Title: In the Dark
Summary: In the depths of the forest, a youkai was on the move
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, AU
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto & In the Dark-song belongs to Tony Kakko/Sonata Arctica
A/N: This is a looooong fuc and it involves some Japanese demons/youkai and words. Direct links to Wikipedia for more info: yuki-onna (=snow woman), suijin (=god of water), bakeneko (=a demon cat). And to Youtube: In the Dark by Sonata Arctica. I recommend listening it at least once, it's so beautiful~. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did during the writing.
I wrote this back in 2009. Since doesn't allow songfics, the lyrics have been taken down but I still recommend listening the song while reading this story. Gives you the right mood. ;)
- Nokkonen
The thin veil of rain shone in the sun light and it barely made anything wet before moving away, leaving nothing but fresh air and little diamonds of water scattered all over the forest. A mother fox stepped out of its den, the golden-brown eyes taking in the scene and smelling the scents mingling in the air. Deeming it was safe enough, the red-furred vixen curled on the wet grass as two fur-balls rushed past, the first pup getting tackled by the following sibling. A figure, dressed in clear blue yukata painted with snowflakes, chuckled at the sight, his voice alerting the vixen. Iruka met her gaze evenly, smiling gently at the worrying mother and kept standing in respectful distance. Eventually the vixen decided the human-like youkai was no danger and relaxed again.
Iruka smiled as he watched at the pups playing, they reminded him of Naruto and Sasuke when the red kitsune and black bakeneko had been younger. Although they hadn't been wrestling for fun – the tan youkai sighed as he remembered the one time they had accidentally set the house they shared on fire. Turning his back to the family of foxes Iruka walked silently away, leaving only a darker path on the green grass as the hem of his yukata took the water with him.
It was nice to be in south for once, Iruka thought as he enjoyed the warmth of the sun. Most of his long life the water youkai had been living in northern parts of the land, up high mountains, where the four seasons changed dramatically from dark and freezing winter in to a warm summer with its midnight sun. But even though Iruka's colors and powers were closer to his father, who had been dolphin-suijin, his heart felt home in the middle of the snowy peaks in the lands of his mother, a yuki-onna, than in the vast oceans.
But the reason why the water youkai was walking through the ever-green forest was something else than to enjoy the weather. Naruto and Sasuke had reached age, where they were growing more tails – or splitting like in the bakeneko's case.
It was their time for spread wings and so Iruka had left the house one early morning, leaving a letter for the young ones, telling he would return after one year. Or later. Time wasn't important when you aged slower than most of the world.
Then, on a morning like this Iruka had met him.
The water youkai sat on a large boulder in the middle of a raging river that cut through the forest, listening to the river dragon to rumble about the youngsters of these days, politely nodding every now and then, when it had happened. In next second, the mighty, brown and green beast dove underwater and a large wave had hit Iruka so that he fell on the river. Surprised, the tan youkai allowed the waters to take him downstream as the strong currents had pulled his yukata and opened the low ponytail he wore his hair. For a moment Iruka just enjoyed the feeling of being carried away in the embrace of the river, before swimming up to surface. Taking a lungful of air, Iruka had reached for the rocky shore, only to come up another surprise as a pale hand seized for him from the bushes. Blinking, the youkai found himself being hauled up and face to face with one of the most intriguing faces in his life. A male with silver hair like frost on bare branches or the grey clouds before a snowstorm, and eyes Iruka had never seen before; one black and one ruby. Triangular ears, smaller than Naruto's big red ones, were the same color as the hair they stood out – in the corner of his eye Iruka could see a bushy tail behind the crouched legs. Even though he looked like one, he wasn't a full-blooded youkai. The white, ethereal aura surrounding him wasn't same as Iruka's, but it wasn't completely human's either.
A hanyou, Iruka was shocked as he watched the male who was regarding with a similar expression as his. He inhaled deeply and promptly released Iruka's hand. "You're a youkai", the stranger said, silver brows frowning and the long scar running across his left eye shifted a bit. The bi-colored eyes were now narrowed with mistrust and he stood up, leaving Iruka lying on the rocks.
This was how he met Hatake Kakashi, the child of a wolf youkai and a human.
And for reasons unknown, Iruka had developed an interest to this fascinating male and thus ended up following him almost everywhere. It wasn't hard for the water youkai to find him the hanyou over and over, he just tracked the aura he had been emitting. During the winter time the only way to find somebody from the snowy mountains was to sense their aura. And Iruka needed to see or feel a person's aura just once and he would be able to pick up that person like others did with smell. At first he would just stay in distance, below the wind and hide his presence. He would sit high up in a tree or in the midst rapids and just watch the silver-haired man for hours.
Watched him hunt, the way he tracked the unsuspecting prey and kill a small deer with a precise hit of the knife or slash the throat of a hare with the sharp claws. Watch how the hanyou walked through the nightly forest, occasionally stopping to watch the stars and moon – sometimes he would make a fire and just stare at it until the flames died out. Once Iruka had discovered the wolf-hanyou standing in the water, bare-chested and all wet, before the water youkai blushed darkly and ran away.
But all Iruka did was watch; but there was a little part of him that was always hoping for that the pale male would finally notice his aura or pick his smell, but Iruka was careful.
Or so he thought.
The dark-haired youkai felt a wry small tug his lips as he remembered their second, face-to-face meeting. It had happened about six days after the first one when the wolf-hanyou had had enough.
Iruka was slowly sneaking closer the clearing where he felt the white aura, so accurate for the silver-haired male, but he had time to react, a dark shadow lunged at him from the tree. Iruka's instincts took over and it made the air around him cool drastically as the blood of the snow youkai in him broke free and he jumped backwards with more grace than the attacker had expected. The grass under the bare feet crunched, frozen, as the two male stared at each other.
"Why are you following me?" the paler one growled, irritated, his narrowed eyes piercing the long-haired youkai. The silvery ears were flat against the skull, a tell-tale sign Iruka had seen so many times while living with the young kitsune and bakeneko.
But to answer, Iruka really had to think about it. Why did he follow this male? The dark brown eyes swept over at the lithe form, dressed in dark pants and worn-out gi, and walked barefoot just like Iruka but with sharp nails decorating the pale toes. He felt something inside him stir as he stood so close to the other male and the tan youkai almost blushed as the memory the naked chest came in to his mind, but Iruka suddenly remembered the scars littered all over that pale skin.
"Do you want to fight me, a measly hanyou?" the other male asked, his voice heavy with sarcasm as he flexed his fingers, the mismatched eyes taking a good look of water youkai. He resumed a slouched position to taunt him and the lazy smirk did funny things to Iruka's insides. "But I have to warn you, I'm not as easy opponent as you true youkai seem to think."
"I don't want to fight you", the tan youkai blurted out, the temperature surrounding him changing to normal to calm the situation. As he took a step back, Iruka tried to look as peaceful as possible while keeping an eye of the silver-haired hanyou's movements; he had seen in firsthand the male was dangerous when needed. "I-I'm Iruka and I come from north", he told quickly, speaking what came first in to his mind "I didn't mean to trespass your territory but I don't know the forest and – "
One silver brow arched as the water youkai rambled on and the silvery ears relaxed along the rest of the lanky body. Somehow he found himself slightly amused, even though he still felt irritated for being followed so many days.
" – I'm leaving before the winter, go back to the mountains, and hopefully the house is still there and not burned down. I do hope so, Naruto's not so good with his magic and Sasuke's been blowing fireballs since a kitten so I'm constantly afraid they will one day set everything on fire and – "
Kakashi couldn't help it, chuckled and that made the dark-haired man stop. Instead of talking, he blushed darkly, the redness dusting the horizontal scar. It was actually rather cute.
"I'm Hatake Kakashi", the hanyou told, smiling, and suddenly Iruka knew why he had been following this silver-haired male.
He was in love with Kakashi.
Iruka stopped on his tracks. That had been three months ago already and every single day after that had been pure emotional agony for the dark-haired youkai. Slowly but surely Kakashi had warmed for Iruka and they shared now a fragile friendship, but it was clear the wolf-hanyou kept most of his heart sealed.
Kakashi's human mother had died while giving birth to him and his youkai father had died few years later in the claws and teeth of other youkai wolves for siring a hanyou. It seemed that his father had known what was to come and hid Kakashi in to an old fox den, telling him not to come outside no matter what. The small pup, barely weaned would have died in there, but the previous dweller of the lair suddenly appeared, a golden, blue-eyed kitsune with eight tails and he had taken the hanyou to his red-tailed beautiful mate, and they had given Kakashi a new family until he was old enough to live alone, only to come face to face with the cold world.
As a hanyou Kakashi was opposed by both humans and youkai, many of them trying to kill him at sight. Some tried to fight him, try their powers and gain reputation or something like that. That left Kakashi suspicious of everybody, turning him into a partly-against-will hermit.
The silver-haired male told all this with a blank face while they were sitting by the fire, the mismatched eyes dark with some unnamed emotion, and it made Iruka's heart ache so much. Some of the pale male's scars were visible, like the one cutting his left eye but the others were hidden underneath nonchalant façade that Kakashi seemed to have most of the time, but every now and then Iruka could see underneath the underneath and was filled with sadness.
At times like that all he wanted to hold the pale male, soothe away all the dark nightmares the hanyou was harboring and tell Kakashi that he would never hurt him, never leave him. That he loved him.
"Why did you drag me from the river?" Iruka asked quietly once, when Kakashi was again staring the flames with unseeing eyes. "Maa, I don't know, it was an impulse", he told honestly, eyes crinkling and smiling mysteriously, "I felt like at that moment." Then the hanyou grinned roguishly. "Maybe it was your hair, I thought you were a woman in distress."
Kakashi's words had hurt him more than anything the long-haired male could think of.
They still do, Iruka thought as he once again resumed slow pace towards the cave the pale male had picked as his nest this time. Even though the forest didn't show it, the water youkai knew the seasons were changing and more than once he could feel the autumn in the waters coming from north. Winter was coming sooner than expected while living in south and so had the day of Iruka's return.
The trek to the mountains would become too difficult even for a youkai like him, so he should leave soon. But going back meant leaving Kakashi here. Iruka sighed heavily. He would lie if he'd say that the idea of asking the hanyou to come with him hadn't crossed the tan male's mind. The dark-haired youkai wanted it so much that he could see the pale figure against the snowy slopes, how the full moon would paint those sharp features with soft blue and that silver hair would shine with the icy diamonds scattered on the mountains, and he would smiling at him, those beautiful eyes filled with love and warmth.
Iruka desired to share with him the summer's mid-night sun and star-filled winter days, spent the rest of his long life with Kakashi forever and ever.
The wind gusted through the trees, the last of the water droplets falling down and it took Iruka's scent and carried to the hanyou before him. When Iruka finally reached the cave, the fire was already made and Kakashi raised his head from the fish he had been roasting, smiling brightly as he saw the tan youkai, who smiled back even though it hurt him.
"Sit down, the fish will soon be ready", the hanyou told and chuckled as the scar-nosed youkai grimaced openly. Kakashi turned and took a big leaf where two gutted fishes lay – raw ones – and offered it to Iruka. "I can't understand how you can eat raw fish", he commented amused.
"You eat also raw meat", Iruka pointed as he sat down and accepted the offering, "so why do you roast your fish?"
"Its fish" was the hanyous's slightly disgusted answer.
It was Iruka's turn chuckle as the smell of the raw fish made the pale male's nose wrinkle. He picked the meat with his fingers, eating it in small bits while Kakashi ate his own roasted one. It was rather amusing that the silver-haired hanyou could eat almost any other meat raw, but something in the smell of raw fish made his sensitive nose rebel.
"Then why do you eat it?" Iruka asked grinning, taking one of the eyes and popping it in to his mouth.
"I don't like fish", Kakashi muttered and his whole body tensed as soon as those words were out.
The words made Iruka freeze with a piece of meat in his fingers, the dark brown eyes widened as a light pink color dusted the hanyou's pale cheeks and the mismatched eyes were filled with some frantic emotion.
I don't like fish.
But, Kakashi always prepared fish when they ate together, even though the water youkai could eat red meat, too. Why would he do something like that unless –
Oh.
Iruka swallowed as his heart felt beating its way out of his chest. Slowly, the water youkai put the food away and inched closer to the unmoving male. Kakashi didn't look at him, his eyes were staring at this hands and his jaw was clenched. When Iruka got closer, he could see one of the sharp fangs biting the thin lip and that the other male was clearly blushing ever so lightly.
Carefully, one tan hand rose and the warm fingers touched the scarred cheek. When Kakashi didn't flinch away or resist, Iruka turned it so that they were face to face. He could feel the hanyou's hot breath against his lips and watched how his eyes flickered up to meet the dark brown ones. Iruka gave a small smile before leaning even closer, touching the thin lips gently with his own.
The kiss lasted only few seconds, but it felt like a small eternity for the water youkai. But all too soon he noticed that Kakashi wasn't doing anything, wasn't answering the kiss. Iruka felt sinking fear inside him and he jolted backwards. The silver-haired hanyou was staring at him with a blank face, those mysterious eyes emptier than ever before. Ah, so he had been wrong after all.
Biting his lip, Iruka rose up. "Excuse me", he said softly, not really able to hide the sadness that dwelled in him, "I won't bother you like that again. Actually, I'm leaving. Today. The winter is coming and I promised to the young ones to be back before the spring." He gave a small smile to the still sitting and silent hanyou, even though it hurt so much to do that and said the words that made his heart break in to pieces. "It was a pleasure to know you, Hatake Kakashi. Goodbye."
The trip back to the north took longer than Iruka had expected, almost two months and he had to take cover several times at the local shrines due to the autumn storms. But, as he sat and watched the thunder and rain with several youkais dancing in them, the water youkai had time to think.
Iruka reprimanded his heart for the foolish hopes it had harbored during the daylight but as the night came and the sleep claimed him, the tan youkai's mind was free to dream and hope for things that could have been. He saw in dreams how the cracks within Kakashi's heart would slowly heal, open it just for Iruka and love him back.
But as the morning came, the dreams would go away. Iruka didn't grieve this, he had experienced the feeling of loss of loved ones before and knew this was only a fleeing moment in his long life. And slowly but surely these nightly wishes became more seldom, leaving only a dull pain in where the strong ache had once resided.
When Iruka finally reached for the mountain where an old house nestled in the pine forest, the landscape was already covered with ice and snow. The building was human-made but there hadn't been anyone living there in decades when the water youkai had wandered in to the area. He had immediately fallen for the location with the small clearing and stream running next to it and after some repairing the dark-haired male had started to live in there. And as the time passed Naruto and Sasuke came to share it with him.
The rising smoke told that the young ones were there as did the tracks on the snow – Iruka had felt a mild annoyance when he had found clear scratches from one of the largest pine tree lower parts of the mountain with some black hair that could belong only to one brooding bakeneko. Or was he already a nekomata?
Most likely not, Iruka thought bit darkly as he trudged forward on the ankle-deep snow. He was just probably affected by Naruto's change, but leaving them alone for this long might've done well for both of them.
Iruka stepped on the porch and slid the door open. "Tadaima", he called out loud and grimaced slightly at the loud crashing that came from the inner parts of the house.
"Iruka-niisan!" yelled a flash dark orange, black and yellow, and the water youkai found himself falling backwards as Naruto lunged himself at him.
"Don't hurt him, usuratonkachi", Sasuke's voice commented coldly as the black-haired youkai emerged from the house. "Okaeri, Iruka-san", the bakeneko greeted and there was a flash of happiness in those dark eyes as the water youkai was finally back.
"Shut up! Iruka's home and that's all matters now!" Naruto shouted back, still clutching the tan male. He turned to grin widely at Iruka. "Okaeri, Iruka, I've missed you so much and look, look! I've got another tail!" the golden-haired kitsune explained excitedly and pointed at the second tail peeking from his dark orange hakama.
"I have missed you too, Naruto, Sasuke", the brown-haired youkai smiled as he hugged Naruto back before untangling him. "You both have grown taller while I was gone", Iruka pointed out as he watched at them. The difference from the last time he had seen them was not much but enough to notice – especially when you counted the second tail Naruto was carrying around. And, just as he had expected, Sasuke still had only one coming from his dark blue hakama.
"I think I should've stayed longer away, since you seem to mature faster that way."
The kitsune erupted in to a loud protest at this, while the bakeneko 'tched' and glared at the floor. The young ones clear disapproval of this idea filled Iruka with real happiness for the first time in two months. Eventually Naruto managed to drag Iruka to eat – it had been Sasuke's turn to cook and the black-eared youkai went to arrange one more setting – as they sat down shared the experiences from the year. He ate, laughed and smiled as the young ones started to argue like many times before in the past. But during the whole evening the water youkai chose not to say a word about silver-haired hanyou to keep the fresh wounds close.
The night air was cold, but the blood of his mother kept Iruka warm as he sat on the porch, bare foot, and smoking a beautifully ornate-decorated pipe made from a shell of a giant turtle. It was one of the last presents from his father, although the water youkai rarely indulged him in smoking.
But tonight was one of those times.
The young ones were sleeping soundly, but Iruka hadn't been able to found rest. He took another inhale from the kiseru and looked at the silver blue scene before him, so familiar that the tan youkai would be able to walk around eyes closed. The branches were covered with thick layers of snow and young trees bent almost double under the weight. There was no moon shining tonight, but the stars where out, giving the faintest light to the dark forest and the belts of snow.
The sight was beautiful and so serene, but Iruka's eyes were distant and dark. His mind was far away, recalling that one short kiss, which now came to haunt him only during the darkest moments of the night.
At that time he had been only paying attention to the thin lips and the brief moment they had shared, but as the days passed, Iruka was able to bring out more memories of that situation. He remembered the taste of the fish Kakashi had been eating that day and the hint of something unknown lingering underneath the tangs of smoke and flesh. The tan youkai could smell the earthy scent of forest and the musk of the wolf fur that had surrounded the silver-haired male as he had leant closer and feel the hot breath against the scarred skin of his cheek with the warmth of the sleek body next to him.
Iruka sighed, closing his eyes.
Along these memories came the other, less pleasant ones such as the blank eyes and the silence. No words, no reaction. Nothing. Kakashi had just stared at him with no emotion at all.
Suddenly, the cold night air was filled with a low howl. It rang through the mountain, scaring the smallest and weakest oni and youkai to their hideouts, and the tan male could feel how the hair in the back of his neck stood up. The ghostly cry was answered by a pack of wolves living on the next mountain, but the call wasn't for them.
As the howl was repeated, loudly and more demanding, Iruka stood up, the precious kiseru falling on the snow, and the water youkai was gone, leaving only whirling snow on the porch.
The wind took the smoke from the kiseru, carrying it down to the mountain where other youkai and oni dwelled in the midst of the frozen trees. A lone figure trudged through the forest with precaution of a person never used to walking on the snow. The cold air was biting the skin of his cheeks and the tips of his fingers, but he continued tenaciously, silver ears flickering at every single sound the forest made.
The sharp nose caught the wisps of a pipe and something clear, like icy water in a cool autumn morning. He stopped on his tracks, relishing the smell he had been following for so long. Unable to stop the wolf-blood in him, Kakashi raised his head and released a howl, a call for that one person. A pack of wild wolves answered to the hanyou, their wraithlike songs melting together and becoming one in the frozen night.
Encouraged by them, the silver-haired male called again, the voice leaving his throat louder and clearer than earlier.
A strong breeze gusted by, shaking the snow off the branches and catching the cape's hem. The scent of water and autumn filled his nose, and there was a familiar presence behind Kakashi.
The clear-blue yukata looked more in place among the snowy landscape and dark trees, melting in to the silver blue colors, and combined that with the little light of the stars, they brought together out the color of the tan skin in a new hue as the dark hair spilled over the shoulders like soft tresses of black ink. The look of disbelief was clear on Iruka's face as the wide dark eyes stared back at him, making the youkai look younger than he was.
"Why, why are you here?" Iruka stammered slightly, shocked as the silver-haired hanyou that he had been missing so dearly was standing right before him. His heart felt bursting from its seams with emotions filling him stronger than ever before, the sharp pain and pure happiness of seeing Kakashi fighting as equals.
Kakashi didn't answer but his mismatched eyes narrowed suddenly.
The tan youkai swallowed as the other male stalked closer, backing up even as the air surrounding him started to freeze, ice covering the bark of the trees. One slim arm stretched out, the sharp nails catching Iruka's attention but instead of slashing his throat open, the long fingers touched, gently, his cheek and a thumb rubbed soothingly the edge of the horizontal scar. Kakashi gave a soft smile, the dark and red eyes piercing Iruka, dragging out his very soul that all the water youkai wanted to do was to hide. The hanyou's breath came out as foggy puffs as the night grew colder and colder, but Kakashi didn't release his hold, not even if the frost bit his fingers. He brought his other hand, cupping the tan male's face before leaning closer.
Chapped lips flinched slightly at the iciness, but Kakashi didn't back off as he kissed Iruka, pulling the cold body flush against the hanyou's. He nipped the other's lips, gently, provoking a surprised gasp. The silver-haired male could feel how a smallest bit of warmth returned to the youkai he was holding and, slowly, Kakashi released his hold, stepping back a step.
Frozen, like nature around them, Iruka stared at the taller male, the dark eyes asking for an explanation to this. His fists were curled, fingernails biting in to skin of his palms to keep of the feelings of anger and sadness at bay.
"I'm sorry", the hanyou breathed and his eyes were filled with sadness. "I've been fighting against everybody so long that I don't know anything else but to be alone." The silver ears drooped slightly as Kakashi spoke, his words barely above a whisper. "You were the first one in years to offer me something else than hostility and it fascinated me. But it scared me, too. I was constantly wary, expecting you to attack me during those first days. There have been times when people have tried that to me. But you didn't do that, Iruka. Those months we spent together were – are still – precious to me because of that."
The scar-nosed youkai listened to the murmured words, not sure how to react to them. He didn't flinch away when the hanyou reached for his hands, cradling them with his long fingers. But Iruka did cringe when Kakashi continued to speak, the simple question ripping wide open the tender wounds of his heart:
"Why did you kiss me?"
Thousands of different answers were swarming inside his head, all of them equally dishonest, but Iruka didn't know which one to choose or not at all. The dark-haired male looked at Kakashi, seeing the eagerness in his face and eyes – even the silvery ears were perked to hear what he was about to say.
Swallowing, the tan youkai lowered his gaze to their hands. "Why do you think?" he asked quietly back, not yet ready to tell anything.
A low growl rumbled inside the narrow chest and Iruka's eyes shot to see that handsome face twisted in to a grimace, ears flat against the skull. "Don't play games with me, Iruka", Kakashi all but barked, and this close the tan youkai could see the sharp fangs clearly and the gentle hold of his hands tightened. "I've trailed you more than two months to know why you ran away without explanation. Why? Why did you leave me, Iruka?"
Desperation. There was desperation in Kakashi's voice.
It surprised Iruka greatly and made him notice that the hanyou was showing openly his pain, the mismatched eyes filled with anxiety and something akin to a fear. The pale fingers clutched the tanned ones tightly like Kakashi was frightened that he would run away. And, with a shock, the youkai realized that the silver-haired male really was scared that Iruka would leave him alone – again – in the world of mistrust and deceive.
This is it, he thought, breathless. Kakashi was revealing his vulnerability to Iruka as he granted the tan male what he had been longing to see. There was only one way to answer that, to soothe away his doubts and trepidation.
A small smile crept on the youkai's face, taking Kakashi by surprise and Iruka used this chance to step closer. There was a silent voice – a small whine of happiness perhaps – escaping from the hanyou, when the dark-haired male tilted his head to kiss other.
It was a gentle kiss where lips melted together with an occasional nip that would bring out a pleasured moan. Iruka's hands tugged themselves free to embrace the pale hanyou, bringing that cold body tightly against to his and he gave a pleased sound when Kakashi all but snuggled closer to the yukata-wearing youkai. Long arms entwined around his neck, fingers diving in to the long strands then moving down, caressing his neck, back and spine, but they soon returned to hold Iruka's head.
When they parted, the hanyou buried his head in the crook of the tan male's neck, arms resting on the narrow waist like they had always belonged in there. Iruka could feel his smile against his bare skin, just like he was smiling to the dark winter sky. His fingers were stroking the silver hair and occasionally one of the ears, while the other hand was holding Kakashi close to him.
Finally, Iruka sighed as the scars of his heart healed and it was now bursting with love and bliss to do the same to Kakashi's heart.
I am feeling your face in the dark
I'm hearing you breathe in the dark
I am tasting your lips in the dark
I'm holding you close in the dark
THE END