I screwed up. Bad. Like, the worst screw up in all of Equestria. And I don't know if I can fix it. I want to, but I have no clue how to. I mean, how would it look if I came crawling to her now, after the way I acted? She'll hate me no matter what I do. I'm just a bad friend. Just a bad friend that deserves to be alone.
And it is all because I …
"Hey, Pinks, you ready?"
The eccentric earth pony gave a curt nod and salute, her face in mock seriousness. Rainbow returned the salute before busting up into laughter. "'Kay, then, Pinkie, prepare the cannon!" the pegasus said.
Pinkie giggled, hopping to the rear. "Okie dokie lokie!"
In position, they waited, every nerve standing on end. It was the day, everything was perfect, and now all they need was for the pieces to fall into place. Any minute now.
Rainbow's smile grew. Any minute.
Pinkie shifted her legs. Any second.
Their hearts began to beat like drums. Should be soon.
Nothing. Irritated, Rainbow ruffled her wings. "What the hay," she said, slamming a forehoof into the side of the cannon, "she was supposed to pass by right now!"
Pinkie shrugged. "Maybe she running late. Oh oh oh, or she found something! Like a really cool rock, or a tub of frosting!" Her eyes glazed over, a weird smile crossing her face. "Or an entire bathtub of frosting!"
Rainbow gave the pink mare a confused look before laughing again. "You are so random." She glanced around, peering out of the bushes the had set up their prank in. "Looks like nopony's coming," she sighed. "Oh well, lets pack up the confetti cannon."
It took a while, with just the two of them. "Hey, are you sure you just wanna leave the box here in a bush, Pinkie?" Rainbow said, giving the box a light kick. "I mean, what if, say, somepony finds and takes it?"
"Nah, it's too heavy to carry, so I'll get Mr. and Mrs. Cake to help me tomorrow."
The two mares continued to walk down the road leading back to town, a brief silence passing over them. The path was wide and well worn due to years of use, a side-effect of Sweet Apple Acres being a major source of income for Ponyville. They had set up one of Pinkie's party cannons to prank Applejack when she walked home from the market, only to be disapointed when she didn't show. Now, Rainbow could only feel a bitter hollowness and boredom that always came whenever she failed. As for Pinkie, well, who could tell how that one felt; she always seemed like a pure ball of bubbly joy.
In a vain attempt to push the slight disappointment from her mind, Rainbow turned to her friend. "So, uh, Pinkie," she said, "what do you want to do now?"
Pinkie gasped and halted in her tracks for a brief second before charging in front of Rainbow and began jumping. It was so foalish and cartoony that Rainbow could almost swear that she heard an audible sproinging noise. "Oh, oh, oh, I know!" she said, turning around before facing the front again, hopping from hoof to hoof. "I'll throw a 'Sorry We Couldn't Prank AJ Like We Wanted Because Of Unforeseeable Event Party!'"
Rainbow lept and began to hover over Pinkie. "Uh, don't you think that's kind of a long name for a party? Plus, its just the two of us today. Twilight's studying, Rarity's working, Fluttershy's house sitting for that bear, and AJ's … doing whatever."
Pinkie spun around and gave a melodramatic gasp. "There's never too few ponies for a party!" she said, a mask of seriousness crossing her face. If it weren't for the smile tugging at her lips, it would almost be chilling. "Plus, no name is too long for a party! But, if you want, I could shorten it to 'Sowecoprajliwewabeofunev Party' if that's any easier."
Rainbow nodded, not even attempting to follow what the pink mare had just said. "Yeah, uh, thanks for that, Pinks. Real helpful."
Pinkie beamed and started walking again. "Welp, I try!"
Watching her friend trot away, her every step a bounce, Rainbow couldn't help but laugh. "You are so random," she whispered, that one little phrase a mantra she repeats whenever Pinkie becomes too much.
"So, Pinkie, where is Mr. and Mrs. Cake anyway?"
The earth pony leaned in to take a drink from her cup. They were seated behind the counter of Sugarcube Corner, the home/workplace of the Cake's and Pinkie, who rented and worked for a room of her own. Rainbow had hardly seen her work due to the mare's erratic schedule and the Cake's extreme leniency, but now was a rare time that Pinkie had to work. Not that it was much work, just sitting and waiting for customers and retrieving what they ordered, already baked and fresh. Sitting up, Pinkie answered, "Well, they wanted to take Pound and Pumpkin to play in the park, so they asked me to fill in while they were gone."
"Oh, well, uh, sorry you couldn't throw that party you wanted."
Pinkie gave Rainbow Dash a confused look. "What do you mean? This is the party!" she said, throwing her forehooves out wide. "Even if it's the two of us and there are no decorations - as long as friends can come together, be happy, and celebrate something - it's a party."
Rainbow paused, thinking about her friend's words. They made complete sense. Which was weird, considering that she was speaking to Pinkie Pie of all ponies. But it was about parties, and if anypony was to know something about parties, it would be Pinkie. "Yeah," Rainbow said, "yeah, I guess you're right."
"Hey, Rainbow can I ask you something?"
Rainbow met Pinkie's eyes. "What?"
"Uh." Pinkie glanced around nervously.
No. Something settled inside of Rainbow Dash's gut: hard, heavy, fighting to get out.
"I've been meaning to tell you for a while …"
No. This couldn't be happening. Rainbow always feared this day would come, but she never really thought about it. It was too unreal, despite all the signs.
"… and I have no idea how to say this but …"
No. Please don't say it, please say something else. Rainbow felt her pulse quicken.
"… I, I, um," Pinkie's voice died away as she searched for the words, her eyes darting with an anxious energy.
Oh, thank Celestia. Rainbow Dash let her nerves settle down. It appeared like Pinkie wasn't going to tell her. Not today.
Without warning, Pinkie leaned forward, over her drink, her lips meeting Rainbow's before darting back to her previous spot. "I like you … a lot."
Rainbow Dash's wing shot out, furious flaps of the wings lifting her into the air. NO! This cannot be happening.
"R-rainbow?" Pinkie Pie's voice was filled with uncertainty, her eyes looking like they were on the verge of tears. Her normally poofy hair didn't seem to be the same curly mess, almost as if it was matching her mood. This image of Pinkie terrified Rainbow Dash, bring back memories of Pinkie Pie's birthday: flashes of insecurity and loneliness she hid and everypony ignored because that was easier.
"Rainbow?" she said again, her voice a watery whisper.
Rainbow Dash didn't think, just reacted. She couldn't handle this, she couldn't cope. So she flew. She flew right out of the bakery and away from her friend.
Some Element of Loyalty, she thought bitterly as tears threatened to well up and the wind whipped by.
Rainbow Dash speed forward, her hooves flying out to strike the clouds. Why now? Why now after all this time?
She attacked the skies with a ferocity rarely seen from her. Even after all this time, she was fighting back tears. How could I have just forgotten that she liked me? How freaking stupid could I be?
A hoof flies out, another cloud destroyed, she screams in a primitive rage. "WHAT IN TARTARUS IS WRONG WITH ME?"
"Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow stopped mid flight, turning toward the voice, only to be met with furious aqua eyes. Oh, horse apples.
"Fluttershy, I can explai-" she was cut off with a slap from the butter colored pegasus mare.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, are you okay?" she asked, momentarily losing her composure before becoming angry again. "You … you do not do that to friends!"
"Do what?" Rainbow screamed back, her voice breaking from the threat of tears. "What exactly did I do that was so bad?"
"That's what we're trying to find out," a new voice spoke up. Turning, Rainbow saw Twilight flapping hard to stay afloat, still unused to her wings since she became an alicorn. "What in Equestria did you do, Rainbow Dash?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, really?" Twilight said as Fluttershy flew to her side. "Pinkie is locked in her room crying, and refuses to talk to anypony, except to say 'Ask Rainbow Dash.'" Her angry violescent eyes locked onto Rainbow. "So, what is it that you did?"
Rainbow Dash looked away, tears now flowing uncontrolled down her face. "Th-thats my own business, Twilight. So I'd like it if you just stayed out of it."
Twilight's and Fluttershy's faces softened. "Rainbow," Twilight said, a worried edge growing in her voice, "is everything alright? Look, if something happened between you and Pinkie, you can tell us. We're all friends here." She flew forward, wrapping her forehooves around Rainbow's neck and pulled her into a hug. "What ever fight you and Pinkie got into, it'll pass. You two are way too close of friends to let it get to you."
"Y-yeah," Fluttershy said, hiding behind her pink mane now that her anger had dissipated. "What ever the fight was about, it doesn't matter now. I'm sure you two can work it out."
Rainbow couldn't meet any of her friends' eyes. "We … we didn't have a fight."
Twilight gave her a confused look. "Then what happened to make the both of you so upset?"
"She … kissed me, then told me she liked me."
There was a brief pause before Twilight spoke up. "Oh."
"'Oh?'" Rainbow yelled, flailing, trying to push her friend away. "'Oh' is all you can say when you find out that Pinkie kissed me? Really?" Her voice broke, a hoarse whisper. "Is that all you can say when you find out that I'm a crappy pony that abandons her friends because I'm too stupid to do anything rational, ever."
"If you don't like her that way, then why not just tell her instead of running away?" Fluttershy asked, a firm resolve being covered by her soft voice.
"Because I don't know if I don't like her that way," Rainbow screamed as what little hold on her composure broke away and her words came tumbling out like a waterfall. "I don't know if I don't like her that way because I don't want to think about it and it scares me that if I do like her, then we'll get close then she'll leave and I'll be left alone like last time and … I'm scared, Fluttershy, Twilight. I'm so, so, so scared right now and nothing makes sense. I mean, I knew she liked me, but I pretended like it was nothing. I hoped it would just go away, just disappear like it never existed in the first place
"But I don't want to like her like that, even though I think I kinda do, and I know that doesn't make sense, but … I'm scared that she'll leave in the end, I guess." Rainbow stopped speaking, her breathing ragged and watery.
Waiting until she was sure Rainbow was finished, Twilight cleared her throat. "You don't need to be afraid of telling her how you feel, and you didn't need to run away like how you did. She really likes you, Rainbow, and I think you really like her as well. So why are you afraid she'll leave, if she's the one that confessed her feelings?"
"Because that's what always happens."
"What do you mean?"
"Remember Gilda?" Rainbow asked. "After she left, she came back to my house, and told me the only reason she acted the way she did was because she liked me. And eventhough I was still mad about what she did to Fluttershy, I still kinda had a thing for her. I always have, ever since flight camp. So I invited her in. We talked, and then one thing lead to another and … and we kissed. And then she left. She never came back, and just left me feeling empty. And that wasn't the first time either. There were other mares, too. They all left me, either because they decided they liked stallions more, or because the got bored.
"I've never once asked any of them out. They all came to me, and then left. And every time it happened, it hurt more than the time before."
Twilight stared at Rainbow, her brow furrowed in concern. "I'm sorry to hear that. But this is Pinkie that we're talking about. No matter how erratic she acts, she still never does anything without conviction. She wouldn't kiss you if she was just going leave when she got bored. She does care about you, Rainbow, and I'm sure she was just as scared as you when it happened. You need to go tell her how you feel." Twilight flew in close, placing a forehoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "I can tell you like her, too, even if you're scared to admit it."
"But," Rainbow said, trying to bite back her fear, "what if I go to her and she hates me? I mean, I did just leave her crying. She has to hate me now. How couldn't she?"
"If she hated you, she wouldn't be as broken as she is now. She needs you."
Rainbow glanced away, raising a forehoof to scratch the back of her head. "Gee, thanks for making feel so much better about completely abandoning my friend when she confessed her crush."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Sarcasm will get you nowhere."
"I know, it just … "
"You're scared. I get it."
Rainbow nodded before pulling the alicorn into a hug. "Thanks, Twi, and thank you, too," she said, turning toward Fluttershy. "You were always there whenever I was acting dumb to straighten me out. Guess old habits are hard to kick."
Fluttershy only shrugged, a light blush showing through her yellow coat. "It was nothing, really. Sorry that I slapped you."
"No, I needed it," Rainbow said. "I guess I gotta talk to Pinkie now, huh?"
Both of her friends nodded in response.
"Right, so I … I'll be going now." She turned to leave when she heard Twilight call out from behind.
"It'll be okay. She really does care about you."
Rainbow paused before dashing forward "I know," she said, her voice too soft to be heard over the rush of the wind. "I know."
Touching down in front of Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow stepped forward, pushing the door open. A light chime of a bell announced her arrival. "One moment!" a stallion's voice called out. Stepping out of a back room, a lanky orange earth pony walked to the counter, preoccupied with a cake he was balancing on his back. "Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, what can I …"
His stopped short of the counter when he saw who had come in. "Oh, it's you," he said, his brow furrowing in annoyance. "What do you want?"
Rainbow found herself recoiling at his words. "I-I came to speak to Pinkie P-"
"I don't think that's a good idea," he said, sliding the cake onto the counter. "I think you've said quite enough to her."
"I … look, Mr. Cake, sir, I have to see her, please."
"Give me one good reason I should let you see Pinkie!" he yelled, stomping his hoof. "Give me one, just one reason why I should let you speak to Pinkie after the way you treated her! She's been locked in her room since you left, bawling her eyes out and refusing to see anypony. All because of you." He scoffed. "And I thought you two were friends."
"We were – are friends," Rainbow Dash said, "and that is why I need to speak to her. I … I need to set everything right. I need to, please."
He stood there, eyeing her. What felt like hours passed before he responded. "Fine, go up to her room. That way she can decide if she wants to speak to you herself."
Rainbow glanced to the floor, at her forehooves. "You can hate me all you want. Just know that I hate myself more than you ever could."
Her hooves brushed the landing, kissing the worn floor before settling. Turning her head, Rainbow looked around the hallway. The last time she was up here alone was the day of Pinkie's birthday. She could still see the way Pinkie's hair had hung limp and straight. That image served as a constant reminder that Pinkie might not always the happy mare she pretended to be.
That was something else Rainbow had chosen to forget. A rush of guilt washed over her. Gee, what a good friend she was for ignoring her friend's pain.
Treading lightly, she walked closer to Pinkie's door, which was closed. As she neared she could hear a soft voice coming from inside.
"I screwed up. Bad. Like, the worst screw up in all of Equestria. And I don't know if I can fix it. I want to, but I have no clue how to. I mean, how would it look if I came crawling to her now, after the way I acted? She'll hate me no matter what I do. I'm just a bad friend. Just a bad friend that deserves to be alone."
Rainbow stopped in front of the door, pressing her ear against it. She felt like something was piercing her chest, and her breathing became almost non-existent.
"And it is all because I couldn't keep my feelings in check. I beat Rainow hates me. Do you hate me, Gummy?"
Unable to bear what was being said on the other side of the door, Rainbow knocked. Almost immediately, Pinkie called out, "Go away."
"Pinkie, it's me. We need to talk."
There was a pause. "G-go away," she said again, softer this time.
"Please, I … it's important, Pinkie," Rainbow said, the pain in her chest growing.
"I … I don't care. Go away."
"No!" Rainbow yelled, a frightened edge growing in her voice. "No, I want to say something to you, and I won't go away. I'm sick and tired of just going away when a friend needs me. I screwed up enough, and I don't wanna lose you because of a mistake."
There was a long silence, almost to the point where Rainbow was going to speak up again, before Pinkie responded. "You've never 'just gone away,' Rainbow. That's what I like about you."
"Yes I have. There's a reason my cutie mark represents my speed. I've grown up running away from the names that bullies called me, away from ponies that only wanted to help because I thought getting aid meant I was weak, and away from feelings I didn't want to exist."
Rainbow let out a sigh. "And I ran away from you, because I'm stupid and I was scared."
There was a click, and the door opened a fraction. "Come in"
Pushing the door open further, Rainbow stepped into Pinkie's room. On the bed sat Pinkie, hugging her pet baby alligator, Gummy. Her hair was straight, like on her birthday. "What do you want?" she asked, not out of irritation, but a need to know.
"I … I wanted to say sorry for running out on you and –"
"No, it's my fault. I should've realized you didn't like me that way." The ways she hung her head as she said it hurt Rainbow as she watched.
"Pinkie, no, when you kissed me, I ran because I was afraid that …" Rainbow's voice died away as she searched for the right words.
"Because you didn't like me like that, I know."
"No!" Rainbow said, taking a step forward. "No, Pinkie, I … I think I do like you. It's just that I was afraid that you'd … you'll get tired of me and leave."
Pinkie lifted her head in confusion. "Why would I ever get tired of you?"
"Because that's what always happens. A mare tells me she's into me, we date, and then she leaves. And no matter how much I try, it always hurts." Rainbow hung her head as she moved closer to the bed. "Everytime I let anypony close like that, they get bored of me. Like how I was afraid you would." Her legs began to shake, threatening to give out beneath her. "You mean too much to me, Pinkie. I'm so, so scared that I'll lose you like I've lost everypony else."
She crumbled before Pinkie's bed, tears beginning to stream down her face. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the flow, but failing. She felt hooves wrap around her, pulling her into a hug. She started to sob harder, throwing her forelegs around Pinkie's neck.
"It'll be okay, Rainbow." Pinkie squeezed Rainbow tighter. "I promise I won't just leave you."
"How can you promise that? How can I believe that you won't just leave me like everypony else?"
"Because I love you," Pinkie said, her voice soft. "I have for a long time, and it only gets stronger"
"You're not the first to say that."
"But I will be the last."
Rainbow felt Pinkie's hooves withdraw from around her body, a gentle warmth fading away. Then she felt Pinkie's lips on hers, disappearing just as soon as they appeared. "Rainbow, look at me."
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and was met with a frightened looking Pinkie. "Rainbow, do you really like me?"
It was all she could to give a small nod.
"And do you want to, I don't know, date me, or something?"
Rainbow let out a small laugh, raising a hoof to whip her eyes. "Yeah, I really do."
Pinkie smiled. "Good."
"Um, can I ask a question?"
"Yes, what?"
Rainbow cleared her throat and scratched the back of her head. "How can your hair go flat like that when you're upset?"
Pinkie sat back, a look of surprise crossing over her face. "Honestly, I have no idea."
Rainbow laughed again before leaning forward and kissing Pinkie's cheek. "You are so random, Pinkie."
Pinkie smiled, her hair slowly curling up. "So you actually do want to be my marefriend?" She leaped up, almost knocking Rainbow over before pulling her up as well. "So, marefriend, what do you wanna do now?"
Rainbow flapped her wings, a little disoriented from the sudden loss of the floor beneath her. "I guess talk, straighten stuff out between us. We kinda had a bumpy start to all this, after all."
Pinkie's grin lessened. "Yeah, but you still wanna be my marefriend right?"
"Yeah, I do, but," Rainbow Dash said, looking away, "I'm still scared that you'll leave when you get tired of me."
"Rainbow, follow me," Pinkie said, walking toward the window. Nudging the panel open, she sat down. "Tell me what you see."
Sitting down next to the pink mare, Rainbow looked outside. "Um, Ponyville."
"No, beyond that. Look at the sky."
She did, seeing a sparse number of clouds and the setting sun. "I see the sun."
Pinkie nodded, "Exactly, and once the sun sets, the moon will rise. Sometimes the moon isn't completely full, and it wax and wanes, dims and brightens. But it is always there." She turned toward Rainbow and smiled. "In that way, it's just like my love for you."
Rainbow shifted her weight uncomfortably. "Uh, could you stop using the word 'love'? It's still kinda early for that."
"Okay, sure."
"Are you okay, Pinkie?"
She frowned, giving Rainbow a confused look. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"
"You're acting all weirdly calm."
She smiled, sighing. "Yeah, guess I am."
Moving closer to Rainbow, Pinkie rested her head on her marefriend's shoulder. "I guess I am."
~( end )~