Wow, it's been a LOOOONG while since I posted anything, hasn't it? Well, here we go, after a long hiatus, I'm back!
This new oneshot is based off the Weird Al song Don't Download This Song...one of my favorites personally. Hope you enjoy this Sonic twist.
Sonic breathed out contentedly as he purchased one last song on iTunes. That was that. The gift card he had received for Christmas was all spent on the online music store, and given all the songs he bought, the hedgehog was more than happy. He had all the newest rock hits and all the latest pop songs he could fall asleep to.
The hedgehog leaned back in his office chair at his computer desk as he thought a bit more about what else he could do online. He finally decided on checking his email, and was surprised to find one from the Bentley Jones fan club email chain.
Green eyes got wider as Sonic scanned the email:
Hey, BJ fans! Just sending this out to the mailing list to remind all of you that my new album comes out today! I'm very excited about it. Oh, and did I mention that it will be my first one on iTunes? I'm very, very happy about that! So, be sure to check out So Much More…on iTunes and don't forget that you can order the CD off my website too!
SLAM!
Head met desk as Sonic realized his own stupidity. Why, oh why, didn't he see this email BEFORE he spent the last of his gift card? This was a disaster!
Suddenly, a thought entered Sonic's head. A very sinister, evil thought. A thought that only a select few had, and only the most evil and diabolical went through with it.
Limewire.
The word entered the blue blur's brain with a persuasive tone. There were tons of Bentley Jones fans out there, and it was likely that someone had already uploaded the entire new album to Limewire. So what was he waiting for?
As if on cue, the door to the computer room door opened just as Sonic finished typing the Limewire URL. Tails walked in and smiled at Sonic, giving him a small wave.
"Hey Sonic, can I use the computer for a couple minutes? I need to look something up…" The fox frowned whenever he saw the website plastered on the monitor. "Sonic, are you on Limewire?! But that's illeg—"
Sonic leapt out of his seat and slapped his hand over Tails' mouth, covering the monitor with the other. "Shh, little foxy, don't say anymore…" Sonic whispered in a maniacal tone, his left eye twitching. "If I don't get this new album and I have to wait until I get the money I'm going to go insane…"
"Mm mmm mmmmf!" Tails tried to tell him friend. It roughly translated to, "Do you want to get arrested?!"
"I'm not gonna get arrested," Sonic said, rolling his eyes. He was more convincing himself than he was his friend. He took his hand off Tails' mouth and sat back down in the chair. "Tons of people do this every day, it's not like I'm the only one."
Tails studied him for a moment before sighing and walking back out. "Whatever you say," he finally admitted, giving up. "Tell me when you're done stealing, alright?"
"It's not stealing!" Sonic called as he walked out the door. "It's borrowing…for a long time," he said softly, "And possibly letting some of your other friends borrow it for a long time."
Eager to get back to his work, the hedgehog twisted his head around to the monitor and typed in the keyword 'Bentley Jones'. Just as he had expected, he was met with the entire track list for the new EP, just begging to be downloaded. Not one to wait, Sonic quickly made a checklist of the songs that he needed on his computer and with one final click, sat back and watched as each song was scanned and downloaded.
"…and so we finally hacked into the website's FTP, sir…"
"Good. What'd you find?"
"Well, there are dozens of IP's on here right now…might as well start from the top of the list, huh?"
"Yeah, why not? Just enter that first one in there."
"Well, what do you know. The computer is from this area…and owner lives less than 2 miles away."
"Oh, well that's convenient. Fire up the car, boys…we're going for a ride."
Sonic was practically drooling as one of the last songs completed the download. This new album was drool worthy. With such great hits like So Much More… and Swing Baby, ol' BJ was sure to get this platinum! Of course, with people downloading the album for free, he'd lose out on hundreds of bucks…but that was in the back of Sonic's mind as the album finally finished download.
Tails was nonchalantly watching TV downstairs when he heard banging on the door. The twin-tailed fox got up from his seat and calmly opened the door. He was soon after knocked down by two giant police officers, both with guns. A third one walked in, fishing his badge out of his jacket and shoving it in Tails' bewildered face.
"Officer Kirk, Station Square police force," he explained in his gruff voice. "I need to take a look at your computer."
"I-i-it's upstairs, officer," Tails said meekly, freaked out of his little mind. "B-b-b-but I don't see why—"
"That's enough, son," Officer Kirk replied, and took him and his other police officers upstairs.
"I've gotta be…I've gotta be…I've gotta be so much more than this!"
Sonic giggled like a little girl as he heard Bentley Jones' wonderfully British voice. "WOO!" he yelled aloud, pumping his fist up in the air and spinning around rapidly in his office chair.
The song was abruptly cut off as the door as knocked down, two fully armed police officers charging in and quickly scanning the room. Officer Kirk came in soon after, gripping Tails by his leg, making the poor fox dangle upside down.
"Sonic! They want the comp—" Tails was cut off for the second time by Officer Kirk, who silenced him by banging his head against the wall.
"Sir, we're going to have to ask you to step away from the computer," he explained, dropping the dazed Tails on his head.
Sonic looked up, still slightly oblivious to what was going on. "Huh?"
The hedgehog was then forcefully pried from the chair by the two other officers. Officer Kirk walked over to the computer and grabbed hold of the mouse, minimizing Realplayer, which was blasting Swing Baby, to discover the Limewire homepage. He smirked and put his sunglasses back on his head, calling behind him, "Boys, we have a match."
"Match?! Match?! Match for what?!" Sonic stuttered, trying to wriggle free of the two giant hands attached to his skinny beige arms. He didn't receive an answer from either of the owners of the hands, however.
"Limewire, blue boy," Officer Kirk finally explained, whirling around. "It's illegal, did you know that?"
Tails' words suddenly started to circulate in Sonic's brain. "Limewire is illegal…don't download those songs…you'll get arrested…I told you to throw out that chili, it went bad a week ago…"
"Hey guys, y-you can't arrest me!" Sonic said again, attempting to reason with the police. "I'm a hero! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! I saved you guys…twice! How can you arrest a hero?!"
"I don't care who you are, you download, you do time, that's the law." Officer Kirk thumbed the door. "C'mon guys, let's give him his free ride in the police car."
As the two officers dragged Sonic by both his arms out of the computer room, the hedgehog called back to Tails. "Tails! Listen, you gotta bail me out, man!"
Tails slowly sat up and shook his head, trying to regain his composure. "I'll try my best, Sonic, but I dunno if I have the money…"
"Just use my bank account, I don't care! I can't go to jail for something stupid like this!"
He was silenced by an officer kicking him in the shin, which caused him to go limp. "Ow!" Sonic yelped, giving the giant man an evil eye.
"Save it if you want to get a short term, Sonic," Officer Kirk called back to him. Once outside, the blue blur was forcefully shoved into the back seat of the police car, and the two giant thugs piled in on either side of him. Officer Kirk smiled wickedly as he stared at him in the rear view mirror, his sunglasses glinting off a nearby street light. "This is going to be a fun night, son," he snickered as he shifted gears and drove out of the drive way.
Sonic's pupils dilated as one of the officers elbowed him. "Help…" he muttered to no one in particular as the police station started to appear on the horizon.
"So, he's got about 5 charges of illegal downloads on him, Officer?" The police chief of Station Square questioningly raised an eyebrow at Officer Kirk, who was holding Sonic up by one of the spines on his back. His wrists were tightly cuffed as well.
Officer Kirk nodded, jiggling the hedgehog slightly. "Yes sir. I caught him right in the middle of downloading some album on that Limewire website." He lowered his sunglasses. "I think he's a bad one, sir."
"Please! I'm not bad!" Sonic squeaked. "I'm a hero! I'm the one who saved Station Square from the giant water monster, Chaos! AND I saved Earth from a flippin' meteor!"
The police chief leaned a hand on his desk and eyed the blue blur suspiciously. "I don't remember any meteor," he said, "But I do remember the water monster."
Sonic smiled. "So you'll let me go?" he asked excitedly.
"Don't get ahead of yourself, son," the chief replied. "While you may be some kind of hero, downloading songs is still illegal. The law is the law, no matter who you are. A man…women…or a hedgehog."
Abruptly, Sonic started to break down into tears, wriggling free of Officer Kirk's grasp and falling to the ground. "I-I-I'm so sorry!" he blubbered, rolling onto his stomach so he could grovel. "I had JUST used the last of my iTunes money! I got the email right after I bought that Rise Against song! I didn't KNOW Bentley Jones had just released his new album! I've only done it, like, once before, and I swore I'd never do it again, but I ended up doing it! I'm so sorry officers, please don't kill me!! I can't rot in jail!"
The two police officers stared at the pathetically crying hedgehog on the floor, crawling into fetal position as best as he could with his wrists handcuffed. Officer Kirk blinked twice before absently saying, "6 accounts, sir."
The police chief pointed towards the cells that were closest to his desk. "Put him in the third one on the left, Kirk," he ordered. "He'll be fine there for a little bit, I'll keep an eye on him."
"As you say, sir," Officer Kirk replied, and tossed Sonic into a cell before locking him in.
Sonic moaned and knelt into fetal position, hugging his knees close to him. "Ohh, this is awful," he whined, his skull sinking into his legs. "I'm going to rot in here like a low-down criminal. My record is going to be tarnished forever…I won't be able to get a job anywhere…no money…no anything…"
The chief of police was resting in his chair, leaning back and crossing his legs on his desk. "I've got about 4 more hours here, son, mind keeping it down a bit?"
The hedgehog muttered something under his breath and shut his eyes tightly. "This sucks," he breathed. "What am I going to do with my free time here…?!"
"Why don't you try shutting up?" The chief suggested.
Sonic's eye twitched in an effort not to snap back. "So, can you at least tell me how long I'm in here for?"
The police chief tipped his head back studied the ceiling in thought. "You know, I'm not really sure," he replied. "Probably around a week or so…"
"A WEEK?!" Sonic grasped the bars of his cell and cried out again. "Isn't that a little bit harsh?! I mean, I only downloaded half the stupid album! It was only 5 songs!"
However, Sonic's reasoning was useless, because the police chief had fallen asleep in his chair. The hedgehog heaved and slowly slid down onto his rump. This can't be happening, he thought, pulling his palms to his face.
Sonic wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep. But he woke up a few hours later, still seated on the ground. Clenching his teeth from back pain, he slowly stood up, popping his back. "Ow," he muttered, clenching his eyes shut.
Suddenly, a heavy hammering made the hero perk up in surprise. "Whoa!" Sonic exclaimed, noticing a hole being drilled in the wall of the cell. He took a step back until his spines brushed against the bars, his vermillion pupils beginning to disintegrate in his eyes. After a few moments, the wall finally broke through, and a jackhammer poked through the wall.
Latched onto the jackhammer was a very shocked looking Tails. Sonic smirked after taking the scene in a moment. "Hey, way to go Tails!" he cheered, rushing over to his buddy. Tails took off the helmet and goggles he was wearing and shook his head.
"Whoa, head rush," he moaned, his speech wavering a little.
Sonic grabbed onto his hand and grabbed the jackhammer before speeding out the hole in the wall. "C'mon, we have to hurry," he said quickly, speeding outside.
The blue blur stopped at the guard wall, which was lined with electrical fencing and was at least twenty feet higher than him. He turned to his friend, who was still trying to clear his head. "Tails, I need you to fly us over this wall," he said in an orderly voice. Then Sonic dropped the jackhammer and realized that he didn't own one. "Hey, where'd you get this jackhammer?"
"I-I bought it with your bank account money," Tails replied, finally getting the ringing in his ears to stop. "You said you wouldn't mind…"
"I don't. How much was it?"
"$2,387."
Sonic nearly had a heart attack. "Geez, I only had $2500 bucks in there! You spent nearly all of it on a jackhammer??"
Tails shrugged. "It got you out, didn't it?"
Without warning, a blaring alarm suddenly went off throughout the police station. Sonic and Tails looked down and noticed a glaring searchlight lit beneath their feet. "C'mon, we gotta go, Tails!" Sonic yelled over the alarm. Tails nodded and quickly took to the air. Sonic reared up and launched upwards, grabbing onto Tails' shoe.
"Geez! Sonic!" Tails glared down at the hedgehog grabbing to his legs for dear life. "It's been a long time since we've done that! You've gained weight!"
"Yeah, yeah, shut up and get us home!" Sonic growled, a little irritated. "If they don't see our faces, then they can't get us."
"But what about your cell?" the twin tailed fox asked. "They'll see you're gone…"
The blue hedgehog winked at his friend. "Nope! I took care of that!"
Officer Kirk rushed into the holding room of the police station. "Argh, I bet it's that hedgehog that got away!" he said in anger, narrowing his eyes. However, when he stopped in front of Sonic's cell, there was a blue stuffed doll in his place.
"Well…dang! Then who escaped from the cell?!" Officer Kirk angrily stormed away, seeking the chief.
The blue Sonic doll sat calmly in the cell, seeming to smile wider every second.
Sonic collapsed on the couch in the living room as soon as he stepped through his front door. "Geez, what a night," he breathed, wiping the sweat off his forehead.
Tails crossed his arms and glared at his friend. "I'm guessing that you learned something with this whole experience?" he asked, his twin tails twitching. Sonic smirked and gave him a thumbs up without opening his eyes.
"Yup! Don't use Limewire until you hack the police station's computer and make sure they aren't watching!"
"You're hopeless," Tails growled, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. He started to make his way upstairs.
"Where are you going?" Sonic asked, raising his eyebrows.
The fox looked over his shoulder, "To bed. I've had enough excitement for one night."
"Mmkay, have fun."
As Tails sauntered off to his bedroom, Sonic yawned. "Hmm, maybe that'd be a good idea for me, too…" Not wanting to get up, however, the hedgehog relaxed his head against the arm of the sofa and closed his eyes.
Right after digging out his iPod and turning on Bentley Jones.
"This is the stuff…" Sonic muttered. "I've gotta be…so much more…"
How was that for being gone for a while? It was a lot of fun to write, I always love writing these crack oneshots...
Review?