Alone
Gil kneeled before his master, his hat over his heart. He opened his mouth and then closed it, mulling over the words in his mind. I love you, I love you, I love you. It couldn't be that hard to say it out loud, could it? He bit his lip. Taking a deep breath, he found his voice and finally said the words he had longed to say for 10 long years, "Oz, I–"
A sudden flash of light stopped his confession. Standing up, he grabbed Oz and shielded him from the glare. It was Alice. She ran over to them, grabbed Oz by the hand and yanked him away. "He's mine," she hissed. Then a light flashed again and they were gone, leaving Gil alone to think through what had just happened.
Gil awoke from his dream, no, his nightmare, with a start. He rubbed his eyes and groaned. His face was wet. Why did he have to be such a baby? Crying wouldn't help anything; he had tested and proved that theory wrong enough times before to figure it out. He sat up in his bed and groped for his shirt which he had tossed on the bed before sleep. Finding it, Gil yanked it over his head and climbed out of bed. He grabbed his cigarettes from the bedside table and exited the room.
The hallway was deathly quiet; no one else was awake at this hour. He hurried down the long corridor to his favorite balcony, the one overlooking the gardens. He had spent many a night on that balcony, trying to sort through his thoughts. It was his thinking spot, the one place he could be left in peace. Reaching the doors, he put out his hand to open them but stopped. Someone was already on the balcony: Oz. Gil let out a long breath and put out his hand again. This time he actually opened the doors and he stepped out onto the concrete silently. Like a cat, he thought, shuddering.
"Gil." Oz turned around and smiled at his friend's expression. "I heard you open the door."
"Oh." Gilbert stood awkwardly, his hand still on the door handle.
"What are you standing there for?" Oz asked.
"I- No reason." Gil joined the younger boy at the railing.
"It's nice out," Oz commented. "The stars are pretty."
The stars, as if pleased by Oz's comment, twinkled even brighter. They seemed to mock Gilbert, saying, 'Look, he likes us better than you.' Gil buried his face in his palm. "They're beautiful."
"What's wrong, Gil? You look sad." Oz took a step to the side and rested his head on Gil's arm.
"I could ask you the same thing," Gil replied. "And it's not your job to worry about me."
"Fine then, grumpy." Oz removed his head from his companion's bicep and leaned onto the railing. "I was just thinking about Alice."
Gil unintentionally stiffened at the mention of the rabbit. "You were?" His mouth was dry and forcing the two words out nearly impossible.
"Yeah." Oz sighed. "I don't know, she seems kind of down, you know? Like there's something wrong. She won't tell me what it is though. I'm starting to worry about her."
Gil simply nodded.
"Do you think she's okay?"
"She's been through a lot in the past few days, Master, we all have."
Oz looked up and glared at Gil. "Stop it with this Master business. How would you feel if I started calling you Lord Gilbert Nightray?"
"Fine...Oz."
Oz smiled and put his back down. They were both silent for awhile. Gil took out one of his cigarettes and lit it. The familiar smell filled the air and calmed him down slightly. He let his thoughts wander to the boy beside him and chewed on his filter. Oz was so close right now, if only Gil was brave enough to do something about it.
"Gil?" Oz's voice broke through his train of thought and he turned to him.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever been in love?"
Gilbert ducked his head down to hide the crimson shade of his skin. Yes. "No."
"Oh."
"Why?"
"Just wondering." They fell into silence again, although this time it was only a few moments before Oz spoke again. "Have you ever felt that there's only one person keeping you from losing it? Like there's this one person who keeps everything together. And that, without that one person, you would lose it and everything would go dark. Have you ever felt like instead if the sun that one person is the one giving off light?"
Yes, yes, yes. "Not really, no."
"Do you think that's love?" Oz lifted up his head from his arms and stared at Gil.
"It could be," Gilbert mumbled. He could feel Oz's eyes boring into him. "I wouldn't really know."
"Well, I think that person is Alice."
Gil didn't respond at first, he just grunted. He was shivering a little and he let himself believe it was from the cold. He took out another cigarette but didn't bother to try and light it, his hand was shaking too hard.
"Gil?"
"That's...that's great," Gil said at last. He closed his eyes. "That's wonderful..."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I'm happy for you."
Oz grinned and blushed a little. "I just...it's awkward. Being near her and stuff." He laughed a little. "Although, I guess I shouldn't expect any different." He straightened up, stretching his arms. He yawned loudly and said, "I'm going to go to bed now." He started to walk away but paused halfway to the hallway. "Thanks Gil," he said, smiling. "You're a good listener."
But Gil didn't hear him, didn't hear his thank you, didn't hear him open the door, didn't hear his footsteps fade as he walked away. Gil didn't hear any of that. He was too busy keeping himself from launching his body over the banister, too busy trying to stop his eyes from watering, too busy reprimanding himself for believing that he would ever be anything but alone.