I don't own any MGS-related items, they all belong to Kojima, and Celebrity
Jeopardy belongs to SNL.
Episode 1
Narrator: Welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy, here's your host, Alex Trebek!
clapclapclapclap
Alex: Thank you, and welcome to a special series of Celebrity Jeopardy. This is a special Metal Gear Solid series of Jeopardy, featuring characters from the popular game. Let's meet our special guests. First we have Solid Snake.
Snake: Thanks Alex, Do you know anything about a new Metal Gear being developed, 'cause if you do. . . points SOCOM at Trebek
Alex: I should run away, right now. Next is former Colonel of FOXHOUND Roy Campbell.
Roy: Hey Alex, did you hear about that purple stuffed worm in flap jaw space . . .
Alex: You already told me Roy, 10 times today. And our last guest is . . . Sean Connery.
Sean: Trebek, we meet again.
Alex: Can anybody tell me why he is here? Anyone? No? OK then, let's see the categories they are, POTENT POTABLES, HOLIDAYS INVOLVING EASTER BUNNIES, NUMBERS BETWEEN 1 AND 3, THE BONE REEL, this category shows a picture of a bone and you have to tell what bone it is, so ignore it, DAYS THAT BEGIN IN "THURS", and COLORS OF ORANGES. Mr. Snake, pick the first category.
Snake: How about, hmmm, FAMOUS BRANDS OF CIGARETTES for $100.
Alex: Uhhh, that is not a category.
Snake: 'Cause my favorite is Marlboro.
Alex: I really don't care. Mr. Campbell, do you mind.
Roy: I don't wanna pick a category.
Alex: But Mr. Campbell, according to the rules, you have to pick one.
Roy: I don't give a damn about what that piece of trash said! Do you get me?
Alex: OK then, Mr. Conner . . . oh I'll just pick the category, DAYS THAT BEGIN IN "THURS" for $200. "This day is not Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday, but this day.
buzz
Alex: Snake!
Snake: What is Metal Gear THURS?
Alex: No, the answer is a day of the week. I'll give you a hint, it begins with "Thurs" and ends in "day".
buzz
Alex: Uhhh, Mr. Connery.
Sean: You know Trebek, I hear you're happily married.
Alex: Well, yes I am.
Sean: And you have well-behaved children, too.
Alex: Well yes, but why?
Sean: Oh nothing, by the way, how were you able to impregnate your hushband? Hahahahaha.
Alex: Oh come on, that isn't funny.
Snake: That was a good one Sean, hahahaha, hey I'll buy you a beer tonight and we can talk about how gay Alex Trebek is, Hahahaha.
Sean: Why that shounds very fun, would you like to come Trebek, but don't forget your tampons, you know what thoshe buffalo wings did to you before, hahahahahahahahaha
Alex: Uhh, no I don't Mr. Connery. Let's just end the show right now.
Roy: That wasn't according to simulation, Mr. Trebek, finish the show.
Alex: . . .Ok then, Mr. Campbell I'll, go according to your simulated version of this show. By the way, the answer to the question was Thursday, that is the only day that begins in "Thurs".
Sean: Hey Trebek, I have shtory to tell you.
Alex: I don't wanna hear it.
Sean: OK, I'll jusht end it by shaying that you have a new baby shtep- brother. Hahahahahaha.
Alex: Oh, that was just wrong. Snake may I borrow your SOCOM.
Snake: Only if you tell me where the Patriots are, you green gray-haired rookie.
Alex: Snake, the Patriots don't exist, this isn't Metal Gear Jeopardy no matter how much you want it to be.
Roy: Mr. Trebek!
Alex: Oh, the simulation crap, thingy . . . Ok let's move on to Final Jeopardy, and the category is, NAMES OF STATES, ok I think that's too hard for you, all you have to do is write a letter of the alphabet. Start now.
Final Jeopardy theme plays
Alex: That's it. Write any letter. It could be A, or T, or Z, any letter.
theme stops
Alex: OK, time's up, Snake, let's see what you wrote. And you wrote the letter - you pucnhed the writing board. Now there is a giant fist mark on the writing board. And you wagered - DIE LIQUID! Now what was that fir?
Snake: Liquid possessed the podium, the podium tried to get Liquid out of its mind, I tried helping by punching it. But it didn't work, so I wrote this.
Alex: No matter how not so hard you tried, "DIE LIQUID!" is consisted of letters, you may win if the other two don't write letters. Mr. Campbell, let's see what you wrote. You wrote - you drew a picture of a worm and three balls around him.
Roy: That's a purple-stuffed worm floating around in flap-jaw space.
Alex: Very well then, you wagered - scissors! You drew scissors?
Roy: Yes, I need scissors! 61!
Alex: OK, you wagered $61. Finally, Mr. Connery.
Sean: You show your face to me to Tampax-wearing bashtard!
Alex: Let's get this overwith. You wrote - an upside down horseshoe? Well, in ancient Greek, that is Omega, which is a letter you got the Final Jeopardy category correct. I must be the drugs or something. Anyway, you wagered - oh, oh my, a picture of a dick and two balls is shown inserted into the horseshoe well, uhmmm . . .
Sean: A close to shcale drawing of me and your mother lasht night. Hahahahaha
Snake: Hahahahahaha
Roy: Hahahahahahaha
Alex: OK, I'm going to go home and hit my head against my wall until I fall unconscious. See you next time on Celebrity Jeporady.
Episode 1
Narrator: Welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy, here's your host, Alex Trebek!
clapclapclapclap
Alex: Thank you, and welcome to a special series of Celebrity Jeopardy. This is a special Metal Gear Solid series of Jeopardy, featuring characters from the popular game. Let's meet our special guests. First we have Solid Snake.
Snake: Thanks Alex, Do you know anything about a new Metal Gear being developed, 'cause if you do. . . points SOCOM at Trebek
Alex: I should run away, right now. Next is former Colonel of FOXHOUND Roy Campbell.
Roy: Hey Alex, did you hear about that purple stuffed worm in flap jaw space . . .
Alex: You already told me Roy, 10 times today. And our last guest is . . . Sean Connery.
Sean: Trebek, we meet again.
Alex: Can anybody tell me why he is here? Anyone? No? OK then, let's see the categories they are, POTENT POTABLES, HOLIDAYS INVOLVING EASTER BUNNIES, NUMBERS BETWEEN 1 AND 3, THE BONE REEL, this category shows a picture of a bone and you have to tell what bone it is, so ignore it, DAYS THAT BEGIN IN "THURS", and COLORS OF ORANGES. Mr. Snake, pick the first category.
Snake: How about, hmmm, FAMOUS BRANDS OF CIGARETTES for $100.
Alex: Uhhh, that is not a category.
Snake: 'Cause my favorite is Marlboro.
Alex: I really don't care. Mr. Campbell, do you mind.
Roy: I don't wanna pick a category.
Alex: But Mr. Campbell, according to the rules, you have to pick one.
Roy: I don't give a damn about what that piece of trash said! Do you get me?
Alex: OK then, Mr. Conner . . . oh I'll just pick the category, DAYS THAT BEGIN IN "THURS" for $200. "This day is not Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday, but this day.
buzz
Alex: Snake!
Snake: What is Metal Gear THURS?
Alex: No, the answer is a day of the week. I'll give you a hint, it begins with "Thurs" and ends in "day".
buzz
Alex: Uhhh, Mr. Connery.
Sean: You know Trebek, I hear you're happily married.
Alex: Well, yes I am.
Sean: And you have well-behaved children, too.
Alex: Well yes, but why?
Sean: Oh nothing, by the way, how were you able to impregnate your hushband? Hahahahaha.
Alex: Oh come on, that isn't funny.
Snake: That was a good one Sean, hahahaha, hey I'll buy you a beer tonight and we can talk about how gay Alex Trebek is, Hahahaha.
Sean: Why that shounds very fun, would you like to come Trebek, but don't forget your tampons, you know what thoshe buffalo wings did to you before, hahahahahahahahaha
Alex: Uhh, no I don't Mr. Connery. Let's just end the show right now.
Roy: That wasn't according to simulation, Mr. Trebek, finish the show.
Alex: . . .Ok then, Mr. Campbell I'll, go according to your simulated version of this show. By the way, the answer to the question was Thursday, that is the only day that begins in "Thurs".
Sean: Hey Trebek, I have shtory to tell you.
Alex: I don't wanna hear it.
Sean: OK, I'll jusht end it by shaying that you have a new baby shtep- brother. Hahahahahaha.
Alex: Oh, that was just wrong. Snake may I borrow your SOCOM.
Snake: Only if you tell me where the Patriots are, you green gray-haired rookie.
Alex: Snake, the Patriots don't exist, this isn't Metal Gear Jeopardy no matter how much you want it to be.
Roy: Mr. Trebek!
Alex: Oh, the simulation crap, thingy . . . Ok let's move on to Final Jeopardy, and the category is, NAMES OF STATES, ok I think that's too hard for you, all you have to do is write a letter of the alphabet. Start now.
Final Jeopardy theme plays
Alex: That's it. Write any letter. It could be A, or T, or Z, any letter.
theme stops
Alex: OK, time's up, Snake, let's see what you wrote. And you wrote the letter - you pucnhed the writing board. Now there is a giant fist mark on the writing board. And you wagered - DIE LIQUID! Now what was that fir?
Snake: Liquid possessed the podium, the podium tried to get Liquid out of its mind, I tried helping by punching it. But it didn't work, so I wrote this.
Alex: No matter how not so hard you tried, "DIE LIQUID!" is consisted of letters, you may win if the other two don't write letters. Mr. Campbell, let's see what you wrote. You wrote - you drew a picture of a worm and three balls around him.
Roy: That's a purple-stuffed worm floating around in flap-jaw space.
Alex: Very well then, you wagered - scissors! You drew scissors?
Roy: Yes, I need scissors! 61!
Alex: OK, you wagered $61. Finally, Mr. Connery.
Sean: You show your face to me to Tampax-wearing bashtard!
Alex: Let's get this overwith. You wrote - an upside down horseshoe? Well, in ancient Greek, that is Omega, which is a letter you got the Final Jeopardy category correct. I must be the drugs or something. Anyway, you wagered - oh, oh my, a picture of a dick and two balls is shown inserted into the horseshoe well, uhmmm . . .
Sean: A close to shcale drawing of me and your mother lasht night. Hahahahaha
Snake: Hahahahahaha
Roy: Hahahahahahaha
Alex: OK, I'm going to go home and hit my head against my wall until I fall unconscious. See you next time on Celebrity Jeporady.