AN- I wrote and posted a oneshot called "Suicide" several years ago, in which Shadow kills himself following the events of his game. When I went back and read the story recently, I was horrified by how badly written it was. I decided to completely redo the piece, and in doing so created this.
I hope that this version turned out better than the original.
the end
I am Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Life Form. I was created for many things and used for none of them – at least at this point in time.
In this day and age, I find myself faced with no task aside from sheer reflection on the changing world around me. I don't like it. I don't like any of it, and I want everyone in this corroding world to know that. I want things to go back to the way that I was told they once were. I want the world to be beautiful and pure again without any fear or hatred or fear of hatred. I want to look up at the sky without having to worry about the poisonous what-ifs spiraling beyond the realm of my control and leading to streets splattered with the result of my unleashed longing for a new world order.
But, as I've come to sadly acknowledge, what I want doesn't mean a thing. It's all about what the big-shot humans with the wads of worthless paper in their pockets want. It's all about exploiting the masses and taking advantage of forces as primal as human emotions. Life has become a game of push and pull, and more often than not it's the pullers winning over the pushers. Rather than subject themselves to punishment and humiliation, the losers of the game elect to spend the rest of their lives kissing the winners' feet, working tirelessly with their tails between their legs – all for nothing. When those warm bodies eventually turn cold, they are replaced swiftly and without much consideration or fuss. The process has repeated endlessly before my eyes, and it shows no signs of stopping or evolving.
It sickens me; yet it also has me thinking that if the value of a human life has been whittled away to nothing, what is the value of my life?
Afraid of the answer to that question, I find myself thinking about what it would be like to disappear. Should I really put an end to it all? Perhaps I should seriously look into doing so now that the men crowded around the big red button are wondering out loud what to do next. The manual is right in front of them, but none of them have been able to take notice of it for as long as I've been living in their world and breathing the same air that they do.
Yes, I've spent the most recent of these supposedly infinite years of mine trapped on this slowly suffocating planet watching the puppets dance and sing, my eyes glazing over with boredom after five or so years of such constant triviality. Upon the last sigh and roll of the eyes, I awakened myself to the thought that my flawless existence might not mean anything after all.
Immediately I imagined a permanent disappearance, a clean erasing of my name from the blackboard. Now, gazing out the sun-stained window of my vacant room with my arms wrapped around my knees, I find it difficult to deny my recurring attraction to the idea. I've screamed out "THE END" quite a few times before this day, all while stubbornly clinging to life like a child refusing to part with a stuffed animal that's been dragged through the mud and had its limbs ripped to shreds. I never meant to turn any of those attempts into successes, at least not back then. This time, things are different. The day has at last come on which I learned too much, and its sunset is fast approaching.
I know what I have to do, and I'm determined to carry it out – to the very end this time.
I am not stupid; I am aware that the world will continue to turn without me. Sonic and the others will grieve for a short while and then move on with their lives, coming to terms with the idea that I would have wanted them to do so. In reality, I don't think that I would want such a thing after all. Perhaps I would want them all to join me, to follow me into the kinder, brighter world that I was promised all those years ago by one who remembered nothing of what it was like to breathe fresh air.
Once again, though, I must remind myself that my wishes don't mean a thing in this world. To these humans, I am no "Ultimate Life Form", and my confidence and superiority come off as nothing more than plain arrogance to them. In this world, I am nothing more than an actor, a fake, a phony, a fraud, driven by greed just like everybody else and thus no different.
If such a thing is true, consequently my existence is empty and without meaning, just like that of the human race. Therefore, there is no reason for me to continue to exist when my very state of being is equal to zero.
Goodbye, blindly broken world. I'm sure that you will completely devolve into chaos someday soon. Thank you for allowing me to open my eyes and take the first step forward. I can only hope, as I tighten the rope around my neck with a sense of finality, that my disappearance from this Earth will not have been in vain.
There I go again, keeping alive the delusion that my wishes have significance even now.
Kicking away the chair that has yet to grow warm beneath my feet, I extend my arms and let myself fly for the final time. I watch the wavering sunlight below form a distorted image of me on the sleek wooden planks, a seemingly stable "shadow".
Watching the false darkness swirl out around the room, I realize what can only be realized in the last few moments of life. For the first time in an untold amount of years, the world is finally at peace, and it's all thanks to me. At long last, I can close my eyes and let myself disappear.
The End.
-ジエンド-