by DarkPhanton
Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel nor any of its characters, they're property of James Cameron, I don't own the VS3 episodes or characters, they were from the Cape Haven group, so there's no reason to sue me.
Ratings: PG-13
Summary: Logan's thoughts after "Reunion"
A/N: This is a short fic, it wasn't beta-ed, so bear with me, I wrote this just to inspire other writers to write fanfic based in the VS3.
*****
Uncertainty...that is what I am feeling, Max's uncertainty towards our growing relationship is just making me the more uncertain, not about my feelings for her, I know I love her and very much, but her behavior just leave me wondering if this is for real, if her feelings for me are as stronger as mine, if she even mean it when she said she loved me.
Ever since we beated this damn virus of hell she has been avoiding me, using excuses to flee, it's not about the sex, our relationship was never pure physical, but it is about contact, about expressing feelings, after two years of avoiding, dancing and all the obstacles we overcame to get to this point and she is still uncertain.
I can't help but wonder if she is doing just the necessary to keep me around, to use me as much as needed, to take advantage of me, after all just a while ago she was doing every thing to push me away, but now that her and the trangesnic's situation is tough she needs me around, using my computer skills and my contacts to help her cause, so maybe she is acting and saying just the necessary to fool me and make me stay, and when things get hot she blazes, just like she always did when I first met her.
This last year was just about that, we couldn't touch so she always could use the virus as an excuse to be away, no talking, no communication, just griefing and hurting, she never called to anything but ask for help, when there was trouble I was the first one she called to help, even though relutanctly, and I did it gladly, I would do anything for her, when I helped the transgenics with everything I got, I did it for her. Maybe when we got the temporary cure, Gossamer was a savior to her, after all she wasn't that much eager to do anything and then she just sat there while I poured my heart out, after all she's not the only one that has issues expressing feeling, but I think that it's necessary. And then, she lied, the worst possible lie to hurt me, to push me away, the cut was deep, the deepest possible, I was deeply hurt, in the brink of insanity, but still, there I was to help her at her call, so much I did to her and her cause that I lost my penthouse, my home, my safehouse, my stronghold, trashed just like she trashed my heart.
And now I am grieving again, but the situation is different now, I don't even have Eyes Only to throw myself at, in the past I could drown in work and numb the pain, focus the anger into something productive, but now there's nothing, all I got to do is sit here and think, ponder about the situation, analize every single word and action she did, suffer from the uncertainty of this situation
I always thought that once we solved the virus thing we could finally get some brief time of happiness, that we would make sweet love for hours showing her how much I love her and how much she loves me, that we would clear our feeling with each other, if not with actions then with words. But nothing, we dished the virus but nothing, there was no big proffesion, no important talk, no loving actions, nothing, only uncertainty.
I am tired of being used, I am tired of being treated like a empty shell with no feelings, of being hurt and trashed, from getting my heart broken, I don't think I could live through another meaningless and false relationship, Val was more than enough, that selfish, unfaithful, lying bitch.
But I will still be here, I will be there to help her when she needs, I will wait for her forever, I will bear with her uncertainty, I will accept her excuses, because after all, even if she doesn't, I love her and will love her forever...
THE END