Hello again. This is a really light, silly story that will only be a few chapters long. Nothing serious here this time. Just Jane messing around with two hapless idiots who will rue the day they ever met Patrick Jane.

Midnight Run

Chapter 1

All That, and a Bag of Chips

He tried to ignore them. They had barged in and the kid working behind the counter immediately took off. Now the older one was checking out the magazine rack for photos of naked women and the other one...he was looking for a fight. There was no place to hide and no way to brush past him without a confrontation.

"You lookin' at me?"

Please piss off...

"No."

"I think you're lookin' at me."

I just want to buy a snack and go home. I really don't need this aggravation. Be nice and maybe he'll push off.

"I have to look somewhere, sorry you got in my way". Smart ass reply. Not a smart move though.

"I think you like what you see pretty boy. Men like you make me sick."

Unhinged and homophobic. Great...

"I just want to get my bag of chips and get home again to my wife. I have no desire to get in your way or hold you up from your business. Please, shop, have a good night" the exasperated man explained, concerned for his safety now.

"Hey Wally, this guy's makin' eyes at me" the dim witted young aggressor shouted to his travelling companion.

"What a sick fuck…" the grizzly older man called back as he scanned a nudie magazine by the front door. The kid behind the counter had taken shelter in the back of the store when both men walked in and now was long gone. He knew their kind and wanted nothing to do with them. He'd rather get fired from his job than face a conflict with the two men who now prowled the store like lions in a cage. They looked like they had just crawled out of a sewer. With a shave, shower, decent clean clothes, both men would be genuinely handsome, but with their 3 day growth of beard, greasy hair and food splattered sweaty t-shirts, they were smelly and repulsive. Repulsive to women. Repulsive to Patrick Jane, who was now stuck against the wall, nose to grimy nose with the younger of the two men, trying to talk his way out of this small all-night convenience store. Teresa was working the rare night shift with Cho and Jane had had an urge for some salty chips, something they almost never kept in the kitchen of their home in Austin. Snacking would lead to weight gain, and both of them were vain enough to want to stay slim and agile for the work they did for the FBI. So, a late night run to the store for a very small bag of chips was necessary. He should have resisted the urge to indulge.

The young man leaned in close to Jane, pressing his body up against Patrick's, breathing foul air into his face.

"So...you like what you see? Ain't that right mister?" the young man suggested with a lascivious grin.

A cockroach wouldn't want to be in bed with you...

"Sorry, not my type. See?" Jane said, holding up his left hand, new wedding band glinting in the harsh fluorescent light. "I just came for a snack, which I found, now I plan to go home. Like I said, have a good night."

He tried to slide out from behind the young man's body and walk to the side door and his car. Fresh air awaited.

The young man's demeanor changed from one of teasing delight to rejected anger. Not that he wanted this stranger to come onto him, but he couldn't handle the idea that anyone would reject him for any reason.

"You ain't goin' home buddy. Not til I say so. Ain't that right Wal?" the young man shouted.

"He looks happy right where he is" Wally shouted back, totally engrossed in the latest edition of the flesh mag. His younger brother was always spoiling for a fight and it looks like he just found one. Wally couldn't be bothered to get involved. He just wanted food, a cold drink, all the cash from the register and a hit of Ecstasy. His brother Joe was so...exhausting.

"See? Wally agrees with me...you don't want to go home, not just yet. You want to stay and play for awhile" Joe told Patrick, who was trying to inch himself away from Joe's stinking body.

Gotta distract this weasel...

"You want to play? Play what? What's the plan" Patrick asked. "By the way, I'm Patrick. And you are?"

Joe snorted at Jane's polite introduction, like he was an ambassador or king or some other shit. He didn't even seem scared of them. What the hell was he all about?

"Joe...call me Joe. That there's my brother Wally" Joe said proudly, pointing to his distracted older brother. Wally looked up over the edge of his magazine and scowled at Joe. He'd give him 2 more minutes to make an ass out of himself then they had to go. He walked around the counter and opened the till, scooping up all the paper money and coins, which he then stuffed into a plastic bag.

And here we go...I just witnessed a robbery...they can't let me go now...

Joe watched Wally take the money and grinned wolfishly. The till was full of money and they'd score some good drugs later tonight, after he finished toying with 'Patrick'.

"Hey, throw in some candy and other shit for later! And grab some beers...it's hot out there!" Joe yelled at Wally while Patrick edged farther away from his annoying aggressor. As he finally stepped fully away from Joe he made to run to the other end of the store where a door led to the alleyway. So far, so good. He got halfway down the aisle before Joe turned back to face him and discovered his friend Patrick was getting away.

"Stop the fuck there!" Joe yelled, but Patrick kept moving forward, afraid to stop, afraid to turn and see if a gun was being pointed at his back.

"Joe…" Wally said wearily, not needing all this additional hassle right now. They had only just got out of the local jail after 90 days, and he badly wanted to just freshen up and sleep for a week without other men screaming and cursing at him 24/7.

"I said stop!" Joe yelled, advancing on Jane's rapidly receding form. "I say stop one more time and you get a bullet for a snack!" Joe ordered Jane. Jane slowed his escape and risked turning his head to see if the threat had merit.

Joe stood at attention with his arm extended, a .45 calibre handgun pointing straight at Jane's head. "Got your attention now eh pretty boy?" Joe laughed, crackling with drug fueled energy, He walked slowly towards his target, the gun still high and aimed by a surprisingly steady hand. Jane turned around, his hands raised over his head as he gazed out of the wall of windows running along the side of the building. Not a single car drove by, not a single person walked the streets at this time of the night. He had been a fool to come here tonight.

Stay calm...keep Joe busy…

"I was just…" Jane began, before Joe walked up to his prey and grinned, then brought the gun down across Jane's face, knocking him to the ground with the unexpected blow. Raising a palm to his cheek, Jane's hand came away bloody. He lay sprawled on the floor, and Joe stood straddling him like a hunter posing with his kill.

"Joe, come on...we gotta go…" Wally said as he tossed the magazine into the plastic bag and walked towards his excited brother.

"I ain't done with this fucker!" Joe shouted, filled with his immense sense of power. A gun was such a great social leveller.

"Yes you are Joe. Look, you won, he lost. We gotta go. Forget this loser. His type go home to mamma and cry all night but don't do a damned thing. Ain't that right Patrick? You ain't gonna do a damned thing about this are you? 'Cause you're a wimp. A soft bellied mamma's boy who hates conflict" Wally scoffed, assuming Patrick was terrified suburbanite who would just take his punishment and not run to the cops.

"Yup, you got that right. I don't plan on doing anything except going home. This never happened...and I do hate conflict" Jane agreed readily. This pleased Wally, for the moment. Then Wally had another idea.

"Give me your wallet" the older brother commanded, holding his hand out to Jane.

"Haven't you got enough money already?" Jane asked, reluctant to hand over his credit cards.

"I don't want your damned money" Wally explained. "Give me your wallet or I let Joe loose on you" he warned Patrick. Joe advanced on Jane, his fists already balled up ready to fight.

"Ok, Ok…" Jane agreed, handing his brown leather wallet to Joe, who then gave it to Wally.

"Let's see who we've got here…" Wally said casually. "Hmmm...Patrick Jane...so... Mr. Jane...where do you live with this lovely wife of yours?" Wally mumbled as he looked at everything in the wallet.

Jane's self control was being stretched thin. If they knew where he and Teresa lived, he expected Wally and Joe would eventually pay them a visit. Wally pulled out Jane's driver's license.

"Oh….way out there...ain't that piece of land got a pond on it? Did you buy that old piece of shit cabin and fix it up for your Missus?" Wally asked, knowing the Austin area very well.

Jane said nothing. Anything he said would be used against him or Teresa, so he bit his tongue.

"Well, good for you if you could turn that hunk of plywood into a house. What else we got here…?" he muttered as he turned the wallet inside out. A small card fell to the ground and Jane knew he was finished.

Joe stooped to pick it up and held it up to his eyes. Not believing what he read, he passed it over to his much smarter brother.

Wally took the business card and eyed the logo, in bold type across the top of the card, then scanned the details below. As the information he read began to lodge in his brain, he quietly tucked the card back into the wallet and put it into the plastic bag with the snacks and the money.

"It ain't real Wally. Can't be. Not this pussy. No way Wally" Joe blabbered, suddenly nervous.

Wally sat down on his heels to stare at Patrick, who was now sitting up and wiping his bleeding cheek with a handkerchief while trying to clear his foggy brain.

"Well well well...looky what my idiot brother caught tonight" Wally said quietly, looking up at his younger sibling. "Joe, you should be proud of yourself. You just caught yourself an FBI agent!"

Jane cringed inwardly. His chances of walking out of that sad convenience store had just diminished immeasurably as his true identity was revealed. And, Wally knew where he lived.