Feeling Verdigris

By ~heatqueen

A/N: I have two sources of inspiration for this fic. Firstly, thank you to MyLittleElphie for the plot bunny, which I adopted from Wickedly Hope Panacake's plot bunny adoption centre. It was originally under a different title but I changed it with her permission. Secondly, I have a friend who has been asking me for a while now to write a fic about Galinda turning green. So here it is! :D

They even tormented Galinda in her sleep – visions of a once abhorrent concept which, all of a sudden, seemed beautiful. Day and night her mind drifted ever further from the trivialities of life – shopping and gossip and all that – and ever more towards other things. At first she had silently laughed away such notions as being no more than a beyond absurd curiosity, but as time passed and the thoughts still remained, Galinda found herself feeling desperate.

She stewed over her problem in class, easily passing off her airiness as general boredom of school work. Of course, getting what she wanted in the way she wanted would be impossible as it required a miraculous change to her physiological make-up, but that didn't mean that she didn't crave it. It seemed a lifetime ago that she would have practically fainted at the very thought of doing something so…damaging…to her own appearance, only now it didn't seem so much damaging as…exotic.

Galinda would never admit it, not even to Elphaba.

Her roommate wouldn't understand anyway, if Galinda had learned enough to correctly interpret the strange girl. She would never be able to explain her increasing desire for the one thing Elphaba had been fraught to escape her entire life. If she ever was to suggest it, Elphaba would flip into that angry, bitter mode of hers and leave Galinda feeling humiliated.

Galinda found herself drawn to the outdoors where she immersed herself in the lush nature of Shiz's grounds. When not outside, she would stare out of the window wishing she could find a way to blend herself into the gorgeous scenery she'd once taken no interest in. She could not understand how it had passed her by for so long; it really was beautiful, especially in springtime when the trees came into full bloom adorned with flowers and birds.

She could only think of one other thing as beautiful: a thing which Galinda did not, and never would, possess. In comparison, her efforts at glamour paled into a superficial sort of beauty, the kind that anyone could get if they put enough effort in.

There was nothing unique about it.

It frustrated Galinda to no end. She had never thought herself the same as other people, though not in the sense of being different, but better. She was more beautiful; more upstanding. Only recently did it begin to hit her that she really was like all of them – because when one took a peek at Elphaba, it was far too easy to appear ordinary.

She would withstand Elphaba's cruel remarks about spending too long gazing into her vanity, while imagining that if she thought hard enough, maybe her reflection would magically begin to change. She would see the same crystal cerulean eyes and golden locks remaining in place while the rest of her body contorted around them. If she stared long and hard enough she would catch a brief glimpse of her desire – only to ruin the illusion by blinking. The memory would linger in her mind, raiding her dreams and waking life as she continued to grapple for the impossible.

So instead, she stared and wished, unable to avert her eyes when the object of want presented itself before her. The nearness was unsettling and tormented her with constant reminders that she could not have it, only dream about it. She allowed Elphaba, and the rest of the student body, to believe that her new, snappy demeanour was caused by the approaching of finals week, while secretly harbouring the shame of struggling to accept the fact that Galinda Upland (of the Upper Uplands) could not always get the things she wanted.

And she wanted this more than anything.

Furthermore she knew she was slipping. Only yesterday she had run her fingers across a palette of green eyeshadow and held her hands up to the candlelight to admire the effect. Elphaba had walked in at that moment and Galinda had hastily invented a lame excuse about not being able to choose between lime, avocado and jade for the night's social gathering. Elphaba, with her nearly perfect recall, had been swift to point out that Galinda never wore green because she hated the colour, and had then proceeded to remind Galinda of her attitude towards Elphaba's skin.

Galinda had very nearly protested until she remembered it was supposed to be a secret. She'd wanted to yell that she certainly did not hate Elphaba's skin, but such an uncharacteristic display would have caught the green girl's attention. Instead Galinda had sauntered off to the bathroom, fuming, to wash her hands of the green stuff. As the make-up had swirled down the sink she had felt like she was flushing part of herself away.

And suddenly her obsession no longer seemed containable. She had only been in this state one time before, and that was when she'd been convinced that she would marry Fiyero, but even that paled in comparison to the deep, intense yearning that welled within her whenever her eyes caught even a hint of green. Where there had once been the cold, grey, stone walls of Crage Hall, suddenly there was green everywhere: be it in the spine of a book in the top corner of a shelf; the subtle pattern of Milla's new floor rug; or the painting of a fruit bowl on the doors to the dining room which had green apples and grapes in it.

Galinda wanted to suck it all out and paint it all over herself.

She would catch sight of herself in a reflective surface and mentally curse her dull whitishness. She would wrap her arms around her body, digging her fingernails into her shoulders as though she could scrape away the offending skin.

Something had to be done.

She was about to make what would be considered by most a very uncharacteristic display. She stormed through Crage Hall, her eyes focused straight ahead, her mind on her destination. There was no bounce in her step; no bright, friendly smile; no girlish giggle. Her lips were pursed; shoulders straight; expression fierce.

One would almost say she looked like Elphaba.

She burst through the doors of the Crage Hall library. The sound of the opening doors ruptured the library's silence, garnering stares from nearby readers. Galinda ignored them and kept walking – then stopped, turned around, and returned to the front to find a map. She suppressed a growl, knowing that Elphaba would have no trouble finding the right section but probably had the entire place memorised.

The Sorcery section was hidden in a back corner and comprised of a single bookshelf. It wasn't even tall enough to warrant a ladder, the highest shelf barely stretching beyond the tip of Galinda's head. Galinda's eyes hastily scanned book titles. Her trembling hands grasped a volume and tugged it out, causing its neighbour novel to slip and clatter to the ground. She ignored the fallen book and frantically flicked through pages of her chosen one. With an excited giggle, she found it:

A spell to fool the mind.

An illusion spell.

She checked out the book with a delighted smile and skipped all the way back to her dorm. Her heart raced and adrenaline coursed through her body. As soon as she arrived she slammed the door behind her and ran in front of the mirror, eagerly reopening the book and scanning the spell. She spoke the incantation, looking up every so often to see if her reflection had changed.

As she spoke, her vision began to shift. Her reflection glowed and a spread of green covered her body. She squealed with joy and stood up, dropping the book, to admire the effect properly. As an unexpected side effect, the illusion spell had also turned her hair black. She couldn't help but breathe deeply at the sight of herself. Her clothes were now far too bright and clashed horribly, but other than that, it was the most intriguing thing she'd ever seen.

Then, the door opened again and Elphaba sauntered in. Galinda cursed and hastily retreated from the mirror, breaking the spell. She looked down at her actual hands which were as pale as ever, feeling a well of disappointment in her chest. Elphaba stared at her, and Galinda stared back, suddenly overwhelmingly jealous.

'Galinda, what are you doing?' Elphaba asked.

Galinda almost forgot to breathe, then gasped in a deep breath and started to stammer. Her mind couldn't wrap itself around what she had almost been caught doing. Her eyes bored into the green, taking in its delicious hue.

'I just…'

She gasped again. Her cheeks were burning hot. She felt liquid on her face and tore herself away in shame. She staggered backwards into her bed frame and landed with a loud thud on her mattress.

'Galinda, what in Oz?' Elphaba demanded. She looked from Galinda to the mirror, in front of which the book still lay. She picked up the book with a frown on her face and looked at the open page. Galinda had no choice but to bury her head in her pillow, unwilling to watch as Elphaba discovered her secret. 'An illusion spell, hm? What did you need this for?'

Galinda sniffled but did not speak.

'Okay, what is it that you don't want to tell me?'

'Nothing,' Galinda mumbled.

'Well clearly it's something or else you wouldn't look like you were trying to hide from the world.'

'I'm sorry,' Galinda choked.

'For what, hm? Though I must admit it's sweet that you care what I think about you.'

'I. Don't. Care,' Galinda growled, but deep down she knew Elphaba was right. The fact was disconcerting. When she'd first arrived at Shiz she hadn't planned on giving even an inkling of her time towards the green girl. She had pandered to the rules of society, giving herself up for popularity and being the leader of the student body. The very thought of associating with someone like Elphaba had seemed horrifying.

Now, the same horror was directed towards the idea of Elphaba being the one to hate her.

Galinda couldn't stand it.

She sat up, dug her nails into the mattress and glared at Elphaba, who was still examining the contents of the book.

'I take it this was a quest for vanity, as you were standing in front of your mirror? Really, why do you think you have to be more beautiful than you already are? Are you so blind towards your own appearance?'

'No!'

There had once been a time when being referred to as shallow by Elphaba was little more than an annoyance, but now the concept cut her open like a knife. She couldn't stand to admit that it hurt far more than it should. Instead she bit her tongue and continued to dig her nails into the mattress.

'That is to say,' Galinda stammered once words had returned to her, 'that I am not the one who is blind to my reflection, but you.'

'I am certainly not,' Elphaba scoffed. 'You speak too kindly, my sweet.'

'I speak the truth!'

Galinda couldn't help her outburst, and immediately turned red from the exuberance with which the words were said. She looked away again to examine her nails, and pouted when she noticed one of them was chipped.

As if Elphie would care about nails of all things.

She lowered her hand. It was not possible for her to become any more red. She could see, in Elphaba's eyes, the usual mocking stare that blasted bullets through the superficiality of the gesture. Galinda hated that stare. It was the most painful one.

Then Elphaba's gaze softened.

'Perhaps you really are too good, because you are somehow capable of seeing beauty even in a green old thing like me.'

Galinda almost burst into tears again – not from humiliation, but sadness. She walked over to Elphaba, took the book out of her hands and closed it. Her eyes rose to meet her roommate's, which were laced with confusion and something else…pain?

'I wanted to be like you,' Galinda confessed in a hoarse whisper. 'I wish you would see why.'

'I don't. I should think that the entire university would want to be like you, so why in Oz would you want to be like anyone else?'

Elphaba's tone was bitter. She stalked back to her side of the bedroom and started organising books.

'Not anyone else. You. Just you, Elphie…'

'You want this?' She thrust out her hand. 'You want to be cursed with this deformity? This thing that sets you apart from the rest of the world, that brands you with wickedness? Is that what you want?'

'Wickedness! I have no desire to be wicked; only beautiful.'

'Beautiful,' Elphaba scoffed. 'Have you tried looking in a mirror? You are beautiful!'

Galinda had heard the words a thousand times over – from friends; relatives; even complete strangers stopping her in the streets – but she had never heard them in the same way as this. The genuineness surprised her. It was quite a bit more passionate than the usual gushes of her 'adoring public'.

Galinda could not help but let out an absurd giggle.

'Dearest Elphie, that may be true, but I am conventional. A classic. Standard, if you will.'

'I will concede to classic, but there is nothing standard about you.'

'Don't you think I wish, Elphie? The one with nothing standard to show is you.'

'It's hard to be standard when you're green.'

'It is easy to be unique when you're positively emerald.'

She was getting carried away with the compliments, which seemed to splurge out of her mouth against her will. She knew she ought to stop or Elphaba would think her crazy, so she turned around and hopped back to her bed and sprawled out flat on her back with a loud exhale.

'My sweet, I do believe that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me.'

'Well I am known for it,' Galinda responded sweetly as she grinned up at the ceiling. 'One has to be kind in order to be upstanding.'

There was a beat of silence.

'Then you only said this because you care about your social status.'

Galinda recoiled as she realised the statement's implications. No, that's not what I meant! she thought frantically, but her voice wouldn't cooperate. Suddenly she felt stupid. Why in Oz had she spoken so irresponsibly?

'I didn't mean that,' she said. 'I mean – well, obviously I care about my social status, but that's not what I…'

'It's fine. I get it.'

Elphaba's tone was low. She sat down at her desk and opened up a book. An awkward silence started to grow. Galinda watched her roommate, feeling dreadful inside. She knew she had to rescue this situation, but the only solution she could think of was coming out and admitting the very thing she had been trying to hide. She spent some time pondering the dilemma. Admittance would mean humiliation…but silence would continue to risk her friendship.

Humiliation had to be better than the hurt she now felt because she'd upset her roommate.

'I wanted to turn green in spite of social status. It would be the most exotic kind of beauty, far superior to the common kind of white skin, and those who can't see it are blind.'

Elphaba slowly looked up. Her eyes were dark and haunted; her shoulders were hunched. One hand played with the end of her dark braid. The other closed the book in front of her. She looked like she was about to say something, but didn't. Her gaze locked into Galinda's and suddenly the rest of the world seemed out of focus.

'No one ever wanted to look like me before,' she admitted. 'People would run in the opposite direction. Call me cursed. Tell their children that if they were naughty they would turn green like me. Some people wouldn't even touch me.'

'I would. I would touch you.'

To demonstrate, she hopped over to Elphaba and ran one manicured finger lightly across her face. Elphaba grimaced and pulled away.

'Look at that,' Galinda said. 'It looks like you're the one who won't touch me, not the other way round.'

'I apologise. I did not mean to pull away; I am merely not used to it.'

'Well get used to it,' said Galinda, and she ran her finger across Elphaba's face for a second time, 'because I will personally see to it that you are never without it again.'

'My sweet, that would imply that you were touching me all the time. Twenty-four-seven. You would have to drag me around with you everywhere, even in the shower! And then how would you manage?'

The notion caused Galinda to turn a furious red again.

'I guess I didn't think that through.'

'No you didn't.'

'In any case, must you always nitpick?' Galinda asked with exasperation.

'Yes indeed I must, if only to see that adorably offended expression on your face.'

Galinda stuck one hand on her hip and pouted – then realised that the comment had caused her to do exactly what her annoying roommate had just said. She removed her hand and attempted to wipe her face of displeasure, only partly succeeding in appearing serious before giving way to a giggle.

'My displeasure is adorable to you?' she teased. 'In other words, you bask in my unhappiness?'

'Well it is pretty comical.'

'I am not a comedy!' Galinda shrieked, but she had already succumbed to laughter. On the other hand, Elphaba allowed only a tiny crook of a smile. It was some time before Galinda managed to overcome her fit of merriment, clutching her stomach which was starting to hurt. She looked at Elphaba and said 'You should smile more. It's pretty.'

'Again, you speak too kindly. Your words are an overstatement.'

'Oh they are not. I will convince you of it eventually.'

'You keep believing that, my sweet. You have always been hopelessly optimistic.'

'Not hopelessly! I just think the world would be a far nicer place if people would smile a bit more!' Galinda put on a big grin to demonstrate. Elphaba couldn't help letting slip a small twitch of her lips in response. 'See Elphie? Does that not make you feel even a bit happier?'

'I don't do happy.'

'That's just tragic. No one should not do happy. I know I should feel quite horrendible going around unhappy all the time. Oh Elphie, please don't tell me you feel like that!'

'No, my sweet, I do not always feel unhappy. Usually impassive, but not miserable.'

'That's not very good either,' Galinda huffed, cocking her head. 'Well then, I shall just have to do something about it.'

She skipped back to her side of the room. She looked around wildly, trying to find something, anything, which would make it seem like she actually had some sort of plan and was not entirely acting on a whim. The first thing she caught sight of was her training wand, the beautiful object that Elphaba had given her as a token of gratitude. Nowadays, she tended to look at the wand with a stab of guilt that she'd performed a seemingly good deed for all of the wrong reasons. She picked it up, pointed it at her startled roommate, flicked it and cried 'Happiness!'

Nothing happened, of course. Galinda sighed and lowered the wand. Elphaba cocked an eyebrow.

'My sweet, you are kind, but unfortunately happiness is not something that can be created by magic.'

Galinda's bottom lip quivered. She wasn't sure why she'd attempted such an odd thing – even she knew that there were limits to magic. The whole thing seemed confused in her mind, and she lowered her head dejectedly.

'But I just wanted you to be happy,' she pouted.

'You have already made me a bit happier,' Elphaba responded.

Galinda raised her head, her eyes shining.

'Really Elphie?!' she squealed, and Elphaba nodded. 'Then…you don't mind that I wanted to turn green? Even though you hate it?'

'It perplexes me greatly, and I do not believe you understand how such a thing would affect your life, but on the other hand, it's a little flattering and quite a change from the norm. But I've been realising lately that you are not as much part of the norm as you seem to be.'

'You swing from being pleased to calling me abnormal in the space of two seconds,' Galinda groused.

'Not abnormal, my sweet. As you so boldly stated about me, and which I am now deflecting back onto you…unique.'

That Elphaba herself should consider her as beyond commonplace was the greatest compliment Galinda had ever received. Suddenly, she no longer hankered for the verdigris. She threw her arms around Elphaba, projecting every bit of happiness she had in her so that the green girl would feel it as well. As she did so, she made a silent vow to herself: I will no longer try to be someone else. I can only be myself, and that is the greatest kind of beauty out of all of them.

Elphie's green is still beautiful though, she added as an afterthought.