Tony had been in the middle of something when Steve stopped by to collect the shield he'd had commissioned. He'd felt a little awkward in his clean, patriotic uniform while Tony stood before him in jeans, a sleeveless shirt, and a lot of grease.
"Now, listen," Tony said, handing the shield over without ceremony. "I spent months designing this thing, so you'd better appreciate it. Don't treat it like a Frisbee. It's not a Frisbee, it's a shield and it's constructed of one solid inch of vibranium-steel alloy. It's one meter in diameter - that's a little more than three feet – which should be wide enough to give you something to duck behind without being too large to carry."
Steve opened his mouth to reply, but Tony cut him off.
"It's bullet-proof. Actually, that's an understatement; the shield will absorb the kinetic impact from pretty much anything, including air-to-ground missiles and high speed collisions with military aircraft. It's going to take the angry fist of a vengeful god to shatter this shield, so as long as you don't piss off anyone in the major pantheons, you're golden.
It's fire-proof, rust-proof, acid-proof, radiation-proof, and it will withstand extreme cold and electric current. I even painted it to compliment your wardrobe, wasn't that thoughtful of me?
This shield is one of my finest creations, and coming from me that's saying a lot. It's basically indestructible, so I'm not too worried about you breaking it, but don't lose it. I mean it. Don't leave it on the bus or at a restaurant. You can forget your house keys, wallet and cell phone, but do not under any circumstance leave this shield lying around for someone else to find. Don't drop it into the ocean, either. It will protect you from damn near anything and everything, but not if you lose it, so just keep it with you at all times, okay? Are you listening?"
Steve cleared his throat and tried not to smile. Tony in his element was an endearing sight. The fact that he was glistening with sweat and grease and his shirt showed off his arms was just plain distracting. "I was listening," Steve said.
"Good," Tony said. "You looked a little day-dreamy there."
You look dreamy yourself, Steve thought and bit his tongue to keep from saying. "I have to go now," he said, making his way to the door with his shiny new shield. "Thank you for the shield!" he called.
"Yeah, sure," Tony said. "Just remember what I told you. You come back with that shield or on it!"
The door closed behind Steve. Tony looked down at the wrench in his hands. "And you'd better not come back on it," he muttered.