My eyes flutter open. "What the hell happened?" My nose hurts so I begin to rub it gently. I call out Katniss' name, but she doesn't answer. It felt like I was lying on a bed of knives. When I tried to pick myself up, I realized something was holding me down. After I called for my dad, everything got blurry and I closed my eyes again. A beeping sound hummed in my ears and I could feel something burning in my throat.
I continued calling out peoples' names.
"Gale?" but I still got no reply.
I get this hot feeling in my chest and I keep wishing Katniss was here to explain everything. I attempt to open my eyes again. My lids are playing tug-a-war. I see mere images of people. My heart begins to race when I see my dad looking through the small glass window and all the doctors surrounding me.
"How the hell did I get here?"
The more I talked the more people ignored me. Then I realized my lips weren't even moving. No one could hear me because I couldn't speak.
I was still looking at my dad while he cried on the other side of the glass. I thought doctors were supposed to close the blinds so people couldn't see what was going on. Thinking about the pain I could feel but I wasn't able to understand made everything worse. I didn't know what was going on with my body. My heart started to race again, so fast that I couldn't catch up with it. I shut my eyes again and embraced the darkness that pushed away the pain. My head stopped hurting, my chest got cold, my eyes stopped playing tug-a-war, my dad and his tears were gone, and the beeping stopped. It was just me and the darkness.
Then I saw a light, a girl who lit up the darkness. She called my name. In the blink of an eye she was so close that I could smell her perfume. She had long dark hair. I couldn't see her face. She was looking down and covering her face with her hand. After a long pause of silence she lifted her hand from her face and it was-
"Katniss?" I shook my head, trying to take everything in.
"Where are we?" she refused to answer my question and took my hand instead.
The warmth of her hand wasn't reflecting onto mine. I kept squeezing hers hard enough for me to feel it, that warmth. Nothing happened. All she did was smile at me.
"Katniss, why won't you answer my question?" I was going to be persistent on asking her questions until she answered them.
"I could get in trouble if I answer them Peeta." her tone was soft, almost like a whisper.
"Katniss, are you leaving me?" after I said that she gave me a confused look.
Have you ever had a dream that you felt was real and you said something really stupid, but you couldn't control yourself from saying it because it's a dream? Whenever you run from something you run too slowly? Again, that's how I was feeling. I understand why Katniss was confused. It was a stupid question to ask.
"Peeta, just shut up for once okay?"
Katniss never really asked for much so I nodded and kept my mouth shut. She began to explain what was going on. I noticed there was no reflection in her eyes and the scar she always had on her chin was gone.
Katniss said that I needed to fix myself, even though she loved me, she needed me to change. I'm not sure why.
She paused, probably because I grabbed her shoulders, not even aware of my actions.
I could tell she wanted to cry. She choked out a quiet sob and let the tears run down her cheek.
"Just fix it Peeta."
Before I could ask any more questions, she was gone and I was standing in front of Gale's house.
"Hey, Peeta. Take a seat. " he patted me hard on the back and pushed me onto the couch.
Gale grabbed a couple beers from the fridge and I started chugging until I saw Katniss barge through the door without even knocking, typical. I hid the beer behind my back. Katniss told me to stop drinking after I got a couple DUI's and mainly because she didn't want me getting hurt.
"What's up?" she scowled at my hands behind my back. She knew I was hiding something, but I didn't answer.
She plopped down next to me on the couch, spilling some of the beer.
"You're drinking.." she said while grabbing behind me and feeling the beer bottle.
"You promised me you'd stop. I thought you were going to change." She was on the verge of yelling. Then it hit me, change.
The rest of the night went on and I didn't put one bottle of beer to my lips. Katniss kept smiling at me like she was proud, since I haven't gone a Friday night without drinking since I was in 9th grade. Gale kept drinking. I tried to convince him to quit for just one night, but he wouldn't listen. Gale began acting weird and Katniss felt uncomfortable, so we left.
"I like your truck. I've always liked your truck." She smirked and felt the texture of the seat belt.
"You're a freak, you know that?" after I said that it was quiet; she didn't like when I called her that. People always made fun of her in high school, 'the freak that killed squirrels for fun.'
"You're too serious sometimes Kat."
"Stop the car." I listened to her and drove a bit off the road, cutting the engine.
"Why are we stopping the car?" I asked only to realize she didn't want to be in the car anymore. By the time I was half way through asking the question she was out the door. I couldn't help but follow after her.
"Katniss, where the hell are you going?"
"You said you would change."
"That was a joke Katniss."
"A joke? Are you kidding me Peeta?" She was now screaming. Thank god no one lived around here or they'd probably call the cops.
"There's beer in your trunk Peeta! I'm not stupid! I looked before we left Gale's house!"
"Katniss, I'm a grown man! You can't tell me when I can and can't drink!"
She started to walk further away from me in the opposite direction.
"You're angry and selfish Peeta Mellark."
After she said that I grabbed her arm. She tried to pull away, but I grabbed harder. She kept asking me to let go because I was hurting her. Earlier that day I drank about 6 cans of beer. I was mad, so mad. I let my anger get the best of me and left bruises on her arm.
I was watching from afar like a ghost. How stupid was I to touch Katniss like that? How could I hurt her like that? Then I saw myself throwing Katniss in the passenger's seat of my truck. All I could hear was the yelling and Katniss' crying. How could I have been so angry with her when she did nothing but tell me the truth? I was angry and selfish, but mainly stupid to have let this all get to me so late.
That's when the realization hit me; the all-day alcoholic binge, my anger issues, not reminding Katniss to wear her seatbelt, and the eighteen wheeler truck that smashed into my car.
I saw them pressing on my chest with defibrillators trying to bring me back to life. I studied myself in the bloody hospital bed. Where was Katniss? Was she okay?
I ran down the hall and there she was, only a couple rooms down from mine. There were no doctors in the room; just a priest, a bible, and her aunt who had been taking care of her because both of her parents died when she was only six.
All I could see was Katniss' lifeless body, closed eyes, and pale skin. It was all too unreal. This wasn't real. Not real, not real, not real. I wanted to go back to the darkness where she was okay.
When the priest and her aunt left, I walked into her room. I was a ghost to everyone around, but I had to be alone with her. This had to be private.
"I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair, kissing the side of her cold face.
"Please, please, please, please, come back." I let go of all my strength and fell to my knees, resting my arm on the hospital bed. I watched the tears hit the floor. Maybe if I cry enough, I can drown. I can be with her again.
"Peeta,"
I turned around and saw her standing there in the doorway. I looked between her lifeless body and her glowing one. Her eyeliner was smeared.
"Kat, have you been crying?"
"A little." She let out a giggle and wiped her tears.
"I realized what a jerk I've been my whole life. I'm sorry I tricked you into thinking I was this nice guy when we first met. I'm sorry I made you fall in love with someone I'm not." I wanted to look down, but I couldn't hide from her anymore. I had to look at her. I had to make sure she knew that I was truly sorry.
"You're a nice guy Peeta. You just got lost." I couldn't argue with that because she was right. She was always right.
"So, what do we do now?" I asked.
"You can't change what's already occurred, but they could save you. I died. They can't save me. You're supposed to die, but now that you've learned from your mistakes… you can choose to live."
I thought about it for a moment. Why would I want a second chance if Katniss isn't there? I'd have to live my life without her.
"Katniss, I want to stay with you. Always."
I grabbed her hand and we walked into the bright light at the end of the hallway, like in the movies when the angels go back to their home in the sky. Except, this wasn't a movie and I knew I was entering a heaven greater than the one I'd thought I'd known.