Broken China Doll

A/N: Hello everyone! Alisi Thorndyke here coming at you with yet another GF fic! This fic takes place before Behind The Mask, the story that tells everything from the beginning. Just how does Pacifica's family become rich? How did Pacifica's relationship with Johnathon go sour? Just how did her mother's abuse and father's neglect begin? Stay tuned because this fic will answer all of your questions! The ages of Pacifica and Johnathon are eleven (Pacifica) and thirteen (Johnathon)! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I went through this already! I'm just writing it like everyone else here so no, I don't own it!

Summary: What happens when you drop a porcelain china doll to the ground? It shatters to pieces just like Pacifica does when her abuse at home and in her relationship pushes her over the edge! Rated T for alcohol use, abuse, and suggestive adult themes in later chapters.

Chapter 1: Pain

~(Pacifica's P.O.V.)~

I hate pretending! I hate pretending that I am enjoying what I'm going through and hate even more that I'm being forced to enjoy what I'm enduring right now with a plastered expression. Having been forced to spend yet another wonderful day with that scum my mother speaks so highly of, I endured more pain than anyone could ever imagine and have endured things that you only hear about in the movies where the woman is too afraid to tell anyone about what the guy has done to her. Yea, I'm living in one of those movies right now as I sit next to the guy that swore me to secrecy or he'll do more to me than my mind can handle. I wish this limo ride home was over already!

"So do we have an agreement?" Johnathon, the godsend my mother speaks so highly of, asks me in a hiss as he grabs my face and forces me to look at him, something I've done too much of already as he and his friends forced themselves on me back at his mansion. "You keep what happened a secret or I will make sure my family sinks your family's sorry business! Not only that, the next time I see you, you will have to answer to me! Do you understand me?!"

I look into his face, but turn my vision away from him just as fast. In the pit of my stomach, I get this gnawing feeling that his words are true. His parents are helping my family out as we are middle classed while his family is the richest of the rich in Gravity Falls.

"I said do you hear me?!" Johnathon asks me again, this time yanking my hair towards him, nearly causing whiplash in my neck! "When I talk to you, you answer me!"

"Yea, I got it." I finally answer him so he can let go of my hair and leave me alone to sulk in the pain he has already caused me. If forcing himself on me wasn't enough, he is throwing my family's struggling business in my face? How can one thirteen year old be so cruel?

"That's a good girl." Johnathon speaks to me, releasing my hair and running his fingers through it instead. I really want this limo ride to be over! "You know Pacifica, you're one hell of a pretty girl, but your beauty doesn't speak one bit about your intelligence, but I guess you'll grow into them. After all, it's never too late for you to be as smart as I am. I'm pretty sure some smarts run through the Northwest family somewhere."

I honestly wish he didn't do this considering how much he knows that bothers me to hear. I know I'm not good at math despite how hard I study and that he has the top math grade in our grade and class, but it is still no reason for him to play on my inability to learn the subject. Maybe he's right about me, maybe I'll always just have the looks, but never be as smart as he is. I miss my old friend who somehow turned into a thirteen year old bad guy who I don't recognize anymore. Wherever he is now, I honestly miss him.

"If only your parents could afford a math tutor like my parents got me one so to stay ahead of the curve." Johnathon continues, throwing the second worst thing he can in my face, money, while tracing his finger along my left ear as I turn away from his vision. I really don't want to look at him right now. "Then you'd be perfect for me, but right now, I guess you are the way you are."

"Johnathon." I begin, wondering if the next words out of my mouth will cost me more than being silent. "Could you not say that please? I know I'm not great at math, but I really don't want to be reminded ok? It hurts me when you say that."

Don't you see how much your words hurt me?

I didn't even have to look at him to see his face and know that I had said something that angered him. The old Johnathon would have never acted this way.

"You know something Pacifica, you whine too much!" I hear Johnathon growl as he yanks my vision back to him along with roughly pinching my left arm to the point I want to release the loudest scream humanly possible! I want him to let go so badly! "And that's the reason I don't talk to you a lot now! It's irritating!"

I wish I can say that deep down my old buddy is still in there, but even I can't convince myself of something that's not true, but what is is that money truly does change people, Johnathon being a great example!

"I wish you did less of that and more being silent!" Johnathon growls, releasing my chin and my arm while shoving me forward a bit. "I don't know why I even keep you around sometimes!"

As your verbal, physical, and emotional punching bag and because you have influence. I'm not smart enough to stand up to you so I guess you were right about me all along.

My left arm is stinging more than usual right now from him pinching me than any other time when he does it. I guess after so many times of him doing this, it all just added up. Grabbing it, I turn my vision away from Johnathon and look towards the window as the scene continues changing. How much longer to my house?

I now hear the limo phone ringing with Johnathon answering it. I wonder if it's one of the many girls that he charmed and is using to replace his best friend with. If they only knew the jerk he really was, they wouldn't even stick around to deal with him.

"Hello? Yea, I'm here with her." I hear Johnathon say. Just tell them what I really am to you! "Of course! Just as soon as I ditch her, I'll be right there so we can go out. Of course, I'll always have time for you. Ok, you too, bye."

I just want my best friend back!

Just hearing him say that about me is bringing tears to my eyes! Seriously why is he letting his money corrupt him in such a disgusting way? I'm nothing more than a doormat to him, but yet, I'm not smart enough to just reject the play dates my mother makes for us when she wants me out of the way so our parents can talk. While I'm not good at faking an illness, I could at least try something, anything, but since I haven't thought of that yet, I'm bringing this on myself. Really smart of you Pacifica!

"So Pacifica, how is your mom's decorating of that shack of yours going?" Johnathon arrogantly spits. I wish you wouldn't say things like that! "My mom told me that she was going to help her out, but if you want my opinion, I think it's a waste of money!"

His words cut like a knife knowing that that's all we have right now. We're not rich like they are and we don't have a lot of money like they do. So at least be happy for what I do have. How much longer to home so I can get away from him?!

"So who called me was one of my newest friends Jane, I'm sure you know her." Johnathon continues, my trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall and the hitch that is threatening to sound due to a sob coming on. Why am I even being put through this? "She is going to take me to the restaurant that her family just opened. I'd bring you long, but I don't want you in the way, but later on when I'm done with her, I'll see if I have time and come by later for you."

Please just don't! Go play with your new toy!

"That's-great." I stammer out while not trying to let on that I'm silently hurting on the inside and even beginning to cry, thanksfully my hair covering my face so he can't see it. The pain in my arm is still stinging really bad as I rub it. I don't know why he goes for that arm whenever he feels the need to put me in place so to remind me who is what. I already know ok?

"Yea, she asked about you, but I didn't bother going into details." Johnathon laughs a bit as he continues spewing those cruel words to me, knowing that I won't put up a fight in return. "She's rich like me so there is no need to bother her with such details. Maybe one day when you are where we are, then I'll maybe speak more about you."

Even then you'll treat me like a doormat so what will change?

Turning my blurred teary vision back to the window, I immediately recognize the road that is leading to my house, which means my torture can temporarily end before he comes back and decides to put me through the ringer some more thanks to my status. How did I even become friends with him again?

"Well, it looks like we are almost to your shack." Johnathon taunts some more. "Seriously, how can you even call that a house?"

"It's-not that bad to me." I choke while trying to hide that I'm crying while my vision is turned away from him. "I-have my own room."

"I'm not even going to reply to that." Johnathon says, which is fine by me because my self esteem is already in the toilet. All you have to do now is flush it like you've done with my dignity and self respect!

The limo now pulls up to the front door of my three bedroom one leveled house where I see my mother outside watering the white rose bush that she's been working so hard on lately. I honestly love those flowers as they are so full of life and beautiful, unlike me who is nothing more than a doormat and shell of what use to be a girl. I can't even look myself in the mirror because of everything Johnathon has said to me is true. I'm not smart, my looks are all I have, and the only real friend I have is him. But through this, I don't know where my friend is and if I'll ever see him again so technically I'm without a friend in the world.

"Remember what I said Pacifica." Johnathon reminds me as I quickly wipe my face of the tears he caused so he doesn't have yet another thing to taunt me about. Turning to him, I see he is wearing that stupid arrogant smirk that he only plasters on whenever he wants to make a point about himself instead of saying something that isn't putting my family down in any way shape or form. "What we did at my house will remain a secret between us as you know the cost of even letting on about what happened."

You pretend nothing is happening while using me as your punching bag in private and using your influence to get what you want! How could I forget since you remind me every single day?

"I know." I quietly speak.

"Good." Johnathon replies. "Now get your stuff, you're going to make me late for my date and I might be calling you later on so make sure you answer your phone. If I have to wait two rings—"

"I'll be sure to answer." I quickly speak up to him. "I-I don't want to miss your call."

"Maybe you're trainable after all." Johnathon grins, now shoving my purse into my chest rather roughly to the point of nearly knocking the wind out of my lungs, out of me. My ankle is in so much pain from being with him earlier as my mother just insisted she set up this play date with us so our moms can talk business. If only his mother knew about the so called 'new game' called emergency that they were playing at his house where me, the patient, was to be operated on because of an accident that took place. If only it were an accident. He told his three friends to gang up on me so to 'save' me and when I tried to get away from them, one of the guys held onto my right ankle so to hold me in place and then stomped on it, ultimately twisting it becuase I didn't want to go along with what they wanted to 'play'. From that, I could have sworn that he broke a bone or two in my ankle when he stomped on it, thus my hobbling at current. And what did Johnathon do to help his special girl? Nothing! Nothing, but pretended we were having a normal play date! If his father hadn't come in when he did, I swear that scene would have turned bad and quick! But yet, all Johnathon did was pretended everything was ok while holding me and lying about enjoying my company!

I now hear the car door slam behind me with the limo then screeching off, dust and dirt particles now flying on me and my hair from the car speeding off so fast. Hobbling up the walk way to the door, I notice my mother turn in my direction, a smile coming to her face. I wish I knew what that felt like again.

"Hi honey, how was your play date with Johnathon?" My mother question, my now trying to walk on my sore ankle despite how badly it hurts and so she doesn't suspect anything. "Did you two have fun?"

No, I'm in pain! Haven't you been noticing the signs lately? It's happening too much NOT to notice!

"Yea, we did." I lie as I continue up the walk way.

"Now remember Pacifica, it's very important that you and Johnathon get along as his family is more than important to ours." My mother continues as I now reach the door, my walking on my sore ankle almost bringing tears to my eyes. "His mother is even going to help me decorate the house tomorrow."

So their importance is more important than I am and I have to see that jerk again soon?! I need to rest from the pain he has already caused me!

"Ok." I quietly reply as I now walk through the door dragging my ankle through the door with me. With the screen door closed, I leave the main door open so my mother can come in behind me when she's ready.

Now leaning against the living room wall, I begin using that for support so I can make it to my room which isn't that far away, but just a hop, jump, and skip up the hall. As long as I'm not stopped, I can make it to bed and rest my ankle. Just a few more inches, and now I reach my room, quickly hobble in, and jump on my bed, the tears that I were holding back now spilling down my cheeks in droves as if they were dark rain clouds pouring down onto a city. If I leave this room, my father will find me and see that I'm in pain, question me, and I can't lie to him because he, right along with my mother, know that I was unfortunately with Johnathon today! The cycle will start from there and neither of my parents will get what they wish for in regards to helping their struggling clothing business because Johnathon will tell his parents what he thinks should happen after turning the lie around on me and it'll be my fault that they didn't get what they want.

I'm stuck in a never ending vicious cycle.

Grabbing my right pillow, I place it under my left arm while keeping my face turned towards the wall so no one can see me suffering. As far as my mother is concerned, she wants Johnathon and I to get along because he is just so uber important to everything they hold dear and by everything, I mean getting rich. I wish that even his own parents saw the kind of person he was!

With my tears slowing down, I remove my arm from my pillow and lay my head down on it while lifting myself into my twin size bed carefully so not to upset my left arm or my right ankle. It might not be much to Johnathon, but it's a peace of mind for me! With my vision turned towards the ceiling, I sniffle a few times as I now shift it to the left side of my room to a small shelf that my father put in for me last week, my focus particularly falling onto the porcelain china doll that he bought me. The store that he got it from is one of the most expensive stores in this town, but it didn't matter to him how much it costs, just so long as I had it and he saw the smile it put on my face. Just looking at the doll, it is so pure, so clean, so beautiful without a care in the world. It has a smile that is painted on, but yet, it is painted on in a way that it has no worries, despite it being an inanimate object. I wish I knew what a smile felt like again as the only thing I've known lately is pain and suffering at the hands of my ex best friend who only has me around to use as a doormat and punching bag when he needs one. Not only that, but because my parents just had to discover his family and make a deal with them, I am now at the mercy of that monster whenever my mother sets us up to play! Yea, he's the only one playing while I'm the play thing he is using anyway he wants me to.

But I always wondered something, something that many people probably never bothered to ask. If you dropped the porcelain doll to the floor, just how many pieces will it break into?

*Ok, a few things before ending this chapter:

-This fic will follow Pacifica's life and rise to the top so the chapters will go according to that line in her life.

-This fic may or may not end a Dipcifica, I'm still deciding on that, but this will purely be a Pacifica fic for the majority.

-We get to see how her abuse at home ultimately leads her to abusing others in the town such as Mabel as it is known that the treatment of a child from their parents reflects how they treat others.

-If nothing else,

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