AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is an edited version of the first chapter, hope you all like the changes, I got a lot of help from an amazing FF writer ~ Thank you Pixieblade
Oh and I cut out the chorus, so as not to be too repetitive.
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Cold (But I'm Still Here)
"Hello, I'm your martyr, will you be my gangster
Can you feel my trigger hand, moving further down your back?
Sanzo stretches out his pale blood stained hands to the hated being. He who is shadowed and sitting in a filthy state behind bonelike bars. As he lifts a thin arm ensnared in cold biting iron he reaches out and is pulled to his feet by this gilded angel. He declares, if only to himself, that he will follow this holy sinner down any road.
When you hide, hide inside that body
But just remember that when I touch you
The more you shake, the more you give away
Goku is accosted by too many feelings at once. How can he be so happy and so scared at the same time? He was afraid of losing him, afraid of doing something wrong and earning his abhorrence. He wants to give everything he has to Sanzo but by doing so he may show a side of himself that displeases the only one who matters to him.
Cold, but I'm still here
Blind, 'cause I'm so blind
Say never
We're far from comfortable this time
The rain crashes outside and oozes down the windowpane like glistening drops of blood. He hates weather like this. The crash of lightning and sinking darkness makes him remember someone…remembering death and how he should embrace it instead of this false hope that shines in golden eyes. He never should have laid eyes on him; he should have left him to rot on that mountaintop.
Cold, now we're so cold,
Mine, and you're not mine,
Say never
We're far from obvious this time
Something is grating on Sanzo's nerves. Goku can feel it, like thunderclouds moving in quickly with the violent wind; blocking out the sun. He knew things would fall apart as soon as he got loose; something always goes wrong after all.
Wait, another minute here, time will kill us after all
His diadem breaks with each passing doubt. His hair lengthens and his eyes turn into slits of glowing fury. He attacks with clawed hands; loosing himself completely.
Can you feel its second hand wrapped around your neck?
Sanzo falls but his eyes gleam with a new light, a soft purple haze that wants to survive and live just a little longer. He won't let this beat him.
Fall into my eyes fall into my lies.
Goku screams, the sound tinged with terror and rage and longing. He hates his mask of lies as much as he needs them. The diadem glows back into life, shimmering beneath his golden-brown mane.
But don't you forget
The more you turn away, the more I want you to stay
How many times had Sanzo threatened to leave him? How many times had he denied all that the world offered them? But he never could get very far, not with Goku on his heels.
You're so endearing,
You're so beautiful,
Goku's energy and laugh remind Sanzo to breathe; to taste freedom and life and love.
Sanzo, glorious glowing Sanzo, whose physical beauty is nothing to his inner strength and power of will; He is the only one who would dare to free the heretical demon they all claimed he was. But did they truly deserve one another?
Well I don't look like they do, and I don't love like they do
But I don't hate like they do
Am I ever on your mind?
The same thoughts haunt them and shape a thick atmosphere around them. They look at each other without expectations. All they can do now is live.
Cold, but I'm still here,
The world may fall to ruin about their feet but Goku will always be with him. Sanzo is his savior in spirit as much as flesh and love for that freedom is dims in comparison to the utter calm that wraps around him in his presence. To him Sanzo means peace.
Blind, 'cause I'm so blind,
Sanzo wastes so much time running from shadows that he almost fails to see such an important individual, the one who had been hidden in a small dark place like a carefully guarded secret, just waiting to be told.
Say never
We're far from comfortable this time
They were too stubborn to speak the words that they both needed to hear. Deafness comes in all forms after all.
Cold, now we're so cold,
Mine, and you're not mine,
Say never
We're far from obvious this time
At long last Goku shatters the silence because there is nothing worse than being alone. All he can do is pray. Hope and pray.
COLD, you broke me from the very first night
I'd love you 'til the day that I die
I'm far too comfortable this time
Sanzo's fingers send warmth cascading over Goku, stroking his very core. Between heaven and earth they lay panting and shuddering under the lightest of touches. Naturally they would wind up fighting the darkness together through a dawning passion.
COLD, I loved you from the very first night
You broke me 'til the day that I die
He never thought he would love. But watching his ashen hand caress sun-darkened skin and noticing the effect he has on him, he realizes exactly how wrong he had been.
I'm far too obvious this time
Earth and Heaven, Sun and Moon, Light and Darkness…are meaningless, if they are not together. He smiles as they remember how to breathe.
Fin