Sappy teen novels tell you that your first time is supposed to be perfect. And everything was. Kurt loved Blaine. Blaine loved him. They were careful. There were candles. Sweet nothings were consistently passed throughout. In a sappy teen novel this would be the perfect first time. An event to remember. So why can't Kurt get this feeling out of his stomach? And why does he wish it never happened in the first place?
Everyone kept asking him what was wrong. He would sigh and complain about the labors of campaigning. He continued to see Blaine and they spent time together after school. Everything was the way it had been before. Nothing had really changed. Except for Kurt. Kurt had changed and he still wasn't sure if it was in a good way.
It was strange. You lose your virginity to your boyfriend that you love and the only thing you can think about is how something must have been missing. Everything went according to plan. Not a rose petal misplaced. Yet it didn't feel… Complete.
Kurt sat at his kitchen counter with a cup of coffee, thinking about that night and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong until he realized the problem may have started a lot sooner.
He wasn't exactly sure why, but Blaine has suddenly been very interested in taking risks and "living life". At the time it hadn't seemed like a bad idea. It was Kurt's senior year after all and what was high school if you didn't live a little?
This so called 'living' lead Kurt and Blaine to a local gay bar, where Kurt ran into none other than David Karofsky. It was more surprising than it should have been, but Kurt couldn't deny that it had explained the former bully's absence so far this year.
"David?"
"Kurt!"
"What are you doing here?" Kurt asked eagerly.
"I… Uh. I come here every so often. Just to kind of… Relax a little I guess," Dave said awkwardly has he shoved his hand into his front pockets.
"That's funny. You would think that a gay bar is the last place that you would go to relax."
"I come here quite often."
"Really?" Kurt asked. There was no denying it. He was intrigued.
"Yeah. I spend time around here. Trying to 'get educated' as you call it. I have learned a lot though actually. I'm what they call a bear cub."
Kurt laughed at that. Never in all his imagination had he ever thought he would hear David Karofsky use gay lingo. "Well you seem a lot happier," Kurt replied once he regained his composure.
"Yeah. Well things have been better now that I am at Carmel and all."
Kurt was shocked."Wait. Carmel? Like Carmel High School? Like Vocal Adrenaline?"
"Yeah. It is pretty cool there. But I bet your Glee club is nowhere near as intense as theirs and if it is… Well I am truly sorry for all the shit we gave you guys," Dave laughed.
"Are you saying that you are in Vocal Adrenaline?"
"Um… Yeah," Dave said slowly. " I … I kind of always wanted to back at McKinley, but it just wasn't something you did."
"Finn, Puck, Mike and Sam where in Glee club," Kurt pointed out.
"Yeah and look how they got treated. I imagine they would have had it worse had they also been gay."
"Point taken. But I still think you're wrong."
"Do you? About what?" Dave asked earnestly.
"The crap they would have gotten may have been worse but they would have had the love and support from the Glee club so we would have been able to help them out." Kurt said matter-of-factly.
"I highly doubt that courtesy would have been extended to me, Fancy."
"Again with the Fancy?"
"By this point it is hardly a cut down," Dave smiled with just a hint of blush to his cheeks. "Just think of it as… A term of endearment."
"Fine. Hamhock."
"Ouch."
"Serves you right, but we would have still looked out for you Dave. Contrary to what you believe I don't hate you," Kurt said softly. The thudding of the bar surrounding them into their own little world.
"You don't?"
"No. Because when I look at you I still just see a scared little boy."
"Who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary he is?" Dave said with a hint of bitterness.
"I may have underestimated just how extraordinary you could be if you tried."
"Thanks," Dave said with a smile.
"Anytime," Kurt replied warmly.
They sat there awkwardly until Dave spoke up. "Did you come here alone?" he asked.
"No. I came with Blaine. He said he wanted to live a little so I decided to indulge him."
"Well don't indulge him too much."
"Excuse me?"
"I …uh…. I just mean. Don't always do everything he wants. Do what you want. In case you haven't heard… You're kind of amazing Fancy."
Kurt was taken aback. He knew he was amazing. But rarely was he ever told this. Not from his step-brother. Not from his best friend. Not even from his boyfriend. Yet here he was, sitting with his former bully and being told he was amazing by said former bully. Kurt's life really surprised him sometimes.
"Thanks for that," Kurt said a little too softly.
"Why. I am sure you hear it all the time."
"Actually I don't and sometimes I forget it."
"Seriously? What the hell? How are people not telling you that shit every day?" Dave asked incredulous.
"It isn't a problem. I know I am amazing and that should be enough right?"
"No. You should be told every day how great you are. You don't hate me after everything I did to you. You are willing to sit here and talk to me. You deserve everything Kurt," Dave said as he looked away from the smaller boy with a fresh blush coming over his features.
Kurt stood there shocked. Until he was bumped from the back and his ears were filled with an all-too-familiar sing-song voice.
"Kurt. You and me should go somewhere quiet 'cause it's too loud in here," Blaine said as he worked a little too hard to stand up straight and booze dripped from every word.
"Wow. You really did a number on the 'bar' part of Gay Bar. Let's get you home," Kurt said as he grabbed Blaine's arm to steady the drunken mess of a boy and turned back to Dave once Blaine straightened up a little and began to work his own way toward the exit. "Sorry to just run out on you David. But it was really nice to get to see you again. Please believe me when I say that I am truly glad you are happy."
"Thanks Kurt. I'm not completely there yet, but… I am working on it."
"Just let me know if there is anything I can do to help," Kurt said while looking straight into Dave's eyes. He wasn't even sure why he said it, but he felt compelled to and now that he said it he really didn't feel the need to take it back.
"Thanks. That means…. That means a lot to me," Dave said with a look in his eyes that Kurt recognized, but couldn't particularly place.
Kurt nodded at Dave and turned to leave, but before he took a step Dave laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Wait. Just… Promise me one thing. Don't forget how amazing you are. If anyone ever makes you feel like you don't matter, then they are not worth your time."
"If anyone ever makes you feel like you don't matter."
Kurt had left. He left with Blaine. Blaine had tried to take their relationship further that night, but there was no way Kurt was going to lose his virginity in the back of a car. They fought. Things were rough between Kurt and Blaine for a little bit after that, until 2 days later when Kurt went to Blaine and they apologized to each other and finally made the plunge.
Dave's words had haunted Kurt that entire night though, because it was basically a reflection of what his father had told him less than a year ago.
At the time Kurt hadn't thought about it at all, but now…
"Hey Buddy. I was thinking about going to the garage today and doing a little bit of work. We haven't been able to spend much time together with me working and campaigning and you doing Glee and spending time with Blaine and all. You interested?"
"Yeah Dad. That actually sounds really good," Kurt actually loved the not-so-lazy Sundays at the garage with his dad. It was their version of father/son bonding and over the years they had both grown to cherish it.
Several hours later they had a steady work rhythm set up between them. They worked in comfortable silence until Burt Hummel finally spoke up.
"Has something been up with you Kurt? You seemed kind of distant this week."
"I'm fine," Kurt lied a little too quickly.
"If you want to lie to me then that's fine. Just know that I love you and I will be here whenever you want to talk okay," Burt said looking straight into his son's eyes.
Kurt hated that look. The look that always saw right through him. The look that made him want to crumble and admit all his secrets. The look that made him realize just what had been missing from his perfect first time with his perfect boyfriend.
"I just…. I thought I would feel like I mattered," Kurt said as the tears fell and he was taken into his father's arms.