Author's Note: I decided to do this in the form of a TV show or perhaps a fanfiction show, since listing the cast for every one would grow tiresome. I enjoyed MyahLyah's stories about The Princess and the Frog (her first 2, anyway), and they inspired me to write my own. I intend to respect the Carl Barks continuity, with a few exceptions:
Louis does not live with Eudora. Humans cannot understand animals unless said animals have been magically transformed into animals, or the animal has been enchanted in order to speak. I wish to respect the original continuity first and the Carl Barks continuity second.
Travis does not have a good relationship with Charlotte.
James died in World War I, not of a heart attack. He did not receive a Medal of Honor, however.
Eudora does not suffer from arthritis, since she's actually fairly young at 45. I'm sure some people have gotten arthritis that early, but I'd rather she not.
I would like to say a few more things:
I do not wish any children older than 14 to read this, for it contains heavy language. If any child does read this, I sincerely apologize to their parents and suggest you watch them more closely.
The Royal Family of New Orleans
Episode 1:
New Year
Airdate:
December 31, 2010
Disclaimer: I do not own The Princess and the Frog. The film belongs to Disney, and I make no money from this story. The characters are from Disney and fanfiction writer MyahLyah's stories, from which I also borrow continuity.
Tiana looked over the ship's rail into the wide, open, blue stream of water that formed the Atlantic Ocean, and then deposited a voluminous amount of vomit into its depths.
She was sea sick. She always got sea sick, but she had to get to New Orleans to see her mother, and her friends for the new year; and going by ship was the only way. True, she probably could have afforded that most modern of ocean-crossing luxuries, an airplane, but she was terrified at the thought of what would happen to her if the plane should come apart in the air. After all, it was very new technology and had not been tested by many. True, Charles Lindbergh had managed to fly a good distance in one, and true, she would have several guards on her with her on the most safe and well-put together model of the day, but the technology was so new that she could not help but fear that it might crash into the sea and who knows what terrors hauint the sea? Perhaps a shiver of sharks would devour every member of the crew once they had fallen into the plane, or perhaps the plane might crash right above an iceberg, in which case she would fall directly on top of it and surely break most of her bones? No, the dangers were all too great, and she decided she could cope with a little sickness as long as she got to see her mother and friends in New Orleans.
Naveen had pointed out that they could come to Maldonia to see her, but Tiana had disagreed with this for she also had a great desire to see the great city of New Orleans in which she had been born and raised. Also, while she was there, she could check up to make sure her restaurant was being run properly, as she had last come back to find it being run in a most disagreeable and unprofessional fashion, and she wanted to make sure someone was watching the restaurant to make sure the KKK did not make an attempt to burn it down, as they had done previously.
When Tiana was a child, she had been driven mad by the fact that her parents and she could not go into many restaurants at all, despite their adulation for good food. Her father attempted to pretend this did not exist, in an attempt to cheer her up and not depress her when she was too young, but she eventually learned once she was 6 of the great injustice which surrounded her world. It was then when she became most adamant in her attempts to start her own restaurant. She was lucky enough to get a job working as a waitress at a restaurant at age 17. She had had to deal with many racist comments while she worked there, and many complaints to the manager, but she learned to deal with it. She felt proud to have conquered her society and become the Queen of an entire foreign nation. Every time she thought about it, she couldn't believe it was true. Every morning, she praised the Lord for all He had done for her (not out loud, for Naveen and all "true" Maldonians worshiped Bolda, the god of Maldonia).
He was not even supposed to be on deck. Naveen had ordered that she be kept in her cabin at all times, but she had snuck out to see if they were any nearer to New Orleans, but they had still many miles to go, so she began to head back to her cabin. His bodyguards, Tinjeh and Frederich, came on deck and spotted her.
"Your Majesty, you know you are not allowed on deck!" Tinjeh cried.
"You know, I don't think you should tell the Queen what to do," Tiana huffed.
"It was the King's orders, and we cannot disobey the King. Besides, you suffer from seasickness. Why would you wish to come on deck?" Fredrich asked.
"I wanted to see if we was any closer to New Orleans," Tiana explained.
"If you wanted to know this, all you had to do was ask, and we would tell you at once. Now, you must get a wiggle on back to your cabin at once."
"I will. And I don't fucking need you two jackasses to escort me."
"It is our job nonetheless, and we must perform it."
"Fine, if you must."
Tinjeh and Fredrich each held one of Tiana's hands as they led her back down the hallway. She felt like a prisoner, but she was the Queen of Maldonia.
"Will you stop holdin' me like I'm a fucking prisoner or somethin'? It ain't your job to hold me like that, I know that!"
They got in front of her as she followed them back to the cabin.
She stepped back into her cabin. She was helped into bed by Tinjeh.
"And do not leave, Your Majesty, or the King will cut off our heads," Fredrich warned.
"No, he won't, because I won't fucking let him," Tiana replied.
"Well, he shall be very mad at us nonetheless," Fredrich shot back, and shut the door. Tiana listened, and heard him cutting the doorknob off with his knife.
Tiana was filled with shock and horror as she heard the noise. "Hey, you can't leave me locked in here! Ah, applesauce!" Tiana cried.
"I am sorry, Your Majesty, but it is the King's orders," Tinjeh's voice informed her. Tiana looked at the part of the doorknob which was inside the cabin for a few moments before it was suddenly ripped out of the door, by whom she knew to be Fredrich, for he was immensely strong.
"This is an outrage! I am the Queen of Maldonia! Applesauce!" Tiana screamed. Their actions seemed very exorbitant to her at the moment.
"Do not worry, Your Majesty. We will let you out when we reach Lakeview Harbor," Fredrich's voice assured her.
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"We are both very sorry, Your Majesty."
"Very sorry."
"I hope you do not bear ill will against us, for this deed was not our own."
Tiana sighed and lay back on the bed. The King of Maldonia was more powerful than the Queen, she knew that. She regretted having lost her temper like that. They were only following orders, after all. Besides, Naveen was right. She was pregnant, and got seasick, and should remain in the cabin at all times. Although it had seemed innocuous at the time, it was not, she realized now.
Besides, it was not an abhorrent cabin, by any means. It was several feet wide, and the refrigerator was stocked with food of all kinds, which she appreciated, as the baby's hunger never ceased. She walked up to it, took some roast duck out, and ate as she read a copy of Agatha Christie's The Big Four.
"I have met people who enjoy a channel crossing; men who can sit calmly in their deck-chairs and, on arrival, wait until the boat is moored, then gather their belongings together without fuss and disembark. Personally, I can never manage this."
It was hard to get to sleep that night with all her excitement of getting to see her family and friends again, her fear of being trapped in a room (although she could call Tinjeh and Fredrich or a servant if she wished). She did manage to get to sleep for a while, before her baby woke her up with its hunger for turkey. She managed to get to sleep again, but after being woken up again by the baby's insatiable appetite, she could not manage to get to sleep again. Looking back on it, she was glad that Naveen had insisted on James staying to be nursed by Candelaria, the palace nurse.
The voyage took 5 days to complete, and Tiana was not allowed to leave her room for one minute of it. She almost went mad twice, but the guards came in and reassured her both times, and she bore no ill will against them, although she decided she was to give her husband a thorough scolding the moment she could find a phone to place a call to Maldonia.
The guards also came in often often to give her food, for there was another door in the side of the wall which was opened by a handle on the other side only. Once the guards were finished with their visit, they would yell to a servant named Randel to open the door.
She also read more books, for she had brought along several on the trip, but finally the journey was over. At last, she could leave the room which she had been confined in for 5 straight days.
Early on in the day, servants came into the bedroom and took everything which had been brought along on the journey for her and pulled it out of the room and loaded it into suitcases. The ship reached Lakeview Harbor at 12:30, and Tiana left nearly as soon as it landed, for it was a private ship for only the Queen of Maldonia. She walked down the plank of the ship with Tinjeh and Fredrich closely guarding her while a large group of servants carried the suitcases which contained Tiana's possessions. Tiana, Tinjeh, and Fredrich got into a car which was waiting for Tiana while
"Where do you wish to go to, Your Majesty?" the driver, Gil asked.
"I want to go to my restaurant. Everyone's probably there waitin' for me," Tiana told them.
"Very well, Your Majesty."
Tiana looked out the window at her beautiful city as they drove. It had not been very long since she had been here last, but she had missed it nonetheless, and it certainly had seemed like years she had been locked up in that cabin.
The car pulled up to Tiana's Palace at 2:12 P.M. Tiana got out and looked around. Big Daddy LaBouff's Ford Model T was not parked in front of Tiana's Palace as it would be had she come there to see Tiana. Her mother, Eudora drove no car, though, and usually walked from place to place, so she might be inside.
"Y'all can wait outside, gentlemen," Tiana told Tinjeh and Fredrich.
"I am sorry, Your Majesty, but Maldonian law forbids such a thing," Fredrich informed her.
Tiana sighed. Tinjeh reached out his hand, but Tiana did not take it, so they walked behind her as she walked toward the entrance, but stopped upon realizing something.
She turned around to face Gil, who sat in the front seat of the royal car.
"Gil, drive my car to my house here in town, okay?"
"Yes, Your Majesty," Gil said, and pulled the lever of the car, and drove off. Tiana walked into the restaurant, while Tinjeh and Fredrich followed behind her. The customers
looked up at her and her bodyguards as she walked in.
"Who's that? Why's she got them serious-looking men standing behind her?"
"Who is she?"
"Is that the Queen of Maldonia? They said she owns the restaurant."
"Yes, but she's too busy. She couldn't come see it."
Tiana walked up to the counter. Bessie was behind the counter. She was a black woman in her 30s with a round face and light blue eyes. She noticed Tiana as soon as she walked in.
"Hello, Mrs. Stowe! They told me you'd be comin' here today. What's it like bein' the Queen of Maldonia?"
"Oh, it's just fine, Bessie," Tiana laughed.
"Now, I suppose you wanna see Agnes, right?"
"Yes. As a matter of fact, I do. She in the kitchen right now, Bessie?"
"Sure she is. I'll let you right in. They're comin' in, too, right?"
"Yeah. They're coming in, too."
Bessie led Tiana into the kitchen, where several employees were hard at work as Agnes, a white and thin woman around Tiana's age, wearing an apron, watched. As soon as Tiana entered, she ran to her.
"Oh, Tiana! You're here, finally!" she cried.
"Yep, I am!" Tiana smiled.
"Things are going just fine around here, Tiana, I can tell you that. I ain't let no one be lazy, y'all can be sure of that."
"Attagirl. And you ain't seen no one who looks like they're from the KKK around here, have you?" Tiana asked.
"No, but I have seen several people who have made racist remarks about a negro owning this joint, only they didn't say negro."
Tiana rolled her eyes and sighed. She was not surprised. She had witnessed numerous people make racist remarks about her owning the restaurant in her very presence, and she had always talked back to them, for she would not tolerate racism.
Georgia, a waitress and friend of Tiana, ran over. She was a young woman, 3 years older than Tiana, with curly hair and bright brown eyes.
"Tia! Tia, glad to see ya, Tia!"
"Glad to see you, too, Virginia," Tiana said, smiling.
"Everything going okay in Maldonia?" Georgia said, her face accurately reflecting her paradisiacal excitement. She could not believe Tiana had become the Queen of a foreign nation, especially considering her color. Georgia was a negro, too, and it inspired her.
"Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Everything's going okay."
"Ducky. Now, I'd love to catch up with you, but I'm on duty, and I really should get this work done."
"Well, is there another worker here who could fill in for her?" Tiana asked.
"No," Agnes said.
"Well, then, I'll be sure to spend some time with you after work," Tiana said.
"Okay," Georgia agreed, and took her plate of food out to the customer who wanted it.
"Well, look, I was wondering, is Mama here somewhere? Did she show here today and I missed her?" Tiana asked.
"Oh, she came in just a minute ago, but she had to go to the bathroom. She'll be out in just a minute," Agnes responded.
"Oh, ducky."
Agnes turned around to go back to her work, but turned back once Tiana began to speak again.
"And Lottie ain't here, is she?"
"No, she ain't here, but she said she'd come. She was really excited to see you again, so I don't think you got nothing to worry about."
"All right. Ducky."
"Deron, Mabel, and Earl are working. Well, I'm pretty sure Daron and Mabel are, but Earl probably ain't," Agnes said.
Tiana laughed.
"Well, now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get back to work," Agnes said.
"Of course. Go on." Tiana walked over to the kitchen bathroom and waited. Soon, Eudora came out and saw her as soon as she walked out.
"Oh, honey!" she cried, and hugged Tiana. "How are you and Naveen doing, sweetheart?"
Tiana smiled, her eyes bright. "Oh, we're just fine, Mama. Don't you worry 'bout that."
"Well, have you had the baby yet?" Eudora asked eagerly.
Tiana rolled her eyes. "Mama, you know that Naveen and me woulda told you if we'd had it yet."
"I know, I know, but what if you'd had it on the ship?"
Tiana rolled her eyes again.
"Well, anyway, how are you doing with that baby inside you?" Eudora asked.
"Oh, I'm doing ducky, but the baby is so fucking hungry. As a matter of fact, I reckon he wants some food right now."
Eudora chuckled. "Attention! Could one of you whip up some bacon for the owner of this restaurant and the Queen of Maldonia? How about you, Virginia?" she yelled.
Tiana laughed. "I'll go out to the front of the restaurant to wait for Lottie," she told her mother, and stepped out of the kitchen and back into the dining room, followed closely behind by Tinjeh and Fredrich.
A few people looked as if they wished to make racist comments, but they seemed fearful of Fredrich's great physique. Tinjeh became aware of how they cowered, and
came to the conclusion that they cowered in fear of him, and so he made his best attempt to look imposing by flexing his diminutive biceps and making the most ridiculous poses while Fredrich tried desperately to ignore him.
Tiana stared out through the transparent doors of the restaurant for quite some time with no sight of hide nor hair of any LaBouff, until she spotted a long Model T off in the distance which pulled up in the parking lot of Tiana's Palace.
The chauffeur, Lee, stepped out of the car and opened the door for Miss Charlotte LaBouff, who was dolled up in (I WOULD APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH IF SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME OF DESCRIPTIVE WORDS FOR 1927 SOUTHERN BELLE CLOTHES). Her father, Big Daddy LaBouff followed closely behind, wearing his usual double-breasted vest. A top hat stood on his head while his teeth gripped an expensive cigar.
Charlotte instantly became frenzied at the sight of Tiana.
"Jiminy crickets, Tia! I am shocked that we was so late! I am so terribly sorry!" she cried, running to her and gripping her waist with passion.
"It's all right, Lottie. It's all right. Really," Tiana reassured her, a slightly amused smile on her face.
An accusatory glare formed on Miss LaBouff's face as she pointed toward Lee with a white glove-covered finger. "We was only late because of him!" she declared. "He got all balled up about where we was supposed to be going! So new to the job, he balled up the map, and that's why it took us so goddamn long to get here!"
"I am not new," Lee replied, not being afraid to sound annoyed, for he knew Tiana would defend him if he were scolded. "I have worked for the LaBouff family as a chauffeur for 54 years."
"Lottie, it don't matter to me if you're late! All I care about is that I get to see you!" Tiana continued.
"Oh, well, nifty, then! Oh, Tia, it's the berries to see you again, ain't it? How's it been going in Maldonia? How's Naveen? Oh, have you seen The Jazz Singer yet? It is THE BEE'S KNEES!" Charlotte cried. "I mean, if you ain't seen it, then we just gotta go see it! We can go see it right now! How about that, Tia? Huh, huh?"
"Uh, no, no, I don't want to see it," Tiana said, struggling to get her words in.
"Oh, why not? Come on, you gotta watch it!" Charlotte continued.
"Well, Lottie, you know..."
"You wanna see it? Oh, yeah! We gotta see it, you and me, we'll have a regular whoopee, won't we, Daddy?"
"Well, frankly, Lottie, I don't like how Al Jolson uses blackface to demean negroes."
"Oh, Tia, you are such a wet blanket, but we can see something else if you want! How about My Best Girl? Well, what do you say, Tia? What do you say? Oh, we'll have a whoopee of a time! I ain't seen that picture yet! Have you seen..."
"No, no, I ain't," Tiana interjected.
"Oh, copacetic! We'll have a swell time, you and me, a swell time! Won't we, Daddy?"
"I'm sure you-" Big Daddy started, but he was cut off by Charlotte.
"Well, anyway, how are things going with Naveen?"
"Oh, just swell, Lottie."
"Oh, COPACETIC! Ain't it exciting how we're gonna have a new year, Tia?"
"Oh, yeah, real exciting."
"What do you reckon'll happen in it? I can't wait to find out! This is just so exciting, ain't it, Tia?"
"Yes. Now, I'd like to go see Mama a little more, okay?"
"Okay! Hey, betcha you're glad to see your restaurant weren't burned down by no more klan men, huh, Tia? That was horrible, wasn't it, Tia?"
"Yes, it was. Racists are such stupid, hateful people."
"Well, I'll come in with you, and we can see your Mama together! Come on, Tia!" Charlotte grabbed Tiana's hand and ran at a alactritous pace into the establishment which Tiana owned. The customers all looked over at the unusual sight.
"Mama!" Tiana called to Eudora, who stood nearby watching, a smile on her face.
"Miss Eudora, Tia wants to talk to you!" Charlotte cried.
"Well, what does she wanna talk to me about?" Eudora inquired.
"I don't know. I just didn't want to leave you so soon," Tiana answered.
"Well, anyway, Tia, jiminy crickets, ain't it exciting that we're so close to a new year? I mean, I got so used to the year being 1927! Jiminy crickets, how am I gonna look at 1928 and think, 'Yep, that's the year'?"
Tiana smiled. Her convivial friend did this every year. "Well, it'll be hard, but I reckon you can do it."
"We'll be holding our New Year's Eve party tomorrow at my mansion, as usual." They turned to see Big Daddy walking behind them.
"I'll be there, Mr. LaBouff," Tiana told her.
"I'll be there, too, Eli," Eudora said.
"Copacetic. Now, how 'bout someone gettin' me some beignets, eh, Tiana?"
"Agnes!" Tiana screamed into the kitchen. "Mr. LaBouff wants some beignets!"
"How many?" Agnes yelled back.
"As many as you can cook!" Mr. LaBouff yelled as he snipped the end off of a cigar.
"Jiminy crickets, Tia, you and me ain't seen each other for so long. We've just gotta go shopping, don't we, Tia?" Charlotte started again.
"Okay, Lottie, but I ain't been away that long, really. It was only a few months."
"Well, it seems like longer! Now, come on, we gotta go!" Charlotte cried, and grabbed hold of Tiana and pulled her out of the restaurant.
"I'll stay here, sweetheart!" Mr. LaBouff cried as he lit his cigar.
Charlotte had purchased practically every dress in the shop for her and Tiana, including several that they both already possessed. She was thoroughly enervated as she lay in the car which was driven by Lee, while Charlotte continued to talk non-stop. Tiana had long become accustomed to this, however, although she struggled to listen to what Charlotte was saying, as Charlotte had already enervated her with her convivial nature.
"Let's go see that Mary Pickford picture, huh? Come on, I ain't seen it yet, and I really want to see it! How about it, Tia? Huh, huh?"
"Sounds ducky, Lottie," Tiana moaned.
"Okay. You doin' okay, Tia? You sound a little sleepy."
"I just had to get up so early to leave on the ship this morning, but I'll be fine, don't you worry. Let's go to the Mary Pickford picture."
Tiana disliked going to the pictures with Charlotte for she would often disrupt the showing with her actions. Charlotte would always read the dialogue on the screen aloud and imagine what the people were saying when their words were not put on the screen, which she did during this picture, as well. However, she said little to arouse attention until the scene near the end of the film where Mary Pickford moved her lips and the screen read, "I don't have to marry you now - I've got what I was after!" and held up the check given to her by Hobart Bosworth.
Charlotte jumped up and screamed, "Look at that, Tia! She played him for a fool! Did you see that? I'll teach you a lesson, Mary!" She ran at the screen and started punching the image of Mary Pickford, which nonetheless remained smiling as Buddy Rogers turned back to her after a brief argument with his father. A man in the front row laughed uproariously at Charlotte's actions.
The screen read, "I'm sorry, Maggie - He should've known you wouldn't take it-" after Buddy Rogers turned back to Mary. Charlotte stopped for a brief moment as Buddy reached for the check, which Mary pulled from his reach quickly.
"Applesauce, Mary!" Charlotte screamed and began to punch her again as she moved her lips. The words seemed to jump out at young Miss LaBouff in that moment: "-and you never fooled me for a minute - I knew you were Joe Merrill all along!" Charlotte growled and beat Mary's image more.
"Really? Well, you had me fooled, Mary!"
The words rose up ten feet high.
What an easy mark you were for a gold digger like me!
Charlotte lost her head with fury and threw herself upon the image of Mary Pickford, tearing the screen open. Maggie's behavior had been disingenuous, but Charlotte did not know that.
"What's the matter with you, lady?" a man yelled, jumping up.
Tiana ran to Charlotte's side and yelled, "For God's sakes, Lottie, it's only a picture! It was in the script for her to do that! She's playing a goddamn character!" She herself was shocked at Charlotte's actions, for this was incommensurable to anything Charlotte had ever done before, although her antics were quite multifarious.
"It'll take 30 dollars to replace that screen, you Dumb Dora!" the manager yelled as he ran up to her.
"She was lying, you crazy bird!" a woman squawked.
"Who was lying?" Charlotte asked.
"Mary Pickford! He's just saying that because he wants to stay with her family! They marry at the end!"
"They do? Oh, ain't that swell, Tia?" Charlotte chirped exuberantly. "I'm sorry, Mary," she said, turning to the floor. "I'll come back and see the picture tomorrow, okay?"
he said as he ran toward the door, dragging Tiana by the arm. "Hope you got the screen fixed by then!" A security guard jumped in front of her. His arms were large and he stood at six feet tall. His black eyes focused intently on Charlotte. "You ain't goin' nowhere," he said in a low voice choked with cigar smoke.
"You gotta pay to fix the screen." Charlotte turned around to see a fat man with round eyes and a red head standing behind her. "Costs 30 dollars to fix the screen."
"You want 30 dollars? This is the daughter of the richest bird in town and the Queen of a foreign nation! You want 30 dollars? How 'bout 300 dollars?" Charlotte said richly, and thrust 3 $100 bills into the fat man's grubby hands.
"Hey, Lou! That dame's Charlotte LaBouff!" a man in the control room yelled.
Lou's eyes grew wide, and his jaw dropped. "Charlotte LaBouff?"
"And she's the Queen of Maldonia!" Charlotte cried, a smile on her face as she grabbed Tiana by the side and pointed to her with the other hand.
Lou dropped to the floor. "Your Majesty, I am so sorry. I did not know."
"There is no fucking need to be sorry, for Christ's sake!" Tiana yelled, stretching her head out at him as she swung her arms in the air. "You should treat her and me as you would treat anybody else! Understand?"
"Yes, Your Majesty," Lou said, looking up, his eyes wide again.
"Now, I will give you another 30 dollars for the damn screen," Tiana said, taking three dollar bills from her wallet and handing them to him. "Now, goodbye!" she said, and pushed the tall security guard out of her way as she walked out with Charlotte in hand.
Charlotte pulled Tiana out of the doors of the theater which Lee dutifully held open for them and then shut before they were promptly pulled open by a cruel old woman in a hobble skirt, knocking him onto the sidewalk and scraping his arm. "Watch your neck, sonny!" the old lady chided, and struck him in the eye with the tip of her cane.
"I wish I coulda seen the end of that picture! I guess we'll hafta see it another time, huh, Tiana? I can't believe it's almost a new year, huh, Tiana? I just want the world to stop for a minute! Heh heh!" Things were forever paradisiacal in Charlotte's eyes, no matter how abominable something might look in Tiana's eyes.
Tiana pulled Charlotte's wrist, forcing her to stop. "You think everything you see in the pictures is real? Lottie, you gotta control yourself. You can't just make a scene and break screens."
"I paid for the screen, Tia, and I didn't ask you to pay, so..."
"You embarrassed me, Lottie! That whole goddamn crowd saw you do that, and saw you with me, and I am the Queen of Maldonia! Do you know how long it will be before this gets in the newspaper? How the hell am I gonna explain your bull?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Tiana. I didn't mean to embarrass you," Charlotte said, her face reflecting true regret, if not merely for the fact that her friend would now be embarrassed for it.
Tiana sighed. Charlotte's actions were inscrutable to her. She had never thought about the embarrassment it would cause herself to have the story reported in the newspaper. "What the hell was you thinking, Lottie? That's all I want to know."
"Well, I was thinking that Mary Pickford was a bitch."
"Jesus Christ! It was written by some fella, and acted by them! They was just following a script!" Tiana screamed, thoroughly shocked at her friend's inscrutable actions.
Lee crawled to his feet and dusted himself off, and crawled to their side.
"What do you think, Lee?" Charlotte asked.
"I believe you should not involve me in such affairs, my contentious Miss LaBouff, for I have no wish to be beaten by the party which holds the stick upon me," Lee said with perspicacity.
"I didn't say nothing 'bout 'no affairs! Did I, Tia?" Charlotte screamed, shocked.
"He meant he don't want to get his share out 'cause he don't want to make you angry with him," Tiana explained flatly.
"Oh," Charlotte said in a casual tone. She then turned to Lee and screamed: "Then why the hell don't you speak English, Lee?"
"I apologize if the manner in which I discourse is disconcerting for your callow audition," the sesquipedalian said, and bowed. He always spoke with circumlocution, which annoyed Charlotte, as she possessed a much smaller vocabulary, despite having a higher upbringing.
"Good," Charlotte said, and stepped up to the car. Lee opened the door for her, and she stepped inside.
"You shouldn't give in to her like that, Lee," Tiana told him, who was not aware of the meaning of the word "callow".
"It was most thoroughly inculcated in me to be so obsequious, Your Majesty," Lee explained.
"Well, you don't gotta act that way when I'm around. Just know that," Tiana informed him, and moved toward the car. Lee put his hand to the handle, but she pushed it away and entered the intromural of the vehicle.
After a long day of going around town participating in a multifarious variety of activities with Deron, Charlotte, Mabel, and Virginia, Tiana was quite exhausted, and arrived at her mother's doorstep at 6:02 P.M. Eudora opened the door wearing her typical
"Glad to see you, babycakes. Just left work a couple hours ago..."
"I know. Mabel met up with us at Cal's."
"Oh. Come in," Eudora said.
Tiana stepped inside and left her shoes on the goozack. She then sat down on the couch and relaxed.
"Hard day, babycakes?" Eudora asked, smiling as she shut the door.
"Yep," Tiana said, rubbing her forehead. "Lottie can really exhaust you beatin' her gums. Luckily, she didn't beef too much about the year changing, she spent too much time talking about everything else, but it definitely entered conversation a few times."
Eudora chuckled and poured tea from a teapot into a cup that lay on the coffee table. "Had this tea ready for you." She passed the cup over to Tiana, who took a sip and then put it back down. Eudora poured some tea into a cup for her as Tiana spoke.
"You want to know what Lottie did? We went to see that new Mary Pickford picture, and she got so pissed off because the character Mary Pickford was playing had been lying about her feelings toward Buddy Rogers so she could get his dough," Tiana told her, and took another sip of tea as Eudora took a sip of tea from her own. "So guess what she did? She jumped at the screen and started punching it!"
Eudora took a sip of tea. "You can't be telling the truth," she said, laughing.
"I am! I don't know what the hell got into her mind!" Tiana yelled.
Eudora's eyes opened wide and took another sip of tea. "Oh, my God. That is surprising. She's never done nothing that crazy before."
"No, she fucking ain't!" Tiana yelled. "It baffles me!"
"Holy shit. Was she ossified or something? Why the hell would she..."
"I don't know, and now it's gonna get in the goddamn newspaper, and she and her family'll be humiliated, not to mention me!"
"She always did act a little ditzy, but to do something that stupid... Damn..."
"I think she did it 'cause she wanted to have fun and she knew she could get away with it 'cause she's a member of the richest family in town," Tiana said.
"You're probably right," Eudora said, and they both took some more sips of tea. "Or maybe she was ossified..."
"I suppose that is possible," Tiana said, recalling how Charlotte had been buying a lot of wine and champagne illegally.
"Well, how's that baby of yours?" Eudora asked, changing the subject. "It want some food?"
The next morning (which happened to be the morning of December 31, 1927), Charlotte entered the dining room where Big Daddy sat at the head of the table smoking a cigar and eating a turkey drumstick as he read the newspaper. "Morning, Daddy," she said. She sat down at the table where her breakfast of roast lobster, a salad, eggs, roast turkey, and a salmon sat, with a glass of wine.
"Morning, sweetheart. Now, I just want to know what in the hell compelled you to smash the screen down at the theater?" he said calmly.
Charlotte spit out a mouthful of wine. "How the hell do you know about that?" she asked, taken aback.
"Just got today's paper," he answered, and took a drag of his cigar.
"I didn't mean to, Daddy!" Charlotte cried, and jumped up and ran to his side, grabbing his tailcoat. "Please forgive me, Daddy! I don't know why... I..."
"I forgive you, sweetheart," Big Daddy told her as he exhaled smoke into the air. He took a bite of his drumstick. "But the fact is if Arthur's caught associating with a family this crazy, his reputation'll go down. Bad enough that you got a Negro for a friend, but he's explained that away by explaining that he ain't associated with her in no way, but now that this has happened, he'll have no choice but to tell the reporters how shocked he is at us and how he won't hang around us no more, and if Arthur don't come around no more, we won't get no loans no more, and if we don't get no loans no more, I won't be big cheese no more, and you don't want that, do you, Charlotte? The same goes for Oramel, of course. I doubt it'll effect Joe, but I'll tell him, anyway."
"No, Daddy. I don't know why the hell I..." Charlotte said, panicked.
Big Daddy flicked ash onto his ashtray. "But don't worry, I ain't mad at you," Big Daddy assured her as he chewed off the last piece of drumstick, and took another puff of his cigar. "I've already come up with a perfect excuse. You'll tell him you was ossified, but it was one of your lowlife friends who gave it to you, and you regret it very much and you won't never associate with the fellow who done it again. You got that?"
"Yep!" Charlotte said, smiling, and kissed him on the cheek. "You're the best daddy in the whole wide world!"
Gil pulled up to the LaBouff mansion on 7:00 P.M. The party was well underway , even though it would remain 1927 for 5 more hours. Tiana stepped out of the back of the car, wearing (INSERT DESCRIPTION OF 1920S CLOTHES HERE). She noticed Travis being escorted away from the house by security as she entered.
Tinjeh and Fredrich led her into the hall, and then went upstairs, and looked over the handrail, surveying the entire location, poised with cocked machine guns.
Tiana rolled her eyes as she entered the ballroom filled with well-dressed men and women dancing the Charleston. Tiana wished Naveen was there, but he had a lot of meetings in Maldonia he had to take care of. Don't Bring Lulu! played on Charlotte's phonograph. Charlotte herself was nowhere to be readily seen, but Tiana quickly sighted her at a table with her rich friends, Alice, Marie, and Dorothy, who Tiana always felt like a palooka around. She made a move to leave, but Charlotte spotted her.
"Hi, Tia! Come on over here!" Charlotte yelled. Alice, Marie, and Dorothy showed no signs of annoyance as Tiana walked over and sat down in a vacant seat at the table, but she knew they were annoyed.
"How is the baby doin', Tia?" Charlotte asked.
"Just fine, Lottie," Tiana replied nervously, knowing how uncomfortable the others were with her presence. They never spoke of their disapproval of her, but they never spoke a word. Nevertheless, it was painfully obvious from looking at them, and Charlotte seemed to be the only one who did not notice, which just showed how things were forever paradisiacal in her mind.
As the night wore on, things only got worse. Alice, Marie, and Dorothy hogged most of the conversation, and whenever Tiana attempted to make a comment, they would interrupt so casually that one would swear they had not heard Tiana beginning to speak at all, but of course they had, although it scarcely registered. Big Daddy went over soon and struck up a conversation with Tiana. He had grown rather tolerant of her after 14 years of their friendship.
"I've explained it all to Arthur and Oramel. Arthur called at noon. Oramel called about an hour later. I decided not to tell Joe until we meet next time. I doubt it matters with him, anyway."
Eudora then showed up and said, flustered: "Oh, Eli. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get here."
"Don't worry 'bout it, Eudora," Big Daddy replied, and they subsequently struck up a conversation.
Soon after that, a girl of Tiana and Charlotte's age arrived. She had black hair and wore (INSERT DESCRIPTION OF 1920S CLOTHES HERE).
"Is this another one of your friends, Lottie?" Tiana asked.
"Um, yes. We just met a few days ago. She told me about you. The Queen of Maldonia, right?" the girl said.
"Yes," Tiana answered awkwardly.
"I'm Lavinia. Lavinia Lyte." The young woman shook Tiana's hand and sat down.
A reporter did pass their table soon, and asked of Charlotte: "How exactly did you begin your friendship with the Queen of Maldonia?"
"Well, Jiminy Crickets, I've been friends with Tia since we was 4," Charlotte answered jubilantly.
The reporter turned to Big Daddy, asking: "How did you react when your daughter began her friendship with a colored girl?"
Big Daddy took a puff of his cigar and answered: "Well, I did say I didn't want 'em being friends at first, but she started crying, and I knew it wasn't right to keep 'em apart."
"Touching," the reporter commented, and turned to Charlotte: "Does it shock you that Tiana could become the Queen of Maldonia, given her race's current stature?"
Charlotte looked confused.
"He means, 'Are you surprised that I became Queen since I'm colored?'." Tiana explained.
"Well, yeah. I mean, I was pretty shocked when it happened. I remember how excited I was. Don't you, Tia?"
"Yes, I do."
A few more questions were asked, ending with:
"Mr. LaBouff, how do you explain your daughter's recent actions at the movie theater?"
"She was under the influence of alcohol which had been slipped into her drink by one of her hoodlum friends who she no longer associates with," Big Daddy answered, and then the reporter left. A few more reporters showed up and asked more questions.
As midnight crept closer, Charlotte's anxiety grew, and she began breathing heavily, grabbing on to the air and screaming: "It's letting go! Come back here, 1927! I feel like the cliff is tipping and we're almost fell!" Lavinia was surprised by her actions, although Alice, Marie, Dorothy, and Tiana had grown used to it.
"Are you all right?" Lavinia asked.
"Don't worry. She does this every year," Eudora replied, grinning.
"Yep!" Big Daddy laughed.
"It's gettin' closer! It's almost here! Aaaah!" Charlotte fell over onto the floor. The giant marble clock on the wall struck 12:00. It was 1928.
"It's gone!" Charlotte screamed. "1927, I hardly know ye!"
She cried for a few more moments before starting a conversation with Lavinia. Eudora, Big Daddy, and Tiana smiled, for they had known Charlotte's anxiety would not last long.
"Happy New Year!" Eudora cried.
"Happy New Year!" Big Daddy said.
They tipped their glasses of punch (for Big Daddy had not brought alcohol for he knew reporters and spectators would be there). Tiana felt good to be beginning a new year, and she had no doubt that Charlotte would embrace 1928 soon, as she had embraced all previous years in a matter of days. They all felt cheerful in the early minutes of the new year.
All was quiet in the dark Rasanda Prison in Maldonia. Water trickled through pipes, the sound of which echoed against the cobblestone walls. The only sound was the noise of criminals agonizing over the fact that they could not celebrate the new year, and other criminals reading from a book the guards had passed out to them:
"On these occasions they used to take on a white dish tied up in a table napkin a special sort of rice pudding with raisins stuck in it in the shape of a cross. He loved that church, the old-fashioned, unadorned ikons and the old priest with the shaking head. Near his grandmother's grave, which was marked by a stone, was the little grave of his younger brother who had died at six months old. He did not remember him at all, but he had been told about his little brother, and whenever he visited the graveyard he used religiously and reverently to cross himself and to bow down and kiss the little grave. And now he dreamt that he was walking with his father past the tavern on the way to the graveyard; he was holding his father's hand and looking with dread at the tavern. A peculiar circumstance attracted his attention: there seemed to be some kind of festivity going on, there were crowds of gaily dressed townspeople, peasant women, their husbands, and riff-raff of all sorts, all singing and all more or less drunk. Near the entrance of the tavern stood a cart, but a strange cart."
There were no guards in the prison, as they had all gone to celebrate the new year. An old man wearing a brown cloak staggered in, unnoticed by anyone. His face was scarred and his eyes were a firey red. He trod the chilling corridors of the prison, unseen by anyone, until he reached a cell near the end of the hall, which was just as dark and gloomy as the others, and it too possessed a prisoner. The prisoner was an old man with gray hair and a round face, who sat on his bed, bent over his book, reading:
"'Merciful heaven!' wailed the coachman, 'what more could I do? If I'd been driving fast or had not shouted to him, but I was going quietly, not in a hurry. Everyone could see I was going along just like everybody else. A drunken man can't...'"
The old man who had arrived rapped on the bars of the cell, and the man set down his book and stared. His mouth hung open at the figure which stood outside.
"It's you..." he said in a quiet and cold voice. "I oughta kill..."
The old man who stood outside took a container of pink dust from his pouch and sprinkled some into the air. The man inside dropped onto his bed, lulled into unconsciousness.
The old man then turned around and surveyed the scene. "Are you here?" he whispered.
"Yes," a chilling voice replied. A tall figure approached from the shadows. The figure's skin was tan, and he wore a top hat which contained a purple feather, and had a skull and crossbones on it. His eyes were bright purple, and a pencil-thin mustache adorned his lips. He had a gap between his front teeth, as well as long, boney fingers, and lanky arms and legs. He wore a necklace with two crocodile teeth. He wore a dark maroon undertaker tailcoat and black pants, white spats over black shoes, a purple vest under his coat that did not entirely cover his midriff, and a red cummerbund.
"I received your telegraph, but I don't understand what took y'all so long, Larry," the dark man said.
"Well, you see, I-I-I..." The old man was intimidated by the dark man.
"Did the murder go off well, Larry?" the dark man asked.
"Yes. Yes, it went perfectly. I have both items now, and Cornelius is dead."
The dark man smiled. "Good, Larry. I regret to say I doubted you. I also regret that y'all had to kill him. I was real close with him. But I just want to know, Larry, why did it take you 8 months to return? In our advanced society, it only takes 3 months to make such a journey."
The old man flinched nervously. "Well, I was back on the ship in late June, and in July, I decided to make a stop in Finland."
The dark man's smile disappeared, as he grew angry. "Why would you do that, Larry?" he hissed.
"Well, you see, Claude, I-I-I-I... I did a lot of thinking on the ship, and I realized that Papa Zaimis lives in Finland, and I-I-I... I thought it would be better..." He cleared his throat, as the dark man grew impatient. "I thought... You, you, you see, I thought... I thought that we... that-that we shouldn't put off the trip when we were so near already, so..."
The dark man's face turned angry. "You killed him before it was time. Y'all broke the plan."
The old man's eyes grew fearful. "Well, I-I-I-I... You see, I... Yes, but I just thought that..."
"Why didn't y'all make a stop in France, Larry? Papa Hafir lives there, you know."
"Yes, b-but... It seemed wiser to have to raise the money to only one trip back, rather th-than two, and besides, I-I-I..."
The dark man swung his cane, knocking it into the old man's head with ferocity. "You idiot..." he hissed. "That was not part of the plan!"
"Yes, yes, I know, but I thought of something better, Claude!" the old man cried, before he was quickly shushed by the dark man, who put a finger to his lips. A few prisoners looked out, and the dark man thrust himself and the old man to the floor, but they saw nothing, so they went back to their grousing and reading.
"I thought that if we killed one every July, the next would not be afraid the coming July, and the next would think it was a coincidence the next July, on the final July, the fear would be raised among all, and thus Odie herself would be tense."
"So she would be better prepared..." the dark man hissed. He pulled the old man up and punched him in the face, then thrust him back onto the floor. He struck the old man in the head with the cane once more, then stood and looked over him.
"Well, I suppose now that you've done it, I might as well go along with your idiotic plan," the dark man hissed.
"Y-Y-Yes, exactly," the old man said, starting to smile nervously.
"Quite shocking that y'all would come up with a plan so idiotic, considering the startling ingenuity of your original plan," the dark man pointed out. "Perhaps you think better in a prison cell than on a boat?"
"Per- Per- Perhaps," said the old man, getting to his feet and dusting himself off.
"I assume y'all at least got Zaimis's soul?"
"Oh, yes, Claude. I have it right in the container in my coat here," the old man replied, eager to prove he had done something right.
"Good. And Cornelius's blood and soul?"
"Yes."
"Good. Now, we'll let y'all back into your cell." The dark man pulled out a key from his waistcoat pocket. He stuck it in the keyhole of the cell, and they walked in.
The dark man glanced at the old man asleep on the bed. "He went mad yelling after he woke up with your blood. Luckily, the jailers just thought y'all was making a desperate attempt to get out of prison. It could be rather distressing, though, waking up with a face like yours, wouldn't it, Larry?"
He chuckled and reached to the unconscious man's neck. A gauntlet suddenly became visible around his neck, a tiki face born into it, and a small amount of blood in the bottom. He smiled and put the gauntlet in his pocket. He then reached to the old man's throat, around which a gauntlet suddenly became visible, which he took. The old man's body suddenly reverted into its original shape. He now had thinning gray hair, a round monkey-like face, with green eyes, and a plump figure with a large rear end.
"Now, we'll get Charlie here back to his cell," the dark man said, and pointed at the man with his cane. He disappeared into thin air, reappearing in a few cells down from them. "Now, I shall go back into hiding until the next year, when we shall kill Faisal. I want the sword to keep safe, along with the blood and the souls."
The old man took the Sword of Demetrius from his coat and gave it to the dark man. He then hurriedly threw the Gauntlet of Authority to him, which provoked a wide grin from him as he stuck it in his pocket. The old man then took two magically-shrunken containers of souls and gave them to the dark man, who placed them in his coat. The old man then gave 33 elixirs of blood to the dark man, which he placed in his pocket. The dark man then buttoned his pocket and turned to the door.
"Stay cool, Larry. And don't make no more rash decisions, okay?"
He then shut the door to the cage and locked it, leaving the key on the floor. He then looked at the clock on the wall, which said 12:14. "One more thing, Larry. Happy new year."
Sorry that was so long. I like the idea of doing it like episodes, though, so I didn't want to divide it into chapters. I really like the ending. I have a feeling you'll find the conversation more original if you haven't read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but since the year just changed to 1928, that book technically hasn't been written yet, so it is original.
I'm not sure if it really did take 3 days for such a trip. I was just estimating. If anyone has the real amount of days a journey like that would take (from Louisiana to Romania), I'd appreciate it.
I do not own the book The Big Four by Agatha Christie. It belongs to the Agatha Christie Estate.
I do not own the book Crime & Punishment by Leo Tolstoy. By the way, some more things for MyahLyah:
I do not own the film My Best Girl, which was directed by Sam Taylor, written by Hope Loring and Kathleen Norris. It was produced by Mary Pickford, and distributed by United Artists.
I was kind of sad when I read your note, and I felt hurt when you wrote "I know now you are just a troll".
I do feel bad that I corrected the ages, as I did get those messed up, admittedly. It is embarrassing how I got the years wrong, since everyone can read that now and realize I got it wrong. I had forgotten A'lia was born in 1928, but I was not trying to make up an excuse to find errors even if none of them exist. I thought that it did exist, and it annoyed me.
I did not get everything wrong, though. You completely misunderstood my criticism of your excuse for Naveen drinking in the restaurant. My criticism was that Tiana did not say anything to Naveen about that, when I think it would have been in character for her to do so. It seems obvious to me from reading it that that was my criticism, not Naveen's breaking the law.
All right, I guess I can accept that "make love" is a very direct translation of a Maldonian phrase.
I do feel bad for talking about you punishing me by not replying to my reviews. That was rather stupid. However, it would have been kind of you to reply to my question about the A Son for a King continuity, although I do suppose you may have been too busy writing and traveling to answer it. I may have mis-used that privilege, but I did write positive reviews before, but I do admit I wrote too many negative ones, trying to find the negative where it didn't really exist.
I did politely ask about the A Son for a King continuity, but fine. You were too busy writing and traveling to answer it. I was not wrong on everything I pointed out, either. I was correct about people not being aware of the dangers of drinking while pregnant in the 1920s, but you just shrugged that off by saying it wasn't relevant to the current story.
I think you putting "reader" in question marks was stupid since I am/was a reader of your stories, but I do regret things got this bad between us, since I really liked Queen of Maldonia. I suppose I should have been less critical, and I admit it is a problem for me that I'm too critical of things. Perhaps I shouldn't have pointed out all those things. I do feel stupid now that I see I got the ages wrong. I did write several good reviews of Queen of Maldonia.
Also, I hope you do not sue you for using your characters and continuity. After all, you used Disney's characters and continuity, and if they won't sue you, then why should you sue me?
Well, I hope you all liked the story. Please tell me what you thought of it.. I will post the next one soon.
Happy New Year!
(Copyright: December 31, 2010.)