Evanbob Bournepants: McMahon Borg
A/N: Hey ya'll, I've decided to write about and been thinking about writing for a couple weeks, but kept putting off, one of my favorite animated shows, SpongeBob and the WWE. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the WWE Superstars that are mentioned in this story. Nor do I own the episode of SpongeBob Squarepants
"We now return to tonight's creepy time leader presentation of "Night of the Robot"" Evan sat on his sofa while watching the giant robot chasing the helpless human. "Hurry, Randy, the scary robot movie is on!" Evan exclaimed while still watching TV. Randy walked out of the kitchen with a new batch of popcorn and sat on the sofa next to evan. "You know you shouldn't watch this." Randy said. Evan then looked at randy and frowned. "What do you mean I shouldn't watch this, scary movies don't always freak me out." Evan said. Randy raised a brow. "You sure about that?" He asked. "Yes I'm totally SURE that scary movies do not freak me out."
Later that Night…
At 12:00 am, Evan was still up whimpering and shaking, thinking about the movie. He turned his head towards randy's bed, looking at the sleeping figure, and then turning his head back at the ceiling. "Maybe randy was right. I shouldn't have watched that movie, but what if? What if mom is a robot? What if Uncle Korklan is a robot? Or even worse, what if randy is a robot?" Evan said while turning his head back to randy's bed. "Randy! Randy!" Evan whispered to the sleeping figure, but didn't stir, so he grabbed one of his pillows and threw it at him. Randy then grumbled. "What?!" Randy mumbled. "Randy, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?" Evan asked. Randy propped himself on his elbow. "Yes, now good night, evan." Randy said before laying back down. Evan smiled before he lay back down. "Ahh, I got nothing to worry about, it's just a movie-"Evan closed his eyes. "and now to get a good night's sleep." He laid there until he drifted off to sleep. When he finally got some sleep, he had this horrible nightmare about a tall, grey robot chasing him down a street.
The Next Day at WWE RAW…
A tired, heavy breathing Evan Bourne was sitting on one of the equipment crates in the hallway, with his knees up to his face. He was waiting for his one-on-one match with Damien Sandow to come up. While he was waiting, he turned his head to a certain direction and screamed. "OH MY GOD! ROBOT!" With being tired and all, Evan thought he saw a robot, but it was just a trash can on a wheel board with a bucket on top of it. He was hallucinating. He chuckled at the fact that it wasn't a robot. Before the show started, Mr. McMahon was sitting at his desk, straightening some contracts for the new, up and coming superstars and worked on them. "How about a little music to write up these contracts to." Mr. McMahon said. When he turned on his little radio, the song "Satisfaction" by Benny Benassi came on. "Hey, that's pretty catchy, push me and then just touch me till I can get my satisfaction, yeah that's not bad, I love this young people's music." He said. Since Evan was still waiting for the Divas' match to end, he decided to get up and walk around for a bit. Before he started to walk, he heard a loud, buzzer go off. "I SURRENDER!" Evan exclaimed while raising his arms up. "Oh." Evan said when realizing it was just one of the machines that stopped. After he was done looking at the machine, he heard someone yell his name. "Evan!" Evan jumped and accidentally backed-hand that person. Evan turned around and realized it was the person that he thinks is his best friend, but not and his opponent for his match tonight, Damien Sandow. Evan gasped. "Oh my god, Damien are you okay?" he asked. Damien was holding his cheek, while glaring at him. "Yes I'm okay, you imbecile." He said. "Just so you know, I came down here to see if you were ready to be my example to show everybody why I am the intellectual savior of the masses." Damien said while showing a cockily grin. "Oh, um…of course, I mean, uh…" Damien raised a brow at Evan's stuttering. "Sorry Damien, I'm not really feeling like myself today, I guess I'm a little bit jumpy, I keep thinking robots are taking over the world, probably because of this movie I watched last night where robots are taking over the world, I even asked randy if he was a robot, pretty funny, huh?" Evan said. Damien stood there with a blank stare on his face. "Hilarious." Damien said sarcastically before walking off. Evan then decided to stretch a bit before his match, but while he was, he saw one of the crew members walking by and wanted to warn him about the robots. "Say, you're not a robot, are you?" Evan asked him. He gave Evan a "WTF" look before answering. "No I'm not." "Well keep your eyes peeled, they're everywhere. Well, time for my match!" Evan exclaimed before walking off. The crew member shrugged his shoulders before walking off, too.
After the Match…
Evan grabbed the towel and the water bottle that was handed to him from another crew member and walk off with a smile on his face. 'You did it Evan, you finally stopped thinking about that movie' he thought. He walking towards the men's lockeroom, to take a shower and go back to the hotel and get some sleep, but he stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he heard Mr. McMahon yell out something. "I feel completely recharged!" Mr. McMahon said. 'That sounds like Mr. McMahon.' He thought. He walked towards the door and opened it a little, so Vince wouldn't know he's there. Evan frowned at the sight that was right in front of him. He saw his boss talking to his radio. Evan closed the door and started pacing back and forth. "That's was strange, Mr. McMahon was talking to his radio and he said he feels recharged." Evan said. He laughed. "If I didn't know better, I say he was a robot…Nah." Evan said. "Yes, hello, I was wondering if you can play that song, again." Vince asked. "Hmm, which one, man?" the radio host asked. Evan stood there and watch as his boss was harmonizing the beat to the song, with a shocked look on his face. Evan closed the door again and screamed. "Oh my god, why was Mr. McMahon making all those beeping sounds, could it be that he's a robot…Nah." Evan said before spying on his boss again. Evan gasped at the sight that was in front of him. He watched his boss doing the robot in front of his desk, to Satisfaction. Still in his ring gear, Evan t ran to find Damien. He was the only one that could calm him down during these types of situations. That's what he thought. He ran straight to the men's lockeroom and saw Damien talking to his partner, Cody Rhodes. Evan ran straight towards Damien and jumped on him, wrapping his arms and legs around him. "Oh Damien, it's terrible! Mr. McMahon…talking to radio…beeping sounds…bad dancing…robot." Evan said taking deep breaths on each phrase. Damien pulled him off of him. "That's great, Evan, why don't you tell someone who actually cares." He said before grabbing his luggage and leaving the lockeroom. Evan grabbed his wrist. "I'm serious, Damien, Mr. McMahon is a robot, and I can prove it, too." He said. "Lets see, in the movie, the robots didn't have a sense of humor, they couldn't laugh, now follow me." Evan said before grabbing his wrists and taking him to Vince's office. When they arrived, he knocked on the door and waited for an answer. "Come in." Vince said. "Hey Mr. McMahon, Damien just told me a hilarious joke and I thought that you may like to hear it." Vince looked up from the contracts he'd been working on. "Is it true, Mr. Sandow, is it hilarious?" he asked. "Um…yeah sure." Damien said while shrugging his shoulders. "Well let's hear it." He said. "Okay, here it goes, um, how'd it go, Damien?" Evan asked. Damien nervously chuckled while rubbing his hands together. "It went...uh, um, let's see, why do bees hum?" he asked. "Why?" Vince asked. "Because they don't know the words!" Damien said before roaring with laughter. Vince just sat there with a frown on his face. "I'm not paying you to do stand-up, Mr. Sandow, now get out of here." Vince said before turning his attention back to the contracts. As soon as they were outside of his office, Evan gasped. "Not even chuckle, see Damien, he didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's a robot." Evan said. "There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, Evan, he obviously heard it before, the only reason you think Vince is a robot, because you watched that hebetudinous movie. Now why don't you-" Before he could finish his sentence, Evan grabbed his wrist again and pulled him into Vince's office. Who knew he was so strong? "Oh Mr. McMahon!" He yelled. "What! What is it, boy." Vince said. "Damien's father never hugged him, isn't that sad?" Evan asked before shedding a few tears. "Yes I suppose that is rather sad, but you can hug him outside of my office, so leave!" They walked out of his office and stood behind the door. "Just like the robot in the movie, he couldn't cry either." Evan said. "Evan this is getting ridiculous, I have you know, my father loved me very much!" Damien said. "That's the final test, Damien, the love test, robots can't love." Evan said before grabbing his wrist, once again. "No, wait Evan-" Damien pleaded. "Hey Mr. McMahon!" Evan yelled. "What is it, Evan!" Vince yelled. "I just wanted to tell you that Damien loves you." Evan said before putting his arm around Damien's shoulder. Vince had a shocked look on his face. "Get out of my office, before I have security throw you two out." Vince threatened. They walked out once more. "Damien?" Evan said while looking up at him with his big, brown eyes. Vince sat there, listening to satisfaction for the 3rd time, while finishing up on the contracts. When he was almost finished, his radio died. "Aww, my radio." He said while taking out the batteries. "Hmm, these batteries still have a little juice in them, I know! I'll give them to Stephanie for Christmas." he put the batteries his suit pocket. He heard the beeper go off, so he got up and grabbed the tonsils and picked out his boiled egg. "Ahh, finally, I can already taste it, come to daddy, what good is a freshly boiled egg without a little salt?" he asked while pulling out a saltshaker of his desk drawer. "Mr. McMahon!" The shout of his name startled him and made him accidentally shake some salt into his eyes. "AHH! OH, MY EYES! AHH!" Vince yelled. "Mr.-""Will you be quiet!" Damien yelled. "Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like?" He asked. "Well they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and ran out batteries." Evan said. "Okay, so tell me, does Vince look anything like that?" Damien asked. Before he could answer, Vince ran out of his office screaming in pain, with red eyes, tonsils clapping in his hand, and worn-out batteries in his pocket. Both Evan and Damien screamed and watched as Vince ran towards the bathroom. "I'll evacuate everyone, you call the navy." He said before running off. Evan pulled out his phone and called the navy. "Hello operator, get me the navy." He said. Evan looked scared when he heard the male voice. "Damien, the robots took over the Navy!" He yelled while running off to Damien. "Not the navy! Attention everyone, run for your lives, robots have taken over the world!" He yelled. Everybody screamed and scattered out of the catering area like an army of roaches. After everybody ran for their lives, Damien and Evan hid under a table. "What do we do now?" Damien said while shaking. "I don't know, ooh, a 20 dollar bill!" Evan said. "Evan!" Damien said. "Sorry." He said. While they were still under the table, they heard footsteps passing by. "Ahh that's better." Vince said while rubbing his eyes with a towel, and walking back to his office, singing satisfaction. "We need to find out what that robot did with the real Vince McMahon, but how?" Damien asked. "Well in the movie, the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot." Evan said. Damien raised a brow. "They poop on the robot?" he asked. "Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop-ask questions, get information." Evan said. "I never thought I'd say this but, Evan… LET'S GET THAT POOP!" Damien yelled. They both crawl from under the table and go and grab a couple of things from different locations. Vince was working on a new contract, until he heard his door open. He looked up and saw both Damien and Evan stand from outside the door, glaring at him. "Oh hello, boys!" Vince greeted. "What can I do for you two gentlemen?" he asked. Evan closed and locked the door. "Uh…why did you lock the door?" he asked. They both started walking towards him. "Why do you have that rope!?" he asked. "WHY AM I ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS!" Vince yelled. They both pounced on him and tied him up to his chair. Evan stood there while Damien was finishing tying up the last two strings of rope. "Mr. Bourne and Sandow, what's the meaning of this, untie me this instance!" he yelled. "Shut your mouth!" Damien yelled before slapping him. "Holy Moly, what the heck is going on?" Vince asked. "I said shut your mouth, you bucket of bolts!" Damien exclaimed. "I CAN'T TAKE IT!" Evan yelled before running towards the door and crying against it. Damien walked towards him. "Evan, are you okay?" he asked. "Oh Damien, seeing you slap vince like that is just too horrible to watch." He said while shaking his head. "No, that's not Vince McMahon, that's robot mcmahon.-" Damien said. "Oh yeah." Evan said. "-and the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know." He said. "Rigggghhhhhtt." Evan said before rushing over to his boss. He slapped him. "Evan, you gotta ask him a question first." Damien explained. "Oh yeah, what color are my boxers?" Evan asked before slapping him. "Look, let me just handle this one." Damien said before flipping the light switch off and flipping the lamp on. "Where's Vince McMahon?" Damien asked him. "What are you talking about, I'm Vince McMahon." He said. SLAP! "We could do this all night if you want, where's Vince McMahon?" "I'm Vince McMahon." "Where's Vince McMahon?" Evan asked. "I'm Vince McMahon!" "Where's Vince McMahon?" "I AM VINCE MCMAHON! I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM! IAM!" Vince exclaimed. "This is one stubborn robot." Evan said. "WHAT! YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT!" Vince exclaimed. "We don't think, we know." Damien said. "That's the silliest thing I've ever heard! I am Vince McMahon!" he exclaimed. "He's not cracking, we'll never get it out of him this way." Damien said. "I got an idea, keep an eye on him, don't fall for any of his robo tricks." Evan said.
A/N: AWW, IT WAS JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART! OH WELL! SEEMS LIKE I'M GONNA CUT THIS LITTLE SLAP FEST SHORT. PART 2 COMING UP TOMORROW. PLEASE REVIEW AND COMMENT! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!