*Broken Windows, Open Doors* By: Natalie
DISCLAIMER: Gundam Wing does NOT belong to me. However, Characters such as: Dr. Levin and Ms. Cerrina Gaunt DO belong to me.
AN: First of all this is NOT the continuation of SSOBP! This is an entirely new fic that I decided to write as a "break" from the said series. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this one! By the way, it IS kind of an AU since This is what I think Heero Yuy had to go through to be the perfect soldier. I'd like to think of it as simple but effective. I hope that it makes you think.-- Natalie
*****************
It was dark I could remember - the first night I was in the "institution". Funny, I can't even remember how I got there in the first place. All I could remember was the face of a woman. She had tears in her eyes. She was very pretty even when she cried. She kept calling out for someone called " Adin ". I was confused. It was the only thing I could remember about this person called " Adin ". It would be years till I found out that that boy was me and that the woman was my own mother.
The first day I spent there was a dull one. I was thrust into a room or rather a cell if you will. It was sparsely decorated if you call four walls, a cot and a writing desk a decorated room. Being stuck in there was not pleasant nor unpleasant. It just gave me a sense that I was THERE. Off to the wall was a small window that wasn't even low enough for a 6 year old boy to reach. When I had nothing to do, I simply pushed my cot so that I could reach the window and look out. The view was not especially captivating - a gray landscape with lots of craters and a blue-black backdrop studded with stars but the most beautiful part was the blue and green planet. It was then that I realized that I was on the moon. Any other kid would probably be jumping in joy but I had only cold dread at the pit of my stomach.
"How did I get here" I asked myself facing the window hoping to get answers that could very well not be revealed. Days passed and I was soon expected to start my training. No one told me anything but I was to do what was expected of me.
I recall the first day. It was dawn and the horizon was silvery instead of the dull grey it was. The door slid open revealing a man in a white lab coat. He came in carrying a tray and a clipboard filled with graphs. I jumped down from my perch and regarded the man intently. He had black hair, pale skin and eyes that looked like dark pits. he smiled warmly showing perfect white teeth. However, he looked anything but " warm ".
"Hello. My name is Dr. Levin and I will be in charge of your um.. wellbeing and ... development." Something in him made me distrust him completely from that first day and soon I would find out what.
He was cruel. Smiling that perfect grin of his while injecting me with dozens of needles a day. He actually seemed to be enjoying inflicting pain. It was horrible, feeling the liquid coarsing through my veins like molten lava. It caused me to trash horribly on the cot, screaming in pain. When I cried, the more he beat me. He never stopped. Once, I had made the mistake of accidentally hitting him while I was thrashing around. The moment I saw a thin line of blood from the corner of his mouth, I knew I was done for. I tried to apologize but all he did was backhand me and nearly gave me an overdose-- so much that I could barely open my eyes the next day.
This was to go on for years. This was my first lesson as a soldier. Boys don't cry.
All this time, I had been hanging on desperately to what was left of Adin Lowe. Sometimes I couldn't even remember anymore. Then came a day when Dr. Levin almost never came in. I remember him saying that I was almost done with his " treatment ". I was so used to the pain that it didn't even matter anymore. When out of physical training, like target practice or on the simulator, I returned to my cell and would stare out from the window for hours on end. One day, Levin came back. He seemed more angry than usual.
"What the hell is your name kid??!!!" he asked.
"Um.. Adin Lowe sir." Damn. I had slipped. for years they had drilled me to BE Heero Yuy.
I had messed up and I knew it.
"IT"S HEERO!!! GOT IT!!! I"LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!" He screamed. Punctuating each word with a blow from his fists. Just then, the door slid open revealing a woman in a lab coat. She had ebony hair and bright blue eyes but not the mad glint in them like Levin's. Her pretty features hardened as she saw the scene in fron of her as she called the guards to take Levin off me and away from the premises. It was then that I learned that she was Dr. Cerrina Gaunt and that the scientists above her had learned of Levin's conduct and fired him. She asked me my name.
"Heero Yuy." I replied. I was not making the same mistake twice.
"Hmm... you can call yourself anything as long as you BE Heero when there are other people. OK?" I was stunned and looked to her for and explanation. She just sighed and said that as long as we have ourselves, we are not machines.
I got along with her surprisingly well. I kept my end of the bargain as she kept hers by making everything as painless as possible. Through her, I met Dr. J. As I stared openly at the odd looking man, he never reprimanded me rather he actually laughed. He called me "my boy", "Heero" or "Adin". he was one of the few people I could be myself with. Things were looking up. Once after an extremely difficult simulation exercise, the head scientists decided I was good enough for my first mission.
My mission was to kill Cerrina Gaunt.
I was surprised to say the least but I knew better than to ask why. They said that she was an OZ spy. OZ? was that the organization these people worked against? Was I the chosen one to bring death and destruction to the beautiful blue and green planet that i had loved as my only friend? It didn't matter now. I had my mission.
That night, I crept into her quarters and waited for her to enter pistol in hand. I heard the light switch click. She had arrived on schedule. I waited then stood in front of her preparing to shoot at point-blank range. I was shocked. She simply smiled.
"Go ahead and kill me. It was meant to be. Just don't lose yourself or you'll be no better than OZ."
I shot her. And she was right. That night I was no longer Adin Lowe. I was Heero Yuy. I was one of them. I was the perfect soldier.
I went back to my room. A little confused but i pushed those feelings away. those were Adin's feelings-- not mine. I looked out the window one more time and broke the glass with my fist as I watched my blood stream down my arm and looked out the now broken window. For some reason I now felt empty and suddenly, the blue and green planet outside the window did not bring me peace. Cerrina was right. I was now a machine.
I am Heero Yuy - The perfect soldier.
DISCLAIMER: Gundam Wing does NOT belong to me. However, Characters such as: Dr. Levin and Ms. Cerrina Gaunt DO belong to me.
AN: First of all this is NOT the continuation of SSOBP! This is an entirely new fic that I decided to write as a "break" from the said series. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this one! By the way, it IS kind of an AU since This is what I think Heero Yuy had to go through to be the perfect soldier. I'd like to think of it as simple but effective. I hope that it makes you think.-- Natalie
*****************
It was dark I could remember - the first night I was in the "institution". Funny, I can't even remember how I got there in the first place. All I could remember was the face of a woman. She had tears in her eyes. She was very pretty even when she cried. She kept calling out for someone called " Adin ". I was confused. It was the only thing I could remember about this person called " Adin ". It would be years till I found out that that boy was me and that the woman was my own mother.
The first day I spent there was a dull one. I was thrust into a room or rather a cell if you will. It was sparsely decorated if you call four walls, a cot and a writing desk a decorated room. Being stuck in there was not pleasant nor unpleasant. It just gave me a sense that I was THERE. Off to the wall was a small window that wasn't even low enough for a 6 year old boy to reach. When I had nothing to do, I simply pushed my cot so that I could reach the window and look out. The view was not especially captivating - a gray landscape with lots of craters and a blue-black backdrop studded with stars but the most beautiful part was the blue and green planet. It was then that I realized that I was on the moon. Any other kid would probably be jumping in joy but I had only cold dread at the pit of my stomach.
"How did I get here" I asked myself facing the window hoping to get answers that could very well not be revealed. Days passed and I was soon expected to start my training. No one told me anything but I was to do what was expected of me.
I recall the first day. It was dawn and the horizon was silvery instead of the dull grey it was. The door slid open revealing a man in a white lab coat. He came in carrying a tray and a clipboard filled with graphs. I jumped down from my perch and regarded the man intently. He had black hair, pale skin and eyes that looked like dark pits. he smiled warmly showing perfect white teeth. However, he looked anything but " warm ".
"Hello. My name is Dr. Levin and I will be in charge of your um.. wellbeing and ... development." Something in him made me distrust him completely from that first day and soon I would find out what.
He was cruel. Smiling that perfect grin of his while injecting me with dozens of needles a day. He actually seemed to be enjoying inflicting pain. It was horrible, feeling the liquid coarsing through my veins like molten lava. It caused me to trash horribly on the cot, screaming in pain. When I cried, the more he beat me. He never stopped. Once, I had made the mistake of accidentally hitting him while I was thrashing around. The moment I saw a thin line of blood from the corner of his mouth, I knew I was done for. I tried to apologize but all he did was backhand me and nearly gave me an overdose-- so much that I could barely open my eyes the next day.
This was to go on for years. This was my first lesson as a soldier. Boys don't cry.
All this time, I had been hanging on desperately to what was left of Adin Lowe. Sometimes I couldn't even remember anymore. Then came a day when Dr. Levin almost never came in. I remember him saying that I was almost done with his " treatment ". I was so used to the pain that it didn't even matter anymore. When out of physical training, like target practice or on the simulator, I returned to my cell and would stare out from the window for hours on end. One day, Levin came back. He seemed more angry than usual.
"What the hell is your name kid??!!!" he asked.
"Um.. Adin Lowe sir." Damn. I had slipped. for years they had drilled me to BE Heero Yuy.
I had messed up and I knew it.
"IT"S HEERO!!! GOT IT!!! I"LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!" He screamed. Punctuating each word with a blow from his fists. Just then, the door slid open revealing a woman in a lab coat. She had ebony hair and bright blue eyes but not the mad glint in them like Levin's. Her pretty features hardened as she saw the scene in fron of her as she called the guards to take Levin off me and away from the premises. It was then that I learned that she was Dr. Cerrina Gaunt and that the scientists above her had learned of Levin's conduct and fired him. She asked me my name.
"Heero Yuy." I replied. I was not making the same mistake twice.
"Hmm... you can call yourself anything as long as you BE Heero when there are other people. OK?" I was stunned and looked to her for and explanation. She just sighed and said that as long as we have ourselves, we are not machines.
I got along with her surprisingly well. I kept my end of the bargain as she kept hers by making everything as painless as possible. Through her, I met Dr. J. As I stared openly at the odd looking man, he never reprimanded me rather he actually laughed. He called me "my boy", "Heero" or "Adin". he was one of the few people I could be myself with. Things were looking up. Once after an extremely difficult simulation exercise, the head scientists decided I was good enough for my first mission.
My mission was to kill Cerrina Gaunt.
I was surprised to say the least but I knew better than to ask why. They said that she was an OZ spy. OZ? was that the organization these people worked against? Was I the chosen one to bring death and destruction to the beautiful blue and green planet that i had loved as my only friend? It didn't matter now. I had my mission.
That night, I crept into her quarters and waited for her to enter pistol in hand. I heard the light switch click. She had arrived on schedule. I waited then stood in front of her preparing to shoot at point-blank range. I was shocked. She simply smiled.
"Go ahead and kill me. It was meant to be. Just don't lose yourself or you'll be no better than OZ."
I shot her. And she was right. That night I was no longer Adin Lowe. I was Heero Yuy. I was one of them. I was the perfect soldier.
I went back to my room. A little confused but i pushed those feelings away. those were Adin's feelings-- not mine. I looked out the window one more time and broke the glass with my fist as I watched my blood stream down my arm and looked out the now broken window. For some reason I now felt empty and suddenly, the blue and green planet outside the window did not bring me peace. Cerrina was right. I was now a machine.
I am Heero Yuy - The perfect soldier.