"AH!"
This wasn't the first time Harry Potter woke up from a strange dream.
It was the first time that the dream involved every single one of his friends - and foes - snogging someone.
"Ron! I just had the strangest dream! Everyone was - Ron, what are you doing?"
Harry had turned around, only to see his best mate snogging his other best mate. In the boy's dormitory!
"It's about time Wait, WHAT? Didn't I just dream this? Oh, gosh, don't tell me everyone else can't be ."
Harry exited the boy's dormitory with some apprehension.
He did indeed find Winky and Dobby arm-in-arm, with their lips pressed together.
In the Gryffindor common room!
"Alright, what's going on here?" Harry yelled.
Determined to find the cause of this madness, he stormed to Dumbledore's office.
At the gargoyle, he screamed the only wizarding candy that he could think of that Dumbledore had not yet used: "BERTY BOTT'S EVERY-FLAVOR BEANS! Despite your dislike for them."
To Harry's amusement, the gargoyle promptly stepped aside.
Harry knocked on the door. Some strange noises could be heard from inside the room.
When nobody called for him to enter, he barged in, expecting to see Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore untouched by whatever curse had come to Hogwarts.
"What the bloody hell is this!" Harry yelled, outraged. He blinked a couple of times, sure his eyes were deceiving him, but nothing about the absurd scene in front of him had changed.
There Professor Dumbledore stood, in all his glory, snogging none other than Minerva McGonagall.
"But but " Harry stuttered, then gasped the first thing that came to his mind: "I thought you were gay!"
Dumbledore broke away from Professor McGonagall, and said, "Harry, I think we should have a talk," in his most professor-ish way. That is, as though he had not just been snogging the head of Harry's House.
"No, sir, I think not!" Harry screamed, striding from the room. What has this world come to? he thought.
He ran to the first place that came to mind: Professor Snape's Defense Against the Dark Arts office.
Why he thought of it, he had no freaking idea!
He nocked on the door, hoping that Snape could at least put him in such a bad mood that he forgot all he had seen that day.
Without waiting for an answer, he barged into the office, expecting the usual loathsome scream of "POTTER!"
He was not in any way prepared for the sight of Bellatrix Lesterange in the arms of Severus Snape.
"Oh My God " Harry gasped, backing out of the room in horror. As the door swung shut behind him, he could hear Bellatrix's terrifying sniggers.
Harry suddenly realized that he really had to pee.
Not questioning his urge, he dashed to the nearest bathroom - which not only happened to be the girl's lavatory, but Moaning Myrtle's out-of-order one.
He pushed open the door, thinking that nobody would be there to greet him but Moaning Myrtle.
But another presence was there - that of Draco Malfoy! He was leaning in for the kill, falling right through Myrtle in his vain attempt to snog her.
Malfoy stumbled, and fell forward, landing head-on in the toilet bowl with a satisfying splash!
"SCORE!" Harry shouted. Then, anticipating Draco's reaction, turned tail and sprinted out of the bathroom with the timely, "CRUCIO!" echoing behind him.
"Bit melodramatic, don't you think?" Ginny asked, passing him with a smirk.
It didn't occur to him then, but he realized later that she was the only person he saw that day who wasn't snogging someone. Thankfully!
Harry returned to the Gryffindor common room, steeling himself to see Winky and Dobby again. However, he was quite surprised to see Neville desperately trying to snog his own elbow.
Given everything he'd see today, he passed this off with a simple, "Whatever."
As he reached his dormitory, his scar seared, and he fell to his knees, screaming blue-bloody murder.
"Crybaby," Voldemort sneered in his mind.
A vision then invaded Harry's mind, replacing Voldemort with Wormtail and Voldemort. And of course, you know what they were doing.
Trying to find a small ounce of sanity in this sick world, Harry stumbled to his bed, hoping that everyone would be back to normal the next day. Well, everyone except Ginny, who never seemed to have departed from normal, now that he came to think of it.
Just as he was going to bed, he realized that he didn't want to have any more dreams. Closing his eyes so as not to have to see any more strange - or otherwise - couples, he slipped out of the dormitory. I mean this quite literally, as he promptly fell down the stairs. Getting up, but resolutely keeping his eyes closed, he felt his way out of the common room and to the hospital wing. As he crawled through carefully, he seemed to bump into something large and solid. As not to be rude, he opened his eyes and his mouth to apologize.
He found himself at his destination - the Hospital Wing - however, gaping at another snogging couple.
This time, Madam Pomfrey was holding the short and elvish Professor Flitwick to her lips, which seemed a rather enjoyable location to him.
Trying to think of a place where everything could be normal, he ran to Hagrid's hut, as no day could be perfect without a visit to Hagrid's. Besides, Hagrid had no significant other present at the castle.
He banged on the door, yelling, "Hagrid, I need to talk to you, now!"
The door swung open to reveal a brutally tall woman with olive skin cradling Hagrid to her bosom.
"URGH! How'd you even get here?" Harry yelled in frustration, noticing the absence of the giant powder blue carriage and drunk palomino horses.
Disgusted, Harry ran back to the castle and his common room, where he was not surprised to find a number of couples snogging. Said couples included: Parvati and Dean, Seamus and Lavender, Cormac and Romilda, and Luna, who seemed to be snogging her own Patronus - a white hare.
Harry shoved his way through the crowd of snogging couples, and up the staircase to the boy's dormitory, where Ron was still feverishly snogging Hermione. He groaned, tired of watching snogging, and pushed himself into bed.
Some time later, he seemed to have the sensation of waking up. Rather than opening his eyes to see the new day, he kept them shut.
"I'm going to count to three and open my eyes," Harry said to the room in general, "and everything better be normal, or I'm gonna take leaf out of Ginny's book and Bat-Boogey everything in sight!"
Harry counted slowly. "One two THREE! And a half," he added as an afterthought.
He opened his eyes, to find all the boys in the dormitory surrounding his bed and looking at him strangely.
Harry screamed, "What the bloody hell is this?"