Never Broken
A/N: So this is technically a Fourth of July entry, but it has nothing to do with the holiday. This is a little bit heavy, but possibly the most romantic thing I've ever written. I hope you guys like it!
*Brief reference to Pink's song 'Just Give Me A Reason' (I know it wasn't released at the time this fic was set, but let's play pretend. Also references to 'Threads' and 'Heroes 1 and 2'
Enjoy!
The car was dark, the only sounds coming from the soft breathing of its two occupants and the hum of the engine as they made their way up the winding road. The trees outside were just black silhouettes, waving in the faint night breeze and the moon lit the road like a snaking silver ribbon. This high in the mountains the stars were clearly visible away from ambient light—whole constellations were discernible, as were several planets. Not that anyone but a select few would know just how many planets were up there.
Sam looked out the window, her fingers playing with a small tear in the leather of her seat. She wrapped a thread around her ring finger, noting that it felt a little freer; felt a little lighter without the weight of her ring. Her heart felt lighter too, but the death of her father weighed heavily.
As did her relationship with the general.
It seemed, for the first time, that there was nothing standing in the way of them. Pete was gone, Kerri was gone, she had heard rumors that things within the regulations of the SGC were changing, and they were going fishing next week. Daniel and Teal'c were coming too, but that was beside the point. It had been a game between them for years; he would invite her to come and she would decline. But over time, fishing had become a secret, a code. The day that he offered and she said yes was the day they both knew things would change.
And now he had asked. And she had said yes.
But it wasn't that simple. Sam had realized this a long time ago. It would never be as simple as an offer and an answer. There was too much history, too much emotion…too much betrayal.
Soft strains from the radio wrapped around Sam's heart and squeezed. She finally raised her eyes and looked over at the man driving the truck high into the mountains. Her commanding officer of eight years- her friend for just as long. His profile was all that was visible to her, the night too dark for her to see any details. He was looking straight ahead, his gaze never wavering, and the tautness of his neck told her that his sightline was intentional.
Great. So they were both avoiding each other.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again…"
Lyrics of the song reached Sam's ears and she turned back to the window, tears stinging her eyes. Were they broken? Was it even possible that after eight years of pretending they didn't feel anything they could even be fixed?
'That's the whole point of this.' Sam reminded herself. This drive up to a remote camping site Jack swore was unknown to anyone but him was supposed to be an experiment of sorts. They needed to see if they could work out everything that happened between them. Sam smiled self-deprecatingly. 'Like the song says, maybe we can learn to love again.' She glanced back at Jack and her smile grew sad. He was still the same man she had known years ago…under everything he was still the same. But was she?
"Sir?" She almost regretted having spoken, her voice breaking the silence that had fallen over them like a spell. Or a curse.
"It's Jack." His answer was terse, but he didn't sound surprised. She suddenly realized that he had been waiting for her to speak first. He was going to let her call the shots. Just like he always did when it came to them.
Annoyance shot briefly through her and she wondered if it was all because of his willingness to let her take the lead or because of how they had grown so far apart. Sam frowned inwardly; had they ever been truly close? She remembered laughing with him, talking with him, those stolen moments of just the two of them when their hands would touch or their gaze held just a little too long.
'Yes.' She felt the tears coming again. 'We were close.'
"Sam?" His voice was soft, like he too was afraid of breaking the silence.
"Are we broken?" The words were out before she realized just how desperately she actually wanted that answered. The car hitched slightly as Jack's foot slipped off the pedal. She still couldn't see his face, but she could tell she had caught him by surprise.
"What do you mean?" He steadied the car before looking over at her, their eyes meeting for the first time.
Sam felt a shock go through her and she thought, 'How can we be broken if he still makes me feel like I've been struck by lightning? How can we be broken if I'm so nervous to be here with him?' And she realized that at least part of that was true. She was nervous. Beyond nervous. She was about to spend the next two days alone with General Jack O'Neill with the sole purpose of the trip being to see if what they had was salvageable.
Which meant they had to talk about them…and what 'them' really meant.
"I mean…eight years, Jack." Sam let all of her breath out in a whoosh and sank back into the seat. She was exhausted all of a sudden. Her fingers found the tear in the seat again and she resumed pulling at the thread.
Jack was silent for a long time and when he finally spoke it was to say something that Sam did not expect. "We're here." Sam looked around; it seemed that he had been right, the place was abandoned. "Where's your pack?"
The question threw Sam off and she took a minute to answer. "In the back."
"I'll get it." Jack hopped out of the truck before she could say anything. She took a deep breath, trying to shove the tears back yet again. By the way he was acting he clearly didn't think there was anything worth salvaging here.
Sam stepped down from the truck and closed her door as quietly as she could. The woods were dark and muted, soft sounds of insects reaching her ears. She walked around the front of the car and gasped, stopping dead in her tracks. Twenty feet in front of her was a small clearing amongst the trees, lit brilliantly by the glowing silver light of the moon.
She felt more than heard Jack come up behind her, standing just an inch too close for propriety. The heat from his body radiated towards her as he leaned against the hood of his truck. "Beautiful." His voice was low and rough and when Sam turned to agree with him, she saw that he wasn't looking at the clearing at all.
He was staring at her. Sam felt every inch of her body go hot and her throat closed up; she couldn't speak if she tried, so she just stared. She felt like they were the last two people on Earth and for once, that wasn't a bad thing.
"No, Carter." He spoke softly, and even though he hadn't moved, Sam felt like the distance between them was slowing disappearing.
"No?" She managed to squeeze out, only peripherally confused. She was too focused on how the moon highlighted the silver in his hair and the warmth in his eyes.
"No. I don't think we're broken." He held her gaze for another minute before reaching down and taking her hand. "Come on. It's later than I expected and we still need to set up."
Sam nodded and wrapped her fingers around his as she followed him into the spotlit clearing. For just a second, she was able to pretend that this had always been her life, that they had always been this way. A fairy tale in real life where they were together and surrounded by trees and moonlight every night, a life where they had never died, a life where they weren't in constant danger. It was a world of their own and they had been there forever.
Sam felt the first tear slip down her cheek and she stopped, tugging on Jack's hand to make him turn around. "Put the packs down."
Jack searched her eyes for a moment before complying. She had a sudden crazy thought that they could stay here forever. Just live up here and never have to deal with the problems of the universe again. Their only problems would be minor leaks in their cabin's roof and who would get to have the last beer.
She smiled at the thought before looking up at Jack. "What are we doing? I mean, really?"
"In general? Ridding the galaxy of the Goa'uld and the Replicators, waiting with bated breath on who our newest nemesis will be, impatiently anticipating the new Simpson's movie…" Jack trailed when Sam's mouth turned up at the corners, but her eyes remained serious.
"I mean, right now. Here. What are we doing?" Sam unconsciously tightened her grip on his hand, waiting for his answer.
He took a step closer to her and Sam could feel his warm breath tickling her face. He reached out and took her other hand, holding them both up between them as if to say, 'Look at this, look at what I'm doing.' He smiled down at her, his first real smile in far too long. "We're starting over."
Sam swallowed hard, looking up at him. "Can we?"
Jack took a step back, letting their hands fall, but not letting go. "If that's what you want."
Sam shook her head slightly. "It doesn't work like that. It can't just be me-,"
"It's what I want." He interrupted quietly, his gaze steady on hers.
Sam felt a blush rising into her cheeks and she looked down at their intertwined fingers. Everything was perfect, too perfect. The moon was hitting them just right, the air smelled warm and faintly like a bonfire, their hands fit together like two puzzle pieces, and he was saying all the right things. How could this—all of this be real? And if it was, would it still feel as perfect back in the real world?
"This is real, Sam." Jack once again closed the distance between them and Sam looked up, startled. How could he possibly know what she had been thinking? As though reading her mind again, he said, "I've known you for the better part of a decade, Sam. I know your expressions and I know how you think."
"I just…I feel lost." Sam bit her lip and looked up at him, desperate to find answers. "I feel like we haven't been the same and I feel like I don't remember how we used to be."
"You remember." Jack ran his thumbs over the backs of her hands and waited. Deep down he knew he had always been waiting for Carter and he would wait forever if he had to.
"But I just-," She turned her eyes skyward and was suddenly reminded of the time he had been hit with a staff weapon and had gone down. Her only thoughts had been of him and she hadn't taken a real breath until she saw him in the infirmary. She had tried to explain to him then, tried to tell him how much she needed him to be okay, but she hadn't been able to get the words out.
Just like now.
Jack's gaze roamed over her face for a moment longer and Sam felt a strange duality. She knew she was living in this moment, but her mind was stuck in that memory and even the way he was looking at her now was almost exactly as he had looked at her then.
In her mind she heard him say "C'mere" the only word that was specifically theirs. The only word that he could use to break their barriers, even if only for a moment.
Jack held her gaze for another minute. "C'mere." In the instant before he pulled her to him, Sam knew that that moment from so long ago would never compare to this moment and 'c'mere' would never mean a stolen moment again.
They weren't broken, they had never been broken. They were just a little bent and no matter what, Sam and Jack would learn to love again.
End
A/N: I know, cheesy end, but I like it and I mean it; Sam and Jack will be together, even if TPTB never wrote it. We'll do it for them.
