Disclaimer: I still don't own The Mentalist.
A/N: Because I clearly need another WIP that I have no time to write, right? But this particular plot bunny kept nudging me with its figurative nose, and then it started biting. So I listened to it.
Chapter One: The First Day
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Lisbon stared at the wrapped box on her desk and cautiously prodded it with a finger.
"It's not a bomb, you know," Jane said.
Lisbon started.
Apparently Jane had silently slid into her office while she was distracted
"Don't scare me like that!" she snapped. Eyes narrowing in suspicion, she added, "And how do you know what's in it? Did you already open and re-wrap it?"
"No need to be so suspicious, my dear," Jane said. "Although for the record, I'm a tad hurt that you would think that of me."
"Right, hurt," Lisbon snorted in disbelief. "So what? You're able to tell what's in the box from the wrapping paper or something? Maybe from the way the bow is tied?"
"No, although I can guess who gave it to you from that," Jane said calmly.
Lisbon resisted the urge to smack him.
"Enlighten me," she said flatly.
"What, and ruin the mystery? Where's your sense of fun, Teresa?"
"Excuse me for being concerned!" Lisbon snapped. "For all I know, this is one of Red John's tricks. In fact, I'm surprised that you didn't consider that in the first place."
Jane's face abruptly became very serious.
"I caught the fellow who snuck the box in and questioned him. I can assure you that your present has no connection to Red John."
"Questioned him? More like hypnotized," Lisbon muttered, reading the meaning behind his words.
Still… if Jane thought it was OK…
"Fine," Lisbon said. "But if I die from opening this box, I know exactly who I'm going to blame."
Jane spread his hands open in a conciliatory gesture, which she decided to interpret as his agreement.
Carefully peeling the tape off, Lisbon unwrapped and opened the cardboard box. Inside, there was another box, this one bearing the words "Harrington's Pear Tea."
Huh.
She opened the large tea box. There, nestled amidst fragrant tea bags was a 9x19mm pistol cartridge.
Whoever had given this to her knew that she had a Glock 19 as her backup/off-duty weapon. Granted, most LEOs had a 19 even though they weren't CBI-issue, but…
Was this simply a thoughtful gift or was it a veiled threat?
She suddenly noticed a bit of paper that didn't look like the rest of the tea bags. Pulling it out, she unfolded it.
"Merry first day of Christmas," she read slowly. "From your secret admirer."
Jane raised an eyebrow and said, "Obviously I overestimated your admirer's intelligence."
"Excuse me?" Lisbon said.
"It's a common misconception that the twelve days of Christmas lead up to Christmas Day. In actuality, the first day of Christmas is December 25th." Jane said in a lecturing tone. "Obviously, you, as a good Catholic, know that. Your admirer, on the other hand, clearly doesn't. And he didn't bother to educate himself before using the schema to give you gifts, either. As I said, less intelligent than I thought."
"Catholics aren't the only ones who celebrate Christmastide. Some traditions put the first day on the 26th," Lisbon chided gently, turning the slip of paper over to double-check that there was nothing else written on it.
There wasn't.
"No, but you are Catholic," Jane said patiently. "Which one would hope your admirer realizes, considering his otherwise reasonable grasp on your personal tastes."
He wrinkled his nose in the direction of the gun cartridge.
"If my admirer knew me, then he'd know that I prefer coffee," Lisbon pointed out.
"Ah, but then it wouldn't work with the song, now would it?" Jane said with aplomb.
The song… oh…
Jane exited her office whistling the tune cheerfully and Lisbon lowered herself into her seat.
On the first day of Christmas, someone gave to me… a cartridge in a box of pear tea.