The disease kills you but it's really the word that makes the effect. The word tears through your life and makes a tsunami that creates chaos and carnage in every aspect of your life and just when you think it's done, the ripples of the wave will come and spread even further than you ever thought that it could. From the moment you hear that word, you start to think of every moment that you're living could actually be your last and you start to wonder why it is happening to you and what you did to deserve this. Should you have made more of life and accomplished more? Should you have had all the stupid experiences and then admitted love when you knew it was time? Did you deserve this because of something you did or maybe didn't do?
Everything starts to become both so precious but so meaningless at the same time and you start to die and kill yourself through other means. You stay in the dark all day hoping that you can hide away and the disease can't see you when you're hiding and camoflaged in the dark. You'll drink the pain away so that you don't have to think about it anymore and so that you can go a day without thinking of every moment becoming a memory to those around you that you love so much. You fall into hell and you can't find you're way back out because you're too scared and don't know what to expect from life anymore, you know exactly where you're going but it's a matter of time and you don't know when.
It will hurt to love because you know that you're going to have to let go of the girl that you love and you start to think that maybe you shouldn't have run away from her all that time and maybe you could have had more time with her and spent every waking moment with the girl of your dreams that would become your world. Maybe you should have stood up to Katie years ago at high school and not avoided the gorgeous brown eyed girl that caught your eye at the age of twelve.
It will hurt you to have to say goodbye to all the friends you know and cherish so much, those friends that stayed with you through times that were thick and thin. Friends who took the blame for you, who carried on even though you were ice cold, friends that sold drugs with you and included you in the group even though you didn't know them.
You'll have to say goodbye to the world as you've always known it. It'll end to you as a mystery and a puzzle that you'll never be able to solve and there will always be the questions that you will never get the answer to such as did they find the cure to HIV or AIDS? Did the war in Afghanistan ever end? Did JJ ever have the ability to father a child?
Lastly, you'll have to say goodbye to the woman who brought you into the world. You'll have to look into the eyes that are so symmetrical to your own as she holds your hand and watches you wither away in a hospital bed, the daughter that died long before her time, riddled with a disease that claimed so many sons and daughters lives so long before their parents.
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Only twenty minutes ago, she had been sat on a leather seat in front of a polished desk of a consultant whilst he looked through her files and tried to find the words to say to the 19 year old girl that could break everything in her life. He bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrow before he pulled a box of tissues up from the shelf that was below him. He said to her that she may reach for one if she needs to and whatever he said, he was here for her and he would explain anything that she needed to know. He opened his mouth to speak and her hearing went and her vision blurred. She didn't need to hear him to know what he was saying because she already knew. She had cancer. Naomi Campbell had cancer.