Title: Never Again.
Pairing: Luke/Wedge. Slash.
Rating: M for suicidal themes.
Summary: With everything in his life causing him to be depressed, Luke thinks it would be a lot better if he were one with the Force.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or parts of the story. They belong to George Lucas, regardless of how much I'd like to own Luke Skywalker. Haha.
Author's Note: This idea randomly came to me while reading a lot of fics recently regarding Obi-Wan (as a padawan) trying to end his life. So of course, I tried to put together in my head a scenario of why Luke may try to end his life, and of course, the result is this piece of writing. I have another oneshot idea too, so it'll be written eventually (sooner or later) - it certainly won't be dark like this.
Never Again
"I'm sorry, Ben...I promise, I love you, and you'll always be loved by someone..."
Silent tears fell from his eyes as Luke Skywalker ran his left hand - his real hand - through the soft brunette hair of his sleeping son, Benjamin. The child had grown up so fast, Luke barely knew where the time went, but it probably went by so quickly because he rarely paid enough attention. Sure, his son was all that he had left in the world, in his voluntary exile in the deserted cloning base on Kamino...but everything in his past was far too depressing, and he spent an awful lot of time ignoring the boy because represented too many missed memories. Ben idolized his father, the only human he'd ever had the chance to meet, but Luke couldn't understand it.
"Someone will find you...I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough..."
Having said that, the thirty-four year old former Jedi left his son's bedroom, tears still trailing down his cheeks. The decision he made was the hardest one he'd ever made in his life, even harder than the one to leave his family and friends to live in exile, but he was certain there was no other choice left. Pulling the folded paper out of his pocket, the one he'd been saving a long time for this moment, and placed it on the table. Whoever found Ben - he was certain someone would feel his Force signature fade and discover his son - would know exactly what to do, what had happened, and why it had happened...why he chose to end it all.
He choked on a sob, "I'm sorry, Ben...Leia...Han...Wedge..."
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"Dad? Are you awake?"
Two blue eyes opened up, when Benjamin Skywalker had heard a loud sound coming from the opposite side of his and his father's apartment. Shoving the blankets off his small form, the young boy stood in the dark, opening the door and looking into the light of the living room. So far, there showed no sign of his father anywhere, and Ben was just about to turn around when something caught his eye. Cautiously, he stepped toward the table, where an unfolded piece of paper sat. He hadn't even read the letter, though, when he caught sight of a trail of blood leading to his father's room. Opening the door, the brunette boy let out a high pitched scream.
"DADDY!"
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"DADDY!"
Rather abruptly, Leia Organa Solo was ripped from her sleep, fear surrounding her entire being and breathing shallow. There was something wrong, she could feel it. The shielded bond between she and her brother - which hadn't been pursued in a long time, though existed nonetheless - was fading, becoming quiet. Something had happened to Luke, she was certain. And that scream that she heard through the Force...who was that? It was no doubt a child, someone who wasn't even attempting to contact her, but it worried her regardless. Unsure of what she was even doing, she shook her husband until she saw sleepy brown eyes watching her.
"Princess?" Han Solo asked groggily, "What is it?"
"I'm worried, Han. I think something's happened to Luke..."
"Luke's gone, Leia. You know that."
"That doesn't mean I've lost his Force signature...something's wrong..."
Shoving aside her blankets, Leia stood from the bed and turned on the bedroom light, not even looking back to confirm that Han was cringing at the sudden light. She busied herself searching for something to wear, allowing Han time to do the same. Eventually, the former smuggler figured it would be better not to stay in bed as his pregnant wife worried. Slipping on a pair of boots and grabbing the shirt that Leia had flung his way, Han stood and approached his beloved, who was pulling a dark jacket over her slightly swollen belly. Putting an arm around her, he pulled her close for a moment, reassuring her that he would be there for her, no matter what.
Stepping back, Han asked, "Are you ready?"
"Where's your comm? We need to call Wedge first, it's only fair."
*SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW*
"Please, dad...wake up...don't do this to me!"
Ben may have been young, but he was old enough to realize exactly what his father had done, and why. The note had been clear, but for all eleven years of his life, he noted how depressed and distracted his father was. The blond man was laying unconscious on his bedroom floor, blood still pouring from his wrist, as Ben held onto his other hand - his bionic hand. He had been sitting by his father's side for hours, it seemed, crying his heart out. The boy was unsure of how he knew, but he could feel that his father was still alive...fading, dying, but still alive. Only the sound of the apartment door opening distracted him.
"Whaddya know? After all this time, he's been on Kamino. Never thought to look here."
"I've got this eerie feeling about this place..."
"Han, Wedge, look over there! That looks like a note..."
It was clearly two men and a woman, as their voices had defined. Standing shakily, frightened to leave his father but concerned about the intruders, Ben stepped to the doorway of his father's room, remaining in the shadows as he watched the three visitors. The three of them were standing around the note, the woman in the middle holding it, and his heart went out to them immediately - they were crying, devastated, and at a loss of what to do. Obviously these people had cared for his father, and out of instinct, Ben could feel that they meant him no harm. Perhaps they could help his father awaken, and stop this horrible nightmare from continuing any longer.
Stepping into the light, he gave no warning of his presence, "Help! He's in here, he's bleeding, I can't..."
All three heads jerked in his direction, staring at the boy as if seeing a ghost. It didn't take more than a second for the group to realize this was Luke's son - he was living with Luke, and had his blue eyes. The child looked nothing like their lost friend besides the eyes, though, but his look didn't go unrecognized. Han and Leia instantly recognized their companion in the boy, and Wedge himself was at a loss for words. It was he who ended the relationship between him and Luke, but had he known about the child...it was too late to think that way, as he rushed to follow the eleven year old into Luke's room. Wedge paled at what he saw before him.
"H-he...he really..."
A gasp came from behind him, "Oh my brother, what have you done?"
Shaking as much as he could now tell the young boy was, Wedge knelt down beside his former lover. Luke hadn't changed an awful lot - his pallid face was still rather youthful, except for the small hairs growing as he clearly hadn't thought of a need to shave before taking his life. Wedge nearly choked on just that last thought, tears spilling from his eyes as if he'd suddenly become a well. How could he have known, over eleven years ago, that things would turn out this way when he had ended their relationship? He'd already spent years regretting that decision, and now there was no question about regret in the situation.
"My Luke," he whispered, "Don't let it be true, don't die on me."
Ben then found his voice again, "He's alive...slightly. I don't know how I know. But I think we can..."
"Don't do this to me, Luke...think about what you're giving up..."
"We need to employ the Force."
The boy looked up at the woman who had spoken, shedding off her jacket to reveal what was clearly a pregnant stomach. He had no idea what she was talking about...his father had spoken of the Force a few times when he hadn't realized Ben was listening, but he never told his son about it. Somehow, though, Ben knew that she was right. The woman came closer, and leaned down beside Wedge, biting her lip so that she wouldn't let out a scream at Luke's fading life source. Slowly, she beckoned the boy to her, and he knelt down on her opposite side. It was certainly an interesting sight, Leia centered by a nearly identical unknowing father and son.
"The F-Force?"
She nodded, "It's...it surrounds us all. It's how I knew to come here...I felt my brother, I heard you..."
All Ben could do was nod, as he was still incredibly confused. Her words echoed in his mind, "I felt my brother," and it became clear to him that this woman was his aunt. His father had told him that he had a twin sister, that his own mother and father were dead, and that Ben's father was somewhere out there, unaware of his son's existence. Ben always wondered about his other father, but it seemed to make no difference, since nobody was going to see them, and they were going to see nobody. Obviously, that wasn't so much the case anymore. Leia reached down and grabbed Ben's hand with hers, and squeezed tightly.
"I want you to place your other hand on his chest, alright? I'll do the same. Han, as we do that, apply some bacta!"
The other man had nodded to her and fished into his pocket for his emergency bacta supply. There wouldn't be enough to cover the entire slice in Luke's wrist, but some was better than none at all. The boy did exactly as his aunt had instructed, placing his hand beside hers on his father's chest. Wedge held onto Luke's bionic hand, wanting to do something besides sitting there, and Han crouched down on Luke's other side with the bacta. Concentration then set in as each conscious occupant of the room began their task. The incredible feeling was intense for Ben, he'd never felt anything quite like it in his entire life.
"Keep doing that," Leia told him, "And we'll hopefully be able to be revive him."
That comment gave Ben some more motivation to try, and he basically poured his entire self into this act. He could feel his energy draining as it flowed through his hand and into his father, but he remained conscious only due to the small amount of energy that Leia transferred to him through their clasped hands. As Han completed his own task, he moved behind the young boy, letting the child lean against him. Nearly the entire room passed out in shock, surprise, and joy when they noticed the blond man's eyes fluttering open. Ben had done too much, he leaned into Han and passed out instantly as Luke awoke, his energy completely drained.
"Welcome back to the land of the living," Leia spoke, crying all over again.
"Leia? What are you - Han? Wedge? Is something wrong, what - Ben!"
"He's alright, Luke. Just exhausted, he was helping me revive you...do you think you can sit?"
Luke nodded, not knowing what else to say or do. He hadn't expected this when he had ended his life, to wake up to the only family he had left - his loving sister, his caring brother-in-law, his former beloved, and his amazing son. Cringing at the pain that radiated throughout his whole body, Luke brought himself into a sitting position, his head spinning. Before he had the chance to even think anything, Leia threw her arms around him, pulling him close to her. From the side, Wedge still clasped his hand, and leaned into his shoulder to substitute for a hug. Han just shrugged, looking down at Ben in his lap, as if the child was his only reason for not pouncing forward as well.
"You saved my life...you saved me...you're here...I can't believe this..."
He knew he was babbling, but it didn't seem to matter to anyone, as the only thing that mattered was that Luke was alive. As soon as Leia let him go, Luke reached forward to his son, and brushed a stray hair from his forehead. The boy was pale and sweaty, but most definitely alive, and his Force signature throbbed with love for his father. Luke could only cry, just thinking that he had almost left this existence. The reasons why he wanted to end his life were still in his mind, but it didn't matter anymore, not with all the trouble his eleven year old son had gone through just to revive him, just to have his father back in his life.
"Oh, my Benjamin...how could I ever leave you?"
"Oh, Luke," Wedge spoke, still leaning against his shoulder, "How could I have ever left you?"
"He's your son, you know..."
"I noticed...he looks almost nothing like you, sorry. But Luke...I can't believe -"
"You did what you wanted. I never got over the fact that you didn't love me, but I can't change your mind..."
The guilt radiated throughout Wedge as he thought about what Luke said. He'd never told him that he didn't love Luke, because he couldn't lie like that, but he understood where Luke was coming from. After returning to the Ewok celebration on Endor, Luke had become withdrawn, and had avoided speaking to everyone and anyone - Wedge thought that Luke didn't love him, and Luke thought he was the one who'd fallen out of love? Turning the blond toward him gently, Wedge threw his arms around Luke, holding him and kissing his cheek for however long the man would allow him to. Luke returned the hug, holding his beloved close.
"I do love you, Luke. I never stopped...I thought you stopped."
"We've both been idiots, haven't we?"
Han scoffed and smiled, "Sith, even we could've told you that!"
At that, Luke actually let out laughter - it felt strange for him to laugh so soon after nearly dying, but it was what he felt like doing the most. Wedge joined in, and soon enough, the noise caused the unconscious boy to stir in Han's lap. The blond watched intently as the child's blue eyes opened up, and Wedge let Luke go as he anticipated what would happen next. His feelings confirmed, Wedge watched as the brunette boy jumped straight into the waiting arms of his father, crying and clutching him close as if life depended on it. Luke seemed to mirror the emotion of the boy, and Wedge temporarily forgot that Han and Leia were even in the room.
"I'm so sorry, Ben...I love you more than anything, I promise this will never happen again..."
He wasn't giving out false promises, Luke had intended to make everything better - not just for his son, but for everyone. Wedge's adoring stare did not escape him, and he fully intended to sit down and have a long conversation with the Corellian, and apologize for everything. That would have to wait, though, as this emotional moment wasn't quite finished yet. Wedge seemed to think similarly to Luke, and he fully intended to bring the blond back with him, away from Kamino, so that they could be a family together. Leia smiled through her tears as she watched this play out, just basking in the love that radiated throughout the room.
Han then cleared his throat, "Excuse me, aren't you forgetting someone?"
"Sorry Han...Ben, this my best friend and your uncle, Han...your aunt, my twin Leia...and your father..."
"My father? This is my father?"
Wedge nodded, "Hi, Ben. I am your father...and I promise, you won't lose me again."
Author's note: Crappy ending, I know...but I was in a hurry to finish it, I've been writing for hours and don't want to become unmotivated anytime soon, so I figured I'd finish up and just post it. But I did basically get my oneshot written out, as I intended, so here you are!