Loss
She'd never truly understood the word Loss until now. In the past she'd always believe that something that you lost could ultimately be found. Like when she was four and had had taken her favourite doll to playschool – during the day somehow she'd placed to doll somewhere and could remember where she'd left it. It wasn't until just before her mum came to pick her up that she'd found it, tucked in to the crib in the dolls house. She'd been so happy to find 'Annie' that she didn't let go off the toy for the rest of the day.
Then when she was ten her dog, Poppy, had run away, or at least that's what she was told. For days she searched the streets shouting the dog's name. Finally her parents had given in and gone to a local dog shelter and rescued a dog that had a slight resemblance to Poppy. She'd been so happy to see her beloved dog again; she didn't realize that this was a different Poppy. It was only a few months later when her cousin let the truth slip that she'd found out the truth although she'd never totally believed it.
But now as she looked back she realised that this was not what loss really was. Now she realised the truth. Truly losing something meant you'd never find it again. She sighed to herself as she turned away from the tiny freshly dug grave. This was true loss. The loss of her precious baby Grace Rose – the tiny child that had lived only two hours and yet her mother loved her more than anything and would give anything to have just one extra minute.
Slowly she turned back and looked down in to the hole, she reached in to her deep coat pocket and pulled something out – it was old and tattered but it could still be recognised as 'Annie' the doll that had comforted her throughout her childhood. She wished the doll to care for her daughter and gently through it in to the grave. Then she pulled out a tiny cream teddy bear that she'd brought just before admitting herself in to maternity. She'd wanted this to be her baby's first teddy bear; she hadn't expected this moment to be like this. She'd imagined placing the bear in the clear plastic hospital crib next to the newborn that would clasp the bear's tiny paw in her small hand. A tear slipped down her cheek, as she realised just how different the reality was from the dream she'd dreamed for nine months. She threw the teddy in. then she blew her daughter and kiss.
"Sleep tight baby girl" she said softly, tears slipping down her cheeks uncontrollably now. She turned away and started to walk away – and she knew this was the first day of her life, today was day one for Constance Beauchamp.