One day Dawn had an epiphany:
Paul was gay.
Now, everything started to make sense.
May's eyebrows almost went up to her hairline. "Are you sure? Like, totally?"
Dawn snorted. "Have you looked at him? His hair is purple."
May still didn't look convinced.
"Besides, he hasn't had a single girlfriend in his entire life. I've been in, like, a gazillion of relationships already."
"I can't believe you," May flushed. "Dawn, you'refour years younger than him!"
"Exactly."
"Zoey, help me," Dawn ordered, looking at the other girl earnestly. "We have to find a boyfriend for Paul."
Zoey stared at her, expressionless, and took a sip from her iced coffee.
"It is of the utmost importance," Dawn insisted, taking the coffee and giving it to her piplup.
Zoey looked at it in deep, mournful longing. "Why?"
Dawn seemed not to have heard this, and continued, "Do you think Brock is his type? No? How about Ash?"
Zoey moaned.
"So, um, Misty, uh, how much would you say are you in love with Ash right now?"
Misty hung up. Dawn was indignant, and immediately redialed.
"That was rude," she sniffed.
"I cannot believe you are saying this to me."
Dawn ignored this. "Anyway, about Ash—"
"Look," Misty interjected, "I don't know if this is about your wanting to have a hundred boyfriends before you turn eighteen thing again, but I already told you that I don't care about him that way. Never have, never will. Ever."
Silence.
"So, is that a no—"
Misty made a strangled noise shortly before the line went dead.
Dawn decided to switch tactics.
"Paul, I think it's time we had a talk," she announced ceremoniously. She was standing on his doorstep, arms crossed in front of her chest, and made what she considered a serious and noble expression.
Paul gave her a blank look. "Who are you again?"
"Paul," she said pointedly, "it's no use to pretend. I can see right through you."
When Paul chose to respond to this by shutting the door in her face, Dawn was not deterred. She snuck into the backyard, positioned herself in front of what she believed to be the window to his bedroom and started hollering at the top of her lungs, "DON'T BE AFRAID. JUST EMBRACE YOUR TRUE SELF, I BELIEVE IN YOU—"
Dawn had to cut her speech short as suddenly the window flung open and Paul's face appeared, scrunched up in an interesting mix of vague horror and imminent murder.
"WOMAN," he yelled, the veins on his temples swelling dangerously. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF MEW IS YOUR PROBLEM?"
To her credit, Dawn tried to be tactful. She really did. "YOUR INCAPABILITY OF COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET, YOU SON OF A CACTURNE."
Paul gaped at her, and promptly slammed the window shut.
"THAT'S YOUR DEFAULT ANSWER TO EVERYTHING, ISN'T IT?"
The next day a restraining order arrived at Dawn's apartment and no one heard her talk about Paul's sexual orientation ever again.