"You should have seen what Jimmy did yesterday. He blew up our microwave! Four years old and he's already a pyromaniac! You know some days I wish I never would've had him, he's such a hassle."

"Oh, I know! Victoria's the same way!"

These two women didn't understand what they were saying. Living without their children, wishing they never had them. If only they knew the true pain that came alone with what they were saying. Some days, every day, I wish I had my child with me.

TWO YEARS AGO

Three years ago, I never would've thought I'd be in this position; sitting on a bench at the local playground. Children were the last thing on my mind; in fact the only thing on my mind was cocaine, heroin, and marijuana, pretty much anything I could get my hands on. When I slept with my drug dealer for a few free lines, I never planned to get pregnant.

I never planned on selling my stash to pay for doctor's bills. No way did I think I'd stop going up the alley, and start going up the baby aisle. No one planned on me going through with it; they thought, "that Olivia Stone can't live without being stoned for 9 months." So nine months later when Kendrick Adrian Stone came along, everyone was shocked, but not as much as me.

There was no way I could give him his father's last name; you only can be as successful as your father. Not my son, my son would do great things, he would rise above all of us. He'd do the things I never had the chance to do. As far as I was concerned, this was the Virgin Birth.

And Kenny was my savior, he saved me from myself. This little black-haired, green-eyed boy changed me more than anyone else in the world ever could. Having him around me was just like being high.

Whenever he laughed, it felt like all of my troubles slipped away. For one second, everything stopped and I felt truly satisfied. Kenny never judged me, he never looked down on me as "the crackwhore" like the rest of the world did. So he slowly became my world. I never would have let him out of my sight if I had the chance, I'd never let anything in the world hurt him. I'd be his shield, his protector.

He came running over when I called his name and hugged my legs, "Five more minutes, Mommy? Please?"

"We gotta get to the doctors, Ken'. I'm sorry sweetie," I answered.

His little green eyes gave me that look. What could possibly be more important than playing, "But I made so many friends!"

These friends were every child playing on the playground. At that age, no one judged there were no cliques; they understood the true meaning of love. It was simple, pure, and blind. I hated to take him away from this sanctuary into the cruel, heartless world.

"I'm sure they'll still be here once we get back from the doctors, okay?" I assured and messed up his shaggy hair.

"Okay," he agreed and took my hand, "They give me popsicles at the doctor."

"Only if you're good," I pointed out.

"Mom, give me a break, I'm always good."

I laughed at him. All he wanted to do was grow bigger, get tougher, and get smarter. It was me that wanted everything in his world to stay as perfect as it is now," I know you are bud."

"Why do I have to go the doctors anyway? I wash my hands when you say. And Grandma gives me an apple everyday at lunch, why doesn't he stay away?" he questioned.

"Because sometimes all that stuff doesn't help. Nasty, evil germs break through and attack!"

With that, I started to make a sound like a fighter jet and chase him up the sidewalk. People stared, but I didn't care. The only thing that I saw was my son and laughing and having the time of his life. Little did I know how little time he had left in that life.

Once we were at the doctor's office, Kenny decided that if he shot away at the air with his hand pistols, no germs could get him. I set him down and he shot at me, "I've gotta get all the germs off you, Mommy, they can't attack you!"

"You saved me! Good work, Captain Kenny," I congratulated and saluted him.

"I'm gonna over to the blocks! But I'll kill the germs first!" he announced and ran over still wrapped up in his own imagination.

"Quite a wild one you've got there," the nurse smiled.

"Yeah, he's in his own little world," I said.

"They all are at that age."

I hated when people said that. Kenny was special and I knew it. At that moment, I started to make plans for his future. Twenty minutes later my plans, my world came crashing down, "Can I speak to you outside, Mrs. Stone?"

Kenny was preoccupied playing with the doctor's stethoscope. We stepped into the hall, "And it's Miss Stone by the way."

"I'm sorry, Miss Stone, so I assume you make a fair income on your own?" he asked.

"We get by," I answered.

"Do you have enough money to pay for a trip to the hospital?"

My heart stopped, "Hospital?"

"Um…I think Kendrick needs to be looked at more thoroughly."

"For what?"

"Has he been tired lately?"

"All little kids are tired after running around all day," I defended.

"But overly tired?"

Kenny loved to sneak into my bed and sleep until noon. I never thought about what that really meant, "Doctor, what are you saying?"

"Judging by my examination your son is showing the first signs of leukemia. But if we catch it early on, and with money and treatment…"

Apparently we didn't catch it early enough. No money, no treatment, no popsicle in the world could save Kenny. Our trips to the playground became fewer and shorter. His beautiful dark hair started to fall out and the glitter in his eyes faded away. After six months of fighting, my angel lost. My Armageddon came and my world came crashing down.

It slowly became the drug-infested, down and out world it was before. Except this time I knew there was more to life than that. I'd had it and I'd lost it.

PRESENT TIME

So I come and sit on this playground bench everyday. I watch the other people take advantage of the wonderful lives they had. Sometimes I could still see Kenny sliding down the slide or playing in the sandbox. But I'll never see that again; hope, love, and joy.

A hand grasped my shoulder. The cool, metal rings made it feel like that hand of death. I turned around to see a man with wild cascading hair down to his shoulders. He was tan, well-built and his eyes could look right into your soul.

I've seen him before though. Usually he had a crowd walking around with him. He was Criss Angel, Mindfreak, "Hi, ma'am, mind if I have a seat?"

The camera crew came around and started to film us. He hopped the back of the bench and crossed one leg over the other, "First off, what's your name?"

"Olivia," I replied not breaking our glance,

"Beautiful name," he commented, "Now, correct me if I'm wrong but you did say I could have this seat didn't you?"

"Yea, you can sit here, its fine," I assured.

"Maybe I should've chosen my words better, can I TAKE this seat? Stand up for me."

I did as I was told. I've seen him performing for people during my breaks at the Aladdin, but I could never figure him out. There was some simple trick to it all. How couldn't I see it?

"Olivia, you can vouch that we've never met before, this isn't prearranged?" he quizzed.

"No, of course not," I answered and put my hands in my pockets.

"Alright," he started and covered the bench I've been sitting on for so long was still there. Once I stepped away I looked at him, "It's under there."

"John, if I could get a continuous shot…"

My eyes followed him everywhere he went. All he was doing was breathing deeply and pacing around. So when he ripped off the sheet and it was gone, I was stunned.

The bench was gone. It was one of the only things I had to remember Kenny by. And like that, it just disappeared. So much of my past was in that piece of wood, and it vanished.

"Alright, cut!" he called, "You like that?"

"How the hell did you that?" I asked.

"You've never seen me before? I never show my secrets," he replied.

"Yea, I've seen you at the Aladdin…"

"You work there?"

"And live there, too…"

"Good to know," he smiled and started to turn around.

"Criss!"

He turned on his heel and looked at me, "Yea?"

"Where did the bench go?" I questioned.

"Doesn't it just matter that it's gone? I'll see you around," he promised and strutted away.

So in ten minutes, one man did what two years and therapists couldn't; help me forget the past.