I have had no time for writing for a while, so I thought I'd put up this story which I started quite a while ago.
A heart-felt thank you to everyone who has reviewed my other stories. For the multi-chaps all I can say is, I promise to finish them when time permits. And here's another one, which will be finished one day.
This is set a year or so after the end of Dirge of Cerberus. It does contain yaoi, but not much that's very explicit. It was an attempt to write about more mature relationships. Because we're all busy people, here's a brief synopsis so if it's not your thing you don't need to waste time reading it: Reno and Rufus are together. You couldn't say it was a match made in Heaven exactly, but in some ways it works. When Reno was much younger, he had an intense relationship with Sephiroth, until Nibelheim. No one knows about it. Rufus is going to find out. How will that affect him? Do you care? If so, you may want to read on.
Present tense bits are in the present, past tense bits are in the past. Sounds obvious. Not sure if it works.
Not mine, except in rabid fangirl dreams.
Feathers
Chapter One: Never A Memory
What Reno misses:
The thrill and the comfort of being held by someone so much stronger than himself.
Paradoxical kisses that made him shiver; that made him burn.
Feeling protected – because he's always been the protector of others, and now that's all he is again.
The sex, the sex, the sex.
The astonishingly erotic experience of being folded in soft, black feathers.
The knowledge that they have both given their souls to Shin-Ra, and are equally guilty; equally damned.
The understanding that they would both rather be damned together than saved apart.
The belief that he understands love.
The belief that love could be enough.
What Reno retains:
Memories, and a sweetly painful secret not even Shin-Ra knows.
A box of beautiful black feathers gathered carefully whenever they fell.
A tattoo that means nothing to anyone else.
The ghosts of old feelings.
The fragments of his heart.
What Reno has gained:
A new lover in Rufus Shinra, who always knew how to get whatever he wanted.
The burden of keeping the past secret, even from him.
The hope, however fragile, that having returned twice before, Sephiroth might still find a way back to him.
.~~~~~~~~~~.
Reno can't live any longer without knowing.
Cloud is surprised to see the red-haired Turk entering the newly refurbished Seventh Heaven in Edge, especially unaccompanied by his usual shadow, Rude.
"Reno." Cloud's tone is not unfriendly. Reno thinks that Cloud has more or less forgiven him for what he used to be. He wishes he could feel the same about Cloud, who was only saving the world, after all. But every time Reno looks at the spiky-haired hero, he wonders how it was. He has to know.
It's not a thing he can ask straight out though, so he leans on the bar and asks, "You servin' yo?"
"We're not quite open, but – okay. What can I get you?"
"Whiskey. Straight."
Cloud nods, puts the drink on the bar.
Reno pays, knocks it back, orders another.
"Keep going like that and I'll be throwing you out before we're even open," Cloud observes.
Reno shakes his head, downing the second shot. "Not here to drink, yo."
"Then – what?"
Reno holds up a finger. "One more," he says.
"Just one?"
"Sure."
Cloud hands Reno a third whiskey. This time the Turk just stands there, gazing down into the amber liquid.
"So?" Cloud prompts.
"Came to see you, matter of fact," Reno says. Cloud makes no reply; waits for him to get to the point.
"I've been wondering," says Reno, his eyes suddenly very bright, "about when you – defeated – S – Sephiroth."
It seems to cause Reno difficulty, saying the name. Cloud can understand that.
"What about it?"
"What happened? What…was it like?"
Cloud shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about that. I defeated him. He's dead."
The Turk's eyes glitter strangely. "Tell me," he says. "Please!"
Cloud frowns. "Why does it matter to you?"
"C'mon man! I was there! Fighting that damned remnant, who was so … like him. Nearly blew myself up, yo, so's you could fight that last battle – when he came back…" Reno's voice catches, and Cloud supposes that the remnant he fought must have hurt him pretty badly. Reno looks up at Cloud, and his eyes have none of their usual confidence. "Tell me?" he asks again.
Cloud sighs. "All right, Reno. What do you want to know?"
But now he's got what he wants, Reno seems uncertain. "Maybe…okay," he murmurs. "Tell me about when Kadaj became Seph – Sephiroth. What happened?"
"Well – it was quick. I think it was painful, for Kadaj. I heard him cry out, and when I looked up I found myself staring straight into Sephiroth's eyes."
"Oh!" Reno's tone is very strange. Cloud can't place it. Reno sounds almost fearful as he asks, "How did he look? How – how was he?"
"He looked the same as ever. Crazy. His face hadn't changed. As for how he was – I'd say he was worse."
"Worse?"
"Colder. Even less human."
"So, you think he was still insane?"
"He's been insane ever since Nibelheim."
"Hmm. Before that, I think he was the sanest one in SOLDIER."
"You knew him?" Cloud sounds surprised. Reno looks down, smiling sadly. "I knew him, yes. We…met sometimes. In the Shin-Ra building."
"You were friends?"
Reno shakes his head emphatically. "No – I don't think you could call us that…" Sighing, he looks away. Cloud asks, "Reno, have you been drinking before you got here? Or have you taken something else?"
No."
Cloud finds that he believes Reno. He asks, more gently now, "So – what's all this about?"
Reno looks into Cloud's eyes – still that brilliant mako blue after all this time. The Turk's expression is almost desperate. He shakes his head again; turns to leave. "I…can't. I'd better go."
But Cloud is round in front of the bar, enhanced reflexes still impossibly fast. He lays a hand on Reno's arm. "Stay," he says. "Tifa will take over in here – we'll be open in a minute. I may not have learned much from all we've been through, but working here – at least I can recognize someone who needs to talk."
Reno nods, miserably. Cloud feels oddly protective towards the Turk. Without his usual cocky confidence, Reno seems disconcertingly vulnerable – so pale, so slight - like one of the street kids from the old Midgar slums. Which, Cloud remembers, he once was. What Shin-Ra does to these damaged children!
Leaving his drink on the bar, Reno follows Cloud into another room where it's dark and quiet. Switching on one lamp, Cloud gestures to a couch. Reno sits, looking up, a little surprised, when Cloud takes a seat next to him instead of in one of the armchairs.
"So," says Cloud, "How can I help you?"
Reno looks at his hands, twisting nervously together in his lap. Cloud has never seen the Turk like this.
"I…just need to know what he said. How it was when…when you killed him." Reno shivers.
"I didn't exactly kill him. I'm not sure that he was completely alive. I defeated him. He told me that Geostigma's dead would destroy the planet. It seems he – or Jenova in him, - was the cause of the stigma."
"Rufus thought so." Reno shakes his head. "I'm sorry."
Cloud wonders why Reno thinks he should be sorry, but the Turk says nothing more, so Cloud continues: "Sephiroth kept catching me with that damned sword –"
"That came back too?"
"Everything – just as he used to be. The clothes he was wearing that day in Nibelheim, the masamune, everything."
"Just as he used to be," Reno echoes, his voice a whisper.
"He told me he wanted to fulfil Jenova's mission," Cloud continues. "To use the planet as some kind of – of vessel – to reach other worlds and start a new future there. But when I asked him what would happen to this planet he said, 'Well, that's up to you, Cloud,' and it was almost as if…"
"What?" asks Reno, his eyes fixed on Cloud's face.
"As if he – or a part of him – hoped I'd win."
"You really believe that?"
Cloud is taken aback by the intensity of Reno's gaze. The answer matters to the Turk – so much – and Cloud can't understand why. He nods slowly, considering. "Hmm. Yes, that's what I think," he says. "Then we fought, and it was the hardest battle I've ever been in. He so nearly killed me: ran that sword right through me, lifted me clean off the ground –"
Reno winces.
"Like the first time," Cloud muses. "Only – he asked me what I most cherish. He said, 'Give me the pleasure of taking it away.' But it sounded – flat. As though he thought that was the sort of thing he ought to say. And it somehow gave me the strength to fight harder, because I realised that I still loved this planet, this whole flawed life – everything. With that strength, I defeated him. But again, it was almost as if…he…wanted…"
"Maybe he did?" Reno's breathing is ragged. It seems he's fighting to control some emotion Cloud doesn't understand. "What about… at the end?" Reno asks.
"Sephiroth retreated. He was hovering in the air, above me – flying. I told him to stay in my memory, where he belongs, and he said, 'I will never be a memory'. Then he closed his wing around himself, and there were black feathers falling everywhere – and then there was Kadaj, at the end of his strength, used up and dying." Cloud looked at Reno. "That's all I can tell you. That's how it was."
"I will never be a memory. Do you think he's still out there? Not absorbed in the lifestream, I mean?"
"I don't know. I hope that now the last of the Jenova cells have gone, he won't be able to return again, even if his mind still exists."
"So…there are no Jenova cells left, anywhere?" Reno asks.
"If there are, Rufus Shinra would be the most likely to know. No-one knows what became of Genesis, after all. But his cells were unstable in any case."
"So it would take cells - from Sephiroth?"
"I suppose so. But Sephiroth vanished back into the lifestream when Kadaj returned to his body. Don't worry, Reno. Sephiroth's not coming back."
"No." Reno looks down at his hands.
Trying to understand the Turk's strange mood, Cloud says, "I guess - fighting with Yazoo must've been hard, huh?"
"Hmm?" Reno looks up. "Oh, yeah. Uh – thanks, Cloud. I just needed to know what happened, that's all…"
"You're okay?"
"Yes. I'm gonna go. But – thanks."
Cloud opens the door to the main bar, which is filling up now. Tifa shoots him an enquiring look as Reno leaves. When the Turk has gone she asks, "What did he want?"
"I'm not sure…I think, to talk about the past…"
"Right." Tifa shrugs. "I guess – even Turks need to talk sometimes."
"Yes." Cloud frowns, though. Something's not quite right about the whole encounter, but he can't pinpoint just what it is.
In the next chapter: Rufus and Reno have an argument.