Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, lived a beautiful young girl named Ana Coppola. Everyone called her Snow White because of her pale skin that reminded them of snow. Snow White was very good and treated everyone with respect, despite her stepmother the queen, Miu, treating her like a servant.

"Well she deserves it!" Miu yelled at the narrator. "It's her own fault she's so pretty!" She huffed, walking over to the mirror on her bedroom wall. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?"

The mirror, Nobue, said, "Ana-chan, obviously."

"No way!" shrieked the stepmother. "I'm way better than Snow White!"

"No, you're of far less beauty than her," said the mirror. "She's prettier than you, eight to two."

Miu glared at the mirror. "Meanie." She walked to the doorway and yelled down the hall. "Chi-chaaaan!"

Chika, the huntress who worked for the queen, ran down the hall and removed her hat, bowing to the stepmother. "You summoned me, your majesty?"

"I need you to kill that Snow White girl," said Miu.

Chika looked frightened. "Kill her?"

"Yes, kill her!" said Miu. "Once she has been eliminated, I will finally be the fairest in the land!"

"No, there will still be many girls prettier than you," said Chika. "I'm pretty sure it's a hopeless cause."

Miu shot Chika a look. "Whatever. I want her dead. No buts. Off you go!" She waved her hand towards the door.

Chika groaned before leaving the room. "I hate my job."

The huntress arrived in a nearby meadow, where Snow White was chatting with her forest animal friends. The group consisted of bunnies, deer, chipmunks, bluebirds, mice, and various other cute animals. A bluebird flew and landed on Ana's finger, and she smiled at it and said something to it, which Chika couldn't hear from her hiding spot in the bushes.

"I can't kill her..." Chika mumbled to herself. She tucked her bow and arrows into the pack on her back, and walked out of the bushes, calling out in a friendly way to Snow White. "Hello, Snow White!"

Ana looked over at Chika. "Oh, hello! How are you?"

"Good, thank you," said Chika. "But... I have some bad news."

Ana grew concerned. "What is it?"

"Your stepmother, the queen... sent me out here to kill you," said Chika.

Ana's eyes widened in fear. "You aren't really going to do it, are you?"

"No," said Chika. "But she needs to believe you're dead, so you must leave the kingdom and go someplace far away where she'll never be able to find you."

"Like where?" said Ana.

"I don't know," said Chika, feeling bad that she couldn't give the poor girl some advice.

"I see..." said Ana. "Well... thank you for telling me... and for not killing me..."

Chika nodded. "No problem."

"Well, I'll go now," said Ana. She began to walk off to who-knows-where, turning around briefly to wave to Chika.

Ana walked many miles with only her forest friends to comfort her. She cried a bit and spent the nights sleeping in tree holes or on mossy spots on the ground. One day, she came across a cute little cottage out in the woods.

"It looks old and abandoned," Ana said to her forest friends. "I wonder if it would be safe for me to live there." The animals began to get excited.

At this point, the huntress had already come back to the queen and told her she'd killed Snow White. The queen asked the mirror again, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?"

"Still Ana-chan," said the mirror.

"WHAT!?" Miu shrieked. She turned around and gave Chika an evil stare.

Chika began to look nervous. "Um, that's weird. I did kill her..."

"Really now?" said Miu. "'Cause the magic mirror says otherwise. You're fired!"

Chika sighed. "Oh well." She walked out of the room.

Snow White settled down in the cottage, cleaning it and organizing it. When she was finished with her work, the whole house seemed to sparkle and shine. (Probably not too surprisingly, since she'd gotten a lot of practice working as a servant for the queen, and that involved a lot of cleaning.)

"Whew, that was exhausting!" said Ana. "I think I'll go to bed now." She walked upstairs and settled in one of the many little beds in the room. "Geez, these beds are tiny!" She curled up in a little ball to rest comfortably, and eventually fell asleep.

At about ten o'clock that night, seven dwarfs entered the house and were shocked to see it so sparkling clean. (In fact, everything was shining so brightly it kinda hurt their eyes.)

The dwarfs all walked upstairs and saw a stranger sleeping in one of their beds.

"Who's that!?" said one of the dwarfs.

"Probably a robber!" said another, looking pretty scared.

The dwarfs walked over to the sleeping girl and gently shook her. She mumbled a little, then slowly opened her eyes and sat up. "Who are you?" she asked. "Little people?"

"We're dwarfs," said one. "Who are you?"

"I'm Snow White," said Ana. "Pleased to meet you, dwarfs." She giggled. "Aw, you're so little and cute!" She picked one up and hugged them, causing them to squirm.

"So what are you doing here, Snow White?" asked the dwarf, once he had managed to pry himself out of her tight grip.

"Well I'm looking for a place to stay," said Ana. "I left my old home and I can never go back."

"Were you banned or something?" said one dwarf.

"Kind of," said Ana.

"Well you're welcome to stay here," said one dwarf.

"Huh!?" said another. "We never agreed to this!"

"But how can we not let her stay?" said the first dwarf. "She's so pretty!"

Ana laughed. "Oddly, I think that might've been the exact reason I was kicked out of my old home."

"Really?"

"Yes. My stepmother despises me because of my beauty."

"That's crazy!" said a dwarf. "Well, I guess beauty comes with a price."

Back in the kingdom, the queen was poisoning an apple.

"If you've wanna get something done right, you gotta do it yourself," she informed the narrator. "So that's why I'm gonna poison her with this apple." She held up the apple, which shone in the afternoon sunlight. "There's no way she'll see it coming!" She started laughing like a maniac.

The queen set off for the cottage where Snow White was now living. (She knew of her new home since she'd asked the magic mirror for her location.)

When the queen reached the cottage, she could see Snow White through the window. She was making a blueberry pie. The seven dwarfs sat at a nearby table, eagerly awaiting the dessert.

Miu walked up to the window. "Good afternoon," she greeted.

"Oh, hello," said Snow White with a smile.

Oh, good. My disguise worked. She doesn't suspect a thing, Miu thought. "I sell apples," she said. "But this one is free for such a beautiful young lady like yourself."

Ana smiled and blushed. "Oh, thank you."

Miu held the poisonous apple up to the window and Ana took it. "Itadakima~su!" Ana said. She bit into the apple, and immediately fainted. Miu grinned evilly.

"Snow White!" the dwarfs cried, gathering around her. They shook her, trying to wake her up. When all else failed, the dwarfs turned on the 'apple seller'.

"Eh? Why are you looking at me like that?" said Miu, starting to sweat a little. "C'mon guys..."

The dwarfs got out their torches and pitchforks and chased the queen up to the cliffs. Standing on the edge, about a hundred meters in the air, the queen pleaded to not be killed. "Please please please don't kill me!" she said, bowing several times. "I want to live! Please have mercy!"

The dwarfs were too nice to kill the queen. "Fine," said one. "But you must spend the rest of your life suffering behind bars."

"Fine, fine, I accept!" said Miu.

The dwarfs all knelt around Snow White's open casket, out in the middle of the woods, with all of her forest animal friends. They cried silently, using their hats to wipe their tears away.

The huntress was there too, because she had been supposed to kill Snow White, but hadn't, and felt bad that she could not have protected her from dying anyway later on.

Then a prince came from the woods, riding a white horse. The prince was actually a girl though, by the name of Sakuragi Matsuri. (What!? Did you just say a girl can't be a prince!? Well disregard everything you know about princes, because this is a fairytale, and so anything can happen. So a prince can be a girl. Sheesh!)

"Who's this?" said Matsuri, leaning over to look at Ana.

"That's Snow White," said one of the dwarfs. "The fairest in all the land."

"Oh..." said Matsuri. "She really is pretty."

A thought came to one of the dwarfs. "Oh, I have an idea!" one said. "Maybe a kiss would awaken her!"

"Oh, really?" said Matsuri. "Isn't that kinda cliché?"

"Well, yeah," said one of the dwarfs. "But isn't it worth a try?"

"I guess," said Matsuri, blushing. "But I don't even know her..."

"Please do it, young prince!" the dwarfs begged.

"Oh... okay..." said Matsuri hesitantly. She repeatedly leaned in to kiss Ana, and every time, quickly pulled away out of nervousness. "Oh, this is hard..."

"Just do it already!" said Miu, who was standing nearby in a cage. "So this pathetic story can end already! The author is getting sick of typing!"

"Okay, okay!" said Matsuri. She quickly leaned in and pressed her lips to Ana's. Ana's eyelids fluttered open.

"Huh? Why am I in a casket?" said Ana. "And who are you?"

"I'm Sakuragi Matsuri," said the prince. "And we all thought you were dead!"

"Eh? What happened to me?" said Ana.

"Your stepmother was trying to kill you," said one of the dwarfs. Ana's skin turned even paler than it already was.

"Did you kiss me?" said Ana, looking over at Matsuri.

Matsuri nodded, a bit embarrassed. "Yes, to wake you up."

"I'd rather she still be dead," said Miu. A dwarf stuck a stick through the bars of her cage and poked her with it. "Hey!"

"So... you saved my life..." Ana said in shock.

Matsuri's cheeks turned a bit pink. "Well, if you put it that way..."

Ana slid off the casket and stood up. "How could I ever repay you, Prince Matsuri?"

Matsuri blushed, looking down at her shoes. "Well... if you'd be mine..."

"Deal!" said Ana happily.

And so Ana and Matsuri went to live in a castle together, and they were totally rich and happy. Miu spent the rest of her life behind bars being repeatedly poked by a stick, and Chika and Nobue stood there watching in amusement and eating popcorn.

The End