A/N: Ummm, yeah... not exactly sure where this came from. I opened up a blank document and this just came out??
Edward Elric lay drowsily on the black couch, staring at the slowly turning ceiling fan. He felt the completely cliché moment become even more so as he turned his head to the right and saw Alphonse sitting on the floor, motionless.
"Alphonse?"
"Yes brother?"
"Have you ever wondered how many times we've been put through this exact scene?"
Silence.
"I think it's getting kind of old don't you? I mean, we can only be bored/stunned/angsty, lying on a couch for so long before it starts to get old. It was okay the first couple of times, when we learned about the whole live-humans-needed-to-make-a-philosophers-stone thing and got all dark and depressed about it, because really, who wouldn't be upset about that. But now it's all these damn fanfiction writers. They force us, day in and day out to do the most ridiculous things! I mean, come on, I think every Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction writer out there has made us have at least one moment of quiet, suffering-angst-in-silence moment like this. Why can't they be more original?
'Then there's the whole forcing-us-to-fall-in-love-with-the-most-ridiculous-people thing. I mean, how many completely unique, beautiful, Mary Sue's with angsty pasts can there be in this world? I can tell you now, not very many. But then, after they ran out of them here, they made completely unique, beautiful Mary Sues with angsty pasts somehow make it into our world, when we know for a goddamn fact that it is friggin' hard to travel thorough that stupid gate, especially when you're trying to get from the other world to this one. What about the whole equivalent exchange thing? Did they even have to give anything to pass through the gate? I'm betting not."
Alphonse heard his brother's aggravation level rising, but had no clue what he was rambling on about. He was making absolutely no sense to him.
"There\s also the whole thing about me falling in love with Colonel-bastard. Come on! Eww! Hello people! I'm not gay! And even if I was, there is absolutely no way I would fall in love with him. That's just completely messed up!
'And you wanna know another thing Al?"
No response.
"There's the whole dying thing. Sometimes you kill me because you hate me so much (even though you clearly said you don't), sometimes I die in the Colonel's arms, which just makes me feel nauseous to think about, and sometimes I die trying to get your body back. It's just all so ridiculous! I AM F***ING SICK OF DYING ALL THE TIME!!!!!!"
Edward was now on his feet, shouting at the wall.
"Brother?"
'WHAT!?" Edward turned around, glaring at his younger brother.
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
Edward crossed his arms and dropped to the couch, fuming, while Alphonse got up to make him some tea.