Still soft
He wondered if she was still soft,he remembered how she was in the prison. And he knew she couldn't have changed so much in just two months since she was banished from the prison.
He watches her every day even if she doesn't realise it. Everyday she acts more weird,everyday she changes a little bit, every day she distances herself from everyone a little more… from him. And everyday he watches her. He doesn't know why he does it but he is afraid that one day she will just disappear.
But he doesn't talk to her, he doesn't look at her when he knows she's looking at him, he doesn't tell her how much he misses her, he doesn't tell her he can't sleep at night because he is obsessed with her. He spends his nights thinking about their memories, how good he felt when he hugged her in Terminus, how much he misses her, how worried he is for her….
He wonders in those nights if she is still his Carol. The one who smiled every day sincerely, the one who used to kiss goodnight to every kid and some lucky days, she would even kiss his cheek. He wonders if she is still soft and kind and lovely or if she just disappeared.. He took her for granted, he thought he would always have her kindness and her love. He never thought they would take her away from him, he never though her own sins would steal her from him.
That's all he does while he watches her, he wonders about her and about what could have been and never was.
….
He saw her flirting with that tall guy.. Robin?. He doesn't even know that fucker's name and he doesn't fucking care. He knows her smiles are fake, he knows she's playing a role, he knows she is a good actress and he knows her real smiles disappeared a long time ago.
They have decided to celebrate a party in Spencer's house. Why? He doesn't understand why. The man has lost his entire family and half Alexandria was destroyed when that herd attacked was a lot of tension and he thought it was pretty stupid but it seems everyone wanted to celebrate that Maggie was pregnant.
The truth is.. he was here for her. Again. He watches her as she talks with everyone, faking she is a housewife. He doesn't understand why she continues faking, everyone saw her fighting that day, everyone saw Carol Peletier was a warrior and not a fucking burden. But she stills plays her role and he is starting to feel weird because he knows she is hurting more than before.. and he can see her body is here but not her mind
That's why he laughed when he saw that fucker flirting with her. He knows he is flirting with just a mask and that fucker will never know what it is to look at her real smile
For him, her smiles were his reasons to wake up everyday.
….
- You don't look good- asked Rick as he sat next to him in the porch
He could see Carol walking with Tobin but he could see she was ignoring him although the fucker continued talking.
- That guy Tobin- said Rick pointing at him- He's dating Carol.. how do you feel about that, Daryl?
He looked at Carol who just disappeared between the houses and he sighed looking at Rick
- No, he isn't- he said standing up and going inside the house
That man could kiss her and shit, even enjoy her body. But he would never know how good it's to look at her eyes… and to see you're her world.
He had that once and he took her for granted
He wished he would have talked to her that night.. they were separated for a long time after that day
6 months later. The Kingdom.
Some of them have decided to stay in the Kingdom. Rick, Michonne and the kids.. Tara and other people from Alexandria and Hiltop. And Carol.
He knew without talking to her he would stay close to her and he knew she would not run away from them again. He remembered when he visited in that creepy house, it hurt them to be separated once again but he could see then, she was still soft, she was still his Carol. He saw her when he hugged her, he saw her when she hugged him back, he saw her in her emotional and exhausted face
And now, they were reunited again. Nobody knows for how long with fucking Negan outside the Kingdom but he wouldn't miss his chance. Not this time.
…
He knows she is still soft because she's holding Judith again and she's singing again to her. He watches her everyday playing with the baby girl and he sees how the little girl recognises her with a beautiful expression in her face
He knows she is still soft because she's laughing again. She laughs everytime Rick tries to joke with her and fails. The poor man is ridiculous but still, he tries to make Carol feel part of the family
He knows she is still soft because she caresses Tara's hair everyday. He knows the girl admires her and he sees that Carol wants her to feel part of the family too.
He knows she is still soft because she asks everyday to everyone if they are hungry, if they have rested enough, if they were all feeling well
…
What he didn't know was that she could be even softer. He is surprised to see how soft and kind and loving she could really be.
She surprised him everyday by kissing the corner of his mouth before he has to go to do some staff. She surprised him everyday by reading with him that book about " Survivors from Childhood abuse". She surprised him everyday by sleeping next to him and falling asleep in his chest
And he discovers how soft her body can be in this new age.
He knows how soft her skin is after he has been kissing if for hours. He knows how soft are her breast and how she moans softly everytime he licks her nipples. He knows how soft is her belly even though she has that scar… a memory of Sophia's birth. He knows how soft is her center even after hours thrusting into her. He knows how soft she is even when she's too tired and dirty after making love all night.
He knows and he has always known that Carol Peletier was still soft. And she would always be.