Disclaimer: I own nothing, absolutely nothing (:
I. Vanish
(her coat flapped in the wind, calling out for the translucent hands of the dead)
Lenalee knelt and cast her bereaved gaze skyward. White flowers (of water melted and then pieced together) were blooming in the sky; little snow-kisses fell haltingly from the heavens. Lenalee stretched her hands out, pink lips twisting into a mild smile as a single white crystal dropped into her warm palms.
A stiff wind caught her hair, lifting dark strands towards the skies. Allen-kun, can you see me now, with the wind about me? Can you see my hair looking for you among the stars sewn into the grey heavens?
She kissed the crystal. The warm breath diluted the starry gem into a pool of liquid. Allen-kun, did you send this snow-flake to me? Is this my love letter for the year?
(her eyes watered the ground with pearls; she missed the dead)
He left when winter limped into the world. The year he left, winter appeared suddenly without warning. The exorcists had all gone to bed happy, and she had watched the red leaves fall from the crooked branches, cupping the dimpled face of the whittled moon.
Then she woke, with a dark chill hanging about her, the crescent moon leering at her with hollow sickle eyes from the curve of her window. Her heart almost froze over.
But they are all safe here…
It was morning, when he left, suitcase at the ready. She met him at the entrance (and the exit). Nii-san waved him off with a sad smile and a large yawn. But she – she flew at him and clutched at him, tears flying. He was warm, under his coat.
Don't leave…
I must go, Lenalee. You know that.
Don't leave… I don't want my family to break up…
Don't cry. A warm hand brushed across her face, ghosting her cheeks.
Allen-kun…
I will be back, I promise. His white hair glinted strangely in the weak winter sunlight. Till then, Lenalee.
Good-bye.
Farewell. The tears fell, glimmering slightly in the winter sunlight.
The sky was empty. She glanced up, wonderingly; the shadow of the sun flitted gently above, but nothing else danced on the blue, blue lawn. And she took it as a good sign.
II. Empty Skies
But the sky was empty, all the same.
(her fingers writhed; the puddle in her hand fell to the floor, splashing, splashing…)
He never came back. Rumours came and went, but they remained just that – rumours. This finder claimed he saw Allen-kun somewhere in Siberia, fettered with skeletal chains of despair and hatred; that one said he saw a clown hanging from a tree, with a pentacle scar like Allen's along the borders of Russia. This one insisted that a grey-faced monster with Allen's face walked the lonely moors in search of humans to devour. That one cried and cried and hugged Lenalee with all her might, all the while sobbing, my poor, poor child.
Whenever she was back from her missions, she would always be at the gate waiting to greet her returning comrades. Each return sewed close the gaps left by those who left, but Allen-kun's non-appearance kept her worried.
Each night she flipped over in bed, dissecting the cold with her tired eyes, but sleep refused to claim her. Dark thoughts, miserable thoughts, and unhappy thoughts – they staked her mind with sharp-teeth claws and tilled her heart with misery. Tears found their way into her hapless eyes, and silent screams grasped her ears.
Nightmares, dark lullabies of the night, wove their unseeing way into her hair and kept her close.
Then the news came.
The war was over, the relentless war was over, over, over, over… the exorcists were free. The news came suddenly, without warning, like the icy breath of death washing over a brown marsh. It hurt, and she cried amid the tears of joy. Her Allen – her Allen-kun – was dead to her by the hand of fate. Never again would he walk into the dark hallways of the order, a bright smile on his face, with a sun dissolved in each blue-grey eye.
He's not coming back, Lenalee, Lavi said as he tried to hold back his sobs.
He's not? She could not quite bring herself to believe that; she became increasingly hysterical. He's not?
The Moyashi is dead. Kanda sighed, his sharp tongue skimming gently over the words, as if he regretted having to tell Lenalee such a sad fact.
I … I can't accept it…
You must, Kanda said, we can't do anything about it.
Allen wouldn't want you to mope. Lavi added. Keep walking on, like he did. I will. And you should too.
(her nose twitched; her fears and sorrow were knotting themselves back into her hair)
Keep on walking… to where? When do I stop walking, Allen-kun?
Never, the wind breathed. Never. Walk on.
III. In This World
She reached out again, gloved fingers caressing the soft hide of the wind. A decade – ten years of lost love and sorrow – had separated them. There she was again, kneeling among the wilted flowers and withered trees in the garden within the Black Order Headquarters. It was deserted now, and no one lived here but the fleeting echoes of their past, creeping past her with their tiny ghost-feet.
It was here that she'd wept her grief away when the news came that The Earl was defeated and Allen was dead.
Nii-san, are you sure his body is gone?
We couldn't find it… I'm sorry.
The girl hugged her knees to her chest as Komui walked away back to the castle. She fingered the red rays of the sinking sun. The whole garden was drenched with the blood of the prodigal sun going home to meet his Night Mother.
He'll come back in some form, you know.
Lenalee looked up. Link was there, squatting and pulling at the sleeping flowers.
He will?
Yes, he will. He loved you too much to truly leave you behind. He will come back to the world someday, I believe. Link stood up. Good luck and farewell.
You were there, won't you?
Link stopped.
You were there when Allen… fought.
Yes.
Tell me what happened.
Link hesitated. It was fast and violent. Allen charged at the Earl, and ended the whole dastardly business. His voice trembled. You should be proud of him .
(her eyes itched with the memories of tears)
She was proud of Allen-kun. But she missed him dearly too. Despite what Link had said, he never appeared to her again. He didn't emerge from the shadows of dank miasma, he didn't walk out of mirrors… he'd left her high and dry. She wrung out the linen of her tears in solitude.
On his death anniversary she always came here, to the place where they'd shared so many happy, if brief, memories. She looked around. There was not a single trace of him around, as usual. Why did you vanish into the empty sky?
You know, Allen-kun, even the snow falls in this world. Are you the snow, then?
Another tiny snowflake drifted into her outstretched hand. But I believe Link. We will meet again someday, even if someday is around the rainbow for me, behind all the shadows of this world.
We will meet again in this world, my fragile Allen-kun.
Why did you vanish
Into empty sky?
Even the fragile snow,
when it falls,
falls in this world.
(Izumi Shikibu, translated by Jane Hirshfield in The Ink Dark Moon)
A/N: I have a feeling I won't have the time to post tomorrow, so here's my latest offering! AllenLenalee again (:
Life has been kind of sucky recently, but it's almost friday! :D It'll totally be TGIF tomorrow. Anyway, I hope this wasn't too bad; I deviated a little from my usual style here; I want to change the way I write by a fraction, in a way I can't even begin to explain. But yeahh whatever I'm not exactly coherent right now :/
So heh please do review and tell me what you think of this! And thanks for reading (: