at all.

Mulder crossed his arms and watched his shoes while she unlocked her apartment door, if she didn't know he still had his own copy of her key in his key ring, she could believe he was here for the first time, and worst he looked like he wanted to be everywhere but here. Exhaling, she switched the light on and moved into her apartment, fast she unbuttoned her coat and slide it down her shoulders and off her arms. Turning, she reached out to take Mulder's leather jacket as well, puzzled, he studied her hand for a while before his eyes caught a glimpse of her curious stare.

"Your jacket, Mulder?"

Blinking a few times, he finally reacted and took his jacket off, changing her mind Scully handed him her own coat instead. "Please drop them on the bed, Mulder. I'll check the kitchen for food." Without waiting for his answer she shuffled into her kitchen, her ears caught the muffled sounds of Mulder moving into her bedroom. Looking into the refrigerator she chose the easy way; scrambled eggs and bagels with cream cheese.

The eggs were on the pan when Mulder strolled into the kitchen, even with her back to him she sensed some of his tension was released, relived she stretched her neck to release some of her own tension.

"Will you set the table, Mulder? There's juice in the refrigerator and the water has boiled. You know where to find the instant coffee and tea." As an afterthought she added, "please."

In silence, they prepared the breakfast. After a few minutes they found their usually seats around her kitchen table. Scully served the eggs and Mulder poured the juice, they worked in perfect order, if she closed her eyes she could almost believe everything was all right, almost believe he never had gone missing or considered dead, but only almost. The past months of pain and loneliness were hard to forget.

"Um, Scully, you haven't changed much in your bedroom except…"

Looking up from her plate, she raised her eyebrow in question. "Except what, Mulder?"

"The picture on your bed chest."

She needed a minute to realise what picture he was talking about, but taking a sip of her juice sudden understanding flashed her face. "Oh, Langley caught us on one of his surveillance cameras, the one in the kitchen, I think. We look relatively happy and relaxed in it, I like that." Pausing, she added, "it's a nice picture."

"It is, Scully. I haven't seen it before?"

Finishing her eggs, she leaned back and rested her arms softly against her swollenness. "No, they gave it to me when I came home from the hospital right after you were taken. They thought…thought I needed something to hold on to. They have been a great support."

"So you" He was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone.

She studied him to see if he would continue when he didn't, she sighed and got up awkwardly and answered her cell. Listening for a brief moment, she said, "Hi John. Is something wrong?" While she spoke she walked back to her chair and faced Mulder.

His face was back to the blank expression; their moment of re-bonding was gone, again.

"No, I'm fine…Yeah, a few days off will do me good…No, I'll manage. Mulder is here but thank you John…You just go on with the Ashley case. I don't think it's an X-File. What I think is that Ashley is a teenager sneaking out on her parents at night. Keep an eye on her and you'll catch her… fine, bye!"

During her conversation with Doggett Mulder had gotten up and cleaned the table, turning he faced her. "So we have an appointment at 8.30 in the morning tomorrow?"

Watching him, Scully clearly saw his rejection of her, it wasn't so much in his words but more in his body language. His words were normal and emotionless but his facial expression and the tension in his body told her to keep her distance. To stay away from him, he was obviously still angry with her.

"Yeah." Flipping though the case file she gathered a few basic information, "it's our first child. It's your first marriage and my second. It's a difficult pregnancy. I'm due to deliver in two months, thank god. Oh, you're Timmy Richmond and I'm Sarah Richmond."

"The happy couple. They're living the in the suburban, a nice house with a garden surrounded by a white fence and a coming baby! It's it what everybody wants?"

Without paying attention to him, she answered: "I guess so, Mulder."

"Can I get my copy of the case file, Scully?"

"Sure, just one second," turning the papers quickly, she was surprised; "there is only one copy, Mulder."

"There is a shortness of papers in the FBI? Or is it a cheap way of teambuilding? Read a case file with your partner and discuss the cases in the back. How well do you know your partner? Interesting prospect. Anyway, you look through it first and I'll pick it up in the afternoon, is that fair to you, Scully?"

Half-turning she hid her face from his hard eyes, suddenly too tired to focus on anything anymore. "Fine, whatever, Mulder."

The silence that fell upon them filled the air around them with bitter tension, it was starting to drain her, never had she expected Mulder and her would reach this point. Always believing their friendship and love counted for something, that it would be on another level than her previous relationships, but she had been wronged. Compared to this other relationships had been like walking on roses.

He left without another word and with the case file.