Mary Sue lovers (and haters) get ready.
The Mary Sue that Wasn't
A beautiful girl had just walked into the Great Hall at the beginning-of-year feast. The entire hall went silent as she walked to the front, her perfect figure was as perfect as always, her golden hair bounced on her shoulders, and her perfect blue eyes sparkled.
"
Look," whispered Harry. "It's a Mary Sue! I think I'm in love."In fact, all the boys in the hall had fallen in love with the new Mary Sue.
Professor Dumbledoor walked up to her and placed the sorting had on her head and it immediately said, "Gryffindor!"
"Your name would be Mary Sue, am I correct?" Dumbledoor asked politely.
"No, actually, it's not."
The entire room went totally silent, even more silent than it already was. Some people burst out, "WHAT?!"
"My name is Mary Bob," she said.
People soon started to learn a little more about Mary Bob every day.
"We need a new Keeper on the Quidditch team, Mary Bob," said Harry one day. "Would you like to try out?"
Mary Bob immediately accepted and she ran eagerly out onto the field. The rest of the team was already there, ready for practice.
Mary Bob mounted her broom and took off into the sky, soaring perfectly 50 feet above the ground, her shadow creating a perfect picture there.
When the Chasers started throwing Quaffles at her, though, she began to lose her balance, was hit in the face VERY hard with one of the balls, and was sent hurtling to the ground and hit with a loud thud. Mary Bob only suffered from minor ailments, luckily.
When it came to classes, everyone expected Mary Bob to do perfect, as usual.
In Potions, her potion just happened to look perfect. Professor Snape wondered if she had actually done it right, and he took a sip of it. He was instantly turned into a starfish. This was only someowhat upsetting, though, seeing that the kids got out of Potions.
One day, Hermione asked Mary Bob what her last name was.
"Err" she started.
"Don't worry," said Harry. "We know you're Voldemort's daughter."
"No, actually, I'm not," replied Mary Bob.
"Then you're Malfoy's sister," said Ron.
"Um, no," said Mary Bob.
"Aren't you in some way related to Snape, then?" asked Hermione, panic growing in her voice at the thought that something was terribly, terribly wrong with Mary Bob.
"Actually, I'm Harry's father," said Mary Bob.
Harry fell out of his seat.
Gilderoy Lockhart walked over to him, took one look, and said, "I am a starfish."
I do hope you enjoyed that, because I certainly did. And do remember, no flames! Mrs. Norris is a cat, not a phoenix!
~~The Norris