Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon. duh lol

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I fucked up.

I don't even know how or why. I thin- no I know, some where along the line I screwed everything up. So there I found myself yet again in the corner of the Blue Bar. I don't know how I could let myself let her go. I lost her love. and It's no ones fault but my own.

"Hey Jack, you okay?"

I looked up from the red sleeve of my shirt to see a blurry Griffin, half hearted I slurred out a yes.

"No. Your not. I think Muffy served you one to many again."

The grip on my drink tightened, and I lifted it to my mouth, downing the last bit. With that he walked away from me sighing annoyed, though I couldn't tell if it was directed at me or Muffy.

It felt like I blinked and he was back in front of me again.

"Wo-whoa... stop te- stop tele- stop fucking porting!"

"Okay Rock, take him home please."

"Come on Jack."

I felt them both grabbing my arms and forcefully start to raise me up.

"I can do it!" I mumbled "fuckin' wizards..."

I slammed the chair back, and stood up. More like wabbled up. Next thing my drunk ass new, was that I was in Rocks room.

"Okay, Jack. Your not going home till you sober up a bit."

"Fuck you."

"Alcohol talkin"

"Fu-fuck you"

"Shut up and sit down. I'm not letting you go home to Nami and your baby son like this. I'm going down to the kitchen to get you some food."

15 minutes later I was slowly on my way to sober land, with a piece of bread in my hand and five more on my lap, along with a bottle of vodka filled with water. Cause my drunk ass refused to drink H2O. But this "vodka" was fine.

"Finish it all, and your free to go"

"Pffft... when unicorns fly i-I'll finish this."

"Eat all the bread Jack!"

"No."

"Eat it!"

"NO!"

"EAT IT!"

"Fackk fine, yessh SARGENT!" I saluted him to emphasize my rudeness.

Another fifteen mintues passed by and I downed the last bit of the "vodka" and wiped my mouth. I leaned back on the couch with my head back. I was a lot less drunk then I had been. My mind was starting to realize what was going on. This was why I hated getting sober, cause everything just came back and hit me hard all at once. Rock led me outside, and then to the entrance to my farm. Leaving me on my own.

I slowly started walking to the door of my house. It was probably around 3:30 am by now. I couldn't go in. I just couldn't. I didn't deserve to. Leaning against the front door, I slid down to sit on my ass. Pulling my legs closer to my chest. I heard a wine beside me. Looking over I saw it was Pluto. It didn't help that he was wearing the saddest expression I'd ever seen cross his face. He walked the few steps too me, resting his head on my knee. Running my fingers threw my hair, I looked down at him.

"I fucked up Pluto. I fucked up bad"

He barked back, I just assumed that this was a "Yes, yes you did"

I thought I heard some shuffling from inside, but I just ignored it.

"I know boy... I know. I don't know what happened, I don't know if I could muster up something for you either. I just... my son. Being a father scares me. Especially now when I cant control myself."

My eyes started to water.

"That is no excuse... I cant help it. I tried so many times to stop myself from going to the bar. I know by the looks Nami gives me, that she just thinks I'm drunk and flirting with Muffy, when I'm there."

My throat got tight.

"I swear Pluto I don't. I don't want another woman but Nami. I cant even tell my own wife that, she'd never believe me"

I started to cry

I hit her. So many times, theres hardly a time when I come home drunk, that I don't hit her at least once. I cant believe she's still here."

I began to sob.

"I punish myself for doing it to her too Pluto."

I looked over at my left arm.

"Why do you think I've changed my wardrobe to red shirts basically. To cover it... cause I don't know when I'll do it. When it comes to be to much being sober, or sometimes I'll wake up from a drunk night, with dry blood on my arm and not even remember doing it!"

My head fell to my knees, the sobs spilled out, I didn't try to stop. I needed it out. Pluto laid beside me and did the only thing he could to help me. He listened.

---

I was stuck in that half asleep half awake state, until I felt a nudge on my side, and then a whimper. I slowly opened my eyes connecting them with Pluto's.

"Thanks boy." I said getting up and patting my alarm clock puppy on the head.

Looking to the sky, it looked around 6ish. Nami would be getting up in a half hour, and I didn't want her to find me still sitting outside the door. Or she would just think my drunk ass didn't even make it inside. Looking around my eyes landed on the barn. Walking over I stepped inside, Takaura had been feeding them when I'd not be around to do it. Which was almost always.

Walking in I was practically trampled by Goofy. My silly sheep who always followed me around the pasture. This felt so weird... Doing this again, I hadn't done actual farm work in what seemed like, and probably was a long time. I patted him on the head and walked over to Mickey and Alice. She mooed as a greeting, and I rubbed her head. I Looked over at Mickey.

"Were gonna go on a ride today Mick."

I filled all their feed boxes with fodder, and pushed them outside. Walking over to the field beside my house I stopped and counted to 18. Yawning out of tiredness not boredom. I whistled for Mickey to come. My red orange horse came running, just as I climbed aboard, I heard the door crack open. I stopped and looked up as Nami walked outside, for a second I thought she wanted to say something, but I just doubted it. I knew she was just on her way to the chicken coop to check on them, and collect eggs.

"Heya!" I shouted kicking Mickey's sides rearing him to the left to run. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I couldn't speak to her, I could hardly look at her. I didn't deserve to...

---

"Hiya Jack! Haha" came Vesta's booming voice into my ear. "How ya doing?"

"Been better."

"Things have ways of working themselves out, I've been told Jack."

"When pigs fly Ves"

She shook her head at me and laughed. "What can I do for you though."

"I need some seeds."

"Seeds?! HAHA. My faithful customer had returned!"

"No mockery please Vesta." I sighed

I had once told her when I was drunk, that I would never ever buy seeds again in my life from anywhere ever again. She told me the next day I'd be back, and 5 months later here I was.

"Could I just get 18 carrot seeds."

Just then the door flew open and Celia pretty much flew in.

"Whoa slow down there young lady!"

"Vesta! All the preperations for the Harvest Festival are all done!" She smiled.

"Are they? Already, with two days still left to go?" Vesta questioned.

"Yea! Marlin, took over some of my chores so I could finish it early, instead of rushing to get the last details in later."

"Hey Celia"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Hi Jack! I've just been so excited for this years festival. Were doing a new theme."

"Oh really?"

I remember attending the festival in the past. The food was always awesome, Ruby's cooking was the best. But I really didn't wanna go anywhere near the bar in the middle of the day.

"You should come Jack!" Vesta boomed.

"Oh um well... Thanks for the offer, but I dunno, I think I'm going to have to pass..."

"Aww Come on Jack!" Celia spilled.

"No, no I couldn't. I uh, got work to catch up on."

"Ah all right, suit yourself, here ya go. That'd be 720g." Vesta handed me the seeds.

I reluntantly spent that money on the seeds, at least it was put to better use then on the beer I would of spent it on tonight.

Returning to my farm I led Mickey back into the pasture. Bag of seeds in hand I walked back over to the field near my house. I ran and got my hoe from the tool shed and began to dig up holes in the ground for seeds.

"Damn why does this thing have to be so damn big." I looked over at my watching puppy, "Clearly not made for me, eh boy?" I sighed.

This was making me tired, and fast. The 2 and a half hours of sleep last night wasn't working out for me at all. I bent down to pat in all the carrot seeds and watered them till the soil was dark.

---

Walking around with nothing left to do I started to feel the crave coming. It was starting to eat me away from the inside out, just like it did everyday. I had no spare money for the Blue Bar's cash register to suck up tonight. I swear that place was rankin' it in just from my wallet alone.

An hour later and I was biting my finger in the tool shed, almost ripping out my hair, and pacing like no end. I needed to go tonight. I needed to. I needed to feel the cool liquid run down my throat. I needed to get to the laughing stage, where everything in the damn world became funny. I needed to drink past that until I passed out. Just so I could have a dreamless night, but I had no money.

'You could steal it..'

"What the hell from where."

'From van?'

"He's not here!"

'Go take back your money from the bar.'

"Your stupid."

'Haaaha you just called yourself stupid.'

"No I called you stupid!"

'Hate to break it to ya, but I'm your thoughts.'

"No shit ding dong!"

'Why hello, how are you? Oh me? I'm fine, thanks for asking.'

"Shut up."

---

I was going to explode and I didn't want to, I was going to go off if I didn't do something soon. I crouched in the corner of the shed. The anxiety was killing me. The knot in my throat tied tight. I slowly reveled my pocket knife.

I flicked it open...

Hand shaking...

Throat stuck...

Eyes wide...

Close to my wrist I held it in a tight grip. Pushing down, I dragged it across as easily as a knife in warm butter.

Hand still...

No sound...

Eyes closed...

All the sound of the world faded away, I couldn't hear anything besides my shallow breathing. I felt the cool liquid run off my skin and seep into the ground below. Pulling down my sleeve, head in my hands. I sat for the longest time, until I knew what I had to do.

But when I would do it... I didn't know.

---

Hey guys, what did ya think? a lot of Jack here, but more Nami is to come.

This was originally going to be a one shot, But then as I wrote it just turned into something more lol. It wont be a super long fic, but I plan to do a Nami pov, and then probably another Jack. umm but ya, I haven't written in a long while lol. So if it's not that good please tell me. Reviews are welcomed =]

-GUNNer

p.s. yes I know. I like to name my animals after Disney characters lol