Ok so I wanted to write a crack fic and this happened instead *hides*

"What the…"

When Jason arrived at the location the GPS signaled, he was quite surprised. He never thought he'd find the oh-so-perfect Dick Grayson in a strip club. "The Silver Snake" huh, never heard about this one before. This would be good blackmail material.

After a moment staring at the entrance, he realized Dick had to be working undercover. While he hadn't talked with his alleged brother for some time, Jason didn't remember him being interested in strippers all that much. But he knew Dick had the information he needed, and since he had gotten through all the trouble of tracking him down here…

As soon as he got inside he realized there was something wrong. A good deal of the audience were women. Maybe he had missed the entrance? He had been in strip clubs before. Those weren't the usual clients. But the stage was there, with the poles and shit, even if they were empty. And there were still a lot of men, enough for him not to be able to find Dick.

Jason tried to move, but there was a lot of people surrounding him. Glaring didn't work since most people were looking at the empty stage. Suddenly he saw Dick, all suited up. He was glancing around and soon he managed to caught his eye. He had time to shot Jason an alarmed look before the lights were turned off and the only thing visible were the stages. People started cheering and a voice came through the speakers, presenting the performers. Jason didn't pay attention, instead going to talk to Dick.

"Jason, what are you doing here?" Dick asked as soon as they were close enough to hear each other over the music.

"Looking for you, obviously" Jason snorted back at him. "Are you undercover? You are alone, come on I know you can spare a minute and help me."

"I'm busy now, Jason, I'm acting as backup. We can talk later"

"What? You are alone, backup for wh-" he glanced around as he said this. When he saw the stage his mind went blank.

"Dick… this is a male strip club? Why are we here?"

It was Dick's time snort. "Didn't you read the club's name? I told you, Jay, I'm backup. Why are you here, well, this is a free country after all"

Jason glared at him.

"Ok Dickie, I don't care. I still don't see who are you accompanying." That seemed to remind Dick of something because he looked anxious again.

"Whatever Jason, you need to leave now. I promise I'll talk to you later."

Jason arched his eyebrows when Dick started pushing him towards the exit, and refused to move.

"Look, Goldie, if you want me to leave so much, help me now" Jason realized that Dick wasn't paying attention to him and instead was staring at the stage, so he followed his gaze and found himself looking at the closest performer.

"Wait, Dick, what's this? That's not a performer" Jason said. "That's just the Pretender in a suit and a domino, why is he up the-"

He felt his mouth gaping open as Tim smiled to the audience and started removing his tie. This couldn't be happening. He was suffering an hallucination because of the lights, he hadn't been sleeping properly and was too tired. The Tim look alike -because Jason refused to accept that this was the Pretender, no way- continued taking off his clothes and the older man began to understand the cheering. The boy was good. Jason never thought that taking off a suit could look like that.

Also when had his mouth become so dry?

Turning around he realized that Dick had to be thinking something along those lines because he was staring wide eyed at the show. Jason grabbed his arm again and pushed him closer, both of them with the eyes glued to the stage.

"Is that the Pretender."

"You guessed it."

"Damn."

Shirt off.

"Yeah."

"Do you think Batman taught him that?"

That made Dick stop staring at Tim and look back at him, stuttering something like "What the hell Jason?" but most of it got lost in the noise. Jason snorted -still staring, he wasn't missing this goddammit- and asked back, "Then how did this end up like… well you see it?"

"…Tim has lots of talents."

The slacks were going off next. Good.

"Dick."

"What?"

"Are you really here as backup?"

"Yeah, I told you!"

"But did the boy asked you? Does he even know that you are here?"

Jason wondered if the thong was going off next.

"If you drop that I'll take you backstage."

It wasn't, it seems. Shame. Winking at the audience, Tim left. He hadn't seen them.

"Lead the way, Goldie."

Jason never thought he would see the Pretender like this, but he was determined to enjoy the experience as much as he could.