AN: I can't help but love a good Dramione fic! This is the first time I've attempted to write one, so let me know how I did!
Disclaimer: The title and song used in this story belong to Jason Mraz. Draco and Hermione are fictional characters created by J.K. Rowling herself. I do not own them.
"If It Kills Me"
He tries his best not to treat her like she's his girl, but too many times the lines have been blurred.
Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
It would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now
She peered across the table at him, watching as his eyes scanned the old tome in front of him. He reached for his quill without removing his eyes from the page and a moment later began scratching away on the parchment in front of him. She knew he wasn't paying her any notice and felt safe to continue her perusal of his handsome features without being caught. His light hair hung just too long concealing his eyes as he made notes of his findings.
He wrote furiously, getting the important facts on paper so they could review back in the office once they returned to London. He never imagined having a job that required research but he found he liked that facet of his job a great deal more than he had anticipated. As he finished making note of the side effects of ingesting Pagmy Root he could feel her gaze on him.
If he paused for a moment she would be sure to avert her eyes, focusing back to the open book on the table in front of her. But, if he caught her, he would be rewarded. She would smile, embarrassed at being discovered staring, again, and without fail a blush would slowly blossom across her cheeks. This was the game he played, the game they played.
He looked up at her suddenly, though his blond fringe. She stared intently at him for just a moment before she smiled. "So just more clues, no clear answer yet?" she inquired in reference to the notes he had just made on his parchment.
"Right, just notes. Any luck on your end? You have been rather quite for a time."
There is was, the blush he so loved had made its way to her cheeks as he hinted at the time she had spent staring at him instead of her book.
She was silent a moment before responding, "I need a break. Maybe we should grab lunch and discuss what we've uncovered so far this morning?"
"Let me just finish this note and we can pack up." He replied giving her a small smile.
Once the two had packed up their belongings, they made their way out of the Ministry's library and down the street to a quaint café with outdoor seating. It was a beautiful sunny day in the Wizarding section of Rome. He requested a table in the shade and they soon were pouring over the notes they had taken while they waited for their food.
"We may have to go back to Paris if we don't find what we need here." She casually mentioned.
"I would be fine with that." He smirked before adding, "I could take you out to that restaurant I told you about a couple weeks ago."
"Oh, yeah, I remember." she recalled, excited. "That would be fun!" She smiled.
"So, it's a date!" he declared.
"Draco," she scolded hitting his arm playfully, "it cannot be a date." She laughed. "Good thing we're not in London where you could be over heard, oh the rumors that would incite." she managed to get out before laughing again.
He couldn't help but laugh along with her, knowing all too well that she was right. "Speaking of dates… How is, uh,… Jim? John? No wait, Jake?" He asked while failing miserably to hide his grin.
Hermione just laughed and then tried her best at a scolding look. "Jarrick." She managed before a smile cracked her face and she chuckled at his antics. "You're lucky I've never told him how often you poke fun at him, he would want to pummel you for sure." She teased.
"Who? James? Nah, we're buds, there's no ill will or bad blood between us." He said matter of fact.
"It never ends for you, does it?" she laughed enjoying their exchange, even if it was at the expense of her boyfriend.
"What? Teasing Jared?... No, that never gets old" and he laughed again.
The waiter arrived with their food and both were quiet for a few minutes while they ate. Making jokes about her boyfriend had become commonplace when interacting with Draco but she sometimes wondered if there was something more behind it. They had been assigned to work as partners in the Special Crimes unit of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. That was a little over a year ago and although it was a bit of a rocky start they had since proven to be an unstoppable team. Their professional relationship had evolved into one of partnership and then friendship over time. They had an ease with one another that sometimes seemed to blur the boundaries.
"I know I laugh with you but, I really shouldn't, especially since you have the upper hand. It hardly seems fair to Jarrick." She commented lightly, smiling.
He returned her smile, "The upper hand? Really? It's my irresistible good looks, superior intellect and charming personality, isn't it?" He teased.
She laughed, "Of course it is! How on earth did you know?" she questioned tears of mirth in her eyes.
"I'm also extremely intuitive." He responded seriously, but a moment later the left side of his lip turned up giving him away.
"You are actually, sometimes frighteningly so. I guess that's why I don't get your need to poke fun at Jarrick." She replied thoughtfully. "Not that it's not funny, and entertaining…" she added playfully.
"You never did elaborate on my having the upper hand…" he prompted
"Funny, I thought we wrapped that up. The reason was something to do with your weird looks, below average intellect and fickle personality." She replied barely stifling a giggle.
He just smiled enjoying the sound of her laughter. "Aside from the fun, what did you mean by that?" he inquired with interest.
"You already know the answer to this," was her simple reply. When he made no effort to respond, she continued. "So imagine yourself in his shoes, for just a minute… ok, so you are dating this great girl, you are wild about her. Only thing is, she has this job that requires her to travel often and work long hours which makes spending time with her difficult. Maybe all that you can live with, but how do you feel knowing all the travel and long hours away from you are spent with her work partner, her male work partner?"
"Hmm" he hums nodding thoughtfully.
"…And just in case that's not enough of an illustration, we could also add that when you go out with her and her friends on the weekend, he almost always shows up…"
" I get it." He interrupts putting his palm up as he bows his head just slightly chuckling.
She smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Let's get out of here."
They exit the restaurant and head back through town toward the Roman Ministry. The streets are quiet since the lunch hour has long passed and they settle into a few minutes of comfortable silence.
"He has never said anything, actually. It's just, sometimes, I can tell that he's jealous." She sighs. "I feel bad, you know… but then I don't. He knew what he was getting into; I told him what my life is like."
"I'm sure he thought he could handle it, and maybe most days he can, at least intellectually." He supplied.
"This is why I don't date, it's just too complicated." She said playfully but they both know how true her words are.
He rarely has a girl on his arm. He prefers to spend time with his friends and since, these days, she is included in that group, he doesn't feel a void. He tries his best not to treat her like she's his girl, but too many times the lines have been blurred. It's the social aspect of their time that gets him in trouble. After a couple of drinks he touches her; a hand on the small of her back, an arm around her shoulders, a kiss to the top of her head. She starts with stern looks at his antics but as the night wears on she leans into him just a little more, touches his arm when she talks and always asks him for an escort home. She trusts him and right now that's enough.
And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Well you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours on end
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend
"It won't kill you, you know. Come out with us tonight, at least for one drink."
He knew she didn't know what she was asking. What she was requesting of him. How could she.
He took a few more seconds to search her face. She was sincere and had a hopeful look in her eyes. He groaned. Not because he didn't want to spend time with her but because he didn't want to see them together, to be reminded that she was with someone else. As much as he wanted to decline her offer, he couldn't. He would not miss an opportunity to spend time with her, even if it was slowly killing him.
"Alright… I'll go."
"Good!", she supplied, "Besides, it's no fun without you." She gave him a wink, turned on her heel and headed out the door.
"Does Jason know you feel that way?" he yelled after her.
She could hear the grin in his voice and only waved her hand above her head in goodbye as she yelled back, "See you tonight!"
The bar was dimly lit and music filled every unoccupied space. He made his way around the large bar in the center of the establishment weaving in between people and tables as he headed toward the back. When he approached the large hightop table his friends congregated around, she looked up at him and smiled warmly. After talking with a few of his friends he finally made it around to greet her by wrapping his arm around her small waist and pulling her into a tight embrace. She put her arms around his shoulders and her mouth up to his ear to tell him she was glad he came. He released her and gave her a wink before turning to her boyfriend.
"Jarrick." He said in greeting as he stuck out his hand and nodded in his direction.
"Draco, always a pleasure." Jarrick responded coolly while attempting a smile that resulted in a grimace.
She stared dumbly at Jarrick for a moment before the irritation set in. She knew it would happen, it was only a matter of time. Draco had finally gotten under her boyfriend's skin. She wondered idly how much time would pass before Jarrick would pull her aside to talk to her about her "work partner". Four beers she decided, that should be enough liquid courage for him to get up the guts. She looked down at the empty drink in her hands as she registered that Draco was excusing himself to go talk with others. She looked up at Jarrick and gave him a small smile before Harry walked over to talk Quidditch with her boyfriend. Taking the opportunity for a moment alone, she excused herself and headed for the loo.
He watched her as she walked away from the group and resisted the urge to follow her. He knew it would only make things more difficult. A few minutes later he bowed out of his conversation with Greg Goyle and headed for the bar. He was chastising himself for giving into her, again, and coming out tonight. Since she had started dating Jarrick these types of evenings had been torture, well until he gets himself good and pissed, anyway.
She was standing up against the bar waiting for her drink when she feels someone graze her right arm with their hand as they move to put it on the edge of the bar next to her. She can feel the person close behind her and remembers why she always uses the waitress at their table to order drinks instead of bellying up to the bar like this.
She is taken off guard momentarily when the owner of the hand suddenly leans in further and talks in her ear.
"Can I buy you a drink?" he inquires.
She smirks and turns around slowly, knowing exactly whom that husky voice belongs to. He is still leaning in as he grins down at her, "Hmm… that depends." She replies cryptically.
"Upon?" he asks as his smile widens.
"What I get out of the deal, besides the drink, of course." She replies easily.
"Shouldn't I be the one getting something in exchange for the… vodka tonic, is it?" he counters as the bartender sets her drink down on the bar. "I am the one buying the drink, after all."
"Touché." She concedes, her smirk still in place. She watches as he leans in further, touching his chest to her shoulder as he gives his drink order to the bartender and pays for their drinks. He seems to sense her gaze and looks down to give her a smile.
He leans in again putting his mouth to her ear, "So what exactly were you trying to coerce me into, anyway?" He asks.
She grins at him playfully as he leans away to look at her. He is flirting with her, talking into her ear like that when they are standing close enough that she can hear him just fine.
"Dancing." She supplies simply. "I want to dance tonight and I don't like to dance alone in places like this."
He only nods in confirmation that he has heard her as he picks up his beer and takes a long swig.
"Shots." He states as he flags down the bartender and orders for both of them.
She gives him a disproving look and a firm, "No."
"Hermione," he reasons, "I don't dance without alcohol, and a lot of it."
"So, how does this involve me?" she inquires chuckling.
"No one should ever drink alone." He informs her with a serious expression. "Besides, I like drunk Hermione." He adds with a grin.
They had downed three shots and were working on their second drink when she remembers she came here with someone and that someone is not Draco.
"Oh, bloody hell." She sighs, "How long have we been over here by the bar? Jarrick is going to have a fit, especially when he finds out I was with you this whole time." She babbles as she straightens her dress and starts to walk away.
He grabs her arm and pulls her back. "It will be fine, Hermione." He reassures her as he looks into her eyes, searching. She holds his gaze until it becomes too intense. "If it helps, I can swing by the loo on my way back to the table?" He offers with a shrug.
She smiles at him, grabs his hand and gives it a squeeze before turning and walking away. He watches her leave wondering how he is going to survive the night once he gets back to their table. When he finally does make it back, it's to find that Jarrick has pulled her away from their group to talk privately with her. He watches her from a distance and smiles to himself as her face twists with frustration. He attempts conversation but only manages to talk distractedly with Harry and a couple of the guys. Suddenly a sharp movement catches his eye and he excuses himself and heads for the quarreling pair. Jarrick has his hand cradling his cheek as Draco pulls up next to Hermione.
"Everything alright here?" He directs sharply toward Jarrick as he wraps his arm protectively around her shoulders.
"Fine." Jarrick responds heatedly. "I was just leaving."
Draco stands with Hermione as they watch him weave through the crowd and out the door. He can feel her arms slowly wind around his waist and she hugs him close putting her head on his chest.
"What a wanker." he mutters causing her to look up at him. "Are you ok?" he asks when she makes eye contact.
"Can you take me home, Draco?" she responds.
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
They arrive at her apartment with a loud crack and he looks around stunned that he is standing in her flat instead of in the alley next to her building. He looks to her for an answer but only catches sight of her backside as she retreats to her bedroom. He finds a beer in her fridge and cracks it open and sits at her table while he waits for her to change her clothes. This is her routine, their routine.
"You changed your wards." He accuses as she comes into view again, clad in black yoga pants and a black tank top.
"Yes. Much less hassle this way, do you not agree?" she teases him with a tired smile.
"Does this mean you anticipate me taking your drunk arse home every weekend?" He bantered back. "Because if so, I think we may need to negotiate the terms of this arrangement…" he replies slyly.
Her lip twitches up into a smirk, "That can be done."
She sits down at the table with him and puts her head in her hands.
"Did you slap him?" He questions with approval. "I could of swore that I saw…"
"Yeah…" she sighs, "I know it wasn't a nice thing to do, but I think he deserved it after accusing me of cheating on him. He thinks we're shagging." She adds humorlessly.
"What?" he replies outraged.
"Calm down!" she quickly retorts. "He feels threatened by you. Didn't we just have this bloody conversation; this is not new news, Draco." She remarks suddenly heated.
"So, what, this is my fault?" he replies, taking offense at her words.
"Of course not, you idiot!" she shoots back before reining in her emotions. "It's my fault." She says quietly.
"How is his insecurity your fault? I don't get it." He supplies shaking his head.
"Draco, you're a smart guy, I'm sure if you think about it you will see how it's my fault. Now, go home so I can go to bed."
They both stand up and he closes the distance between them to wrap his arms around her shoulders. She reciprocates, hugging him tightly around his waist.
"I'm here if you need anything, you know that, right?" He questions softly into her hair.
"I know." She replies.
How long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
Cause maybe there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong
Three and a half weeks later Hermione and Draco are mulling over their findings at the French Ministry's Botany Lab.
"I can't believe we missed this! Of course, the plant used in the potion only grows in tropical climate and is only found in a handful of places in the world. Ugh!" she groans, running her hands through her hair.
"I think you are looking at this entirely the wrong way." He chuckles. "We should be celebrating our success not berating ourselves over not figuring it out sooner. We managed another trip to Paris which was worth the delay in discovery, if you ask me, and this just solidifies that we make a brilliant team." He concludes with a grin. "Celebrating is clearly in order! Now, let's pack up and head back to the hotel so we can enjoy our last night in the city."
"You're right. We should be celebrating our findings…" she hesitantly agrees.
"But?" he asks.
"…but, I'm still mad at myself for not realizing sooner." She admits.
"Hermione." He sighs. "This is how we learn, don't beat yourself up. I'm not happy about it either but we are ahead of schedule and, like I already mentioned, we are back in Paris. Let's look at the silver lining here." He pleads with her.
She sits back in her chair and looks at him for a few moments before a smirk brakes out across her face. "We are pretty brilliant, are we?"
"Was there ever a question?" he banters back.
"So where are you taking me tonight, Draco Malfoy?" she questions, batting her lashes playfully.
"Ah, finally seeing things my way… and you already know where we will be dining, if you think about it." He teases.
An hour later she is on her way out of the hotel with her arm linked though his. He dons sharp black dress robes for the evening and she wears a simple black v-neck dress that falls just above the knee and hugs her curves. She doesn't have to ask where they are going or what the night will entail, she is fairly certain she knows what he has planned. They walk in a comfortable silence as they travel down the street away from the hotel.
"You know, don't you?" he asks without further explaination.
She simply smiles up at him in response.
"Of course you do, you didn't even ask if this was casual or formal." He laughs.
She laughs too before conceding, "Well, in all fairness, you did tell me the last time we were in Paris."
"I remember." He returns quickly. "Do you remember what you agreed to?" he probes, looking down at her.
"I think you called it 'a date', if I recall."
"I wondered if you would remember that part or if you had put it out of your memory." He teases.
She smacks his arm with her free hand, "My memory works just fine, thanks! Besides it's not every day a girl gets asked on a date by a handsome guy who then waits four weeks to actually take her out." She rouses him.
He stops suddenly at her words and puts his hands to his heart while giving her a look of mock hurt.
"Oh, knock it off!" she hisses, laughing at his antics.
He reaches out and grabs her hand. "Can you ever forgive me?" he asks as if in distress.
She laughs harder as she lets him pull her close. "How many drinks did you have at the hotel while you waited for me? You are crazy!"
"I may have had a couple." He admits with a grin. "Actually you should be apologizing to this 'handsome guy' for agreeing to go on a date with him when you were seeing someone else." He shoots back playfully as he wraps his arm around her waist and leads them farther down the street.
"If I recall, I didn't actually agree to go." She states matter of fact. "I didn't want to have to bring it up, but, you left me no choice." She shakes her head as if she is sorry about what has been said.
He stops their progression, and turns to face her. He lets the hand that was around her waist slide to rest on her hip and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear with his free hand. "Don't pretend that you don't remember agreeing, before, then recalling that you had a boyfriend and declining." He says quietly while searching her face.
She watches as his eyes move down to look at her lips before he makes eye contact again. His stare is intense and her mind races to figure out if he is serious or not. After a few awkward moments the left side of his lips turn up and give him away.
"You bloody wanker!" she yells putting both hands on his chest to push him away. "I thought you were going to kiss me!" she announces clearly flustered.
He refuses to let her go but instead winds his arm back around her waist and pulls her forward as he chuckles.
If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
I'd tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said a word
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again
He watches her dance with her friends and then with a couple of guys before jealously gets the best of him causing his legs to carry him out onto the dance floor without his permission. When she sees him closing in on her she smiles and wraps her arms around his neck as he stops in front of her.
"Finally fulfilling that agreement from six weeks ago to dance with me? Don't think I've forgotten." She laughs.
"That's exactly why I'm out here." He laughs.
"Well, why aren't you dancing then?" she teases him as he stands looming over her. He wastes no time and begins to move with her along to the beat of the song.
"Not bad, Malfoy. How is it that I've never seen you dance before? I feel like you've been holding out on me…" she smirks.
"I don't think the opportunity has ever presented itself, honestly." He says, thoughtfully.
She laughs, "Draco, you can't always wait for things to happen sometimes you have to make things happen." She replies easily with a mischievous glint in her eye.
He doesn't respond but they dance close moving to the fast beat of the music.
She reaches up, puts her arm around his neck and pulls him close so she can talk into his ear. "Why don't you date?" she inquires.
He is shocked and lets it show for a moment before he smirks down at her. "Why do you ask? Are you taking a personal interest?" he flirts back.
"Would your answer be different if I was taking a personal interest?" She challenges, locking eyes with him while she keeps her arm around his neck.
"Maybe." he answers coyly, leaning in and resting his forehead against hers.
She looks at his lips before meeting his eyes. Slowly, she leans away as a new song comes on, letting her palms slide down his chest before grabbing one of his hands and pulling him away from the dance floor.
"Can you take me home?" she asks as they retreat to their table. Most of their friends have gone and the few remaining are still on the dance floor. When they stop walking she releases his hand and turns to him for an answer.
"If you are ready, I'd be happy to take you home." He answers.
"Really?... Or are you just being polite?" she questions but then rambles on before letting him respond. "I know we joked about you being my escort but you have to tell me if this is too much, if I'm too much. I've come to rely on you more then I probably should and it hardly seems…"
He cuts off her rant by placing his index finger on her lips. He leans in, looking into her eyes, "Shhh. I like making sure you get home safely, otherwise I'd worry."
"But…"
"Hermione, I'm not going to have this conversation here." He supplies gently. "We can talk later and when you are a little less…"
"Right. Sorry." She replies with a pout.
They apperate into her kitchen and he holds onto her an extra moment to make sure she is steady before releasing his hold. He watches as she retreats to her bedroom to change before slumping into the couch, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
She pads back down the hall and sits at the other end of the couch pulling her legs up to her chest.
"Sometimes you are a mystery to me, Draco. I think I get you, but then you change course. It's driving me mad." She announces.
"I'm not sure I follow." He drawls with his eyes still closed.
"What happened tonight?" she inquires frustrated.
"What do you mean?" he counters.
"Forget it, I'm too drunk for this anyway." She replies defeated. "Goodnight."
He opens his eyes and lifts his head to see her getting up from the couch. He reaches out and grabs her hand pulling her down next to him and wraps his arms around her.
"Goodnight." He mumbles quietly into her hair.
All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me
He sits at the black stone table watching as she stirs the cauldron, counting her strokes. They have been brewing experimental potions for days in the Ministry's underground Potions Lab. He has the plant extract measured and in a vile ready to be added to the potion and he pulls the stopper out as she nears the proper number of turns. Her gaze locks with his for a brief moment and a small nervous smile graces her face. He grins back before adding the contents of the vile.
"This looks perfect." He comments, excitedly.
"It does, doesn't it? I really think we got it right this time. Now, just a few more turns and it should turn bright purple…"
The potion suddenly blossoms into a vibrant violet and her face lights up as she looks up at him.
"Brilliant!" he exclaims as he wraps his arms around her waist hugging her as he sweeps her up spinning them around.
"After all this time! I can't believe we finally figured it out!" she tells him laughing with joy while he slows his rotation.
He stops and begins to let her body slide down his until her feet reach the floor but he doesn't release her. "I think we make a good pair, don't you?" he questions with intensity.
"We do!" she affirms before realizing their faces are just inches apart. Her smile falters as her eyes meet his. "I think we make an amazing pair." She says softly looking up at him.
He suddenly leans forward to rest his forehead on hers. "What are we doing?"
Several silent moments pass before she concedes, "I don't know." She closes her eyes letting a few more seconds pass as the tension between them builds.
"Just kiss me, Draco." She breathes.
Shocked, he leans his head away from hers and she opens her eyes at the loss of contact. He studies the emotion on her face and she feels warm under his scrutiny. His eyes flicker down to her lips a couple of times, almost asking permission before he closes the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers.
And all I really want from you is to feel me
Yeah, the feeling inside keeps building
I'll find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me