What's up, PJO and HoO fans? I'm back with a new story. This is my first attempt at writing humor, so don't trash me too badly. You can review even if you're not a member, so please do! I personally review each and every story I read, on each and every chapter. It makes my day when you do. Those that do review, know that you have whopping huge thanks and a virtual hug. So take the time to post a smiley face or whatever in the reviews section and make a writer happy, OK? Also for Warriors fans, I write Warriors fan fics too so go check them out on my profile, as well as a romance one shots series for PJO and HoO. So sit back, relax, and review at the end of each chapter. :)

Disclaimer:

Me: Hey, Repair Boy, who do you and all PJO and HoO characters and quotes belong to?

Leo: Rick Riordan, of course! You're not quite cool enough to create me….

Me: Thank you. I think.

'Annabeth hadn't seen much of Buford during the trip. He mostly stayed in the engine room. (Leo insisted that Buford secretly had a crush on the engine.)…

"This is Buford," Leo announced.

"You name your furniture?" Frank asked.

Leo snorted. "Man, you just wish you had furniture this cool…."'

-The Mark of Athena

"Buford!" My voice echoed through the engine room of the unfinished Argo ll. I climbed up and stared around Bunker nine. "Buford, where are you?!" No answer. I needed his help with one teeny jammed power line that I couldn't get to. Maybe didn't want to get to is more accurate. Whichever didn't matter, since he was nowhere to be found. Figures. I went back down and contemplated the spot where Buford could go and I couldn't. It was tiny- but just big enough for him to get through. It widened up after the entrance, though. The problem was that it was deep. Like really deep. Whereas Buford could've just busted out his helicopter blades, I could maybe, just reach the top standing on tip-toes. But there was nothing else to do, so after attaching a rope to a chair and dangling it down the hole, I eventually managed to squeeze myself into it (Why didn't I make it bigger when I designed it?!) and got the power line unjammed. When I tried to climb up the rope, the chair it was tied to fell over. Shoot.

Forty-five minutes later, I had a major cramp and was still stuck. I was sure I'd missed dinner by the rumble in my stomach, so I wondered why they hadn't come looking for me yet. Of course, I missed dinner so often working on the Argo ll that they probably weren't surprised.

"Leo!" I knew that voice!

"Jason! Help!" I yelled as loud as I could. Another familiar voice, filled with charmspeak, echoed towards me.

"Leo Valdez, come out!" My mind fogged up with magic as I tried to do what she asked, but to no avail. As my head cleared, I yelled irritably,

"Don't you think I've been trying, Beauty Queen?" Gods, she can be dense once in a while.

"Where are you?" Jason sounded closer.

"Engine room! Hurry it up, Superman!" I replied. "Do you know how long I've been stuck?" Piper's face appeared over the hole.

"Um, a long time?"

I held up my arms and they began to heave me out.

"Do you think you can get me out a little less painfully? Yowch!"

"Why are you stuck anyway?" Jason asked, grunting as I finally slid all the way out of the hole.

"Don't you think you could have been a little earlier?" I moaned.

"I'm starving and had this awful cramp. I felt like I was gonna blow up!"

"Sorry." He muttered in an unapologetic tone of voice.

"Uh-huh." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Anyways, Buford was supposed to help me with this jammed power line, but I couldn't find him anywhere! So I figured I'd just do it by myself. Stupid table can't ever show up when I need him! And lately I've been extra nice and polished him with Pledge with extra moisturizer, like, daily since the Windex Incident!" I complained.

"Wow, that's weird." Piper commented. Buford will generally do anything for you if you polish him regularly. I snorted.

"Yeah, no kidding. Do you think they have leftovers?"

Buford was back in the engine room by next morning, but a few days later he disappeared again. However, I somehow managed not to repeat the Leo-Gets-Stuck-And-Is-Embarrassed-By The-Stoll-Brothers-For-Weeks maneuver. Connor asked me why I hadn't just used my fire powers to melt and burn my way out, so I had to explain in a scathing tone of voice that

"Man, don't you think there'll be enough monsters to destroy my ship without me destroying it myself?" Whereupon he promptly turned red and Travis started laughing hysterically. I sighed in exasperation (I mean, they're worse than I am!) and went back to eating my enchilada. The next day Buford went missing again, and I decided to talk to Festus the Happy Dragon Head about what was wrong with my magic table. Hey, you never know. Recently revived Celestial Bronze dragon automatons can be pretty smart. Sure enough, he immediately started creaking and whirring his teeth like there was no tomorrow.

"Whoa! Slow down, man! Repeat slowly," I instructed him. Festus slowly, carefully repeated his message.

"Wait, you think what?! You sure, boy?" He gave assent.

"Oh man." I said. "I gotta talk to Piper, like, now."

I found Jason, Annabeth, and Piper on the lake pier, discussing the plans for going to Camp Jupiter again. I would've thought they'd memorized them by now.

"Hey, Piper!" I called. They turned and Annabeth gasped.

"Gods, Leo! You're on fire again! Put yourself out!"

"Shoot!" I quickly patted my hair out.

"Sorry. I'm kinda freaked out. Piper, you're the love expert, right? Since you have the whole 'I am a Child of Aphrodite! Bow before my sense of style and let me give you a makeover!' thing?" I asked. Piper frowned.

"Leo!"

"What, can't you take a joke?" I muttered.

"Just get on with it!" Annabeth demanded impatiently.

"Okay, okay! So I know this sounds crazy, but Buford has a crush on the Argo ll's engine." I announced. Jason started laughing.

"That's a good one, Leo! But this is no time for jokes. We all have work to do."

"No, seriously, man! I have proof!" I insisted. "It all connects like the little wires that will make the engine spark! He keeps disappearing, making me shine him all the time, plus Festus says that's where he goes-" Piper frowned, and cut me off.

"What's where he goes?"

I groaned. "To the engine! Apparently he flies up-"

"Hey, wait, Buford flies?" Jason interrupted.

"That's not the point! He flies up to where I can't find him and gets engrossed in sweet-talking the engine!" I continued, until Annabeth cut in, saying,

"Do you know how weird that sounds? He's a table. I don't think tables can sweet-talk."

"Yeah, I know, and can you not interrupt?" I said. "But Festus said so, and I trust him. Piper, can you come and try to charmspeak Buford into not disappearing? Please?"

"All right, but Festus is a dragon. Are you sure he's right?" She asked skeptically.

"Positive." I replied. She looked at me like she didn't believe me, so I, naturally, blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I swear on all my enchiladas!" Annabeth looked at me strangely.

"Have you been hanging out with Grover?" I looked at her, askance.

"Who?" She just shook her head.

"Just an old friend I haven't seen in a while." Piper and I headed off to Bunker Nine. She told Buford that he wasn't allowed to spend so much time with the engine. Sure enough, Buford didn't disappear again. I gave him time off to be with the engine whenever we weren't working. I'm still not sure how a TableXEngine relationship would work, but I guess they figured it out. My biggest satisfaction was that when Buford heard that the Stolls laughed at me because I got stuck when I couldn't find him, he helped me place rotten, explosive eggs all around and in Hermes Cabin while they slept. Of course we had some spies that placed the specially modified eggs inside, with the condition that they would get out of the egging. The second the lights turned on in the morning, I hit a little button and pooft! They never knew what hit them. Buuurn! Or maybe…. Stiiink!

So, what did you think? I'm not sure I did the amazing Leo Valdez justice, but oh well. I will be looking for ideas, so feel free to let rip with all sorts of cool stuff. Also, I will look for quotes from the books for each subject. For the Ares booby-traps chapter I already have one, as well as the Annabeth and spiders one. However I'm pretty sure Rick never mentions pegasi and horseshoes, but if you find a quote, tell me and I'll definitely use it. Review and tell me what you think. ;) Should I continue? You decide…..

-Icebreathstar